Reckoning (35 page)

Grown-up shit is
hard
.

“You told Dibs to hook up the transfusion. You didn’t care if it killed you. I needed blood, you were going to save me, it was that simple. Right?”

“Tak
,” he breathed, then shook himself. “Yes. That simple. Dru.” Soft, like he was pleading.

“Christophe.” All the air ran out of me, I had to gasp it back in. “I get that you’re interested, okay? But I’m not . . . ready. For anything. With
anyone
. Okay? I don’t even know what I’m going to do tomorrow when I wake up.”
Besides be grateful if nobody tries to take my head off or shoot me or drain my blood, that is
. “I’ve got no damn clue at all. So, you can either be okay with that, or I can transfer to another Schola. I’ve talked to Bruce about it. He’ll have kittens, and
Hiro will have penguins, and August will completely throw a fit, but I’ve made up my mind. It’s up to you.”

He absorbed this. Time ticked away, and the Schola woke up completely. A faint faraway murmur of voices as
djamphir
got ready—the younger ones for classes, the older students for patrol, the teachers and other older ones for citywide patrol, mission support, or class time.

It was comforting, hearing that murmur. Knowing what it was.

Kind of like I belonged. For once. Like I’d found a place to fit into, a key in a lock.

“Dru.” He leaned forward a little, toward me. “Is there . . . a chance? Any chance?”

I thought it over. He deserved an answer.

So did I. I just had to find one I could live with.

“I don’t know.” I pushed the chair back and stood up. “When I said I wasn’t ready, I meant it. Okay? Can you live with that?”

I almost said
can you trust me
, but that . . . it wouldn’t have been right. It just wouldn’t.

“Yes.” No hesitation. “I can wait. Until you know,
kochana
. One way.” A slight shrug, his shoulder lifting elegantly, even though he was filthy. “Or the other.”

“Really?”
That’s . . . um, well
. I hadn’t expected that. I’d expected a no. Or some waffling. A little prevarication.

This time he smiled. It was the smile he kept just for me, a soft, private expression. “Really. I know the value of patience,
skowroneczko moja
. It must be my age.”

Must be
. “Well.” I rubbed my palms on my jeans. “Okay. I’ll let you get cleaned up, then. I . . . yeah.” Now I was floundering. I backed up a bit, bumping the chair, and he just sat there and looked at me, still smiling. I managed to turn around and head for the door.

Just before I got there, though, he spoke up again.

“Dru.” Very soft. “Thank you.”

Jesus. I just basically rejected you, right?
“For what?”

“For . . . believing. In me.”

You know what that will do to a guy?
I shook Graves’s voice away. “No problem,” I said over my shoulder. Found the doorknob with a shaking hand. “No problem at all, Chris. First one’s free.”

I sat on the
wide white satin window seat as the last flush of dusk faded from the sky. Nat moved around, tidying everything up with no trouble even though the room was dark. Moving with a wulfen’s grace, glancing at me every now and again. Like she was worried.

I didn’t blame her. I’d be worried too.

I pulled my knees up and put my arms around them, breathing in the night. Full summer, only it wasn’t as close and humid up here as it was down South. I could smell the gardens, and the good scent of grass mowed on a hot day and recovering once soft darkness falls. I read somewhere once that plants only grow at night. I don’t know. Seems like they’d need that time for sleeping, too.

Like the rest of the daylight world.

I was thinking. About Graves, and Christophe. About Gran and Dad and Mom, and about
gone
and forever, and about coming back. About promises and shipwrecks and holding on, and how it hurt.

About being human, and what “human” even
meant
.

“You okay?” Nat finally asked. “You wanna be alone, or . . .?”

A while ago, I would’ve said
yes
, to save her some trouble. But now, I just told the truth. “No.” I put my chin on my knees. “No, I really don’t. Have a seat?”

She sank down opposite me. I guess she was searching for something to say. So I searched too. Found it, and plunged ahead before I could lose my nerve.

“So. Did Shanks ask you out yet?”

She laughed. Her eyes glittered blue for a moment. “What?”

My throat was full. “I mean, I’ve been away. I’m behind on gossip.”
Treat me like a normal girl, please. If you can. This grown-up thing sucks
. “Did he?”

And God bless her, but I guess she understood. “Kind of. We got milk shakes. It’s a start.”

“Guess so.” Another long, awkward silence. “Nat . . .”

“It’s okay, Dru. Really.” She scooched back a little and brought her legs up, crossing them tailor fashion. Settled in, nice and comfortable. “You’ve just got to decompress. Just take it easy tonight, sleep during the day, and tomorrow night you can go back to your regular round of tutors, sparring, and lunches.”

I groaned and she laughed again. A nameless tension I hadn’t even noticed eased, and my lungs could expand again. I stared out at the garden below my window. Footsteps passed by in the hall—a
djamphir
’s light tread.

A guard. Probably Benjamin, he kept muttering about not letting me out of his
sight
, dammit, in case I took it into my head to Do Something Else.

I swallowed, hard. “Sergej’s dead.” It didn’t sound real when I said it out loud. “Right?”

“The
nosferat
are still out there. They’re just confused and
scattered.” Nat’s tone was sober. “There’s other things, too. I wouldn’t trust the Maharaj.”

Word
. “Me neither. They don’t seem too warm and cuddly.”

She found this funny. At least, she snorted. “But as long as you don’t go running off again, things might possibly settle down. I could use some downtime. Haven’t been shopping in
ages
.”

I hate shopping. But going out with Nat seemed like a good idea. “That sounds good. We can start at one end of Fifth Avenue and go all the way through. When do you want to do it?”

“Holy
shit!
”

I actually jumped. But when I looked at her, she was grinning broadly.

“Who are you,” she continued, “and what have you done with Dru?” The flash of her white wulfen teeth in the faint dusky light should’ve scared me. It didn’t. She was just Nat.

Just my friend.

Oh, nothing. Just went on a several-state odyssey and almost got killed
. “Grew her up a little, I hope. Seriously, Nat, when do you want to go shopping? I might even try on some shoes.”

“You’re a pod person,” she announced to the rest of my bedroom, as if there was an audience out there. “You’ve kidnapped my friend. Sucked her brain out! Not that she had much to begin with, but—”

“Bite me.” The laughter didn’t hurt, now. I didn’t even feel weird saying it.
Bite me
.

Pretty funny, for a part-vampire.

“Ha. You
wish
. Lesbo vamp girl.”

“Lesbo?”

“You love me.”

“We’d never work, Nat. You’re too high maintenance.”

We both cracked up, and right then, the darkness was kind.

She was right. Tomorrow was early enough to start worrying about everything else. So I let go of my knees, sat cross-legged like her, and together, Nat and I watched the night roll in.

finis

THE
STRANGE ANGELS
SERIES

BY
L
ILI
S
T
. C
ROW

STRANGE ANGELS
BETRAYALS
JEALOUSY
DEFIANCE
RECKONING