Recklessly (35 page)

“Oh, yeah? But she’s in
our
room right now.” Wes got up as close to him as he could, his signature smirk tugging his lips.
Not even worth it. As much as I want to, I want to see Lana more.
He sidestepped the guy and went for the stairs, texting Abel with the update on the way, anxious to reconcile with Lana and work through tonight’s issue.

“Lan?” Wes said as he swung the door open after shoving his keycard in. “Baby?” But there was no response. The room was just dark. The room was just empty.

*

“Did you sit down here all night?”

Wes looked up at his brother, his gaze tracking him to the cushion beside him in the hotel’s lobby. Abel handed him a coffee, but Wes didn’t need it. Something,
maybe
kind of strange or sad, but mostly indescribable, had settled in his chest overnight, leaving him restless and wide-awake, and staring between the hotel’s entrance and his cell phone for the past six hours. He wasn’t tired, just trapped in a dazed, out-of-body, detached feeling from not sleeping.

“She didn’t come back
at all
? Did she call?” Abel asked in disbelief, but it was true. Lana had packed all her things in the time he’d been on the beach, and left without any indication of where she was going or if she had gotten there okay.

“I read this news story once…” Wes’ voice came out scratchy, hoarse. “I read this story about a girl and her boyfriend who got into an argument at a campus party at their school, and she stormed out. He didn’t go after her. He had driven, so she didn’t have a way to get back home. I guess she was too angry to ask anyone, and she just wanted to go home, you know? She walked because it was only a few blocks away off-campus. She actually made it home, but…some piece of shit scumbag…he was hiding…and he…” Wes trailed off into clenching teeth.

“Fuck.” Abel leaned back. “Dude, don’t think like that.”

Suddenly, Wes’ phone was ringing and flashing Grayson’s number, and Wes’ heart was squeezing with anxiety.

“Is she okay?” Wes held his breath, gaze nailed to Abel, who was looking at him in suspense.

“Yeah. When I woke up, her door was closed and I peeped in. She was inside, asleep.”

Wes exhaled loudly in relief then put his head in his hand. “Wake her up. Wake her up.”

Mumbling followed a soft knock on the other end of the phone. “Wes, she’s telling me no. She doesn’t want to talk right now.”

Biting, thrashing, crushing disappointment shot through him. “She’s telling you no.
She’s telling you no?
” He wanted to scream it, but at least he knew where she was now, so he simply sighed. “All right. Just have her call me, okay? Tell her she better call me. Please.”

“Got it. I will. Later, Wes. I’m sorry about all this.”

“Not your fault, dude. Thanks for putting up with my millions of phone calls. Bye.”

“Damn, she didn’t want to talk to you?” Abel asked.

“Nope, the thing I’ve learned about Lana is that she’s an expert at shutting down…it really fucking sucks. I can’t believe she went all the way back to L.A. last night!” Wes dropped a grateful hand on his brother’s shoulder. “I got late checkout, so I’m going to grab a nap and a shower before we go, okay?”

And hours later, after he dropped Abel off at home, he went straight to Lana’s, but Grayson informed him that she wasn’t there. He was being honest this time, he promised, saying that he had no clue where she was, and after spending a whole day calling her, Wes went home and passed out, the true heft of his draining all-nighter finally catching up with him. He awoke to his cell phone ringing deafeningly loud from across the room; he’d hooked it up to his wireless speakers so that his exhaustion wouldn’t let him sleep through any calls from Lana.

As voices filled his house downstairs, he remembered suddenly that Kai and Leko were in L.A. and spending time at their house over the next week for a beach and booze-filled time while Kai was working on his new album at a recording studio in downtown L.A.

“Hello,” Wes said into his cell, still groggy, still disappointed Lana wasn’t the one calling him.

“Wes…this is Grayson. She’s back, but…” As soon as Grayson began trailing off, Wes searched the floor for his jeans, yanking them up onto his body.
What now?

“What, dude? What?”

“She’s here…” Grayson sighed. “But, Wes, um, so is…so is…Brod—” Wes hung up and he was tearing his shirt down his torso when the phone rang again.
No time, Grayson.
With his heart raging, Wes jogged down the stairs. Abel and Christian were slapboxing one another, and Kai and Leko were egging them on; they had turned the living room into Fight Club.

“
Heeeey!
There’s sleeping beauty! We’re about to kill this case of beer and then drunk surf. You in?” Leko asked him.

“No, because my fucking relationship is falling apart. I need to go to Lana’s.
Fuckin’
Brody Swift is over there. And I’m going to kill that motherfucker.”

“Whoa? Y’all didn’t make up yet?” Christian asked. “Damn…man. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize yet. Do it when we get to her place and you have to punch me in the face to stop me from killing Percy.”

They took his car because it was big enough for all of them, and he drove because he was the only one sober. That is, if there was no such thing as being drunk on fury. His friends were way too intoxicated to notice how he was hurtling his car down Pacific Avenue toward Marina Del Rey, and they were being annoying as hell, too, like how it always was when you were the only one of your friends who was sober.

Wes cranked the radio up to drown out their inebriated laughter, but in a way his distress was drowning them out, too. Why was Brody at her apartment? Why wasn’t she calling him? Why hadn’t she called him?

He pulled into the parking lot outside Lana’s building and took a free space, just as Brody’s Escalade came into view. He was blaring music and swiping away on his cell phone.

“Hey, baby bro, please don’t do anything crazy…” Abel said, there was deep worry in his eyes, but the alcohol had left his tone far more halfhearted than he’d probably intended.

“I’m not…I’m just going to tell him to leave…” And Wes meant that as he stepped out of the car. As angry as he was, he didn’t want to fight with Brody right now, not anymore. A lot of the rage had died down, and while he didn’t agree with Lana’s handling of him, he was determined not to create any more discord in a situation he just wanted to fix, or at least put to rest until there was a more convenient time to hash it out.
I just want my girl back.

Just as he approached Brody on the driver’s side, just as he whipped out a vicious stare, a ball of anxiety detonated in his stomach, leaving clamping panic in its wake. The car wasn’t
really
parked; the engine was running. Brody was
idling.
You only did that when you were
waiting
for someone. Brody might as well have taken a bat to Wes’ chest, might as well have pushed his fist through the open window and slugged him, because he was suddenly numb enough to feel nothing.

A wicked smile settled on Brody’s lips as he turned to Wes. “Hey, Deuce! Fancy meeting you here,” he said in an enthusiastic tone meant to stir up Wes as he stared down at his phone. Brody’s face said it all:
She wants me here. She doesn’t want you here.
“Hold on, I’ll be
right
with you. Just trying to find out how much longer she’ll be upstairs. She just went back up a few minutes ago…” He made exaggerated motions with the cell phone, laughed at the screen, and then tossed it to the passenger seat.

The rage rushed back into Wes, overpowering, toxic, poisonous, like something thick and cold and lethal was crawling around in his veins. “Go home, Brody! I don’t give a fuck why you’re here! Leave! Get the fuck out of here!”

“See, Elliott, this is why we don’t get along. You’re
so
shouty
.”

Oh, it’s the
decibel
level of my voice that bothers you?” Wes said, unleashing his most caustic and sarcastic tone. “Would you like for me to tell you to ‘fuck off’ quieter?”

“I can’t leave. She and I are
leaving together,”
Brody said.

“You’re lying…she’s probably just giving you something and then you’re going.”

“Am I? Look in the back. Some of her stuff is there...sketchpads, shoes…
panties
.”

“Fuck you!” Wes shouted slamming his hands against the driver’s side door once or twice.

“You’re so
sensitive
. Just look if you don’t believe me…” Brody taunted, unfazed by the violent pounding on his car.

“She wouldn’t leave with you.” But Brody was too calm, too delighted by Wes’ behavior, for it not to be true. “She wouldn’t…” Wes’ voice wavered, losing some of the confidence from before. He didn’t dare move to the back door. He didn’t want Brody to be right. Even if he knew deep down he was. One of his friend’s hands was on his shoulder in the instant, not restricting, but prepared to be so as Brody stepped out of the car. Other sets of footsteps shuffled behind him, and he knew all of them were by his side. At least he had them.

“Oh, you brought your posse?” Brody said teasingly, but a worried look crossed his face as he studied them.

“She wouldn’t leave with him…” Wes said to Kai, uncertainty, heartbreak and fear pushing into his psyche.

“Really? Can you say that for sure?” Brody’s self-assurance continued to grow with a slow-spreading grin. “The only thing you know
for sure
is she’s not leaving
with you
.” Brody propelled himself backward against the car to lean, depressing the heels of his sneakers into the ground, and smiled mockingly at Wes. He was amused, the way one might be while watching a kitten get all wrapped up in a ball of yarn. Wes’ patience was entirely threadbare at this point, and Kai must’ve sensed it because he was steering Wes back to his car.

But the door to Lana’s apartment building suddenly flew open, and she stepped out with some of her belongings in her hands. “Lana! Lana!” He pushed Kai away with more force than he meant to and ran straight for her.

Her tear-streaked face pressed sadness as heavy as concrete onto his heart. “What do you want, Wes?” she asked.

“You. For us to talk. Please…”

“Not right now ‘cause we’re just going to get into another fight… You just don’t understand.” She knew just how to leave him right on the surface, with no way of reaching her. It might have been more harmful than any weapon she could ever wound him with. Behind him, his friends were squabbling with Brody, each firing disparaging remarks at the other.

“Okay. When?”

She shrugged slowly. “I don’t know…”

“Is this really about what happened at the trade show? With your art? I love you just the way you are. I don’t want you to change. I just…I want to change
this
. Whatever is happening with us right now. I’m not mad at you anymore, okay? But we need to talk it out.”

“Okay,” she said with little emotion, but tears were falling down her cheeks. “But I really want to go right now, so….” He hung his head in defeat as she walked by, and the sound of Brody’s car doors opening and closing were like physical jabs to the gut.

“Where are you going? Why are going with Brody?”

“Sadie stuff that is going to keep coming between us. And I’m getting out of L.A. for a few days. I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

“But, wait, so, is it over?” Wes strode toward her and grabbed her arm. “Is it?” A wave of trembles rolled through him. “Were you just going to leave and not tell me? Are we over?”

“Shouldn’t we be?” she whispered. “We jumped…and we crash-landed.”

“It was
one
stupid fight, Lan. Nothing that would ever change how I feel about you. In fact, we should celebrate surviving it and getting through it, because that’s what couples do. We’re a couple. A big reckless couple.” He tried to smile. “I still believe in us. So, Lana, please don’t get in the car…” Brody had climbed into the driver’s seat and it only made Wes clutch her wrist tighter, a wave of panic waiting at the edges of his composure. “How can you give up on us? We were extraordinary, remember? Me and you. And that’s why I’m here, because I’m so in love with you. Lana, I love you…and when you love somebody you fight for it. You don’t just give up like this. Sometimes, you break shit. Sometimes, you need to get some air. Sometimes, you yell. But you don’t just walk away…and you’re walking away…” He beat back the shortness of breath but his hands were shaking, his feet felt like they were bolted to the ground.

Lana pulled away from him and climbed into the passenger seat. “What about your parents? Isn’t that what you want them to do? Walk away?”

“That’s different.
They
gave it a try!” he yelled, growing angry.

Lana braced her hands in the open window and stuck her head out of it. “SO DID WE!” She fell back against the seat and more tears coursed down her face. “We tried, Wes. We did. Can’t you just admit that we fucked up a good thing by turning it into this?  ‘Cause we did…so, just…just go home, Wes.” She turned away from him. “Can you go now, Brody? Please?”

“Not when Deucey Deuce is about to bawl like a pussy…”

Though he glared at him, nothing Brody said could hurt Wes worse than he felt right now. Lana had gone for the kill shot already. “Lana, get out of the car,” Wes said. “Get outta the car, baby! Please.” She wouldn’t even look at him anymore as she brushed her palms against her cheeks. He reached into the car to wipe another tear that fell and she turned away. “Talk to me. Get out of the car and talk to me. Lana!”

“Brody, please just go…” she whispered.

“Not yet…”

“Shut up, Percy.” Wes ran to the driver’s side and kicked the door several times before his friends managed to pull him off. “Shut the fuck up!”

“Elliott, do that again and you’ll be shitting your teeth the next few days.” But it was obvious Brody’s threat was empty; he was getting far more pleasure from seeing Wes’ reaction over Lana’s decision to remain in the car.