RECKLESS - Part 1 (7 page)

I practically fell through the door to my dorm room. I needed to think. To breathe. To… aw, hell, I didn’t know. I was in fight of flight mode, only the real danger here was myself. And where do you run when you can’t even trust yourself?

No, scratch that.

I couldn’t trust myself around Jace Richardson.

I’d just avoid him. I could do that. I had my column to work on, exams to study for, a full social life—well, as full as it got for me—and internships to apply for. All I had to do was steer clear from him for the next three months, and then I’d be on my way home, back in the arms of the man I loved.

Things would blow over between us. My life would go back to normal. And never again would I have to think about sexy rocker gods, or the way their hands could play more than just instruments, or how their voices could create unimaginable sensations in every part of your body.

Oh, dear God, I was in some serious trouble.

Right then, my phone rang. I was almost afraid to see who it might be, but with my heart in my throat, I pulled the ringing device out of my purse anyway. I was relieved to find Becca’s name clearly displayed on the caller ID.

“Hey,” I answered, hoping that my voice didn’t sound as high-pitched to her as it did to me.

“Uh, hey,” she said on the other end of the line, but I could barely hear her above all the racket in the background. “I’m picking up a shift at the pub tonight. I just got here. But I’ll be home in time for a chick flick, if you’re up for it.”

“Oh, yeah. Sure.”

“Great, see you later then?”

“Yep.” I hung up the phone and then tossed it onto my bed.

I wasn’t excited about having the dorm all to myself that night, not when I had so much on my mind. But since I wasn’t about to chance a run-in with Jace at the coffee shop, I didn’t have much of a choice but to stay put for the evening. Maybe I could knock out some of my studying early.

Grabbing my books, I spread out on my bed. For a good thirty minutes, I tried to break through the haze in my brain, but it just wasn’t working. Finally, I gave up and decided to take a warm bath. Maybe that would break up the bundle of nerves twisting and turning in my gut.

No sooner than I’d gotten undressed and filled the tub, my cell phone rang. Again, I was filled with dread when I went to pick it up to see who was calling. My heart fell into the pit of my stomach when I caught sight of Sean’s name. I stared at it, letting it ring until it went over to voice mail. But no sooner than the ringing stopped, it started up again.

I should have known he wouldn’t let it go that easily.

Still staring at my phone, conflicted about whether or not to answer, I sat down on the closed lid of the toilet and rested my elbows on my knees, the phone just inches from my face. I could continue to ignore his calls, let him squirm a little… but something deep inside me said it wasn’t my anger but my feelings for Jace that had me hesitant to answer.

It was that same little voice that pushed me into finally raising the phone to my ear.

“Andrea?” Sean said, voice raspy and broken.

“Hi, Sean.” I did my best to sound warm and forgiving. Still mad or not, the sooner I could put things back on track with us, the sooner I could move past this infatuation with Jace.

“Oh, thank God.” He breathed heavily into the phone. “I—I thought I’d lost you forever. You weren’t answering and—I—I’m so, so fucking sorry. I don’t know what got into me. I just—I lost it. Please, you have to know that.”

“I know, Sean,” I said, softly. And I truly, truly did. He’d never meant to hurt me. And he certainly wasn’t the guy to go all cave man; we never would have lasted as long as we had if that’d been the case. But it didn’t mean I was letting him off the hook completely. “But what in the world possessed you to come here in the first place?”

“I don’t know. I was just so damn worried, and scared. I just wanted to protect you.” Silence hung thick on both sides of the line for a minute before he continued. “I didn’t mean anything I said. You know I support you, I want to see you follow your passions. I was just so… scared.”

I released a heavy sigh. I wasn’t ready to fully forgive him just yet, but it was a start. “I understand,” I said, slipping into the tub, careful not to drop my phone into the water.

“So… we’re okay?” he asked, his voice hopeful.

I could feel the corners of my mouth lifting in a small smile as the water caressed my skin, washing away the worries and the doubt. “It will be.”

Sean gave a sigh of relief in my ear and the smile on my face grew with it. We really were going to be okay. I was certain of it.

“What are you doing now?” he asked, our conversation picking up as if we’d never even fought.

I splashed water in the tub and said, “Taking a hot bath.”

Again, silence filled the air, but this one wasn’t filled with worry or dread; it was filled with want and need. So much I swore I could feel it bleeding through the phone and down into the water, warming my skin and forcing my heart to quicken.

“Want to?” I asked, knowing that, after everything we’d just been through, he wouldn’t initiate it. Not this time. Not yet.

“Want to…?” he asked, as if he needed clarification. In reality, he was just making certain we were on the same page.

“Mmmhmmm”

“Are you sure?”

I chuckled at his hesitance. “Would you just phone fuck me already?”

He cleared his throat. I could hear clothing shuffling in the background. Just knowing he was getting ready for me had the area between my legs pulsating, aching with need.

I couldn’t wait.

As he continued to ready himself, I snaked my free hand across my abdomen and down between my thighs. My breath hitched the second my fingers made contact with the swollen flesh of my sex. With painfully slow but precise strokes, I worked the hard nub of my clit as the last few crackles came through the phone receiver.

“Oh, Andy,” he moaned. And I knew he’d started.

In my head, I envisioned the scene I’d committed to memory years ago—him stroking his length, eyes trained on me, the love and desire in his gaze so strong, I thought I might explode. It was something we’d practiced in the months before I started college. Laying feet to head on our bed, we watched one another as each of us brought ourselves to self-pleasure. It had done wonders for the long-distance visual during our many phone sex conversations over the years.

“What are you doing, baby?” he asked, voice husky and all-too knowing.

“I’m touching myself… rubbing my clit,” I said between light pants.

“Hmm-mm.”

A little confused, my hand ceased movement. “No?”

“No, baby.
I’m
touching your clit.”

My fingers immediately returned to working the bundle of fiery nerves. “Tell me more,” I begged with hitched breath.

“Mmmmm…I can taste you, baby,” he whispered seductively into the phone. “Can you feel my mouth on you, my tongue caressing you, licking every inch of you?”

I imagined his head between my legs, the softness and warmth of his mouth, his tongue expertly lapping away where my frantic fingers worked.

“Oh, yes,” I panted, my face already hot and beaded with sweat.

He growled into my ear. “That’s it. Keep going. I’m going to fuck you. Hard.”

“Oh, Sean.” My movements became jerky, frantic, as I moved closer and closer to my climax.

“That’s it, Andy. Yeah, baby. I’m inside you now. Can you feel it?”

“Yeah,” I whispered into the phone, shoving my fingers deep inside the wetness. My muscles instantly clenched around my fingers. My body begged for more, and more is what I gave it: deeper, faster thrusts that forced whimpers from me.

Sean began panting in my ear. “That’s right, baby. I own you.”

Something snapped when he uttered those words, words I’d never heard from Sean before.

In my head, Jace’s hands began exploring the deepest, darkest parts of me. His hot breath was against my neck, sending shivers of pleasure up my spine. His teeth were biting at my tender flesh, marking me for all eternity. His tattooed arms were braced over me as he pounded into me, his abs flexing with each thrust as he owned every inch of me, fulfilled my every desire.

My moans became frantic, hungry, and needy. The fire burning inside me demanded to be quenched. It seared me, all the way into my throat and all the way down to my toes. My fingers began to move with a ferocity and quickness they’d never possessed.

Grunts and groans from the other end of the line came heavier and quicker, but I didn’t register them as Sean’s as my moans and whimpers morphed into full out screams. My entire body stiffened, finding release that was both blissful and blinding, all at once. It felt as though I were having the most erotic out-of-body experience.

A roar came through the phone and the peak of my orgasm soared higher, sending my body into quaking convulsions. Our shared ecstasy transported us to a world where only the two of us existed. Time and space were irrelevant as we floated away into beautiful oblivion.

But there was just one little problem.

The man of my desire and the man pleasing himself on the other end of the line were two completely different people. And as my body floated back to earth, back into the water, guilt settled in and burned a hole in my aching heart. What had I just done?

Dear God, what is wrong with me?

No sooner than I’d hung up with Sean, I threw my clothes on, tossed my hair up in a ponytail and set out for the pub where Becca worked. If there was anyone that knew what to do in a time such as this, it would be her… at least, I hoped that would be the case.

After making my way through a crowd of rowdy college boys hanging out by the door, I maneuvered through the tables and chairs up to the bar. Becca looked about dead on her feet, but as always, she had a grin plastered on her face as she served yet another party-hard-study-little young twenties group of guys and girls.

Thankfully, it was only Wednesday, so the crowd wasn’t too bad. A group over by the dart board, a couple of girls at the juke box, a few tables full of jocks whooping over the game on the television, and a small group over by the pool tables were her only patrons. My chances of stealing Becca away were definitely good. Thank God for little miracles.

Shock registered on Becca’s face the second she caught sight of me. “Andy?”

“Hey, girl,” I said, taking a stool at the bar.

“What the hell are you doing here?” she asked, concern evident in her tight-lipped frown and creased forehead. “Everything okay?”

I bit at the inside of my cheek, unsure of how to respond to her question. I wasn’t in any danger. Sean was alive and well. My entire world hadn’t come crashing down… yet. But I still had this horrible sense of dread tugging at my insides. Something was happening to me. Something I’d never thought possible.

“I fantasized about Jace,” I finally blurted out after deciding blunt and honest was probably the only way to go.

Becca threw her head back, her laughter ringing out above the noise of the bar. “Honey, join the crowd.”

I shook my head furiously. “No, you don’t understand,” I said. “I—I fantasized about him while I was with Sean.”

Becca blinked a few times, confusion painting her scrunched features. “Wait? He’s still here?”

“No, no,” I said, shaking my head. “Over the phone.”

Shoulders lifting, head tilting to the side, Becca narrowed her eyes at me. “Okay… and this is a problem because…?”

I let out a heavy sigh. “Can I have some water, please?”

Becca filled a glass and then slid it across the bar to me. I lifted it to my lips and took a drink. The cold liquid burned on the way down. My eyes watered and my lips puckered as I slammed the glass back down on the bar.

“What the hell did you just give me?” I asked, the fire straining my voice.

“Vodka,” she said with a shrug.

I narrowed my eyes at her, my lips bunched in a tight scowl.

“What?” she asked, eyes wide as she lifted her hands, palms facing upward. “You need it. Loosen up some, chick. It’s not like you
actually
cheated on Sean. It was phone sex, for Christ’s sake.”

“I know… but still…“

“But nothing. You think you’re the first girl to fantasize about Jace Richardson while having phone sex with her significant other?” she asked. “Trust me, you’re far from it. The man is sex with legs. He’s the one man every girl wants but none of us can have.”

Now it was my turn to be confused.

“What do you mean, none of us can have? Like, he doesn’t sleep around?”

Becca gave a quick shrug, filled another drink and pushed it toward me. “Not that I’ve ever heard. And you know how rumors are on campus. Sure, a few girls have said they were with him, but none of them seem his type. They’re more the desperate ones. The rest of us, we just swoon, fantasize, rinse and repeat.”

“How is that possible?” I asked, still in a state of shock.

“I think he’s secretly gay,” Becca said, pouring her own drink and then lifting it to her lips.

I mouthed the word gay as if it were a dirty word.

“No, not really,” she laughed, shaking her head and rolling her eyes. “But it’s what I tell myself when I want to just throw myself at his feet and offer to suck his cock.”

My mouth fell open in complete disbelief at her brazen confession.

“Oh, come on. You were just fantasizing about it. You should know.” She gave me a wink. “Now, drink your drink already. I’m buying and I don’t waste booze.”

I took her advice and lifted the glass to my lips. If there were ever a night to abandon my light wine-drinking habits, that was the night.