Recipe for Satisfacton (16 page)

“I just don’t want
who
I am to overshadow the good that my family can do. Maybe I shouldn’t be the face of the foundation.”

His aversion to being in the spotlight made sense. He’d been burned by gossip vultures looking for the next scandal.

“Once people realize what the foundation is all about,
you
won’t matter.” She smiled. “You’re not all that.”

His body shook with a light laugh. “All this work, and then I’ll be gone. Leaving it all behind.”

She couldn’t argue with him there. He was leaving. But didn’t he realize that everything he did when it came to his businesses was to benefit the foundation? She hugged him tight. “You’re allowed to have your own life, Jack.”

She let go as he turned slightly, and she leaned to look in his eyes. “No woman has taken the time to get to know me, Sterling. Not like you. They all just want the fantasy.”

He was so much more than just a fantasy. What she wouldn’t give to be in his life permanently. She started this journey with him one hundred percent sure she wanted nothing to do with a relationship, but the more time she spent with Jack, the stronger her belief in a happily ever after grew.

Silence fell between them. It was a meaningful pause—a game-changing pause.

She opened her mouth to speak, but the words evaded her. How did she tell him? Where did she even begin?

“Your turn. Spill.”

Sterling hesitated. Jack just liked her as Exciting Sterling, the woman he could bring to new heights and teach new things. He didn’t want her reality. Her boring financial problems. Her messed-up family. Even if he might understand, there was no way she deserved his sympathy. His pity. She couldn’t take that right now. She needed a distracting story.

She leaned back, unwrapping herself from his body. “What’s to spill? I wasn’t good enough so my boyfriend dumped me for my former best friend.” Those words were like poison. Still, one year later, was she ever going to find a day when she didn’t feel so disgusted?

He straightened and forced her to look into his eyes. “I don’t want to hear you talk like that.”

She jumped off the bike and turned her back to him.

“Tom and I were perfect—same interests, same goals.” Anger coursed through her. She wanted to punch something. Her fists were ready, tense at her sides.

“He stifled you.” It wasn’t a question.

She scoffed. “What do you know?”

“I know enough. Why else would you be looking for some fun?”

He was right again. Sterling hated that.

“On paper he was perfect, I bet.” He paused. “Whereas I would be…”

Sterling whipped around and caught his stare. “Just as perfect.”

His expression didn’t change but his eyes dimmed at her comment. Did he not believe her?

She rushed over to him, grabbing on to his hands. “Jack…” How did she explain that he was everything she had been looking for? Her perfect-on-paper fiancé never gave her the burning desire that Jack elicited with a simple glance. He never made her feel worthy of time spent. It took the bad boy to make her feel like she mattered, to make her feel wanted. It took the bad boy to make her feel loved.

Holy hell. She loved him. Head-over-heels-I-don’t-want-you-to-leave love. But he was something she could never keep for herself.

“It’s not what’s on paper that matters. Real love is all the things that don’t show up on that list.” She squeezed his hands. “They’re the things that matter most. You taught me that. You helped me figure out the qualities that don’t appear on
my
list.”

He smiled. She only hoped she got through to him.

“You figured those out all by yourself.” He pulled his hand from hers and cupped her cheek. “But no one has the right to hold you back. Paper-perfect or not.”

“Ha. My list was pretty boring until you came along. I probably held myself back.” She turned her back to him and stared across the open space to the buildings. “I’m the boring, uptight, librarian type.”

“You are far from boring. I don’t know any librarians who look as good as you do in lingerie. And as for uptight…we’re loosening you up one day at a time.”

She’d done pretty damn good work on the loosening up part.

Sterling smiled and turned. He stared at her, desire ripening his eyes. She knew that look. Their heavy conversation was just about to turn into some heavy petting.

“Now what do you say you climb up here and give me a little taste of your sweetness?”

She was about to mount the bike behind him, but when he cleared his throat, she stopped.

“Up here.” He moved down the seat and patted in front of him. “Facing me.”

Heat bloomed in her body. She fit her leg over the bike and straddled him, her legs resting over his as she situated herself.

“Come here.” He gripped the back of her neck. Desire danced in his eyes and he scooped her up, smashing his mouth down on hers in a feverish kiss. His lips set off a procession of fireworks that left her weak and starry-eyed.

He caressed her back, up then down then tighter, and all the while her breasts were crushed against his rock-hard chest. His hands slid underneath her shirt, finding bare skin. The warmth of his hand tingled, leaving a heated trail.

He undid the clasp of her bra, releasing her breasts, and skimmed his fingers along her back. They flickered over her rib cage, his forefinger brushing the underside of her breast. Rough hands abraded soft mounds, kneading, tweaking, sending her body into desperate need.

She gyrated her hips, rubbing her core against the seat, trying to slake the ache of her clit as he assaulted her with sensation.

He grabbed her hips and tugged, leaning his body back until she straddled his pelvis.

“Sterling,” he whispered against her lips. “I would never hold you back.” He bit her bottom lip, sucking it between his teeth, letting his tongue swipe across her plump skin. “Thank you for letting me be…me. This is more than I ever expected it would be.”

These were not the words of a casual fling. Was this what he thought she wanted to hear? She should have kept her mouth shut. Confessing that she was such a pathetic loser made him feel sorry for her. Made him pretend to care, when in reality, he was leaving. Her heart wanted it to be true. Her heart wanted more than anything for this man to stay and continue their fun indefinitely.

But Jack had never been so revealing in all the time they had spent together. Maybe she wasn’t the only one who was changing, growing.

She pulled away and gazed into the depths of his brown eyes. “Maybe we bring out the best in each other.” Whether this was true or not didn’t matter. This was only temporary and she would never be the type of woman that would hold him back. And her financial situation would do just that. She knew all too well what living a stunted life was like. She had her parents to thank for that.

Nipping his chin, she mumbled against his jaw. “Since I don’t have you to myself for much longer, I’m going to take advantage of you.”

That’s all she could do. That’s all they had agreed to do. They didn’t have much time together. Only one more weekend.

Lowering her head, she captured his lips. They were perfect for tugging between her own. She moaned when he slipped his tongue inside her mouth. It only took a quick kiss to get her body to respond. She was already burning up.

When they came up for air, Jack said, “It seems my plan is working.”

“You bring out the wild girl in me.”
And I don’t think I ever want you to leave.

“Well, wild girl, you have permission to use and abuse my body however you see fit.”

She grinned and attacked his lips, not wanting to waste a minute.

…

Sterling parked in the lot of the subway station and searched the crowd loitering by the doors for her sisters. She’d been so preoccupied with Jack over the last few weeks that she’d been neglecting them. Neglecting everything. She wasn’t able to concentrate on anything without Jack popping into her thoughts every thirty seconds.

She knew their fling wasn’t going to last forever and she needed a game plan. This situation with her parents and the house wasn’t going to fix itself. It was time to put her family first and stop being so selfish. Although if she was honest, it felt good to be selfish for a change. It felt good to…feel good. About herself. About her sexuality. And she had Jack Vaughn to thank for that.

After two minutes of head-bobbing from the driver’s seat, Sterling gave up. She was never going to find them in this crowd. She pulled out her phone and texted Surrey. Two minutes later, she and her twin, Sidney, emerged from the crowd.

The sight of them warmed her heart. She loved them. Would do anything for them. She was so happy they didn’t know the worst side of their parents. She was so happy that she could keep them safe from the same horror that was her childhood.

“Sterling, what are you doing here?” Sidney asked. Her brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail. It was usually the only way people could tell the difference between the identical twins. Sidney was the sporty one and always had her hair pulled away from her face.

She looked much thinner since the last time she’d seen her. Which was weird since the girl packed away food like a sumo wrestler. The smile that usually brightened her face was there, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“I finished work a little early. I called Mom and offered to pick you up. Maybe take you to dinner.”

“Dinner?” Sidney perked up. “Anywhere we want?”

With a nod, Sterling answered, “Anywhere you want.”

“I’m in.” Sidney raced around the front of the car. “Shotgun!”

Sterling laughed and turned toward Surrey. “You snooze, you lose.”

Surrey shrugged and reached for the back door. Although she was never one to smile from ear to ear without provocation, she looked especially down in the dumps.

Before she climbed into the car, Sterling noticed that her knapsack had been stapled to keep the strap from dangling. Damn teenagers. When they loved something, they never wanted to give it up.

Just like you feel about Jack.

Sterling shook off the thought. No Jack. Not this evening. Tonight was for her sisters.

Sidney had decided on their favorite restaurant, a hamburger joint famous for its chili cheese fries. They shouted their order over the noise of the crowd, all of their go-to items. It was enough food to feed a family of six, but Sterling wouldn’t deprive her sisters of anything.

They sidestepped through the mess of tables and when they sat down with their trays, Sidney attacked her burger like a vampire drinking from the vein for the first time. She was ravenous. Surrey was just as savage.

“Did you two forget to eat breakfast?”

“Not for a month,” Sidney mumbled around her mouthful of food.

Surrey elbowed Sidney, hard, in the rib cage and shot her an evil glare. Sidney glared back with equal disdain.

Her words may have been muffled with food, but Sterling understood.

She stabbed her fork into her pile of cheese fries and stared them down. “What is going on?”

They both stared blankly. Getting information out of these two was just as hard as getting it out of her parents.

“You haven’t eaten breakfast in a month?” Her eyes narrowed while she waited for an answer.

Sidney swallowed hard. She heard the gulp from across the table. “Sterling, we—”

“You promised,” Surrey cried out. The evil look meant for Sidney turned into sadness as she pleaded with her eyes.

“Promised what?” Sterling asked. “Tell me what’s going on.”

Sidney lowered her eyes to the table. “Mom and Dad are gambling.”

Shit!
She tried so hard to shelter them from their addiction. She had been doing a great job until recently, but not living in the same household meant she didn’t know what was going on every minute of every day.

With a heavy sigh, Sterling said, “I know.”

“You knew,” Surrey wailed. “You knew and did nothing.”

Her stomach churned at the accusation.

“It’s not Sterling’s fault,” Sidney snapped at her twin.

She appreciated the solidarity, but she knew it wasn’t the truth. It
was
her fault. But what was she supposed to do? The situation was much more complicated than they knew.

“I can’t just snap my fingers and fix it. They have an addiction. They…they need to want to help themselves.”

“You said you would take care of us,” Surrey said, this time it was a yell.

Sterling slouched down in her chair. The other patrons had turned their heads at her sister’s shouting.

“Sidney’s had to go to Jennie’s house all week to use the Internet because mom canceled the service.” Tears threatened to fall from her watering eyes.

“Her parents were nice enough to feed me, too,” Sidney said.

Surrey fisted her hands on the table. “Dad barely even talks to us. We confronted Mom and she made us promise not to tell you.”

It killed her. The sight of her sisters so sad, so helpless, broke her heart.

She let this happen. She left these two bright, beautiful girls with selfish assholes who cared for no one but themselves. She had let them down. And worst of all, the situation had gotten even more out of control over the last few weeks while she was busy having sex. Too busy indulging in pleasure to realize her sisters needed her help.

Guilt nagged at her. She was the reason Sidney looked malnourished. The reason Surrey’s knapsack wasn’t replaced. While Sterling was looking out for herself, the situation had become so much more than just gambling and the threat of losing the house. It was about her sisters’ welfare and the fact that she had been too blinded by desire to notice the writing on the wall.

“I’m sorry.” Sterling leaned across the table and clutched her sisters’ hands.

Sidney half smiled but on Surrey, the look of devastation was too much to take.

“I’ll fix it.” Sterling bit back a sob, but a lone tear broke free and trickled down her cheek. “I promise.”

She didn’t know how. But she would fix it.

No matter the cost.