Recaptured Dreams (16 page)

Xavier shook his head and smiled. “Nothing. It’s just, you’re beautiful, you know that?”

She offered him a heart-melting smile. “Ah, yes. As I was saying,” she muttered, “no man has ever come close to anything like that.”

“Well, that’s good to hear.” He grabbed her hand and started to walk with her out of the garden. “So, then, can I show you?”

“Show me how?”

“By taking you back to where it all began,” he said with a smile.

“I’d love that.”

Bursting with excitement, Sophia sat across from Xavier at the Orangerie on the palace grounds, nibbling on a scone and nursing her hot tea.

She wasn’t afraid. She couldn’t be scared anymore. She wanted to be with him. She wanted to know how they were together. Maybe they had been in love. And if they had been, maybe she could fall in love again.

However excited she was about her memory, though, there was one thing Xavier had mentioned that bothered her. He’d told Sophia about meeting her in the Hamptons ten years before, that she’d been on holiday with her family. Sophia had wanted to visit all the places she had as a child, but Katherine had explicitly told her she’d never been to America. Sophia filed that information away and was determined to get to the bottom of it later.

Xavier talked about their past friendship that had quickly turned into something more, though he didn’t go into great detail where that was concerned. He focused instead on telling Sophia about all the fun things they’d done and the way they’d made each other laugh and smile.

“We shared hopes and dreams,” he said as he wiped a smudge of chocolate truffle off his lips with his napkin. “Similarities.”

Sadness crept into his features.

“Similarities?” she asked.

“I have to have
some
secrets up my sleeve,” he said with sly grin. “I can’t go around telling you everything, now can I?”

Heat rose into Sophia’s cheeks. Their recent intimacy was still embedded in her mind, and she couldn’t help but see the spark of desire in his face every now and again—the way he had looked when she was pressed against the sheets beneath him. Her lust hadn’t subsided by a long shot. Sophia’s body was constantly telling her she wanted more of Xavier.

“I guess not,” she replied. “I’ll see if I can be patient enough to be shown everything and not told.” She looked down at her hands, which were securely twisted together in her lap. “Thank you again, Xavier. I can’t tell you how much this means to me.”

“How about this? You can show me how much it means to you after we get back. Deal?”

The warmth beneath her skin grew. “Deal.”

“Are you ready to go?” He held out his hand. Her heart did a little flip in her chest.

“Yes.”

Chapter Twelve

S
OPHIA
W
ALKED
I
NTO
T
HE
F
AMILY
sitting room just as her mother closed a photo album. She’d had plenty of time to think about how Katherine had left out an important part of her past, which only made her wonder what else her mother had failed to share.

“Reminiscing?” Sophia asked.

“Yes, sometimes it’s good to remember the past.”

Sophia cocked her head. “Interesting choice of words.”

Katherine looked up at her.

Sophia took several more steps into the room and lightly drummed her fingers over a bookshelf holding some family photos. Her eyes fell on one of her and her younger brother in happier times. She frowned, missing the sound of his laughter. Her eyes slid back to her mother. “Do you think the past shapes us?” she asked quietly.

Katherine nodded slightly, her dark eyes giving nothing away.

“How did the past shape me, Mother?”

Her chin jutted out. “What do you mean?” She glanced around the room and waved her hands. “Your past has given you a wealth of opportunities.”

Sophia rolled her eyes. “I don’t mean money, Mother. I’m talking about other things. Other experiences.”

Katherine’s brow furrowed. “What experiences?”

“Childhood experiences.” Sophia paused, waiting for Katherine’s disapproving face. Surprisingly, it didn’t come. Sophia picked up the picture of her and her brother, her eyes flitting back to her mother. “I’ve often wondered what my life was like before Connor was alive.”

Katherine rose, putting the photo album back on the shelf. “We’ve talked about what your life was like.”

“That’s not what I mean.” Her finger stroked across the picture. “I remember the first time he scraped his knee when he was learning how to ride a bicycle. I remember how much he cried his first day of preschool.”

“It’s good to keep memories of him close to your heart, dear.”

Sophia set down the picture. “I’m always thinking about him, but that’s not what I meant.”

Katherine breathed heavily.

“I remember that stuff about Connor,” she continued. “But I don’t remember anything like that about me. I don’t remember my first day of school.
Any
first days of school. I don’t remember my childhood best friend, learning how to ride a bicycle, birthdays…” Her throat went dry. “I don’t remember who I first fancied. If I ever had a boyfriend. My first kiss.”

Katherine’s face paled, but her expression remained stoic.

“So if I don’t remember the past,
how
did it shape me, Mother?”

“You are thinking too hard. Shall I have some spiced tea made for you?”

Sophia scrunched her face. “Tea? No, I don’t want tea. I want to know how you think my past shaped me. Please?”

Katherine’s normally hard eyes softened. “Will you sit with me?”

Sophia joined her mother on the couch. Katherine squared her shoulders as she gazed out the window and spoke quietly.

“You always were a rambunctious child.” A smile lifted her aged face. “Even before you could crawl, you climbed up the sides of your cradle, the curtains, and anything else you could get your little fingers on. Your father thought for sure we’d have our hands full by the time you were able to walk. And your grandmother. Oh my. She thought we’d created some sort of a little monster, of course. She’d never respected my decision to not have a nanny.”

Sophia bit her lip.

“She said we should have tighter rein over you, being in our position and all.” She laughed easily. “But your father and I wanted you to be a normal child. We didn’t want you to have to attend stuffy boarding schools, play instruments you didn’t like, or learn rules that were outdated. We wanted you to have friends, explore, have fun.” Her eyes went misty. “Because your father had never been raised like that…he wanted you to have what he didn’t.”

Sophia fingered the hem of her shirt. “Why haven’t you told me this before?”

“I didn’t think those small details were important. I could have spent countless hours recalling every little detail of your life.”

“I would’ve listened. I wanted to know as much as I could, Mother. I’ve always said that.”

A defeated sigh escaped Katherine’s lips. “I know, and I’m sorry I didn’t give you those things. I focused more on the bigger matters, I guess. Mothers aren’t perfect. Especially me.”

Sophia was taken aback by her mother’s shaky voice. “If you didn’t want to me to go to boarding school, how did I end up at one?” Sophia didn’t remember the experience, but her mother had at least told her about that bit of her life.

“Since your father was an only child, he cared a lot about what his mother thought. We didn’t agree on most things, like any family. But we had to find a way to strike a balance. Eventually, we found a way to raise you like we wanted whilst still giving you the things Elise thought you needed.”

“Like boarding school.”

“Exactly.” Katherine’s expression wavered briefly, making Sophia wonder if there was something else she wasn’t saying. “So your past shaped you into a strong, independent child, Sophia. One who wasn’t afraid to go out on a limb, stand up for what she believed in, and go after what she wanted.”

Sophia frowned. She didn’t consider herself any of those things, except for that one time with Xavier. “I’m different now, aren’t I?”

Katherine nodded, giving a tentative smile. “Everything changed after the accident. We grew more protective of you and wanted you to reach your full potential. Your grandmother had a lot to do with that as well.” Her smile faded.

“I shall never understand you. I’ve always wondered why you’ve tried to mold me into someone like you…like Grandmother. And from hearing what you just said, it doesn’t sound like you used to be like that either. What changed?”

“Everything.”

Ignoring the sudden barrage of emotions and questions settling in, Sophia focused back on the reason she’d started this conversation. “Since you’re being so honest with me now, and you’re so certain the past did indeed shape me, why have you lied to me all this time?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You just admitted to keeping small details from me, yes? And you said you focused on the bigger things, yes?”

“I thought that’s what was needed.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about the biggest thing of all?” Sophia looked straight into her mother’s eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me we spent every summer on holiday in America?”

Katherine’s lips curled into a scowl, the spark in her eyes faded as she dropped her gaze, and concentration lines formed on her forehead. “Like I said, I told you what I thought was important.”

“What you wanted me to know, you mean.” Sophia rubbed a hand through her hair. “Why didn’t you just tell me I knew Xavier instead of being so cruel about it?”

Katherine didn’t speak. Her eyes danced around the room. She took a few settling breaths before focusing back on Sophia, cold-faced and dour. Being a countess, Katherine was good at hiding her emotions when she wanted.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Mother?”

“Nothing would’ve come of it. Nothing significant happened in America. It was merely a blip in the past that had no bearing on the future. Nothing that shaped you.”

“What makes you think you should’ve been the one to make that decision?”

“Because I know you, dear. I am your mother, after all.”

“Why does it always boil down to you being my mother and knowing what’s best for me? Don’t you think I’m old enough to make those decisions on my own? Do you not think I have the right to discover my own life?”

“Life’s not that simple.”

“It is, Mother, it is.” Sophia sighed. “At least, it could be.”

“Darling…” Katherine touched a hand to Sophia’s forearm. “I’ve always done what’s right.” After a simple squeeze, she slid her hand away.

Sophia stood and raised her head proudly. “Yes, and whilst I appreciate everything you’ve just told me, I have to do what
I
think is right. I’m going to America with Xavier.”

All the color drained from Katherine’s face, and her mouth fell open. The reaction both satisfied and concerned Sophia.

“Don’t.” Katherine’s voice cracked.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t think that’s what you need.”

“Because you know what’s best, right? I’m going to do this—for me. I want to know about my past, and so far, Xavier has been the only one willing to help me.”

“Let me help you, Sophia. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”

“I’m sorry, but it’s too late for that. You had ten years to help me.” Sophia walked to the door. “Time’s up.”