Reborn (28 page)

We walk as a group to the river. The flow is higher with the snow melt so Anna and Nick stay in the area that is roped off with logs.

"Have fun swimming," she says with a sad face.

Nick growls at her, "We aren’t talking about this again. When the baby is born and healthy, we can talk about going to the retreat."

Anna sticks her tongue out at him. He's not like Bernie. He's like Will—a lot. He doesn’t take any shit off of her, which isn’t a bad thing. Jake loves him and the way he tells Anna like it is.

No one but Anna was happy she got pregnant again, least of all Nick. He and I both worry about what the baby will be. Things like me and him and Star have never reproduced before.

I wave to her, "Be safe, rest, and listen to Nick."

Nick winks at me, "You can say it all you want. She hears what she wants to."

Jake laughs and Anna swats Nick in the arm. He wraps himself around her, kissing her neck and whispering things to her. We leave them there, in love and happy. I wish I were more like her; I always have, but it's worse now. She is comfortable with her love for Bernie and Nick. She keeps them separate in her heart, but equally important.

When we get to the meeting tree, I stop in front of the rock pile I know is his. There are more now but his is directly under the meeting tree.

Jake and Sarah stand next to me. We are silent for a second and then Jake gives me a look, "Can you guys give me a minute?"

We nod and start up the hill to the left, to the retreat.

Sarah smiles at me with a funny glint in her eyes. I frown at her, "What did you do to him?"

She laughs, "What?"

I look back at Jake, "I see that look in your eyes. What have you been up to?"

She rolls her eyes, "For a smart girl, you are so dumb sometimes."

"Whatever." Great, the evil-teen years are coming.

We get pretty far ahead of Jake, but I don’t worry as much about him. He doesn’t walk quietly but he has learned to kill things.

I run my fingers through Leo's fur and grip my bow. Sarah grips hers too. She has become almost as good of a shot as some of the men. I think she'll be better at it than them in a couple years.

When I see the first guard in the platform, I wave. He waves back.

We crest the hill and see the people from the other camps and villages.

It's like a reunion every summer.

People wave and greet me with hugs and kindness. They ask about Anna and Nick, who like Star, has won them all over with his ability to be charming. They don’t treat me the same way; there is still something in their eyes, but the death of Will and the fact I opened my home up to so many, has earned me a place.

It doesn’t change the fact I am still awkward. Too many people around me makes me feel funny. They glance at my guns and my bow. I am one of the few allowed to bring weapons into the camps and villages, thanks to Star and her bright ideas. I fidget and think about Granny as we cross to the tents.

Abundance of food, smiles, and sunshine makes the retreat more fun.

People I recognize wave at me, women I saved hug me, and the ones who still think I'm the devil's mistress glare at me. For whatever reason, those people make me the most comfortable. Shit is wrong with me.

I walk through and head for the trail to the swimming hole. Sarah runs, stripping her clothes off.

Jake catches up, breathing heavily. He scowls when he sees Sarah stripping her outer shirt off, and looks like he's about to say something, but I laugh, "I told her she has to wear a shirt and shorts this year."

He sighs, "Thanks. Last year was awkward as ass."

Leo keeps up with Sarah. They dive into the water together. They still swim fairly similarly.

I pull off my tee shirt, shorts, my gun holsters, knife in my boots, and quiver and bow. Jake looks at the pile and shakes his head. I scowl and jump in, in my underwear and tank top.

The water is cold; I gasp and try to catch my breath. It's the cleanest I've felt all year. I splash around, enjoying the cool of the water when my body adjusts. I look over at Jake, seeing the large, lumpy scar on his leg.

He dives in and swims underwater to where I am. It makes me nervous. He always pulls me under when we swim; I hate it.

Instead, he surfaces close to my face and spits water at me. Sarah laughs. I leap at him, dunking him under the water for a change.

He laughs and pulls me under.

Sarah starts to shiver. She nods at me, "I'm going to find Nan and get something to eat."

Jake points at her, "You stay with the cook hags. You do not walk around until we get up there."

She rolls her eyes and swims away. I look at Leo, "Stay with Sarah."

He almost rolls his eyes too and splashes after her. He jumps out, shaking his body and covering our clothes in water. Jake sighs, "That wolf is a vindictive bastard."

I nod, "Yeah," and lay back to float, looking up at the clouds.

I feel him float over near to me.

"Tell me something you remember from before."

"One time, when I was about ten or eleven my mom and dad took us to this restaurant. It was really fancy and expensive. Mom got a promotion and we were celebrating it. I had to go to the bathroom; I spilled some of the sauce from my steak on my pants. Dad laughed but mom was mad. I went to clean up and there was a guy in there. He had on a suit and a nervous look. He was pacing. He freaked me out a little bit. He pulled a box out of his suit pocket and sighed looking at this huge diamond ring. He saw me looking and held it so I could see too. He asked me if I thought it was nice. I said yeah, I didn’t really know if it was or not. He took a deep breath and nodded his head and said, wish me luck kid. So I said good luck and he walked out. When I finished washing my pants off and drying them under the hand dryer, I got out into the restaurant and he was on his knee. A pretty lady was crying and nodding. The whole restaurant starting clapping as he slid the ring on her finger. He and the lady hugged and kissed, and my mom cried a little bit. She and Dad leaned in and kissed too." He laughs, "I remember thinking that was exactly how I would ask my wife to marry me."

I smile and look over at him. He's not floating on his back, he's holding something and treading water next to me.

The thing in his hands is a metal box, rough and rusted. He opens it and inside is a ring with a red stone. It looks like a ring I once gave to Stella as payment to escape with my life and virtue intact.

I look into his eyes, seeing the sparkle that was there before I made him more like me.

He grins, "I don’t have a fancy restaurant to take you to, and even if I did, I'm not sure you would like it. Your fondness for killing the things you eat is not something that would have suited that. And honestly, I can't think of a better place to tell you I love you. Even when I shouldn’t have, and I wasn’t supposed to, I did. I wanted you when I met you and I still do. I can't change the way I feel, so I am embracing it. If you need more time…"

I swim to him, cutting him off and wrap my legs around him. I place my hands on his face, close my eyes, and press my lips to his.

His body against mine is warm and comfortable. His love is the kind that makes my heart safe. My mind tries to compare them, but my heart stops and makes room for them both. Anna was right, there is no time. Today could be all I get and I don’t want to be without him for one minute longer.

I feel tears streaming my face, "I love you too. Even when I wasn’t supposed to and I shouldn’t have, I did."

He nods, "And we both still love him and I think that’s okay."

I nod into his face and pray to God that I get more. More days and more love and more happiness.

Epilogue

Ten years ago, I made a choice to save a girl and she ended up saving me in the end.

Ten years ago, I killed the man who took everything from me. The man who killed my real dad.

Ten years ago, I realized my mother was a good person.

Ten years ago, I fell in love with a man I hated as much as I loved. A man as damaged as me. I like to think we healed each other as much as we hurt each other.

Ten years ago, I fell in love with another man, one who made me happy in a way I tried to fight, because he was everything I didn’t think I deserved.

Today, as I look down on him sleeping next to me, I can't help but think how perfect we are for each other. He makes me soft and I make him strong and together we accept the love we both still have for his brother.

"Auntie Em!"

I roll over as the twins attack.

"Uncle Jake!"

He moans and tries to pull his pillow over his face, "Uncle Jake needs sleep."

I laugh and hug Meg to me. She squeals and curls into my body. She bats her blue-green eyes that look remarkably like mine. She peers at me through her lashes, "What did you get me for my birthday?"

I roll my eyes, "It can't be your birthday already."

Bernard frowns, "It is, Aunty Em."

Jake looks puzzled, "How many is it this year?"

Bernard rolls his blue-green eyes, "Seven. We told you this yesterday and Momma says you have to get up. We can't have cake without you."

I rub his brown hair that looks like his uncle’s, "Bernie, why don’t you and Meg go look in the drawer over there." I point at the dresser Jake made. It's a little crooked, but I like it that way.

They hop off and run for the drawer. Meg squeals in delight as she pulls the bow and quiver from the drawer. She looks back, "Really?"

I nod, "Go see Sarah. She’ll help you make arrows and teach you to shoot it, and tell you the rules."

She gushes, "I hope I'm as good of a hunter as she is, well, one day."

Bernard doesn’t look as excited about the matching bows and quivers. Jake laughs and points at the second drawer, "Check that one out."

He opens it and freezes. His jaw drops and when he looks at us it makes me smile harder. "Robin Hood?" He lifts the book out of the drawer and holds it to his chest. Meg makes a face and runs out of the house, no doubt in search of Sarah. Bernard cracks the book open and walks out of the house, dragging the bow behind him.

Jake looks at me with so much love in his eyes. Sometimes I wonder if he's sad that I can't have a baby. The one time I asked him he got angry; he never really does that much.

"It's weird they are exactly like their namesakes."

I laugh, "I know. Meg is a savage and Bernie is a bookworm."

He glances at me, "At least Will is nothing like Will."

I roll my eyes, "Poor girl, who saddles a four year old with the name Will?"

He wraps himself around me, "I wonder what Star and Mitch got the twins? Can't be as cool as our gift."

I sigh, "We rode a long ways to find that book."

Anna comes in the house seconds later, "Get up. Jeeze. You're worse than the teenagers."

Jake moans, "We were on watch last night, Anna."

She snorts, "Did you know Star gave them their own sheriff badges? Will is out there trying to steal Bernie's. I can't believe you gave them a weapon and she gave them badges to make those weapons lawful."

I look at Jake, "Oh, that’s cooler than our gift."

He points, "Only to Meg."

Anna sighs, "You going to the trade market tomorrow?"

I nod, "Yeah. I need to see him."

She nods, "I'm coming." She gives Jake a sweet look and bats her eyelashes, "Can you stay here and help Nick with the twins?"

He smiles, "Yeah. I can help Sarah teach Meg not to shoot other people."

As a village we celebrate their birthday, the first babies born here. We laugh, joke and eat. It's a night filled with dancing and singing.

We have learned to make joy and live every day.

Nothing is perfect but it's better.

Outlaws are gunned down by the sheriffs Star and Mitch run. Criminals are punished harshly. Trade markets no longer trade people. Brothels are the new way of keeping women down, but Star burns them when she finds them. She has learned to use her anger and hatred in a good way. Sometimes I ride with her to release my inner demons.

Nothing is ever going to be perfect. I still haven’t found all the people Marshall was with; the bad people who kill kids like me. When I stumble upon them I kill them, but I know there are more. There always will be bad people. The kids Michael made have blended. We don’t see packs of them like we did in the city. Society has either killed them or accepted them, depending on where they ended up and their behavior.

Anna and I ride into the trade market the next day. The smell of fruit is everywhere. The warm summer months make the trade market the best place to come. There is fruit, baking, and roasting everywhere.

We ride past the market though, heading for the place that was never part of the deal for the land.

I get off of my horse and tie him to a post. Anna and I walk to the two rock piles under the rose bush that seems so large now, I hardly recognize it. Anna picks the leaves and sticks off of the headstone that was placed here with Bernie's name on it.