Rebellious Bride (18 page)

“Look carefully, Lillian. Your selfishness has kept us apart and will continue to do so. Your first and only thought is of the sick. I know now why you chose to face spinsterhood instead of marriage. You don’t know how to open your heart and care for a healthy male. It’s only the sick you have room for.”

Lil thought of how he must have waited and waited and waited for her. Then she thought of how Dora had held her hand and begged a promise from her for her baby. How? How
should
she have chosen between the two? And why did she have to?

The tears that had remained hidden away all night burst free and with them the pain Lil had quietly suffered. She broke away from him and ran from his room into her own.

Rolfe followed. “Are your tears supposed to affect me?”

Lil spun around, tears rolling down her cheeks. “I don’t care how you feel about my tears. Get out of my room.”

“No!” Rolfe shouted. “I’ve waited all night to have my say and you shall hear it.”

“You had your say. I heard every word loud and clear. I didn’t ask for this marriage. You and my father insisted on it.” She lashed out in anger.

“It matters not what brought us together. We are husband and wife and will remain so. You must learn to accept that and act as a wife should.”

Lil wiped at the tears that refused to stop falling. “I cannot be the wife you want.”

Rolfe raised his hand, shaking his finger at her. “I have been more than fair with you, Lillian. Have you not heard of compromise?”

“Compromise is difficult, at times impossible, in my profession,” she argued, her chin going up defiantly.

“I forgot,” Rolfe said, sweeping his hands out to Lillian as if introducing her. “The savior of Little.”

“Stop it, Rolfe,” she warned.

“Why? The townsfolk think of you that way. The girls at Susie’s place ask for you, not Doc Talbert, when they need help. You have earned yourself an excellent reputation.”

“I’ve heard enough, Rolfe. Leave me alone.”

“What? Is praise too much for you?” His voice was heavy with sarcasm.

“I don’t look for praise. I want only to help, to ease people’s suffering.” She answered honestly and with a heavy weariness that was fast exhausting her physically and emotionally.

“No? You mean there will be no gossip about this night’s courageous work? The town will not have juicy news to feed on for a week or two?’’

Lil closed her eyes against the news that would be widespread by morning and of the coming funeral. She wondered where she would find the courage to attend the service.

“I’m waiting, Lillian,” Rolfe said impatiently. “What important medical emergency kept you away until three in the morning? Or perhaps I’ve been foolish to assume you were a virgin, naive of sexual pleasures. Perhaps you have found such entertainment on your late night excursions.”

Lil’s sharp intake of breath was audible. And Rolfe silently cursed his anger. He had not once harbored such a ridiculous notion, and his accusation was totally uncalled for. He was about to extend an apology when she interrupted him.

“As I said, I owe you no explanation.” Lil’s posture was rigid, her words direct. Her anger obviously matched his.

His apology died on his lips. He took two sharp steps toward her, but she brazenly stood her ground. “Tell me. Tell me who you saved this evening, Lillian.”

“What I did this evening is none of your concern.” Her hands went to her hips hugging her waist, so worried was she that she would reach out and strangle him.

“I want to know. I want to be prepared when I hear my wife’s praises sung.”

Lil clamped her lips tightly shut in defiance of his demand.

“Tell me, Lillian.” His command was veiled with a threat.

Lil shook her head, refusing to answer.

“Bloody hell, you’ll tell me,” he shouted and grabbed her by the arms, shaking her. “Tell me! Now!”

Her head shot back and forth repeatedly, her body ached, and every ounce of strength she possessed vanished. The scream exploded from somewhere deep inside her. “I lost them! Oh, God forgive me! I lost them both.”

Her body, worn out beyond endurance, slumped against Rolfe. His arms instantly cradled her tightly against him, her pitiful cries of explanation spearing his heart.

With her face nearly buried in his chest and fighting back tears and sobs, she attempted further to explain. “I tried so hard. Dora tried so hard. She fought. She was brave, so very brave.”

Lil took a deep, shuddering breath and cast her wet glistening eyes up at Rolfe. “Dora was so weak and frail and the baby... Oh, God, Rolfe, the little girl was perfect, beautiful, yet stillborn.”

Her pain rushed through Rolfe, stabbing at him, hurting him as badly as she hurt. Words were difficult, and he settled on a simple yet deeply honest response. “I’m so sorry, Lillian.”

Teardrops trailed slowly down her cheeks as she continued, needing to rid herself of the guilt that consumed her. “I washed and prepared both mother and daughter. I had promised Dora that I’d look after her baby, and that was the only thing I could do for the child. I left her resting in her mother’s arms.”

Rolfe’s chest tightened unbearably and he took several deep breaths. He could only imagine what she had gone through. The disturbing thought brought him even more pain than did his guilt for his own selfishness. He had thought only of himself, never once considering that she could have been involved in a life-or-death situation. Until that moment he hadn’t thought it was possible to hate himself as much as he did.

Her tears wouldn’t stop, and she spoke through choked sobs. “I tried so hard. I thought of my mother. I thought of your first wife. I thought of myself when my time comes to bear a child. I fought for everyone, and yet I lost.”

Rolfe hugged her closer to him. The fear of losing her, of seeing her and their child lying dead was inconceivable.

He wouldn’t allow it. He took a deep breath and drew in the heavy scent of lavender. He lowered his face to her hair, rubbing his cheek against its silky texture. She was alive. He could smell her, feel her, and he relished it. He would never allow any harm to come to her.
Never.

She needed his support, his comfort, at this moment, and he pushed all other concerns from his mind, eager to help ease her suffering. He gently stroked her back and spoke softly to her. “You did all you could, Lillian.”

Lil pulled back from him and adamantly shook her head. “No, I should have done more.”

Rolfe reached out to her once again, capturing her face in his hands. “You did
more
than anyone else would have done. You always do.”

“But she died,” Lil cried, her warm tears licking Rolfe’s fingers.

He brushed them away, wishing he could wipe away her heartache as easily. “Death is part of life. You can’t always prevent it.” He eased her back into his arms.

“But it hurts so much,” she whispered, resting her cheek against his bare chest.

“I know, Lillian.” And he had hurt her even more. The thought disgusted him.

Lil sighed as the faint woodsy scent of his now familiar cologne tickled her nostrils. Her ear picked up the steady thumping of his heartbeat, and her cheeks, flushed and wet from her crying, enjoyed the pleasurable feel of his hard muscled chest. He was full of life, and life regenerated itself. She needed to regenerate, to share in that intimate act that gave of life so fully.

She closed her eyes and without further thought on the matter turned her lips to his chest and kissed it. It was a simple kiss and unsatisfying; she wanted more. She opened her mouth and ran her tongue over his warm skin. He was like nothing she had ever tasted before, and her craving for him grew. Her tongue explored him until she found his nipple. She circled it and then flicked her tongue across it.

The hard bud satisfied her, and she feasted.

“Lillian!” Her name came out in an excited rush.

She didn’t acknowledge him; she just continued to taste.

Rolfe remained still, allowing her to continue her frenzied feeding, knowing her need for closeness went far beyond holding her in his arms. He would allow her to set the pace, take the lead, until he understood completely the extent of her need.

Lil moved to his neck, running her tongue up in deliberate slowness until she connected with his waiting lips, and then she plunged into him. He met her eagerness with his own, and together they savored each other.

Her arms circled his neck. She drew him down closer to her, and once he was there, she played with him. Her teeth tugged at his lower lip, nipped at his chin, and bit at his ear. If Rolfe hadn’t known any better he would have thought her a mistress of seduction.

She released him suddenly and backed away. Her breathing was labored, and her eyes were wide like a frightened doe’s. He assumed that the realization of her brash actions had finally struck her and she felt ashamed. He was about to console her when she grabbed her chemise and pulled it up and off over her head. She tossed it aside and stood naked before him.

His breath was held captive somewhere deep inside him, and his heart—he was positive—had stopped beating. She was beautiful, from her vulnerable expression to her full, jutting breasts, a waist so small two hands could span it, curving hips that were made to grasp, and the most eye-catching mound of strawberry blond hair he had ever seen.

He walked over to her and lifted her chin to look down into her sensuously drugged eyes. “Are you sure about this, Lillian?” He wanted no regrets on either side in the morning.

“Yes, Rolfe. Very sure.” Her voice was tremulous but determined.

He kissed her lips gently, slipped his arm beneath her bare buttocks, and lifted her into his arms.

She hugged his neck and placed her head on his shoulder.

Before he stepped through the door to his bedroom she spoke his name in haste. “Rolfe!”

His stomach dropped and somersaulted a million times as he assumed she had come to her senses and decided against such rash and improper actions. “Yes, Lillian?” he asked with more control than he felt.

“I
am
a virgin.”

Slowly a smile surfaced, and with a sexy wink he said, “Not for long, Lillian. Not for long.”

The room was chilled, the hearth almost lifeless except for a last burst of dying cinder. The candles remained snuffed of their flames, their wicks blackened and the dripping trails of wax frozen in their race down the sides of the tapers. The white bedding remained untouched until...

Rolfe lowered Lillian onto the pure white sheets. The coolness of the linen caused a slight shiver to run over her, and she crossed her arms, hugging herself.

She looked up at him, surprised at the haste with which he disposed of his clothes. He was now as naked as she. Not sure where to focus, she kept her stare nervously fixed on his face. His eyes searched hers questionably. His face was handsome despite his troubled expression.

She realized the picture she must present; a naked virgin on a bed of white, frantically hugging herself. No wonder he hesitated. Her hesitation was brief, but not uncertain. She opened her arms to him.

He was beside her instantly, wrapping her in his arms. His kiss was tentative, reserved; he was holding back the urgency that Lil could feel in the heat of his body. She moved against him, the sensual friction of her nipples brushing across his chest setting sparks of passion shooting through to the tips of her toes and causing her to curl them back.

His body reacted as well, his kiss deepening, his hands roaming down to cup her bare backside and shifted her with a sudden tug flat against him.

She felt him then, his strength, his size, his hardness... . She eased away from his kisses, ran her fingers up the sides of his face to cup his chin in her palms and smiled. “I think I’m going to like this, Lord Sherborn.”

“I think we’re both going to like this, Lady Sherborn.” And with that Rolfe lowered his mouth to her breast.

She tensed for a moment, but his gentle play relaxed her, and she enjoyed his tongue as it pursued the hardened orb, circling, crossing, and finally capturing it in his mouth to suckle, but not like a wee babe, like a man skilled in the pleasures of lovemaking.

While he was busy treating her other nipple to the same delights, his hand roamed along her hip, glided down her thigh, and with a gentle ease slid between her legs. His entrance into her was so soft, so nonintrusive, that she sighed with gratification.

“You like?” he whispered, lifting his head to kiss along her chin.

“I like,” she answered with a quick intake of breath when Rolfe teasingly moved his finger, causing her sensations that were foreign but utterly exquisite.

Not in her most ardent dreams had she imagined such pure pleasure. His touch was magic, her response magical.

Rolfe inched away from her, casting a slow, appreciative glance down the length of her. “You are so beautiful.”

Lil was stunned more by the sincerity of his words than by the words themselves. He had spoken from his heart and sent her emotions soaring.

He brought his mouth to hers and teased her bottom lip with a nip and a tug before whispering, “We will share so much together.”

She nodded vigorously, for at that precise moment she experienced the sudden urge to share with him all that life had to offer. The good and the bad, the tears and the joys—anything, as long as it was with Rolfe.

“You trust me, don’t you, Lillian?” His words were hushed, almost reverent.

Her lips brushed his. “I trust you.”

Rolfe’s smile was faint, his blue eyes intent. “Always, Lillian, always trust me.” With that he moved down her, kissing every inch of her as he went and causing Lil to break out in gooseflesh.

When his hand covered her mound, he gently ordered her to relax. She tried, but the intimacy of his touch caused her to tense.

“Easy, Lillian, I’m not going to hurt you. I’m going to love you.” As her body relaxed in response to his words, he lowered his mouth to her.

Her breath rushed out and her hands grasped the sheets at his intimate invasion. She soon moaned in sweet agony, thrashing her head from side to side with each skillful thrust of his tongue.