Rebellion (7 page)

Obviously these are things Nadia and her people found and placed in here, and I can't quite help the shiver of excitement as I go through them. Even before I met Gavin, I'd loved Surface objects. An old suitor had helped me fill my little pond in my gardens with contraband items he'd presumably found.

Melancholy at the thought of Timothy pushes delight away. Was this where he got his items? Did someone here know of him? Help him? Did they know what happened to him because of me?

I lurch from the table, dropping the black box and scattering its contents across the floor. I quickly drop to my knees and scoop up the pieces of black-and-white cardboard and shove them haphazardly into the box.

I try to force the thought of him away. But he clings to me like so many of my ghosts. Macie. Nick. The nameless people I killed under Mother's orders as an Enforcer. Shame and guilt war in me and I'm paralyzed with emotion. The room really does feel like a tomb now. Mine.

I no longer like the room; it serves only as a reminder of every single one of my failures. The air is stale and ominous. Expectation and my own inadequacy loom like the dark clouds heavy with rain before a storm. Its weight biding its time before it crushes me.

I go back to the table and grab a coin. The one that most closely resembles the very last gift Timothy gave me. It still surprises me, even after a month, just how strange it feels to remember everything from my life, but not feel like it's mine. The memories I have of the time before I met Gavin are convoluted and blended.

And while I remember Timothy, and that I loved him and miss him, the feelings I have for him are somehow muted. They're nothing compared to what I feel for Gavin. A side effect of Mother's Conditioning? Or did I never really love him in the first place? And that makes me ponder if it was worth it to him. To die for me. To die
because
of me.

It all seems so needless to me. Even now. Supposedly Mother killed him because we touched while UnCoupled. However, with my memories mostly intact, I know it was because she had decided he was unsuitable and had chosen the young Guard for me. Mother's plan to make me the genesis of the new Enforcer breed.

I know I'd rather die than let that happen. But I worry how many people will go down with me. I'm sure she'll come for me. I'm certain she knows just where I am—she's known everything else—and it's just a matter of time before she decides she's waited long enough. I'm surprised it hasn't happened already.

The coin is cold as ice in my hand, and that coldness seeps into me as I wonder how much of a coward it would make me if I just said, “Enough. This fight is not
my
fight.” If I just followed Gavin to the submarines and left with him. If I just let the nanos once again take my memories and all the unwanted emotions from me, so there's nothing left of who I was and what I've done.

The air changes around me and I know, even before I hear his footsteps, that Gavin's found me. As if just thinking of him has somehow summoned him to me.

“We don't have to do this,” I tell him without turning or looking up from the coin when he steps into the room. “We could run again. Leave for the Surface together.”

“You'd forget everything.” He continues toward me, stopping just centimeters from my back. He's so close I can feel the heat from his body.

“I lived with it before.” I shrug. “I could write a note to myself with all the things I want to remember. And a list of reasons why it's better I forgot.”

“Is that what you want to do?” His voice is devoid of emotion, as if he's asking me nothing more than what the weather is like.

I look at the coin, then at a paper on the table. It's yellowed with age like all the rest, but it's a picture of some kind, with a hand-printed note in a child's hand that says, “Maggie, 4 years.” Surrounding it are old newspapers with horrific pictures and headlines that read: “Air Battle Rages over Los Angeles.” “One Hundred Dead, Hundreds Missing after Bombing in Chicago.” “New Technology Brings War to U.S. Doorway.”

“I
don't
want this,” I say, gesturing to the papers.

“No one ever does.”

“I used to wonder why the Surface went to war. I never understood the things Mother told us in our studies. That it was over greed, pride, envy, or any number of other things. I never wanted to believe that something so silly as money could cause an entire world to destroy itself. I didn't understand how anyone could feel so strongly about any of those things that they'd die and kill for them.”

“But you do now?”

I furrow my brow and slowly shake my head. “No. But I understand
you.
I get why you would rather worry day in and day out about where your food comes from in the Outlands, than live comfortably in Rushlake. I understand why people fought back when other people started war for those reasons.”

“Why?”

“Freedom.” I clutch the coin tightly in my hand. “And I want that. I want that for me and you and Asher and the people who live here who've never known it.”

“Then you know you can't come with me.”

I step nearer to him and touch a hand to the stubble on his cheek. “Doesn't mean I don't want to.”

He presses my hand closer to his cheek. “I know.”

We stand there, just like that. Me staring into his gray eyes. The stubble on his cheek tickling my palm. Our bodies are close enough to touch, but still a hairbreadth apart. Then his lips come down on mine, achingly soft. Sweet. Tender.

Our bodies are pressed so tightly together I can feel his racing heart against my own. But it's not enough. For either of us apparently, because he has the same idea as I do. He pulls me up even as I jump, wrapping my legs around his waist.

His rough hands move up my bare thighs and I give a delicate shiver when they stop at my hips under the skirt, pulling me even closer to him. I have a passing thought that I should feel wrong about this, but I don't. I don't care about anything at all except for what his skin feels like against mine.

His tongue slips between my lips and he tastes sweet like a fruit. I'll miss his taste. His smell.
Him
. My heart pounds so hard all I can hear is the whoosh of blood in my ears and the gasping of our breaths colliding.

But, still, I want more. I yank his shirt out from his pants and arch my back so I can slide my hands under it.

His mouth moves from mine to the delicate area of my throat below my ear, and then down my collarbone to the dip in the center. I tilt my head back and he trails his lips up my throat. The prickly skin of his chin tickles me when he kisses just under my jaw.

I dig my hands into his hair, loving the thick texture between my fingers, and pull him closer to me when he nuzzles the curve between my neck and shoulder.

Eventually we pull apart, our hearts still pounding, and he sets me carefully back down on my feet.

“I love you,” we say together and smile, then he leans his forehead against mine. His hands trail up and down my arms as if he can't bear to stop touching me.

“I'm worried,” he murmurs against my head.

“Don't,” I say, backing away.

“We have to talk about this. I'm leaving. Hopefully I'll be back—”

I touch my finger to his lips. “You will be. It'll be like you're just leaving the room. I probably won't notice you're gone.”

He gives me a look. “Evie.”

“We should probably plan your trip though. Find the fastest and safest way there and back.”

“Evie!” His voice is filled with frustration, but I hear his footsteps following me and that's all I need. For now.

“Hurry. We'll need to make sure you're all packed and have a solid plan.” I frown as I step into the main Caverns. Where would I find a map of the Outlands down here?

Gavin grabs my arm and pulls, stopping me in my tracks. “Evie! Stop.”

I turn. “I'm not saying it.”

“You're being ridiculous.”

“Maybe, but I'm not going to say it.”

“For God's sake, Evie! I'm leaving for the Surface. Just fucking say good-bye!”

The whole time he's talking, panic creeps into me. The fear I've been trying so hard to push down, so I can let him go and do this, pushes on me from all sides, making it almost impossible to breathe. I shake him off and continue walking toward the cutout.

“So you're not even going to say good-bye?”

“I told you, it's not good-bye. It's as simple as you walking into the next room. I wouldn't say good-bye if you were going to the next room.” I almost choke on the words, as tears catch in my throat and I shove them down where he can't see them.

“I don't
believe
this,” he mutters.

I press my lips together and continue straight into the cutout where Asher is sitting up in bed, shirtless and pressing on the spot he was injured.

“Hey! Look!” he says. “They're not even sore. It's like nothing—” He stops when he sees me. “What's wrong?”

“We need a map of the Outlands. We're going to need to plan out Gavin's trip to Rushlake,” I say.

Asher lifts an eyebrow. “O-okay. But we left it at Evangeline's…”

Of course we did. Why would I think he'd have that here? We've been at Evangeline's the last month. Tears immediately burn my eyes. “Well, we're going to have to get it. I'll find Nadia.” I start out the doorway, but Gavin stands in my way. “Please move.”

“I don't need a map. I know how to get there.”

I swallow. My body starts to tremble, but I clench my fists and try to hold it together. “Then we'll just need to come up with a plan to get you in.”

“He doesn't need to get in. He just needs the guards at the gate to get my grandma. He'll probably have to bribe them, but that's easily taken care of.” Asher slips the watch off his wrist and holds it out to Gavin. “This should do it.”

I can feel him staring at me as Gavin takes it without taking his eyes off me. “Thanks.”

“You'll need food,” I say quietly.

“I'll stop by my house. The less I take with me from here, the easier it will be to leave.”

“We need to get Father.”

“He's back,” Asher pipes up. “He's with Dr. Moreau.”

“Actually, I'm right here,” Father says from the doorway behind Gavin.

“Well, that's just great then. I guess you're all ready to go.” My voice catches and I almost lose control of myself as I think of all the things he's going to have to do.

I think I'm going to be sick.

“Damn it, Evie. Just say it! I'm leaving! Through Sector Three, which has twice proven it wants to kill us. If I make it through that without Mother finding me, it'll be a miracle. Then I have to get through the Outlands and bribe the guards to get Asher's grandmother and convince her to come with me. Then make it
back
through the Outlands, back through Sector Three with her. And if I manage to make it through all that, there's no guarantee you'll still be here and still be you.”

“Don't you think I know all that? I know the dangers. I know that Mother probably knows we're in here and that the next corner I take could have Enforcers around it. I know that Mother probably won't kill me when she finds me, and that she'll either make me kill all these people or watch as she has someone else do it, then scramble my brains so I don't even know who I am anymore. I
know
that,” I say in a pinched voice.

“Then what are you doing? Why are you acting like this?”

“Because I
have
to. If I even
think
about what
could
happen, then I won't be able to let you go.”

He's quiet for a moment, then he jumps forward and gently takes my head in his hands, pulling my lips to his. I return it, putting everything I have into the kiss, because there's a whole lot that can go wrong and we'll need a miracle to make it all work. This could very well be the last time I'll ever get to do this.

The thought causes the dam to break and tears finally run down my cheeks.

I pull away immediately, but he keeps his hands on my face, his thumbs rubbing the tears away.

“I can't do this,” I whisper, my voice clogged with tears. “I can't watch you leave.” But I kiss him again. Harder this time, pouring everything I have into it, before breaking away. “I love you,” I say. The closest I'll let myself get to saying good-bye. Then I bolt out the door, past Father and a stunned Nadia, so I don't have to see the person I love more than anything walk away from me, possibly never to return.

 

C
HAPTER
S
IX

Stephen: The council is disappointed to learn of your failure to discover the whereabouts of your son and, most importantly, that of the girl from under the sea. As you well know, she is thought to be an invaluable asset to us. If you do not find her, alive, by month's end, we will be forced to take action on our own. Might we suggest you start with the boy who found her.

—LETTER FROM AN UNNAMED INDIVIDUAL IN
R
USHLAKE
C
ITY TO
M
AYOR
S
T.
J
AMES

Gavin

I can't believe Evie wouldn't say good-bye! I mean, I know how she feels. I saw the fear in her eyes and her tears and felt it in her trembling body. Hell, I'm terrified. Not of the Outlands, but of returning here to find her either dead, or worse, with no memory of me as anything other than a Surface Dweller who must die. But damn it! She could have at least said good-bye.

Of course, the way her blue eyes bored into me and pleaded with me not to go before she ran away was almost my undoing. I think if she would have asked me to stay, I would have. Which I know is why she couldn't. Still, I don't know how many times I want to turn back around and demand a good-bye. I almost do it when Father leads me to a rock wall blocking our path. We climb carefully up a ladder they've carved into the wall next to it and through a tiny hole I'm not entirely sure how we fit through. We then let ourselves drop to the concrete floor. What looks like a Tube track is blocked off by an airlock like the one at Sector Three.