Rebel Temptress (Historical Romance) (27 page)

"I really am tired, Jordan, I think I will just skip dinner tonight. Please make my excuses to the rest of the family."

"I will get you a present tomorrow, Honor. We shall have a party. Aaron will like that. Yes, we shall celebrate your birthday tomorrow," he said with enthusiasm.

Honor's eyes sparkled like green fires. "Do not even say it. I do not want you to say one word to Aaron, and I do not want a present from you."

"Hell, do I not know it. You do not want anything from me."

Anger boiled up inside her. "You are right, Jordan, I do not want anything from you except for you to leave me alone."

He grabbed her by the shoulders, his breathing labored.

"You would not turn me away if I were Adam O'Roarke, would you? You are deluding yourself if you think he and Meagan have not been to bed together. You know your sister, she would soon lose interest in a man if he did not succumb to her charms, yet she continues to see him two or three times a week.

What do you suppose they do together, talk about you?"

"I try not to think about it at all, Jordan. What Meagan and Adam do is no concern of mine," she told him, trying to remove his hands that were painfully biting into her shoulders.

He grabbed her chin and forced her to face him. "Tell me again that you were never in bed with O'Roarke. The thought that he has had you is tearing me apart inside."

Honor tried to avoid his searching eyes. It would not be the truth to tell him she had not been in bed with Adam, and yet she did not wish to tell him of the time Adam had played the role of her husband to save himself from being captured by the soldiers. Honor knew she would never tell Jordan about the night in the apple orchard—it was her secret. That time belonged to her, and to talk about it with Jordan would make it seem ugly. She tried to look away, but Jordan prevented it, so she closed her eyes instead.

"You are hiding something from me, and I insist that you tell me what it is." She struggled, trying to get away from him, but he held her firm. "Tell me, Honor, what are you trying to hide?" His voice held a threat in it, and Honor felt fear, knowing what Jordan was capable of.

"I do not want to talk about it, I am with you and not Adam, I stayed with you, Jordan, I live in your house. Is that not good enough for you?"

"No, it is not good enough for me," he mimicked. His hand tightened on her chin, and she knew there would be bruises there tomorrow. "Tell me," he insisted.

Honor swallowed hard. "It is just that once Adam was wounded and he came to me. Some of our soldiers were after him, and I lied to them so they would not know who he was."

Jordan's face loomed above her. "And how did you convince them that he was not the man they sought, Honor?"

"He . . . I told them that Adam was you."

"Under what circumstances?"

"Adam was weak from loss of blood so he was in my bed ... I lay down beside him to convince the soldiers that he was my husband." Honor said, trying to pull away from him, fearing the anger she saw on his face.

"You lying, conniving little slut. You have made me suffer because you found me in bed with your sister, and yet you expect me to overlook your indiscretion? Where is the difference between you and myself? Would you have me believe nothing happened between you and that man?"

Honor shook her head. "Nothing happened that night." Honor closed her eyes, not wanting to deceive Jordan, for in truth she was as guilty as he, it was just that what she had shared with Adam was too close to her heart, and she did not want Jordan to know about her love for Adam.

"What about the night you went to Landau, Honor?"

She raised her head and looked into his eyes, and in that moment he read the answer to his question.

Jordan raised his hand and struck her hard across the face. Honor's head reeled from the impact, as Jordan yelled, "You have had me walking on eggshells around you, hoping if I was patient and understanding maybe you would forgive me, not knowing that you had also committed an indiscretion. I will no longer carry around this guilt, nor will I ever again allow you to occupy a separate bedroom from me. From this night on you will be a wife to me, and in time, who knows, you may even come to like it."

"No!" she screamed. "No!" "No!"

He shook her so hard that her head snapped back, and then his mouth came down on hers roughly. Honor felt his teeth grind on her lips, tearing the tender flesh underneath. She fought with all her strength as Jordan's hands moved roughly over her body. Honor tried to push him away, to tear her mouth free of his. Inside she was screaming, but no sound penetrated the bedroom. Please, no, she pleaded silently. Do not let this happen to me again.

Honor felt terror so strong that her whole body trembled from its intensity. Jordan was going to rape her again. She fought him with all her strength, but she knew he would win in the end. In her fear Honor rejected not only Jordan, but also Adam. Adam had been gentle where Jordan was brutal, but they had both wanted the same thing from her. All men were the same, wanting only to satisfy their lust with a woman. She resisted Jordan with renewed strength— no man would ever touch her in that way again!

Honor felt her gown rip and screamed, "Do not touch me, I do not want any man to touch me again!" She was becoming hysterical, as she fought Jordan with all her might.

"You are a slut like your sister," Jordan hissed. "You dared let that Yankee have what you would deny me."

Honor moaned, turning her head from side to side as she felt Jordan's hand on her bare skin. "No not again, please," she begged.

Jordan's lips covered hers, and he felt her stiffen beneath him. Releasing her lips, he saw the fear in her eyes and felt renewed anger. He wanted to hurt her as she was hurting him. Doubling up his fist, he hit her hard on the jaw. Honor screamed as pain shot through her jaw and a dark cloud began descending. She could hear voices, and they sounded as if they were coming from a long way off. She recognized Meagan's voice and realized she was lying on the floor and Jordan was bending over her.

"What have you done to my sister?" Meagan shrieked as she ran at Jordan. She pounded at him with her fists, and angry tears ran down her face. Seeing Honor lying helpless on the floor brought out all her protective instincts. She was like a tigress protecting her young. Meagan clawed at Jordan's face and tried to pull him away from Honor.

Jordan stood up and captured her hands in his. "For God's sake, Meagan, I did not mean to hurt her. I am sorry." His eyes were full of misery as he finally subdued her. "I do now know what came over me. I always seem to do the wrong thing with Honor."

Meagan tore her hands away from Jordan and knelt down beside her sister. She gathered Honor up in her arms and glared at Jordan. "Get out of here, Jordan, and if you ever lay one hand on my sister again, I swear I will kill you."

Meagan's threat hung in the air and Jordan raised his hands in a hopeless gesture. "You need not worry. I will not ever come near your precious sister again. I am sick of the both of you. It must be God's punishment to me that I must endure two trollops under my roof."

"Jordan, get out of here," Meagan warned.

He walked to the door and yanked it open. He then turned to Honor, who was sitting up with Meagan's help.

"You are not woman enough to respond to any man. You should ask your sister to tell you all the ways she knows to please a man, you might benefit by it."

Honor closed her eyes, trying to shut out his hateful words. She did not blame him really, because he had spoken the truth. She would be no bargain for any man. She was dead inside, and she also knew that if Adam was her husband things would be no different. She was frightened by the physical side of marriage, and nothing could ever take that fear away.

The door slammed behind Jordan, and Meagan helped Honor to her feet. Then she led her to the bed and eased her head onto the pillow. Honor saw the tears in Meagan's eyes and wondered what could be the reason for them.

"You are to pay no attention to Jordan. He can never admit he is at fault in any way. He will always find someone to blame for his shortcomings," Meagan said to her.

"He is right, Meagan. I cannot stand to have him touch me. I am not capable of being a wife to Jordan. He has every right to be angry with me."

Meagan sat down and took Honor's hand. "How many times have you been intimate with Jordan?"

Honor blushed at Meagan's bold question. She considered how to answer. Maybe Meagan could help her. Lowering her head, Honor spoke, hardly above a whisper: "Twice, on our wedding night."

"Was that the only time?"

Honor nodded.

Meagan frowned. "Did Jordan force himself on you that night?"

Again Honor nodded, remembering the horrible ordeal of her wedding night.

Meagan's arms went around her sister and she held her protectively. "My poor little sister, you have had much to endure, not the least of which has been me."

It felt good to rest her head on Meagan's shoulder. "What is wrong with me, Meagan? Why am I not like other women?"

"I wish I were your brother instead of your sister at this moment. I would make Jordan Daniels pay for what he did to you."

Fresh tears washed Honor's face. "I will never let a man touch me again, I cannot endure it, they are all monsters, wanting only what they can take from a woman."

"Honor, that is not true. If you loved a man, it would be very different."

"I love Adam, and I let him make love to me. At the time I thought it was different, but now I know he used me as Jordan did. The only difference was Adam was not as brutal as Jordan was."

Meagan frowned. So Honor had been with Adam. She hugged Honor tightly, wishing that she could tell her that if she were Adam's wife she would have nothing to fear, but Honor was in no state of mind to listen to her at the moment. Meagan knew that Honor was almost hysterical, that Jordan's attack on her tonight had made her fear all men. Her eyes burned with anger. Jordan had no right to treat her sister in such a brutal manner. She felt tears in her eyes at the thought of how much Honor had suffered because of her and Jordan. Between the two of them they had made her fear even Adam, whom Meagan was sure Honor loved.

"Honor, do you truly love Adam?"

"Yes . . . No, I do not know. I never want him to touch me again."

Honor raised her head and looked at Meagan. "Do you think me awful for what I allowed Adam to do?"

"No, Honor, I know you love Adam and he loves you. How could it be wrong?"

"I no longer know what love is, Meagan. I do not want to love, it is too painful."

"Lord, what a mess! You are tearing Adam apart inside —how can you hurt him if you love him?"

"Adam no longer loves me," Honor whispered.

Meagan stood up and walked over to the pitcher of water, wet a cloth, and returned to bathe Honor's face. There was a deep purple bruise on the side of her jaw, and her lips were swollen and bleeding. Meagan felt renewed anger at what Jordan had done. She did not spare herself, knowing that she, too, was guilty for all Honor had endured. This was her little sister, the only one in the world who truly belonged to her, and she had hurt her time and again. Meagan made a silent vow that she would never hurt Honor again, nor would she allow anyone else to.

"Honor, I have never seen a man who loves a woman more than Adam loves you. He bought Landau to help you. He remains there because he cannot bear to leave, hoping for just a glimpse of you from time to time. He has confided in me, in fact we have become great friends. When I am with him he wants only to hear about you, what you are doing, how you are feeling. He even asks me about your childhood.”

“You and Adam are just friends?”

Meagan took her hand and squeezed it. “I promise you that we are no more than that. Do you know why Adam wanted to see me at first?”

Honor shook her head.

"He believed you wanted Jordan, and he saw me as a threat to your happiness, so he decided to woo me and get me out of your life once and for all."

"I do not understand."

"Honey, he thought if I were to fall in love with him I could be persuaded to leave with him and never bother you and Jordan again."

Honor blinked the tears from her eyes. "And did he succeed, Meagan? Did you fall in love with him?"

"Oh, yes, he succeeded only too well. What woman would not fall in love with Adam O'Roarke when he turns on the charm? He must have dozens of women who love him, but he has never given his heart to anyone, save yourself. I doubt that he ever will."

Honor felt her heart lighten. Was it possible that Meagan spoke the truth? Did Adam still love her? Then she shook her head. What good would it do? She did not want Adam to love her, because she could never give him what he would want. She was still Jordan's wife. She wanted Adam's happiness, and she could not bear to think of his being hurt because of her. "Could you not make Adam happy, Meagan?"

"No, Honor. I will tell you this, hoping you will understand. The day Adam and I went on the picnic I wanted him to make love to me, and I tried every way I knew to entice him, but he would not . . . could not,” she corrected.