Rebel Kiss: A Historical Romance Novel (Scottish Rebels Book 1) (10 page)

“It’s complicated,
Rowan!  Please let me explain,” Anna begged as she grabbed at Rowan’s shirt. 
Tears stung at her eyes as she watched the hurt of her words play openly across
Rowan’s face.

Rowan pushed her
hands away and took a step backwards.

“I see how it is,
Anna.  I’m sure that I wasna meant tae have ye, Anna,” Rowan said with a
forlorn expression.  He quickly turned and walked down the hallway to the room he
would share with his brothers, leaving Anna standing alone with her regrets in
the hallway.

Chapter Eight

Anna awoke just
after dawn, not having slept very well on account of the emotions reverberating
from her confrontation with Rowan in the hallway.  She fought to push him from
her thoughts, but was unsuccessful.  What she would say to him in the morning? 
How awkward would be between them? 

Spilling some
water from the earthenware pitcher and into the basin, Anna splashed water on
her face.  The hearth fire had gone out in the night, leaving the small room
chilled.  She pulled her dress on over her shift and quickly ran the brush
through her hair, opting to tie it back today to make traveling easier.  Her
thoughts about Rowan couldn’t be shaken.  They were lodged firmly in her mind,
making it impossible to think of anything besides the resentment that she had
seen upon his handsome face.

Has all of this
meant nothing to you?
Rowan’s heated words echoed through Anna’s mind.  The
sting of Rowan’s words coupled with the hurt that Anna had seen in his emerald
green eyes wrenched her heart.

She had led Rowan
along like a common harlot, toying recklessly with his emotions.  It had never
been her intention to hurt Rowan.  And hurt him she had done.  It had been
right there, etched on his face.  And Anna hated herself for that.

Her heart wouldn’t
allow her to repress the truth.  Rowan Murray had sparked something within
her.  Something real.  Something true.  Even if it was something that she had
no right or reason to explore.  Despite knowing that she could never have him
and that entertaining her feelings for Rowan could only yield pain, Anna felt
the truth resounding within her.  Every beat of her fragile heart screamed it,
as if beating the drum of truth.

She wanted Rowan
Murray.  Perhaps she was falling in love with him.

And Anna knew that
she was helpless to fight against the feelings that were already lodged so
firmly in her heart.

Perhaps she
loved him already.

Anna forced the
thought from her mind.  She closed the bedroom door behind and stepped into the
hallway with her chin held high.  A deep, cleansing breath filled her lungs. 
Anna exhaled slowly, preparing herself for what lie ahead.   Waiting until her
rapidly beating heart stilled, she straightened her spine and went down the
stairs to meet the Murray brothers.

Malcolm and Rowan
were waiting impatiently for her by the front door of the inn, clearly eager to
get on the road.  The small inn bustled with the comings and goings of patrons,
the little bell that hung over the door jingling loudly as a group of men
walked into the room.  Anna walked past the men, who stood speaking with the
innkeeper.  She smiled shakily at Malcolm, coming to stand by his side.  She
dared not look at Rowan.

“Good morning,
sleepyhead,” said Malcolm cheerily as he smiled and gave Anna a cold biscuit
for breakfast.  “Ye’ll have tae eat it on the road.  We need tae meet Quinn
straight away.”

Anna felt Rowan’s
eyes burn across her flesh.  She looked over at him and felt her heart race
when their eyes locked.  Rowan was standing rigid as a board in the doorway of
the inn.  He held eye contact with her for a moment longer than was comfortable,
jaw clenched tightly and then walked out into the street without speaking to
her.  Anna had expected it to be uncomfortable between them after what had
happened last night, but she had not expected Rowan to treat her so coldly.

The sting of
Rowan’s cool gaze echoed through her, chilling her blood.

Anna followed
Malcolm out of the inn.  Rowan walked ahead down the dirt road, choosing to
keep to himself.

“Rowan’s in a
surly mood this morning,” Malcolm remarked over his shoulder.  He slowed his
gait and waited for Anna, offering her his elbow.

Anna slipped her
hand into the crook of Malcolm’s arm, thankful that her rebuff of his
attentions hadn’t altered their easy relationship.  “Is he this way often?”

“No.  Rowan’s even
keeled.  Steady.  Unless something’s eating at him.  Then he can fly off the
handle.  He’s got a temper.”

“I see,” Anna
said, swallowing past the lump that had gathered in her throat.  She felt
guilty, knowing that she was the reason that Rowan was surly.  She walked down
the road with Malcolm in silence, lost in her thoughts.  Anna watched Rowan,
her eyes studying his broad shoulders and his purposeful stride.

“I’d best go see
what’s plaguing him,” Malcolm said, his eyebrows knit together with worry.  He
patted Anna’s hand and then released it, running down the road to catch up with
Rowan.

A sinking feeling
settled in the pit of Anna’s stomach.  She knew that Rowan would say nothing to
Malcolm.  But she hated to see Rowan upset, especially on her account.  She
wanted so badly to take away his hurt.  She wanted to beg his forgiveness and
explain everything to him.  Perhaps then Rowan would understand.

Anna wanted Rowan
to understand that she
did
want him.

And she needed him
to understand why her heart wasn’t free to give.

 Anna followed
after the brothers, who were walking briskly towards the north end of the
village.  It was difficult to keep up with them and she had to jog twice to
close the distance that their hell-bent strides had put between them.  She
wasn’t sure what the hurry was, but it was evident that the Murrays were on a
mission to meet Quinn, whatever he had been up to.  Anna watched as Malcolm and
Rowan chatted amicably, wondering what on earth they were talking about.  The primitive
road that led north out of the small town had narrowed and was now closeted on
both sides by densely forested terrain. 

About a half mile outside
of the village, Quinn whistled and stepped into the road revealing himself from
where he had been concealed in the deep undergrowth of the forest.  Trailing
obediently behind him were two horses, their reins grasped tightly in Quinn’s
right hand.

“Good mornin’ tae
ye,” Quinn said, eyes sparkling mischievously.

“Aye, it looks tae
be quite a good morning,” Rowan said, nodding in approval of his brother’s most
recent acquisition.  Quinn reached forward and handed the reins of a large
sorrel horse to Rowan, who took them handily and reached his outstretched hand
up to the muzzle of the horse so that it could smell him.  “A canty lass, are
ye?” Rowan spoke softly to the horse as she nuzzled him, stroking her velvety
muzzle.

Anna watched as
Rowan introduced his smell and his touch to the mare.  It was clear that he
loved horses by the manner in which he treated this animal.  His large hand
patted the mare approvingly on the neck and slid down her withers. 

Anna suddenly
wished that Rowan’s hands were touching her and not the horse.  Her heart began
beating faster as she remembered how Rowan’s hands had felt on her skin last
night in the hallway.  Her heart clenched when she remembered how she had hurt
Rowan.  Tears stung at the back of her eyes.

“I think that
ye’ll need tae pray for me again today,” remarked Quinn haughtily, snapping
Anna out of the trance of watching Rowan gentle the horse.

“I’ll do that,”
Anna whispered, glancing up at Quinn as he pulled the larger black horse from
the forest and onto the road.  In less than twenty-four hours the Murrays had gambled and stolen horses.  Anna silently wondered what treachery was next.

“C’mon Malcolm,”
Quinn said, deftly mounting the black horse.  “Ye’ll have tae ride with me
today.  I could only find these two.”

Anna panicked,
realizing that if Malcolm rode with Quinn, she would have to ride with Rowan. 
She glanced wildly in Rowan’s direction and it was evident from the way that he
gritted his teeth together and glared in her direction that he had reached the
same conclusion.

“Actually, I would
prefer to ride with Quinn today,” Anna offered cheerily.  “We haven’t had much
time to get to know each other,” she said, walking briskly towards the large
black horse and raising up her hand so that Quinn could help her up onto the
horse.

“Suit yerself,”
Quinn said, taking Anna’s hand and pulling her up onto his lap. 

Anna settled her
skirts around herself and leaned back against Quinn.  Her spine was as rigid as
a board.  She could sense that Quinn was uncomfortable with the intimacy of
their close bodily contact.  The muscles of his thighs were tense beneath her
legs.  Anna sighed and let out the breath that she had been holding.  Anything
was better than riding with Rowan.

  “Ready?” Quinn
asked, putting his left arm about Anna’s middle.  “Hold on!” was the only
warning that she received before he spurred the horse into motion.  The
stallion took off like lightning down the road, leaving Rowan and Malcolm
standing in a cloud of dust.

..ooOoo..

Quinn pushed the
horses hard, riding until the sun was high in the sky.  He desired to put
distance between his brothers and the unlucky previous owners of the horses. 
Late in the afternoon, he slowed his horse to a walk, gauging that they had
covered sufficient distance. The stallion was lathered and sweaty from keeping
up the breakneck pace and snorted loudly in appreciation as Quinn let the reins
go slack, allowing him to amble along slowly down the road. 

Following suit,
Rowan reined his mare to a stop and allowed Malcolm to slide down off the back
of the horse.  Malcolm walked next to Rowan who still sat astride the mare, stretching
his legs and giving the horse a respite from the burden of carrying two. 
Moments later, Rowan slid down from the mare and slowed his pace, lagging
behind Quinn and Anna as he walked next to his youngest brother.

“What happened to
you?” Anna asked boldly, breaking the silence and seizing her opportunity alone
with Quinn.  His unusual manner and tormented eyes had perplexed her.  Quinn
had barely spoken to her since the ship wreck.  Something was tormenting him. 
It was if some demon plagued him, drawing him into pensive thought and causing
him to withdraw from his brothers.

“What do ye mean?”
Quinn responded, pretending not to understand what Anna was asking about.  His
body went rigid with tension beneath Anna.

Anna placed her
hand atop Quinn’s.  “I should have never asked, please forgive me,” Anna said
as she looked into the forest, collecting her thoughts.  “It’s just that you
aren’t like them, you’re so different from your brothers.  You seem broken
somehow…” she trailed off, unable to find the right words.

There was a long
silence, which caused Anna to regret having brought the topic up.  She wondered
how long it would take before all three Murray brothers refused to talk to her.

“That’s because I
am
broken,” Quinn whispered, adjusting the reins in his right hand, astonished
that Anna had seen right through his ruse of normalcy and straight into his
soul. 

“Even broken
things can mend,” Anna said softly, placing her hand atop Quinn’s and gently
stroking the back of his hand with her thumb.  She wanted to somehow ease his
pain.  She felt Quinn’s muscles relax beneath her and he began to talk.

“Her name was
Mairi,” Quinn said, clearing his throat.  The pain of speaking her name aloud
reverberated through his body. 

Anna felt Quinn go
tense beneath her once again.  “There’s no need to tell me, Quinn.  Please
forgive me for asking.  I see that speaking of her is painful,” Anna apologized
as she squeezed Quinn’s hand.

Ignoring Anna’s
protests, Quinn continued, “And since they killed her, I’m just the leftover
shell of a man.  I doona think that it will do ye much good tae pray for my
soul Anna, because it’s long gone.  Not everything that is broken can be
mended.” 

Pain was heavy in
Quinn’s voice.  Anna knew that Mairi’s death had caused him to retreat into the
solace he found in being quietly controlled, angry with life, not really
living.

“She grew up on
the farm next tae ours.  I spent all of the years when I was about Malcolm’s
age chasin’ after her, trying tae get her tae notice me,” Quinn said, chuckling
softly as he remembered how hard he had worked to capture Mairi’s attention. 
“All the lads wanted her.  She was beautiful.  Her hair was as black as the
night sky and she had these grey eyes that could look right intae yer soul.”

Anna leaned back
against Quinn and listened quietly, allowing him to talk.  She could tell from
the way that that his words spilled forth that he was now lost in his memories
of the woman that he had loved.  Perhaps it would bide Quinn well to speak of
her.

“I doona ken what
she finally saw in me, but when she gave me her heart she gave me the whole
damn thing.  Her love was like fire.  It consumed me.  With just one look of
those gray eyes she could get me tae do anything for her,” Quinn smiled,
remembering how it had felt to be loved so completely.  “She was my best
friend.  We were inseparable.”

Anna began to
understand why Quinn acted the way that he did, quietly withdrawn, distant.  The
horse’s hooves gritted against the gravel of the road, the only sound in the
quiet forest.  Quinn was quiet now.  He was thinking of Mairi. 

Anna focused on
the steady, rolling gait of the horse and waited to see if Quinn would continue. 
He had shared enough already, giving her a glimpse into his shattered heart. 
She would not ask Quinn to relive his painful memories.  Anna wished that she
could retract her naïve question, but now that Quinn was talking, bearing his
soul to her, she felt committed and knew that she had no choice but to allow
him to continue if he spoke further.

“Her father went
with ours.  They had been friends forever and they never returned from the
Rising.”

“I’m so sorry,”
Anna whispered, intimately knowing the pain of losing a parent.  “Quinn, you
mustn’t tell me more if it is too painful.  I can see that it’s difficult, and
I regret that I asked you.  Sometimes I forget my place,” Anna protested
solemnly, wringing her hands together in her lap.