Rebecca's Rules (15 page)

It was too much for me and Alice. Even my best coughs couldn’t hide our snickering. Basically, every time we calmed down, Cass would loom up behind a prop with something else ridiculous on her head, looking really solemn. By the time she appeared behind a lamp with a toy cactus on her head (where could it have come from?) Alice and I couldn’t stop laughing. We didn’t even bother to pretend to be sneezing or coughing and it wouldn’t have made any difference if we had because I was laughing so much my shoulders were shaking. In the end Ms Byrne snapped at us and said that if we couldn’t sing a simple song without sniggering like five-year-olds then we’d have to get out of the chorus and stop wasting her time. Cass must have heard this because she stopped looming up at us after that. So we calmed down again. I can’t believe we nearly got ourselves kicked out of the musical because Cass had a cactus on her head!

It was pretty funny though.

I talked to John Kowalski for a few minutes during the break when I passed him on my way to the loo. He was coming from the direction of the door to the bike racks. I think he might have been having a smoke.

‘So, Miss Rafferty,’ he said. ‘What was that Ms Byrne giving out to you chorus people about?’

‘Ah,’ I said. If it had been Paperboy, I would have told him all about Cass and he would have found it as funny as we did, but I had a feeling John Kowalski took things a bit more seriously. So I said, ‘Someone from the backstage crew was trying to make us all laugh.’

‘I hate that sort of messing about,’ said John Kowalski vehemently. ‘If you’re working on a project, you have to give yourself to it, heart and soul.’

‘Hmmm, I suppose so,’ I said. ‘Um, I’ll see you later.’ I suppose he is right, really. It wasn’t as if it had disrupted the entire rehearsal or anything, but we were meant to be concentrating on singing.

Still, just thinking about Cass looming up behind that car makes me laugh. I am afraid I must be a very shallow person.

THURSDAY

It finally happened! Alice and Bike Boy are an item!

I only found out at school this morning because my stupid phone battery died yesterday evening without my noticing and SOMEONE (who might possibly be Rachel) was on the landline all night so Alice couldn’t get through to me. Apparently, it happened last night when Alice was waiting for her lift. Her dad was a bit late and Bike Boy (or Richard as I really must call him now that he is Alice’s boyfriend) kindly said he’d wait with her. And that’s when it happened! Luckily they weren’t still snogging when her dad finally turned up. Anyway, Bike Boy, I mean Richard, said he’d fancied her ever since the old days when we used to see him cycling down Calderwood Road and he thinks, and I quote, she’s ‘the coolest girl he’s ever met’. Which is pretty good. Cass and I had to practically force her to tell us everything he said. She is never good at telling us when anyone has praised her.

Of course, Karen had to stick her oar in when Alice was telling us at the lockers this morning.

‘Oh, so you and that Richard are seeing each other, are you?’ she said. ‘Even though you’re both in the musical? I’d
never mix business with pleasure. My boyfriend Bernard and I have sworn to always work on separate acting projects.’

Cass rolled her eyes. ‘Yes, I’m sure you’ve both had loads of Hollywood offers. It must be so difficult choosing which ones to take.’

Karen literally tossed her head and put her hands on her hips. She has got much more theatrical since the musical started; it makes her worse than ever.

‘It’s an actor thing. You wouldn’t understand,’ she said. And she marched off with Alison by her side. Ugh, I hate her.

Everyone else who heard was happy for Alice, though. And I am too. Honestly. I am not really worried that she will abandon her old pals now she has a boyfriend and I only feel a tiny bit sad about my tragically lonely state.

I really am trying to stick to my rules. I haven’t mailed Paperboy back, by the way. Let him wait. To be honest, I’ve got enough to think about right now without sending e-mails to someone who had to wait practically two months before they noticed they hadn’t been in touch with me.

FRIDAY

I think Caroline and Alison might really have formed an alliance. They had lunch together today while Vanessa and Karen paraded about near the whiteboard practising their lines and doing all our heads in. In days of yore the pair of them would have just sat there gazing in adoration at their heroines, but today they basically ignored them and kept chatting to each other. I hope they keep this up. They’re quite nice really and, God knows, Karen and Vanessa deserve each other. And Emma says she’s been getting on well with Alison at those computer classes. She is much nicer when she is away from Karen.

Something surprisingly exciting happened at rehearsal today – the arrival of Mrs Limond. We were all − chorus, main cast, backstage people – just pottering about doing our different things (Alice was trying hard not to gaze lovingly at Bike Boy) when the door opened with a crash and a very dramatic lady came in.

I guessed who she was straight away. She was about a hundred years old (okay, about seventy-five) but very tall and sort of regal. Her hair was a pale lavender colour and it was swept up in this amazing sort of poofy style. And she was wearing
a very dramatic black floor-length coat with giant fluffy fur trimmings.

‘Where is my cast?’ she cried in an insanely posh, old-fashioned voice, the sort that practically sounds English.

‘Mrs Limond!’ said Cathy, running over to her. ‘I’m Cathy Laverty, the director.’

Mrs Limond stared at her.

‘You?’ she said. ‘But you’re just a child!’

‘Um, I’m twenty-five,’ said Cathy. She sounded quite cross. ‘I’ve got a degree in Drama. From Trinity.’

Mrs Limond waved a hand.

‘That makes you a child in my eyes, girl. Now, where is my wardrobe assistant?’

Ellie put up her hand.

‘Here,’ she said, in a very small voice. ‘My name’s Ellie.’

‘Aha!’ said Mrs Limond. ‘Come with me, Eleanor. Let’s get to work. I hope you’ve got lots of measurements for me.’ And with a click of her fingers, she swept out of the room. Ellie scurried after her. I bet she won’t dare tell Mrs Limond her name isn’t actually Eleanor; it’s Galadriel. I don’t think Mrs Limond is really the sort of person you can contradict.

Anyway, we were wondering where they’d actually gone, but
it turned out later that they went to the social and scientific room where all the sewing machines and big tables are. Mrs Limond had already put lots of old costumes there and they’re going to turn some of them into new ones. But they’re making some of them from scratch too and Ellie had to start pinning out patterns and cutting out fabrics straight away. It sounds pretty awful to me, like being in some sort of sweatshop, but Ellie seemed to love it for some strange reason. I suppose for her it’s like as if I had to be someone’s drumming assistant. Which would be lots of fun, really.

Cass and I kindly sneaked away when rehearsal was over, so Alice and her new love could be alone together. We are going to go into town to split a hot chocolate tomorrow. I didn’t talk to anyone else on my way out.

SATURDAY

My mother is a tyrant! I told her that I was going to meet Cass in town and she said, ‘Oh no, you’re not.’

‘What do you mean?’ I said. ‘Have you grounded me without telling me? I haven’t done anything! Anything grounding-worthy, I mean.’

My mother sighed like she was some sort of long-suffering saint, instead of an evil dictator.

‘I haven’t grounded you,’ she said. ‘We’re going to see Daisy’s new baby today. I told you about this ages ago.’

Daisy is my godmother. She is also one of my mum’s oldest friends and she had a baby a few weeks ago. I do remember that, but I have no memory of mum telling me about this visit.

‘But what about Cass?’ I said.

‘You can just tell Cass you forgot you were meant to be visiting someone who has always been lovely to you,’ said Mum. ‘Don’t you want to see Daisy’s baby?’

It’s true, Daisy is lovely. She’s a few years younger than my mum − they grew up on the same street − and she’s like an honorary aunt. In fact, she’s nicer than some of my actual aunts (like Auntie Celine, dad’s sister, who says things like ‘Aren’t you very scrawny, Rebecca? You’d barely know you were a girl!’ while pointing at my lack of chest). I was not so sure I wanted to see Daisy’s baby, though. Apart from the fact that she’s got two older kids already who are quite annoying, in my experience babies are very cute until you actually pick them up and then they go into fits of rage until you give them
back to their parents.

Anyway, obviously I had no choice about going to see this baby because my mother was probably going to force me into the car if I refused, so I had to ring Cass and then we all went off to Daisy’s house. It actually was nice to see her, though the baby started shrieking as soon as it saw me. And later it got sick on me. I don’t think babies like me very much. Maybe it is because of my asymmetrical face? And the baby’s older siblings were being bratty and having tantrums so what with the screaming baby and the shouting kids it was all a bit stressful.

But on a more positive note, Daisy reviews plays for work and she said she will come and see the musical! Not for work, obviously. But it is exciting that someone who knows a lot about the theatre will be there. My parents don’t count. They clearly still think their insane production of
The Pirates of Penzance
was the greatest show ever staged.

Actually, I should have asked Daisy about that today. I bet Mum made her go and see it. I could have found out the truth about the show. I am sure Dad’s solo ‘pirate jazz ballet dance’ did not go down as well with the audience as he and Mum say it did.

I think I am getting quite good at making up poems. Here is a haiku I wrote about Vanessa. Haikus are special Japanese poems with just seventeen syllables. They are great because they are very short and of course they don’t have to rhyme.

SUNDAY

Alice truly is a noble friend! She has made a big effort to show that she is not going to abandon her old chums even though she is in a blissful loved-up state now. She was getting a lift to meet Richard in town today, but she got her dad to call in to my house on the way so she could drop in my snare drum to me as a lovely surprise! How thoughtful of her. I have been missing my drums quite a bit and had wondered about getting my snare here so I could play it on its own, but I didn’t want to mention it to Alice what with her being (literally) the
injured party. It felt a bit mean to go ‘So, I know you can’t play your own instrument, but could you lug a bit of mine over to my house?’ But she thought of it all by herself! Truly she is a better person than me. I hope she had a nice afternoon with Richard (I am not so bad really).

I had a great time bashing away on my snare this afternoon. Obviously it’s not the same as having the whole kit, but it’s still pretty cool. Of course, my parents gave out to me for making lots of noise. I don’t give out to them when they’re hooting and hollering with laughter going on about that musical of theirs, do I?

Well, I suppose I do, sometimes. But still.

MONDAY