Rebecca's Bouquet (23 page)

As if reading her mind, he smiled a little. “I don't want you to freeze to death, Emma.”

“Okay.”

He motioned and followed her out. The unusually high wind shear stopped her breath. She pressed her lips together to prevent the air from going down her throat. The fierce coldness stung her eyes, and she automatically lowered her lids a moment to adjust. When she opened them, she drew in a deep breath and shivered.

“You okay?”

The concerned tone of his voice prompted a comforting sensation. She parted her lips in reaction. The question showed thoughtfulness, a side of Jonathan that was endearing. She pulled in a deep breath.

“
Denki
.” She smiled a little. “What's on your mind?”

As she stepped inside of the carriage, Emma tried to stop her teeth from chattering. She knew without question that Jonathan obviously wanted to discuss something away from Amos. But the coldness quickly turned to a much-appreciated warmth as Jonathan turned on his gas heater.

Some Amish didn't use anything to make their cabins of their carriages more comfortable; she was happy he did. And the cabin in the buggy wasn't tight, so the fumes posed no danger. She relaxed a little and flexed her fingers in reaction to the change in temperature.

He cleared his throat. “It's the auction.”

Emma darted him a quick glance to continue ahead.

“When you and the others voted for this fundraiser, I never actually thought it would materialize.” He turned to her and lowered his pitch to a more serious tone.

“Emma, I appreciate all you've done for Amos. Everything you do for him. Since Dad passed away, the kid hasn't been the same. It doesn't much help things that Mom is down with the virus at times. And when we found out last year about the heart defect . . .”

He shook his head. “It's been a bad time. But since you started tutoring him . . .” He paused. “It's hard to explain. But he smiles. Laughs. And you've helped him discover his love of reading.”

Emma almost choked with shock. Getting a compliment from Jonathan was rare. And what he'd said forced her heart to a happy beat. What on earth, then, was wrong?

“I'm so glad to play a role in Amos's life. And let me tell you, he's given me much more than I've offered him.”

When the wind picked up speed, the buggy rocked a bit from side to side. As she eyed the dull gray sky looming in the distance, Emma yearned for the season to change. But she knew that winter was just beginning.

They were nearly home when she glanced at Jonathan and noticed his somber expression. He looked at her, and their gazes locked. “I suppose it's no secret that I think you focus way too much on English and not enough on math. Don't numbers deserve more attention? When he's running his own business, he'll need to know figures.”

She gave a firm shake of her head.

“When Amos is older and has a farm, he'll use math skills on a daily basis. Amos will compute profits and manage the budget.” Jonathan threw his head back and chuckled. “Sorry we don't see eye to eye, but I hardly think English is gonna help him with that.”

She gave a stronger shake of her head. “I disagree. In the long run, his English knowledge will actually be much more important than math.” Before Jonathan could cut in, Emma substantiated her statement. “Just think of how important the scriptures are. He'll read them every night. And most communication requires literacy. Amos loves books. And that's how you build vocabulary.”

“That's not my main complaint, though.” He cleared his throat. His voice took on a firmer, more direct tone. “Please don't take this the wrong way, Emma. But the auction's been causing me to lose sleep.”

She pressed her lips together in deep deliberation.

“I've been giving this a lot of thought, and to be honest, I'm still not comfortable accepting donations for the surgery. From the get-go, you've played an important role in getting this thing going. Now I want you to stop it.”

His unfair order made her bite her tongue. His demand prompted her to forget the brief compliment he'd paid her. She didn't try to hide how upset she was. Trying to think of an appropriate response, she lifted a defensive hand.

“Jonathan, are you crazy?” Without thinking, she raised her chin a notch. As she looked at him for an answer, she glimpsed his deep green eyes. The shade reminded Emma of a beautiful stone she'd seen on an English girl's finger.

Wavy jet-black hair stuck out from the bottom of his hat. His jaw was square, and a dark set of thick brows hovered beneath his forehead.

To her astonishment, the expression on his face was that of amusement. She was happy she hadn't further irritated him; that was the last thing she wanted to do.

He lifted a defensive hand to stop her. “I'm well aware of the benefits. It's just that . . .” He stared straight ahead and cupped his chin with his hand. When he turned toward her, the expression in his eyes was of sadness.

Her heart pumped to an unsettling beat.

“I'm not happy taking money from people I don't know—or even those I do.” He lifted a defensive hand. “I was raised to be humble and taught that pride isn't a good thing. But I'm flawed, Emma. Something inside of me likes to be able to support my family without accepting charity. It's all about self-respect.”

He offered a helpless shrug. “I'd rather earn the money myself.”

“Jonathan, swallow your pride. This should be about Amos.”

The emotion in her voice was so fierce, she nearly choked on her words. “As soon as this procedure's over, think of how his life will change. I know you'll see things differently.”

She threw her hands up in the air. In a swift motion, she stuck her hand out to count with her fingers as she ticked off reasons. “He'll be able to do things other kids his age do. Play outside. Not wear a sweater all summer long. Or take medicine four times a day.”

She continued her argument with emotion. “Do you know what your little brother wants more than anything?”

He eyed her.

“To play tag with his friends.”

A hard knot in her throat made it difficult to talk. Her pulse nearly jumped out of her wrist in protest as she went on.

“Do you have any idea of the work we've put in for this auction? I've practically pulled teeth to get it. And finally,
finally
, Jonathan, momentum is on our side. People are talking about it with excitement. In fact, as soon as the press got wind of it, attention poured in from everywhere in Illinois. Don't you understand that the entire state is rooting for little Amos to get well?”

She paused to shrug. “We
will
raise enough money for little Amos's operation. But now you're telling me to stop it?
Why?
” She lifted her chin a notch, squared her shoulders, and planted her palms against her waist.

A long, tense silence ensued. She took in Jonathan's features and pressed her lips together thoughtfully.

“I'm telling you, Emma, I won't take their money. It just doesn't feel right.”

She closed her eyes and silently counted to ten. “I admire your self-respect, Jonathan. And at least, you admit it's in the way. But sometimes you've got to look at the bigger picture.”

“I feel like I've failed. I mean, I'm the father figure in the boy's life. What's wrong with me that I can't take care of him like I should?”

He lowered his voice. “And how could he possibly look up to me when he sees I can't handle something like this without everyone else having to pitch in?”

Emma wasn't sure what to say. Because she realized what she was up against. How could she ever convince a man who was used to doing everything by himself, that this was a situation where he needed help?

Lisa Jones Baker
grew up near a small Amish town in Illinois that she frequented with her family on weekends. She's also a dog lover and a fan of Scottsdale, Arizona, where she spent nearly two decades. Lisa graduated from Illinois State University with a French major, has been on five out of seven continents, and considers her parents the best in the world. Raised in a Christian home, Lisa has always been blessed with love and support. Visit her online at LisaJonesBaker.com.