Reasons to Leave (Reasons #1) (19 page)

“It is…
very
.” He raised his eyebrows to emphasise his words.

“I mean, they say an average of eight hours a night is a good ball park figure.” She traced the line of his chest tattoo with her fingertips again, acting coy.

He pursed his lips and tried to look serious. “Eight hours…absolutely.”

She looked up at him through her long lashes. “And you know, if sex happened to
occur
at any point during that time… Well, that’s exercise and—”

“Exercise is vital to good health, so that would be
totally
acceptable.” Jason pulled his lips in, trying not to laugh at her playful nature. He was loving this side of her.

She nodded, a grin spreading across her face. “
Totally
.”

She giggled, making Jason’s insides flip. God she was so adorable. After a while, he spoke again, clasping his hands in hers. “But maybe we do need to talk. You go home in a few days, and I…I don’t know how to feel…what to think.”

She rolled over onto her front and propped herself up on her elbows. “We knew this would happen, Jason.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t make it any easier. How do we
deal
with everything? What do you say to people? I…I still don’t want to go back. I
can’t
go back, Stevie…
ever
.”

Her eyes filled with sadness. “I was afraid you’d say that.”

He sat up. “Look, let’s go get breakfast, and then we’ll come back here and spend the day together, eh? We’ll figure this out. I promise.”

“I’d better sneak around the camp the other way so that I’m not seen. I need to get clean clothes and undies.”

“Hmm, I think I prefer you out of them all together.” He leaned and slapped her bottom, making her squeal.

“Reynolds! I’ll get you back!”

He jumped up and dashed to the bathroom, locking the door before she could retaliate.

****

The early morning sun was warm against Jason’s skin as he lowered himself to the sun lounger in his small garden area. He didn’t need a bigger space considering the forests, mountains, and rivers were only just through the trees. He closed his eyes and raised his arms above his shirtless body, feeling glad that he chose to wear his shorts and make the most of the sun. He didn’t know how long Stevie would be before she returned, but he figured now that the picnic was all prepared he could relax for a while.

Before too long he had drifted off.

He opened his eyes on his old bedroom. It was the day of the Leavers’ Ball. His mum and the bastard had left for work, and Dillon had presumably gone too, seeing as his music wasn’t blurting from his room like it usually did.

Jason glanced around his room. His trophies and medals for various achievements in sport, writing, maths, and chess, were dotted around the space. His pin-board displayed photos of Stevie. His soul mate. Her long dark auburn hair blowing across her face, a beautiful smile fixed in place, and freckles just visible on her nose. They’d been at one of their picnics down by the river. Their favourite place. She looked so happy. But today was the day he would break her heart. Today was the end. The only other way out of this hell was suicide, but he couldn’t do that. Not to Stevie.

He had to stay in the world where she was. At least he could take comfort in that even if he wouldn’t actually be with her anymore.

He’d had enough of the punishments for ridiculous mistakes. He wasn’t perfect. And no matter how hard he tried, he never would be. His father would never accept him for who he was, faults and all. He would never be the doctor his father so desperately pushed him toward being. He had no clue how long the beatings would continue if he stayed, and now that he was older the urge to hit back was stronger than ever. But he refused to lower himself to that level. No. He would rise above it. He would choose his own destiny.

He’d booked a train ticket north and would be joining the army now that he was eighteen and free to do so. His belongings were packed into a bag along with the certificates he would need to show his grades up to now, his identity, and his date of birth. He pulled the photo of Stevie by the river from the pin board and sat on his bed.

“I’ll love you forever, Jason Reynolds. You’re my puffin.” She had smiled when she had handed him the little pin badge of the sea bird. He took it with a smile but felt rather puzzled at her choice of gift. He had made her a little silver coloured heart pendant in his metal work class and had engraved it for her.

“Puffin?”

“My puffin,” she repeated as her cheeks blushed the most beautiful shade of pink. “They…they mate for life…and no matter how far apart they are through winter, they always find each other again. That’s me and you, Jason.”

Tears welled in his eyes as he remembered her words.

This was going to be the longest winter.

He placed the photo back on his nightstand. Taking it would only remind him of what he had left behind. Seeing her smile would torment him and drive him insane. Instead, he reached for the little puffin pin badge she had given him. It would remind him without forcing him to look into those clear blue eyes of hers, where he would drown along with his resolve and get on the first train back.

No, he had to make this a permanent exit from his life as he knew it.

No more.

He would take no more.

Chapter Fourteen

Day Five Of Hell

Stevie managed to sneak back unnoticed to her cabin. She flicked on her iPod as she readied herself for a day with Jason. The first track on her random selection this time was a little more upbeat. “I Caught Fire (In Your Eyes)”
by The Used resonated through the room and she danced around, singing along. Trying her best to ignore the meaning of the lyrics and the effect they were having on her, she tidied her hair and slipped on some white lace undies. Dressing in a pair of lilac shorts and a fitted white T-shirt, her mood was happier and she had no idea why. Before the day was over, she and Jason would
have
to talk things through and discuss the dreaded
F
word.

The
future
.

All she wanted to do was live in the moment, but even a dreamer like her knew that this was not something she could do forever. Finding Jason again had been completely unexpected, quite traumatic but…overall…
wonderful
. The sad and terrifying thing was that she knew it couldn’t last. There was too great a distance between them, and he would never move back down south. She couldn’t possibly leave London and move here. It just wasn’t happening.

Three years ago after suffering muscle weakness her mum had been diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis and Stevie had vowed never to leave her side for any longer than absolutely necessary. It was a condition neither had heard of before and the news had come as a shock initially. Despite Dana's protestations that she could look after herself Stevie had resolved that her life would remain in London where she could be close by should her mother's condition worsen. There were no real definites with MG—each case being quite different—and there was no cure. There were very few people who knew about the diagnosis as Dana was determined to live as normal a life and possible, and for the most part she succeeded. So whilst Jason promised a solution,
she
just didn’t see there being one. And to add to that after what she had witnessed of the whole long distance thing, she just
knew
it wouldn’t work.

It
never
worked.

She found David sitting on the steps to his cabin, listening to his MP3 player with his eReader in hand. She strolled across and he pulled his ear buds out as she approached.

“Hi Stevie, what you up to today?”

“I’m…I’m…look…can I speak to you in confidence?” She sighed.

He frowned. “Yes…yes of course. What is it? Has something happened?”

She cringed a little. “Well, yes…and no…but…mainly yes.”

His tone changed. “Has this got something to do with Reynolds?” He looked ready to hit someone—namely Jason.

Holding up her hands, she tried to reassure him. “Yes…but it isn’t what you think. Can we go inside for a few minutes?”

“Sure, come on in. Do you want a coffee?”

“No. Thank you, though.”

Once inside the cabin, she sat in the chair in the corner of the room. “I want to explain something to you about Jason and I…and why the observations you made were actually fairly close to the truth.”

David sat down on his bed. “Oh?”

“The thing is… And this is going to sound
crazy
but please bear with me… When I was a teenager, Jason was my boyfriend. I was in love with him.”

His eyebrows rose. “What? How?”

“We were at school together. But when we were eighteen…we…kind of…erm…lost touch. I had no clue he owned this place or I might not have come. He…he broke my heart back then. And seeing him this week completely out of the blue like this has stirred up a whole lot of memories. It’s been difficult to see him but amazing at the same time. We have a lot of things to work through. But it appears there are still feelings there on both sides. I have
no clue
where this will go, if anywhere at all, but I wanted to explain why I’ve been acting so…strange.”

David stared open mouthed for a few moments. He ran his hands over his head and then let them flop to his lap. “Bloody hell. Seriously? So you came here and had
no clue
? None at all? And then here he was…your long lost first love?”

She nodded. “Yep, that about sums it up.”

“Bloody hell.”

She smiled. “David you said that already.”

“Sorry, I’m just
shocked
. It’s like something you read about… Like fate or some other such bullshit that I don’t even believe in. But here’s living proof that I’m probably wrong about that.”

“Well there had to be a first time for you being wrong, eh?”

He grinned. “So…you’ll be spending freedom day with Reynolds then?”

“If you don’t mind. We really need to talk.”

“Yeah…yeah…I bet you do. Lots of catching up to do, I bet.”

“You could say that. And please…the circumstances behind all of this are
very
personal. I won’t tell you all the gory details but suffice it to say that this has not been easy on either of us. So not a word to anyone, okay? The kids certainly don’t need to know.”

David made a zipper gesture over his mouth, turned an invisible lock, and threw the imaginary key over his shoulder.

She smiled warmly. “Thanks, David. I appreciate this.”

“Hey, that’s what friends are for, you know. And look, I
really
am sorry for my attitude about the whole thing yesterday. I was way out of order.”

She made a dismissive gesture with her hands. “It’s forgotten.”

****

Stevie arrived at Jason’s cabin to find him lying on a sun lounger in his garden. He was shirtless and wearing board shorts. There was a serene smile on his face. His eyes were closed and his arms were stretched over his head. She could see every single defined muscle on his torso, and her eyes were drawn to the V, which pointed south. Her heart skipped at the sight. She noticed a silvery scar on his side like someone had gouged a chunk out of his flesh. She wondered if this was one of the permanent reminders of his so-called father’s abuse. The thought made her shiver involuntarily as nausea rose within her.

He must have sensed her presence as he opened one eye and a grin spread across his face. “Hey, gorgeous. You’re back and you look sexy as hell. I thought you’d changed your mind.”

“Absolutely not. I wanted to see what you had planned for me on our freedom day. So, are you going to tell me?”

He held his hand out to her and she went to him. He pulled her down so that she sat on him, and he leaned up to meet her face to face. “Guess what I’ve been thinking about since you left this morning?”

“Hmm…let me think.”

“Nah…too slow…I’ll tell you.” He reached up and cupped her face in his hands. “In all of my life, I have
never
witnessed a more beautiful sight than
every single time
I see you.”

She scrunched her face. “Huh? That makes no sense, you crazy man.”

“It makes complete sense. It just means that every time I see you, you look more beautiful than the last time.”