Reason to Breathe (37 page)

“Yes,” I whispered.

“The good news is that there’s nothing too
serious. You do have a concussion on the back of your head, but
there isn’t any bleeding. The x-rays of your spine came out clear,
but you’ve bruised your tailbone. Unfortunately, there isn’t
anything we can do for that, and the best thing to do is to let it
heal on its own. We’re going to take the neck brace off, and give
you something for the pain. You’ll need to stay inactive for the
next two weeks at least.”

My eyes widened, not prepared for his
prognosis.

“Sorry, but that means no basketball during
that time. You won’t be up for it anyway. We’ll give you something
to manage the pain, but you should schedule an appointment with
your doctor in two weeks to follow up.

“Do you have any questions?” he asked.

“No,” I whispered.

“Now, can you tell me about the bruises on
your back?”

I hoped the machine wouldn’t start beeping
profusely when I lied, “I slipped on some ice outside my back door
and fell down the stairs.”

“Did you fall onto your back?”

“Yes.”

“How many stairs did you fall on?”

“Four or Five.”

“Okay,” he sighed. “Sara, could I please have
a moment alone with Emily?” I panicked when Sara left the room.

Dr. Chan sat down in the chair so that he was
eye level.

“I’m concerned with your bruising,” he said
solemnly. “The images showed that you have a recovered contusion on
the front of your head as well.

“Emily, I want you to please tell me the
truth, and know that I will hold this information in the utmost
confidence. How did you get the bruises on your back?”

“I fell down the stairs.” I tried to sound as
convincing as I could. I didn’t know if it worked, but he nodded
and stood up.

“You could have received those injuries in a
fall, and I can’t dispute that. But if you didn’t, I hope that you
would be able to tell someone.

“You’re going to stay here for the night so
that we can keep an eye on you and give you something for the pain
to help you rest. If you need anything, or feel like talking, have
the nurses page me.”

“Can you please send Sara back in?”

“Sure. I’ll have the nurse get her.”

Sara came back into the room not long after
the nurse removed my neck brace and cut off my clothes so she could
slide on a hospital gown. I tried to get her to slip my game shirt
over my head, but the movement caused me to holler, so she opted
for scissors.

“Someone will be down shortly to transport
you upstairs for the night,” the nurse explained. “I’ll be right
back with something to help the pain.”

“Thank you,” I whispered, finding some relief
already with the brace removed.

After she left, I noticed Sara appeared
nervous, like she wanted to tell me something, but she kept
stopping every time she opened her mouth to speak.

I watched her struggle through her silent
debate until I finally demanded, “What aren’t you telling me?”

She pressed her lips together and looked
around for the words. “Um, Evan’s outside. I didn’t know if I
should tell you while you were still coherent or wait until you
were drugged.”

I remained quiet.

“He wants to see you.”

“No, Sara,” I shot back urgently. “He can’t
see me.”

“I knew you’d say that, but I promised I’d
ask. Just so I can say I did, no Drew either, right?”

“He’s here too?”

“There are a lot of people here, actually.
Well, except for your aunt and uncle, who left after the doctor
told them you were staying the night.”

“No visitors,” I pleaded. “
No one
,
okay?”

“Got it,” she affirmed.

“Sara, what happened when I fell?” I asked,
not sure if I wanted to hear this but also surprised by the
multiple visitors in the waiting room.

Sara looked at the ceiling, trying to force
back the tears.

“Um, after you took the three pointer and it
went in –“

“It went in?” I tried to remember the moment,
but I couldn’t get past the pounding in my head.

“Yeah, it did. The crowd was so loud, it was
crazy – but in an instant it went dead silent. You were lying on
the floor, and you weren’t moving. Coach went out with the trainer
to wake you, but they couldn’t.” Sara paused to take a calming
breath, trying to control her trembling voice. “They called for the
ambulance. The gym was so quiet while we waited for you to wake up.
I tried to get down to the floor, but the coaches and some other
adults were keeping people back.

“You still didn’t move when they put you on
the stretcher. Em, I was so scared. I got to the hospital as soon
as I could, but they wouldn’t tell me anything, no matter who I
asked. Between Evan and me, I think we asked every person in a
white jacket or blue scrubs who walked through the waiting area.
Then everyone else started arriving to wait with us - first Drew
with some of his friends, then your coach and other girls from the
soccer and the basketball teams – I’m not sure who else.

“You’re aunt and uncle finally arrived, and
they were let in to see you. I was going crazy because they got in,
and I couldn’t, until the nurse finally came out and said you were
asking for me.”

I listened to her words, unable to account
for a single second of that time, until I was in the hospital. It
was surreal thinking of my unconscious body on the floor of the
gym, with everyone staring at me. The fear and concern that came
through in Sara’s voice tore at me. I glanced at Sara’s hand
shaking on her lap. I hadn’t realized that the hand holding mine
was trembling since mine was as well.

“I’m sorry I scared you,” I whispered.

“I’m just relieved to see that you’re awake
and moving,” she said with a small smile, but the sadness lingered
in her eyes. “I should go let everyone know how you are, and that
you’re staying the night, so they can leave. I’ll be back before
they move you.”

The nurse entered with a syringe. Soon after
she administered the clear liquid into my IV, the pain subsided,
and the room swum around me as I drifted to sleep.

25.
Inevitable

I
didn’t return home with George and Carol during the two weeks of
intense recovery. I didn’t spend Christmas at home either. My only
disappointment was not seeing the kids’ faces on Christmas morning.
I had always loved writing the letter to Santa and setting out the
cookies with them, and watching them open their presents. I
wondered what they were told when they asked for me.

Staying with Janet was… quiet. She didn’t ask
questions about what happened to me, or about anything at all for
that matter. She gave me my space in her spare room, periodically
checking on me to make sure I was comfortable and had plenty to eat
and drink.

The first week was excruciating, and the
slightest movement was debilitating. I relied upon the prescription
pain pills to cope, which usually meant sleeping. As the second
week crept by, the sharpness subsided, and the aching dwindled. My
muscles were stiff from underuse, and my tailbone still reminded me
of the impact whenever I’d sit - but at least I had some relief. I
spent my days reading, sleeping and texting Sara.

Over the school break, I received daily texts
from Sara checking in on me, then providing brief accounts of her
day and updates on the basketball team. I missed seeing and talking
with Sara despite our daily communication - it wasn’t the same. I
finally got up the nerve to ask Janet if Sara could visit the
Saturday before we returned to school. Janet didn’t even hesitate
to say yes, so I probably could have asked her sooner. It was
strange how unlike Carol she was.

Sara tentatively entered Janet’s small
one-story house. She was not her usual overly exuberant self,
although I could tell by the spark in her eye that she wanted to
be. Janet found the need to go to the store soon after Sara
arrived. I knew it was her way of giving us time alone to talk.

“It’s so great to see you!” Sara exclaimed,
giving me a gentle hug. “You look good. So, do you feel
better?”

“Yeah, I’m fine - just bored out of my mind.”
I allowed a smile to relax on my face – it had been so long since
I’d felt the tightness in my cheeks. “Tell me what’s been going on.
I could only get so much from the abbreviated texts, and some of it
I didn’t understand at all.”

Sara let out quick laugh. “Okay, so you know
about basketball, right?”

“Yeah, I read about it in the paper too. That
sucks about the two losses, but at least they won the other
two.”

“They’re looking forward to having you back,
especially Coach Stanley. I went skiing with my parents, Jill and
Casey, but you knew that. What else?” Sara flicked her eyes toward
the ceiling, thinking of other news she needed to catch me up on.
“Oh, um, I guess Drew gave me flowers to give to you. But… I forgot
them. Just make sure you thank him so he doesn’t know I
failed.”

“Oh,” I said quickly. Having had this time
alone, I had the opportunity to consider what was happening between
Drew and me. It was a whirlwind relationship, and it was difficult
to recall how we had gotten to the point where he’d want to give me
flowers. I could have convinced myself that we were friends, except
for the kissing part. I couldn’t get around that.

“He asks about you whenever I see him leaving
practice. We haven’t had practices after them for a while, so the
guys are gone by the time the volleyball team gets on the floor.
But he waits for me just so that he can check on you.”

“That’s sweet,” I replied honestly. “I feel
bad I haven’t been able to talk to him.”

“Are you still interested in him?” she
inquired, doubt lining her voice.

I let out a guilty breath, avoiding Sara’s
eyes.

“What?!”

“Something happened that I didn’t get to tell
you because I got hurt,” I confessed. She raised her eyebrows,
vehemently urging me to continue. I took a second to decide where
to start. It was a scene that I’d been tormented with for the past
two weeks - only second to the nightmares that made sleeping
through the night impossible.

“Evan found out that Drew and I kissed.” I
hesitated to allow her to react.

“I figured,” she replied with a slight shrug.
“Everyone else in the school knows too.”

“Seriously?” I groaned

“His friends have big mouths. That’s
something you really haven’t been a part of yet, huh?”

“What do you mean?”

“Gossip. Everyone knows what you’ve done
before you do. I’ve heard enough about what I’ve supposedly done
over the years – it’s so stupid. Funny thing is, they don’t know
the half of it. Anyway, there was talk about you and Evan before,
but since no one knew anything to keep the rumors going, the
fascination died. But you and Drew are a
big deal
for some
reason.”

My stomach turned. Hearing this only added to
my guilt.

“That’s not something I needed to hear,” I
sulked.

“Sorry. Why, what happened?”

“Evan and I were yelling at each other in the
halls after he found out about Drew, and then I was yelling at him
about Haley. He didn’t realize I knew about them, and he wanted to
explain, but I wouldn’t let him. He shouted down the stairs that he
still loved me, and I kept walking. To make it worse, he saw Drew
kiss me after practice that night.”

“Wow, I missed all that?” Sara digested my
story and shook her head. “That explains the tension in the waiting
room, I guess.”

“What are you talking about?”

“When we were waiting for you in the
hospital, Evan and Drew stayed on opposite sides of the room. Evan
kept glaring at him, until Drew finally called him out on it.”

“Please don’t tell me this happened in front
of everyone?” I sunk into the couch and put my head against the
floral printed cushion, looking up at the ceiling.

“Sorry,” she cringed. “The guys didn’t
say
anything specifically about
you
- it was more
that Drew was fed up with Evan’s unwarranted hostility, and it gave
Evan the chance to get in his face.”

I groaned. This was difficult for me to
imagine. Neither guy seemed the type to pick a fight. I knew Evan
was mad at me, and unfortunately Drew was the conscious one he
could yell at.

“So, what are you thinking?” Sara asked,
examining my guilt ridden face.

“I feel horrible about Evan seeing Drew kiss
me, especially after what happened right before that. But I was
just so angry at him for trying to hide the fact that he was doing
the same thing with Haley.”

“What do you mean? He and Haley aren’t seeing
each other.” Sara sounded so sure of her words. My heart skipped a
beat.

“Sara, I
saw
them at the bon fire,” I
stated adamantly. “Evan had his arm around her. That’s when I
walked away with Drew, remember?”

“Em, you were on the other side of the fire.
I was near Evan and he did
not
have his arm around Haley.
She came over to him, said something stupid, like usual, and hugged
him. He patted her on the back, humoring her, and then walked away.
She went off and started flirting with Mitch. You must have only
seen part of it.”

That couldn’t be true, could it? If it was
true, then I would have never walked down the beach with Drew, and
I wouldn’t have been so distracted that I allowed him to kiss me.
This whole mess was unraveling around me, and I knew I was at the
center of all of it. What did I do?!

“But she said she was seeing him,” I
whispered. “I was so pissed when she told me at my locker that
day.”

“I would have a hard time believing
anything
she has to say. You know she hates you, right?”

“But, why?”

“Please don’t make me say it,” she
huffed.