Real Vampires Hate Their Thighs (3 page)

Sheri winked at me. “Why wouldn’t she? She’s got the perfect equipment.” She threw back her shoulders, stunning in a short red dress cut low in front. The clingy material made it clear her dancer’s body was perfect. I’d always used tricks to make mine look good.

“Thanks, Sheri. It really is great to see you. Remember, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” I winked back at her and smiled at Jerry.

“I hear ya. But, Glory, honey, you should come back. I’ve got a part in the new vampire show. You’d love it. They want you to wear fake fangs, even troll through the casino in them.” She laughed and tossed her dark hair. “They figure I’m one of their best erotic angels. ’Cause I wear my fangs everywhere I go.”

“Sheri, you’ve got to meet my other friends.” I didn’t see Flo and Richard but Damian strolled up to the table, a full glass in his hand. “Damian, meet my old friend Sheri LaDouce. Sheri, this is Damian Sabatini.”

“Honey, this year it’s Sherry Landolt. You know how it is.” She turned and got an eyeful of Damian. “Well, hello there.”

In typical Damian fashion, he picked up her hand and pulled it to his lips.
“Bonjour, mademoiselle. Parlez-vous français?”

“Mais oui.”
Sheri fluttered her eyelashes. “Let’s cut the foreign stuff. Glory never could get her mouth around any of that. But it makes for wonderful pillow talk, don’t you think,
cheri
?”

“Ah, I think we already speak the same language.” Damian grinned at me. “I love your friend. Will you dance, Sheri?” He gestured at our waitress, pressed some bills in her hand and in moments, the lights dimmed again and there was another slow, sensual song playing.

“Oh, boy, I think I’m going to have my hands full, literally.” Sheri laughed and let herself be pulled toward the dance floor. “Nice meeting you, Jeremy. See ya, Glory.”

“Shouldn’t you warn her about Damian?” Jerry looked like he wanted to go after the couple.

“Should I warn Damian about
her
is the question.” I laughed and sat at the table. Damian’s a Casanova type, but I knew Sheri was more than a match for him. “You should have seen her operate in Vegas. Sheri never has money problems because she always has a sugar daddy. Damian better get that Platinum Card ready. Before Sheri gets through with him, she’ll have shopped Rodeo Drive from one end to the other, courtesy of his plastic.”

“Good for her. He can afford it. Now, about that topless thing.” Jerry stared at my cleavage. “I know you’d look good, Glory, but the thought—”

“Here’s Flo and Richard. I wonder if they found out what a ‘Train Wreck’ is.” I wasn’t about to let Jerry know if I’d danced topless or not. I figure a little mystery in a relationship is a good thing.

“Glory, you’ll never guess who we just met.” Flo sat next to me.

“It’s bogus. Don’t get her stirred up about this nonsense.” Richard sat and tapped his fingers on the table. He looked as handsome as Jerry did, but Richard is white blond and tanned with bright blue eyes. Obviously Flo had picked out his wardrobe too and he had a “Beverly Hills hottie” look to him that had other women in the room licking their lips. I’m sure Flo had been busy sending mental messages to those vamps to back off or die.

“You never know, Ricardo. It might be true. I owe it to my best friend to let her know,
amante
, that what she thought is impossible could be possible.” Flo grabbed my arm.

“What are you talking about? What’s impossible?” I winced. Flo’s got a grip on her.

“There’s a man here tonight. He’s famous among the Los Angeles vampires. He claims he can make anyone, even vampires, lose weight.” Flo frowned down at her thighs and I wanted to slap her. Excuse me? They were barely a six. What did she want? A four?

Wait. Had I heard her right? Not possible. Back in 1604 when Jerry had turned me vampire after I’d begged him to—so we could be together forever—I’d been “healthy.” I mean, women who carried some extra weight back then were voluptuous and proud of it. So I didn’t think ahead. If I’d known then what I know now, I’d have fasted a few days before the big turning. Lost ten pounds or so first. But, no, Glory was bloating, or at least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. So I was stuck forever with hips that would have been great for delivering twelve-pound babies if I’d ever had that option. And thighs . . . Well, God knows if I were a Thanksgiving turkey, entire Pilgrim villages could have feasted on one of my thighs.

“Florence da Vinci. Are you telling me that there’s a man here who says he can help a vampire lose weight?” I stood. Ready to ambush this guy and use every bit of my credit limit for a shot at skinny.

“Gloriana, stop this nonsense. You’re perfect. Why would you want to lose weight?” Jerry stood beside me and patted my rump. Wrong move.

I turned slowly and looked him in the eye. He must have seen something there, because big, brave warrior Jerry actually backed up a step.

“Don’t
ever
pat my butt in public again.” I said this past the fangs that had shot down into my mouth like maybe I was thinking about ripping out Jerry’s throat. Overreaction? Maybe. But, come on. Do you like having your fat ass patted in public? Why not just shine a spotlight on it? Or hang a sign? Hey, world, look at my lady’s big butt. I just couldn’t take it at that moment. Not when I suddenly, against all reason and rational thinking, had a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, I might finally be able to do something about a problem that had weighed me down for centuries.

“
W
here is he?” I reached for my vintage black satin bag and pulled out my lipstick, quickly slicking on a fresh coat. Then I checked my hair by feel. Damn, Jerry had flattened one side when he nuzzled my neck during our slow dance. I finger combed it and glanced at Flo.

“You look great. He’s in one of the booths over by the exit. I’ll show you.” Flo frowned down at Richard’s hand on her arm. “You’re not thinking of stopping me, are you?”

“I didn’t like his looks. I don’t trust him.” Richard exchanged stares with Jerry.

“You spent two minutes with the man. He was surrounded by beautiful women.” Flo’s smile was tight. “Beautiful, skinny bitches who got more than a casual glance from you,
caro
. If you don’t want to sleep on the floor, I suggest you demonstrate your trust, eh?”

Richard backed up, his hands in the air. “Did I say I didn’t trust you, my heart? It’s the man I don’t trust. I’m just suggesting to Blade that he go with Gloriana, see the man for himself. Assess the situation.”

“Assess this, Richard.” I got up in his face. “I can decide for myself who I trust or not.” I whipped around when I heard a sound from Jerry. “You will
not
come with me. I know you don’t get that this is important to me. Tough. I want to meet the guy. I’m
going
to meet the guy.” Damn it, I was shaking and my stomach was in a knot. And it didn’t take mind reading to know that Jerry thought this was a silly overreaction. Well, what did I expect? I took a breath and changed strategies.

“Jerry, lover, I know you appreciate my curves.” I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned against him. “That’s one of the reasons I love you. You’ve always accepted me just as I am.” I looked up and smiled, then kissed his strong chin. “But times have changed and thin is in. I want to see what this guy has to say. Humor me and stay here. Talk to Richard. Read the menu. Hey, check out the Train Wreck.” I glanced at the curtained booths. “As long as it doesn’t involve rescuing beautiful naked women from the caboose.”

“The only caboose I’m interested in is yours, which is perfect, by the way.” Jerry grinned and held me close, smart enough this time not to touch the caboose area. “Hurry, and you and I can play Train Wreck back at my hotel.”

I kissed his smiling lips and patted his cheek. “It’s a date. Flo, let’s go. What’s this guy’s name anyway?”

Flo glanced at Jerry. “I’ll tell you on the way. Come on. I think he was leaving and I don’t want you to miss him.” She grabbed my hand and dragged me across the room. “Richard, no beautiful naked women for you either,
amante
.”

“You’re more than enough woman for me, Florence.” Richard’s voice was amused as we left the men behind.

As soon as we were on the other side of the dance floor and the music was back to a loud rock song, I dragged Flo to a halt.

“Why didn’t you want to tell me this guy’s name in front of Jerry? What’s up, Flo?” I studied my friend. She looked perfect as usual—red wrap dress and high, high heels that brought her up to my chin. Her dark hair was in a new tousled do that looked like the work of a high-priced L.A. beautician. She glanced back at our table, but the crowds of paranormals at play blocked our view.

“He’s a Scot. I think Jeremiah might know him. And not in a good way.” Flo bit her bottom lip. New shade of lipstick. I was definitely going to have to find out the name. The red reminded me of—

“Wait a minute. You’re not that big on history. At least not Scotland’s, as far as I know. Unless he’s an artist.” I grabbed her arm. “Who is this guy? Did he say something to make you think he knows Jerry?”

“No, but I’ve heard this name before. You know I’m friends with Magdalena and Angus. They don’t like the men of this—how they call it?—clan.” Flo made a face. “Foolish feuds. But they’ve hated each other for centuries.”

Angus and Mag, Jerry’s parents. Angus likes me okay, but Mag hates me with a passion usually reserved for head lice and bad haircuts. I knew of only one clan that the Campbells had a real hate on for.

Damian walked up, Sheri by his side. “There you two are. Florence, I’ve been keeping Ian here like you asked, but he’s ready to leave. Gloriana, you won’t believe this guy. Actually claims he can make a vampire lose pounds and inches.” Damian laughed and slung his arm around my waist. “Stay away from him. You don’t need to do either.” He slid a hand dangerously close to no-man-but-Jerry’s-land, and I grabbed his fingers.

“Thanks, Damian, but I want to hear what he has to say anyway. Would you go get him and introduce us? Please?” I knew better than to take his flirting seriously, but I couldn’t deny it felt good to have a handsome man making that kind of move on me.

“At your service,
cara
. Always. Remember that the next time Blade leaves the country.” He winked, then disappeared into the crowd.

I sighed, then noticed Flo and Sheri checking each other out. “Sheri, this is Florence da Vinci Mainwaring, my best girlfriend in Austin. Flo, Sheri Landolt, my best girlfriend in Las Vegas.”

“You’re Damian’s sister, right?” Sheri smiled and nodded. “Bet you’ve got some great stories about your brother.”

“Pah, forget him. I want to hear about Las Vegas. Did you and Glory really dance topless?” Flo moved closer. “I would like to do that, but I’m so short, you see. Do you think they would have a place for me in the chorus?”

“Forget it, Flo. Your husband would have a fit if you danced like that for anyone but him. And, trust me, dancing in high heels while balancing a gigantic headdress night after night isn’t as much fun as it sounds. Am I right, Sheri?”

Sheri said something to Flo about the killer heels while I zeroed in on Damian coming toward us, and the tall man walking beside him. Obviously this was the diet guru, though he looked more like a Viking warrior with his long blond hair, hawklike features and blue eyes. Damian said something and those brilliant blue eyes suddenly zeroed in on me. They were so penetrating that I threw up a shield to keep him from reading my thoughts. And my thoughts? Those naughty girls were stripping the finely tailored suit off his buff body and imagining him in a loincloth and at my mercy.

The men shouldered their way through the crowd toward us, leaving women and several men panting in their wake.

“I’d still like to try it at least once. If only to see the look on Ricardo’s face.” Flo laughed and turned to check out what I was staring at. “Hmm.
Molto bello
. Eh, Glory?”

“Uh.” I couldn’t drag myself back from the fantasy of peeking under the loincloth. “Oh, yeah.”

Damian stopped in front of us and smiled. “Gloriana, allow me to introduce Ian MacDonald.”

“Oh, shit.” I clapped a hand over my mouth. But honestly, things had just gone to hell in a big way.

Ian laughed and held out his hand. “Well, that’s a first. Good evening, Gloriana. What did I do to deserve such an enthusiastic greeting?”

I took his hand, drawn to the twinkle in his eyes and the flash of his white, white teeth. His grip was firm and too brief. I bit back a sigh.

“Sorry about that, Ian. It’s just that you’re a MacDonald and I’m here with a Campbell. Maybe you’ve heard of him. Angus Jeremiah Campbell III.” I winced when Ian’s face lost its charm and he spat something in what I figured was the old language. His hand went to his back in a gesture I knew well. Jerry did the same thing in certain situations. Reaching for his broadsword. Didn’t have it on him, of course. Just a reflex. But I knew Jerry carried a knife hidden in his waistband under his shirt. Did Ian? I hoped I didn’t have to find out.