Real Challenge (Atlanta #2) (32 page)

Too many times during those two weeks, Cassie pulled at the fabric over her hip and looked at her tattoo. She branded Scott directly on herself, knowing that this could happen. She never really believed they would break up, but she wanted him on her forever either way. Now, staring at the swimming-pool blue on her hip, she wished it would go away. She wished that little picture and everything the color represented would leave and take the ache in her heart with it.  
 

She stared longer, willing the ink to soak into her skin and get carried away by her bloodstream, the same bloodstream that carried his kisses through her body so many times. The ink remained solidly in place. Cassie cried.

That Saturday afternoon, he went back to the pool, ready to punish himself again for how wrong things went. He swam even harder, trying desperately to exorcise the demons of that damn afternoon at the park. He swam lap after lap after lap, almost punching through the water. By the time he finished, he was barely able to get out of the pool. He sat on the edge and stared at the water for a long time before he got up.

He was about to walk to the locker room when the pretty blond lifeguard called him over.
 

“Hey, Sarah. What do you need?”

“You ok? I’ve never seen you push like that. You trying to get back in competitions or something?” She giggled in a flirty, girlish way.

“No. Just a lot on my mind. Sorry. I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later.” He walked away, completely exhausted.

“Hey, Scott? If you ever need
anything
, I’m here.” She said this more like an advance than an act of friendship.
 

He stopped and turned around. She had flirted with him before, but he was usually too focused on the workout to notice or care. But his head was so mixed up at that moment that he wanted more of her flirting. He impressed her. This made sense. She was a goal he could achieve. He was driven toward success. His focus had always been on success, and why the hell should right now be any damn different.
 

“You know, I am pretty stressed. What time is your shift over.” His question sounded more like a statement. He couldn’t believe what he was doing. All he wanted was for everything to be fine with Cassie, but that wasn’t going to happen. He blew fine right out of the relationship. Before Cassie, he helped himself to as much female company as he wanted. Now that Cassie had thrown him out, he could again. Right?
 

He tried to justify his impending fling in his head, even though flirting with Sarah felt wrong. This was so much worse than what happened at the club during tax season. Still, Sarah was willing and in front of him, and she was a worthy goal. She was pretty and put out a blatant air of sexuality.

Pretty, yes. But she seemed so damned empty compared to Cassie.
Don’t compare her to Cassie,
he told himself.
She’s gone, Sarah’s here. End of story.
 

“I get off in a half hour,” she said, obviously grinning at his attention.
 

“I’ll wait for you,” he said flatly.

He walked to the shower feeling like an ass and knew exactly why. He was about to use this girl completely and he didn’t like revisiting that part of himself. Still, he couldn’t find the will to stop. He needed something to fix his angst, and nothing else was working. Maybe he needed some other girl to make him forget about the only one who mattered.

After he showered, Scott waited in the lobby against the wall staring at the floor. His brain was so conflicted he couldn’t even stand to think. He wanted one thing to feel right, and nothing had since he left Cassie’s house that day. Sarah came out a few minutes later, dressed to show off her cute, petite body. She smiled broadly at Scott and he half-nodded in acknowledgement. He had no smile for her.
 

“You look really upset,” she said to him, not really seeming very interested in his problem. She reached for his hand. “Come on, I’ll help you feel better.”

She was blatantly throwing herself at him and Scott felt sorry for her. She only wanted him because he was a good-looking swimmer. She had no idea who Scott really was. He felt disgust as soon as his hand touched hers. He realized
he
was actually
her
conquest. He wasn’t sure he cared. God! He was really losing his mind. But as tempting as she was physically, he just couldn’t go through with the hook-up. He dropped her hand like it had given him a 110 volt shock.

He saw the confused look on her face when he suddenly pulled away from her like that. She looked like she was about to say something when they were interrupted by a former student of Scott’s from the summer semester he taught.

“Merchant, hey! I haven’t seen you around. What’ve you been up to?”

“Work mostly,” he said, finally feeling the tiniest bit lighter talking to the former student. “What about you? Still swimming?”

“Yeah. After taking your class I joined the club team here,” the junior boy said to him. Scott even remembered his name. He remembered
all
of their names.
 

Hell. Yes!
God…why hadn’t he seen it before?! He really was dumb as soup. The answer was so damn simple.

“That’s great, Adam. You taking any of the advanced classes?”

“Nah, still working through intermediate. I keep looking for your name in the course catalog, but it looks like you’re not teaching any more.”

“Not for a while, but I think I’m going to start again. Look for me winter semester, ok?”

“You got it. Have a good night,” he said.

Scott, now smiling, turned to Sarah.
 

“You know, Sarah. I’m sorry, but I really need to go. There’s something I need to do. I’ll see ya.”

He left her there gaping and rather angry in the lobby and he didn’t give a damn. She would find some other guy to jump on. Scott had something more important to think about. He drove straight to Cassie’s house, took a deep breath, and knocked on the door.

Marcus opened the door, a menacing look on his face. Scott took a step back. Marcus had each hand braced against the doorway and he seemed to fill the space completely. The anger coming off of him was impossible to miss.

“I don’t think you need to be here right now,” Marcus said to Scott in a very controlled, even tone.
 

“Look, Marcus, I…” Scott tried to say.

Marcus held his hand up and stopped Scott short.
 

“I don’t know all the details,” Marcus said quietly, still forcing calmness, “but I know my sister is very broken up about what happened with you two. I haven’t seen her like this since we were 17. I’ll be honest with you. I’m pissed.”

Scott just stared, hoping this would remain only a conversation. Marcus continued his calm speech, and Scott thought it wise to just let him say whatever he needed to.

“The only reason you don’t have any broken ribs right now is because Cassie swears to me that this is more than half her fault. I personally don’t see how that’s possible, but I won’t go against what she says. She wants me to leave you alone. For the moment, you’ve got a free pass. She says you always treated her well until two weeks ago, and even then you didn’t mean to hurt her. Make sure it stays that way. Go home.”
 

The underlying threat was not lost on Scott, and he nodded to Marcus in understanding. He walked back to his SUV and drove away, defeated.
 

Cassie came out into the living room and saw Marcus walking away from her front door with that look on his face — the look that told Cassie the person at her door was Scott.

“What did you do, Marc.” Her voice was flat and almost accusing.

“I did what you asked and left him alone. Then I told him to go home. I may have accidentally sort of threatened him a little bit. It was a lot less than I wanted to do.”

“God, Marcus. Don’t be such a neanderthal. Scott isn’t evil, he’s just confused. My only problem is that I thought he wasn’t. And now I’m the one confused.”

“Cass, you have to understand here. Have you looked at yourself? You’re not taking care at all. You haven’t even smiled once since I’ve been here and I’m sure you’ve been a zombie at work. Have you even gone to work? What am I supposed to think? That this was just a little misunderstanding? Give me a little more credit than that. Now, please, will you come home with me and stay for a while? Erin wants to help. We both hate this.”

“I don’t need to stay with you, but thanks,” she said, still sounding drained. “I promise I’ll eat something and pick myself up. I just need to find myself again. It shouldn’t take long — after all, this is Cassie Walker you’re talking about. I’m a force to be reckoned with.”

Her words were typical Cassie, but her voice was hollow. Marcus knew how down she was. Still, he couldn’t force her into anything without seriously regretting it later. He gave her a long hug and left to go back home.
 

Keeping her promise to her brother, Cassie warmed up a can of soup and made herself some tea. She sat on her couch and thought through everything again. Never did the mess make sense. Not once. She didn’t understand how Scott could be two such different people. Even more impossible to justify was her own reaction. She was Cassie Walker, for God’s sake. She chose joy every day. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t find anything but emptiness.
 

Finally she realized that she had put too much stock in who she thought Scott was
becoming
and never stopped to find out who he
was
. That was the real problem, here. The reason she couldn’t find the joy was that she was angry with herself, not him. They had only been together for a matter of months. Had she really expected him to unlearn his success-driven behavior in such a short amount of time? That wasn’t fair at all.
 

When she thought about him from this new perspective, she was amazed at how quickly he had let himself be free with her. She should have been proud of him, and now she had nothing but shame for herself. She pressured him to change. She criticized him rather than supported him. She was disgusted she even had that in her. Her stomach turned.

Chapter Seventeen

Cassie called Jenna Saturday evening as soon as Marcus left. Erin and Marcus were too close to the situation to be objective, and Jenna’s perspective always remained unbiased. She was loving and forgiving like Cassie. Plus, some of Cassie’s tears had nothing to do with Scott, and Jenna was the only one in on that secret.

Jenna picked up on the third ring. “How ya doing, hon?”

“Still rotten. Do you have time for some ice cream therapy? I still have some of the chocolate swirl you brought over…”

“I’ll be right there. I’ll bring my pjs and we’ll have an honest-to-goodness slumber party. Got any nail polish?”

Cassie smiled in spite of herself. “Yes, I have a bottle of orange I haven’t tried yet.”

“Perfect. Should we call Erin?”

“No, I need to talk…about everything.”

“Got it. See you in about twenty minutes.”

Cassie paced around while she waited for Jenna. Even yoga hadn’t been calming her lately. Nothing in her life was right; she couldn’t find balance anywhere. Had her true love been true at all? The concept of real was getting blurred in her mind, and all she wanted was Scott back.
Her
Scott. The Scott she knew from the pool, and the meadow, the lake, and all the nights wrapped up in his arms. But was all that just an illusion?

By the time Jenna knocked on the door, Cassie was in tears again with her fingers gripped in her hair. She let go of her hair to reach for Jenna’s hug. A few sobs later, Cassie let her go and settled on the couch.

“I’ll get the ice cream,” Jenna said over her shoulder as she walked toward the kitchen. She came back a short minute later with the carton and two spoons. “Tell me what’s up.”

“Scott came by today.”

“He did? What did he say?”

“He couldn’t get past my Rottweiler of a brother. I didn’t even know he was here until he was already gone.”

“So you have no idea what he wanted?”

“Nope. Marcus didn’t even let him talk.”

“Have you called him?”

“I just can’t seem to find a way to hit the speed dial. Did you know he put his name in my phone under ‘
Imnotsure Whattosay
’? How appropriate.”

Jenna scooped another bite of ice cream and looked at the worry lines on Cassie’s forehead. “What about your dad? Have you decided what to do about that?”

Cassie looked up and shook her head with a grim face. “I have no idea. Half of me is angry that I’m even considering it, especially because I know what it would do to Marcus. The other half can’t help but want to talk to my dad. He’s my dad. And if he’s sober, that might actually mean something. But I don’t know if I can forgive him. I’m terrified to even talk to him, but I can’t stop thinking about it.”

Jenna reached over and held her arm kindly. “You’ve got too much going on in your head right now, girl.”

“Don’t I know it.”

Without realizing it, Cassie frequently rested her hand on her tattoo. She squeezed over it, trying to hold on to Scott in any way she could. Jenna noticed but said nothing. The two ate their ice cream in silence for a while before Cassie spoke up again. This time, however, she asked Jenna about
her
life. She wanted to get out of her own head for a while, plus she was genuinely interested in how her best friend was doing. Jenna had been in her own apartment for a while now and seemed to be doing well.

“Still like living away from the parents?”

“The only thing I miss is the rent-free living space,” she smiled. “I love my little place. It’s mine-all-mine, but it’s still a little bare. We should go thrifting again tomorrow. I could use an end table for my living room and my walls are pretty empty.”

“We can do that after breakfast,” Cassie suggested.
 

She and Jenna went through the entire slumber party gamete. They did each other’s hair, gave manicures, ate junk food, and Jenna even forced Cassie into a pillow fight. By the end of the night Cassie was laughing freely.