Ready-Made Family (12 page)

After Ben let Amelia and Reece have a chance to get settled, he knocked on the door that adjoined their rooms.

“Hey.” Amelia held open the door while Ben passed by.

He set the leftover containers in her fridge.

“Mommy, can I watch cartoons?”

“If you’ll eat another popsicle.” She peeled open a frozen purple Pedialyte stick and held it out to her daughter.

Reece pulled a face. “But they taste yuck.”

“No popsicle. No TV.” Amelia headed back to the freezer.

“’Kay, fine. I’ll eat it.” Reece took the popsicle.

Ben was impressed at Amelia’s stick-to-it-iveness and ability to keep a sick child hydrated. She’d been creative with every aspect of Reece’s illness and treatment.

Ben remembered seeing the chessboard they’d played at
the hospital in the lawn bag when they’d transferred stuff to the vented plastic bins Ben gave her. According to Reece, Amelia was teaching her how to play the game. “Wanna play chess?” he asked. The concentration might take Amelia’s mind temporarily off things enough to help her get a good night’s rest.

She paused before answering. “Sure.”

“You hesitated. Something wrong?”

“Not really. It’s just, my dad hand-whittled the pieces and taught me how to play. Mean as he’s been, I miss those times with him.” Seeing tears glitter her eyes, Ben started to go to her. But she mumbled, “I’ll get it.” She snatched his keys off the table and headed for the door.

Figuring she needed to collect herself, he kept his distance but watched over her from the window. They’d found a parking spot in front of the room.

“Mommy, you shouldn’t gloat,” Reece said later.

“What makes you think I’m gloating? Not like I bragged about beating him for the third time.” She smirked.

“Well, you aren’t gloating with your words, but you are with your body,” Reece said.

Amelia batted her eyelids dramatically, feigning innocence. “Me? Whatever gave you that idea?”

“Your face. Because it’s twinkling bright and you look like a big ol’lightning bug with its butt stuck on backwards.” Reece turned her attention back to cartoons.

“Reece Mercy North, don’t say that
B
word. Use the other one.”

“Okay, Mommy. Bottom-bottom-bottom-bottom,” she sang, as she climbed off the bed and skipped to the bathroom.

Ben snickered, then cut it short when he became the prime target of Amelia’s ballistic Mommy Look.

“She must be feeling better.” Holding back a grin, he helped her return the game pieces to their starting positions.
When her hand brushed his in passing, he was accosted with the urge to hold it. “So, her middle name is Mercy?”

“Yeah. After God’s mercy in letting her live when she almost didn’t,” Amelia whispered, as the toilet flushed.

“So, you
do
believe in God?”

“I believe in Him. I just don’t think He believes in me.”

How badly he wanted her to know that wasn’t true.

Before he could speak, Reece bounded from the bathroom and washed her hands at the sink. More like splashed in the water.

“Thought you said you were chess champion in college.” Face alight with humor, Amelia returned pieces to the box.

“I was. Good thing we didn’t attend the same one.”

Her smile faded. “I never went to college.”

“Hey…” He tipped up her chin with his finger and stared in her eyes. “You still can. You’re very intelligent.”

“Thank you.” Thick sincerity transfixed her eyes, breaking the threshold of his control. He reached across the checkered board and wove his fingers through hers. And she let him.

All he could think as he studied their entwined fingers was how the brown and white intermingled squares of the chessboard suddenly seemed symbolic of the two of them.

He gently squeezed her hand, still linked in his. She gave an answering squeeze.

And for the life of him, any recall of the human language fled his brain.

In fact for all he knew he could be drooling all over his chin and couldn’t care less. Her smile sent him to paradise. The feel of her hand in his, and the trust it meant was forming, sent his heart and hope soaring to outer space.

“A
nother fruitless day of searching.” Amelia’s hands trembled as she buckled her seat belt the next evening.

Ben cradled her hands in his. “Come back with me to Refuge, Amelia. At least temporarily. I phoned Miss Evie. She’ll waive your rent until you get a job.”

“School starts in a few weeks. I have to find a place to settle. I can’t add to Reece’s insecurity by moving her mid-school-year.”

“Refuge lives up to its name. I know two local teachers who’d love to welcome Reece. Try it for a year. You can find a job in Refuge. I have friends who could hire you, or I could.”

She looked at him sharply. “I appreciate your kindness. I know you don’t mean to be anything other than noble by your offer. But I need to be able to support myself.” The tenuous emotion in her eyes melted his heart like Hutton’s chocolate Garfield.

“I need to know I can take care of my daughter. Because my parents have me nearly convinced that I can’t.” Her voice dissolved on the last word.

“I understand.”

“I’d like to come to Refuge. But I need to secure a job on
my own. So promise me you won’t help, or talk to anyone on my behalf unless I ask you to.”

The conviction in her voice and deep plea in her eyes pierced his heart. She really did need to believe in herself as a mother. To know she could take care of Reece without depending on others to bail her out. To help her too much could impede the burgeoning confidence that would sustain her for life.

“I respect that. I won’t help you find a job unless you ask. But feel free to if it comes down to it, okay?”

Eyeing Reece, probably to be sure she remained too consumed with mazes to overhear, Amelia leaned in. “Believe me, Ben, I’m thankful. But, I need to know I can make it on my own. At least in the job department.”

“Okay. I won’t interfere. Promise.”

“Then I guess we’re Refuge-bound.”

Ben grinned at Amelia, then Reece. “You want to tell her?”

“Hey, Reece’s Pieces. Ben thinks Mommy might be able to find a job in Refuge. What would you think about that?”

She bounced in her seat and clapped. “Yay! I don’t like it here. There are so many buildings running around all the time.”

Amelia laughed. “As much as we’d driven around today and yesterday, it probably looked to Reece like buildings were running past the car. We’ve always lived in a small town. It’s what she’s used to.”

“What about you?” Ben asked.

“I prefer small-town living, too.”

He smiled. “Refuge fits the description. Shall we venture back?” He needed to check on Hutton. Last time he called, Joel said Hutton was having difficulty, but wouldn’t go into it. Probably didn’t want Ben to rush home.

An hour from Refuge, Reece, previously asleep, bolted upright screaming. Ben’s shoulders clenched at the sound.

Amelia jerked awake. “Sweetie, what is it?”

“Bearby! Mama! I forgot him!”

Ben pulled over and searched the car. No Bearby.

Ben phoned places they’d stopped.

Moments later, Ben clicked shut his phone. “He’s safe, Reece. A clerk found him. She’ll hold him until we get back there.”

“Ben, that’s two hours out of your way—for a tattered toy.”

“He’s Reece’s security right now.” Amelia nodded. They started back.

Ben’s phone chimed. He eyed caller ID. Joel. A thud hit Ben’s gut. “Yo,” Ben said.

“Hey, bro. How far out are you?”

“I was about an hour from Refuge.”

“Was?”

“Yeah, we, ah, had complications. We’re going back for something valuable left at a gas station. What’s up?” He didn’t want to ask if Hutton was all right, because Amelia might ask who he was.

“Hutton’s having a high-speed come-apart. Any suggestions on what I should do?”

“What’s the problem?”

Joel’s hesitation set barbells of dread on Ben’s shoulders.

“He thinks you’ve abandoned him. Amber and I have tried to console and convince him it’s not true but his anxiety escalated. I waited to call you.”

“What’s he doing now?” Never mind what Amelia thought. Hutton was hurting.

“Pacing. Crying inconsolably. Mumbling crazy stuff.”

“Such as?”

“Says you don’t like him.”

Ben wanted to laugh and throttle himself at the same time. “Joel, I love him.”

“Everyone knows that, Dillinger.”

Everyone except Hutton.

The one who needed to know it most.

“Can you put him on the phone?”

“Hang on.” Joel called for Hutton. Ben’s insides clenched at the wailing. Ben felt ripped in half.

Judging by the heightened awareness grazing Amelia’s wide eyes, she could hear Hutton. Ben hated for her to hear how awkward he was with Hutton, but he loved his brother more.

“Hey, buddy. It’s Ben. You okay?”

“Why you leave, Benny?” Hutton groaned.

“I’m helping a friend. Thought you’d have more fun there.”

“You don’t like me.” Sniffling.

“Not true. I love you. We’ll spend all day tomorrow together, okay?”

“No, Benny,” he bawled.

“I’m sorry. I’ll be there in three hours, okay?”

“Benny, I want home to Mom’s.”

“If that’s still what you want when I get there, I’ll make sure it happens.”

Ben knew Hutton’s condition enough to know when he got this worked up, he couldn’t be reasoned with. “Can you put Joel back on the phone? Hello? Hutton?”

Rustling sounded, then, “Hello?”

“Amber? Yeah, I’m sorry about this.”

“It’s not your fault, Ben. Bradley invited him to stay.”

“But if I were there, he may have been okay.”

“Hard to say. I wonder if it’s more him missing your mom.”

“Think that could be it?”

“Partly.”

What Amber didn’t say told Ben what he didn’t want to know. Most of the reason for Hutton’s emotional collapse was because Ben wasn’t there.

“Be there as soon as I can.”

“Drive safely. We’ll handle it until then.”

Ben hung up feeling terrible. The way Amelia looked said she felt terrible, too. But Reece would be devastated if they
didn’t get Bearby and there was no way to mail him because the clerk was leaving.

“Ben, if you need to go back—”

“It’s fine.” He didn’t mean to cut her off. But, the sound of Hutton’s cries scraped against him. He had to make Hutton more of a priority. Had to.

It haunted Amelia to wonder who was on the phone.

Did Ben have an older child?

Had it not been for Ben helping her, the person wouldn’t be upset.

She felt terrible for accepting his help. Her problems were corroding everything around her, just like her parents said. Anxiety accosted. Regret ravaged.

Ben was the last person she wanted to poison with her difficulties. “I’m sorry, Ben.”

“No reason to be,” he said. But his words went without heart, and his thoughts soared somewhere else entirely.

Yes, she had every reason to be sorry. Story of her life.

The way to remedy this was to put herself in a position where Ben didn’t feel obligated to help.

A
fter retrieving Bearby, they finally arrived in Refuge. Ben set a hand on Amelia’s shoulder, rousing her from sleep. “Hey, we’re home.”

Home.
Now, why had he said that?

Thankfully she’d still been groggy enough that he didn’t think she noticed. Amelia sat up, ran a hand through sleep-mussed hair and blinked awake.

“Wait here with Reece. I’ll get your key. Miss Evie put it in my unit when she knew to expect you.”

Ben hurried for the key. After settling Reece in her bed for Amelia, Ben said a quick good-night and left. Hated to run off, but he needed to get to Hutton. He eyed his watch. Just past midnight.

He phoned Joel that he was on his way. Thankfully traffic was sparse this time of night.

Blocks from Joel’s, eerie blue lights swooned his interior. Foot yanked off the gas, he eyed the speedometer. “Great.”

“Officer Stallings,” Ben said moments later, when the lawman sauntered to the window.

“Airman Dillinger. I certainly hope you’re rushing to a national emergency at those speeds.”

Ben felt himself blush as he dug out his wallet. “Unfortunately, sir, no national emergency. Unless you get Hutton’s side of the story.”

“You headed to Joel’s to pick him up?”

Ben eyed Stallings. “Yeah. How’d you know?” No secrets in a small town.

“I was called by neighbors earlier for a—disturbance.”

Foreboding knocked Ben’s stomach in a loop. “Didn’t happen to involve my brother, did it?”

“Put your license away. Professional courtesy. I’m not ticketing you. But you need to slow it down for me, okay?”

“Thanks, sir. I will. Appreciate the grace.” Ben didn’t miss that Stallings completely ignored his question. “Mind giving me a rundown of what happened with Hutton?”

“Old fellow who lives left of Montgomery’s told the 911 operator he heard a zoo animal loose in the neighborhood.”

“Hutton ran through the street wailing again?”

“Apparently. You’re a good brother for wanting to take care of him, Ben. I imagine it can’t be easy. See you later.”

“Gee, I hope not. No offense.”

Stallings’ laughter trailed to his cruiser.

Ben headed to Joel’s.

Once there, Ben’s heart cringed at Hutton’s profile in the window. Sad eyes hugged the desolate street. Fretting teeth chewed an enlarged tongue. When Ben approached, the door opened.

Amber stepped aside. “Hey, Ben.”

“You look tired. Go on to bed. I’ll talk to Hutton.”

Amber cast a sleepy smile and sympathetic looks their way before retreating to her room. Joel rose from the couch near the window where Hutton paced.

Ben approached cautiously. “Hey, buddy. Ready to go home now?”

Hutton turned, murmuring and blinking and avoiding eye
contact. He shuffled over and shook Joel’s hand. “Tanks for putting up with me. I know I was bad.”

“No, Hutton. You weren’t bad. You’re just getting used to things changing is all.” Joel turned him to face Ben.

“I ready to go now, Benny. Home to Mom’s.”

Ben’s heart sank. He’d meant the B and B when he’d said “home” but apparently Hutton lodged in his mind “home to Chicago.”

Once in the car and nearly to the B and B, Ben cleared his throat. “I’m really sorry I upset you. I was kinda hoping you’d stay the night with me. We could hang out tomorrow.”

Hutton’s head swiveled back and forth and he chewed his tongue. “No Benny. You promise I go home. To Mom’s. I know you have friends more important than me but that’s okay. I know I’m not like everybody else. Why you don’t like to be around me is I’m different. I understand. Lotsa people feel that way.”

But I’m not lotsa people. I’m your brother.

But Ben had treated him like he was different growing up; he had wished his brother was normal and had told him so. That his imbecile words had assisted in shaping Hutton’s poor view of himself cut Ben to the core.

For the first time since early childhood, and his first rescue effort turned recovery, Ben actually felt like crying. The sting of tears grew swift. Emotion and remorse burned his throat like sulfuric acid. Pressure mounted behind his eyes.

He swallowed three times before words would come. “Buddy, I’m—I’m different now. I know I treated you badly growing up. But, Hutton, I love you and I’ll try to do better at showing it. I wish I knew how to convince you that I
do
care about you.”

“You could take me to Mom. That’s what would make me know a little,” Hutton said nearly too low for Ben to hear. Hutton’s words deflated by the end of the sentence to the point
Ben knew Hutton didn’t really believe Ben would drive him to Chicago tonight. Ben was dead-dog-tired and Chicago was six hours north. But if that’s what it took to earn Hutton’s trust, he’d do it. Hutton was worth losing sleep over.

“Though I’m disappointed not to get to spend more time with you tomorrow, I understand and am happy to take you to Mom’s tonight if that’s what you want. I’ll need to stop by my apartment real quick to get your things first, though, okay?”

“Okay. Okay. Tanks, Benny. I sorry to be a nuisance.”

Again, emotion ambushed Ben. “You’re not a nuisance. You’re my brother and I’d do anything in the world for you, buddy.”

Please believe that.

Hutton wouldn’t understand Ben’s need to get a good night’s sleep before making the six-hour drive there and another six hours back. Not like Ben could sleep over at his mom’s and drive home tomorrow, either, because he had a mandatory training and meeting at noon he couldn’t miss. In fact, even if he drove straight to Chicago and back, he’d be pushing to make it on time.

He phoned his mom and explained the situation.

“Ben, there’s no sense in you driving twelve straight hours. Your dad and I will meet you and Hutton in Decatur, Illinois. That’s three hours for both of us one way.”

“Thanks, Ma. I appreciate it.”

Ben had hoped Hutton would change his mind and stay. Not for convenience’s sake, but for time-spent sake. But when he hung up and found Hutton waiting by the door with gloves donned and a winter coat zipped up to his nose in the middle of summer, he knew it was a no-go. Hutton was ready for Chicago.

Regardless if it was seventy degrees there, it was subzero in this apartment. Hutton had grown stone-cold quiet, setting a chill of ice over the room that Ben felt powerless to chip through and incapable of warming.

In helping one person, he’d hurt another.

God, I don’t know how but I know you can. Please redeem this situation.

Liquid bliss slid down Amelia’s throat as she swallowed her last sip of warm amaretto tea. She set the dainty teacup she’d found in the cabinet in the sink. Then she rinsed it out and turned it upside down on a towel.

Where had Ben gone in such a hurry? Was something wrong? Someone taken ill in his family? She couldn’t help but worry. And why hadn’t he shared the struggle so evident on his face?

“I wish Ben felt like he could talk to me,” she said to Bearby, on the chair by their sketch pads, then groaned. “I’ve really lost it. I’ve resorted to talking to inanimate objects.”

She checked on Reece. Sound asleep. She tucked Bearby beside her, resisted the absurd urge to tell him good-night, then returned to the living room. She dead-bolted the door. An outside lamppost cast antique yellow light through her front room window. Two streams of brighter light roved across the gravel and beamed at the wraparound porch rail.

Leaned in, Amelia peered through the gauzy sage curtain. That looked like Ben’s sporty red sedan returning. She wasn’t sure why she was so curious about Ben and his goings-on.

She pulled the drawstring on the blind to let it down. Footsteps sounded up the steps and along the boardwalk in front of her unit, which sat close to the top of the steps. The footsteps veered left. Probably Ben, going to his apartment. But his car was still running. She twirled the blind twist, causing the slats to open enough to allow a peek.

She really ought not stare at his agile, fluid stride as he jogged. She closed the blind slats, slower this time. Again, she caught sight of someone else in the car. Certainly not a child. Because of the dim light and the fact that the wraparound
porch roofing covered the car—and the person in it—in shadows, Amelia couldn’t make out anything except the shape of an oblique adult head and a set of broad, stoopy shoulders.

She lowered the blinds for real, completely covering the window. She shouldn’t be nosy and wondering.

Amelia put her hand to her stomach. She’d nibbled an apple with her tea earlier. She felt hungry but her stomach was bungee-jumping over the job situation and Nissa’s crazy behavior. It’d be all she could do to keep that apple down. No way could she muster the guts to eat one of those rich-looking rolls Miss Evie had left on the counter of the furnished unit, along with a Welcome note. She’d save them for tomorrow. Maybe even invite Ben.

Speaking of whom…Amelia migrated to the window as the car pulled out. No, she shouldn’t stoop to wonder, but she couldn’t cork the questions spewing through her mind.

Who was in the car with Ben? Where were they going at two in the morning? And why?

Amelia shook off the questions and her shoes and headed for her only pair of pajamas.

Emotion swept over her when she pulled them out. Dad bought them for her the Christmas before she’d gotten pregnant with Reece. How she missed better days with her dad.

If things were ever going to be as they were, she could never be with Ben.

She shouldn’t be concerning herself with aspects of Ben Dillinger’s life whatsoever. After all, hadn’t her near brush with death and the near loss of her child at the hands of her enraged ex-boyfriend taught her to be more cautious?

She exerted mental effort to otherwise occupy her mind. Her thoughts cavorted to what Ben said earlier. When he suggested that the loss of her job could be God protecting her, what could he have possibly meant by that? Like Glorietta, was Ben’s faith the reason behind his reaching out?

Maybe he didn’t have a secret motive. But why would God want to protect her? Wouldn’t He still be mad at her for messing up her life in high school like her parents and old Sunday school teacher said?

Maybe she’d been listening to the wrong voices all along.

Upon arriving in Decatur, concern hit Ben, seeing his mom alone in the car. He woke Hutton. “Hey, buddy. We’re at the truck stop. Mom’s here to take you the rest of the way home, okay?”

Hutton rubbed his eyes and blinked through the wind-shield. When he caught sight of his mother, he disentangled from the seatbelt and scampered from the car in a lopsided gait to her.

Ben held a small amount of hope that Hutton’s outburst and panic attack at Joel’s was set off mostly by missing Mom. How would Hutton ever cope once he moved in with Ben for that year? He just needed to have Hutton come more often.

“Where’s Dad?” Ben asked his mom.

“He wasn’t feeling well.”

Ben didn’t like the hesitation in her voice.

She helped Hutton buckle. “Hold on,” she said to Ben, flicking glances at Hutton. Ben knew she couldn’t say more with him in earshot.

His mother hugged him. “We’ll talk tomorrow. Call me.”

He figured she’d fill him in then. Ben went around the car. He leaned in, hugging as best he could with Hutton being buckled.

Hutton tensed but patted Ben’s shoulders. “Tanks, Benny for bring me to Mom.”

“You’re welcome.” He knelt. “Hey, you think you might want to come back next weekend?”

“No, Benny, I don’t want to come back.” He stared forward.

Standing, Ben breathed hard against the pressure of disappointment and regret that he’d let his brother down again.

Then Hutton blinked up at Ben. “But, if you want me to, I can come next weekend after that. I have a birthday party to go to this weekend.” A smile twinkled in Hutton’s eyes.

“I’d love you to come next weekend. Unless my team gets sent to a rescue somewhere, I’ll see you in two weeks, okay?”

Hutton nodded and chewed his tongue the way he often did when nervous or unsure in a social setting. Ben figured Hutton was scared to believe him. After all, Ben hadn’t often given Hutton a reason to trust his word.

That was about to change.

God have mercy on anything that tried to prohibit it.