Ready for Love (11 page)

“I’m fine the way we are, Terrill. We don’t have to share this with anyone but us. We don’t have to worry about what anyone says or thinks. I just think we should keep things as they are for as long as we can. For as long as it lasts.”

“See, that’s where we have always been different, babe. You have always had an expiration date on our relationship and I have always seen us as no limit.”

He ran his hand across his face in frustration.

She folded her arms across her chest. She had two options at this point. She could come clean once and for all about everything in her past that made her reluctant to be linked to any powerful man publicly, especially one she loved to distraction…or she could try and get him to give her a little more time, knowing she would probably never go public.

She looked at him with her whole heart and she felt his breaking.

She loved him and she was hurting him.

“I will never be what you need, Terrill, not everything you need. I won’t bring our relationship out in the open now. I can’t say I will ever do that. But I do love you. I love you. Can that be enough?”

He chuckled and for the first time it didn’t sound sexy. It sounded hollow and hard. He shook his head and she thought she saw a tear fall down his cheek.

“Terrill, please—”

“No, Maritza. No. You know what? I can’t do this anymore. If you don’t want to be my woman in every way that counts, I’m talking out in the open, down the aisle, mother of my children…if you really don’t see any of that in our future, then we really don’t have a future. And if we don’t have a future then I don’t think we should waste any more time doing this…whatever it is we’re doing.”

He turned to her, his face hard as granite. “It’s your call.”

“I can’t, Terrill, please…”

He just ignored her and walked over to the plane’s intercom. The next thing she knew he was telling the captain to turn the plane around and take them back. They weren’t even going to get that last trip together and build that last memory and it was all her fault.

M
aritza poured herself into her work and tried to find a way to combat the overwhelming sadness that had become a part of her everyday existence. On the outside she was still the successful, no-nonsense businesswoman who didn’t take any crap from anyone—with an icy shell on the outside for protection.

But on the inside she was all pink and girly and so hurt she didn’t think she would ever heal. And she couldn’t even blame Terrill. She couldn’t blame anyone but herself.

And the worst part of it all was that she had to watch him walk around just as wounded and broken as she was. Knowing she had caused a man that only wanted to love her that much pain broke her heart more, and she didn’t think she had any more heart left to break.

She sighed. No use continuing to wallow in it. She had made the decision and she had to live with it.

She looked at her clock and realized that her next appointment, Lace Monroe, was at least fifteen minutes late.

She and Penny had worked their magic and the former video girl had almost turned her scandalous image around. She had even been cast in a television sitcom and was thinking of signing a record deal. Maritza hadn’t even known the woman could sing.

Maritza’s new assistant, Daphne, stuck her head in after tapping on the door. Maritza looked up and noted that the young African-American woman was dressed appropriately today. The previous day Maritza had had to send her home because she must have thought she was going to the club instead of to work in an office. The off-white pantsuit Daphne had on today looked much better than the pink bubble skirt and purple bustier that she’d had on yesterday.

Maritza prayed this assistant could hold up to her standards and also not break down crying at the slightest critique or criticism. If she kept going through assistants at the rate she was going, there wouldn’t be anyone else left in L.A. to work for her.

“Lace Monroe is here to see you.”

“Send her in.”

Maritza checked out the stylish and classy pantsuit Lace had on when she walked in. She’d known when she picked out the suit, along with other outfits, that it would elevate Lace to another level. But seeing the proof was worth it.

“Sorry I’m late. I have just been ripping and running all day. With all of these opportunities coming my way, I’ve had to hire another agent and I’m looking for another assistant. And I really couldn’t have done it without you. That’s why this is such a sad day and I feel so bad that I have to let Keys and Morales go. You guys have been so good for me and so good for my career.” Lace’s face showed the perfect mix of torn and tormented.

If nothing else she will be a great actress and I can say I knew her when,
Maritza thought and bit back her laughter.

“That’s too bad, Lace. I feel like we have really been able to make some wonderful strides together.”
Like any of your newfound out of the bedroom success would have happened without us…
“Do you mind if I ask why you feel you need to sever ties with New Images by Keys and Morales now?”

“Well, it’s not that I want to. I mean, I know that I wouldn’t have been able to make the changes that have gained me this newfound respectability and find the love of my life without Keys and Morales, well, especially without you, Maritza, let’s keep it real.”

The love of her life?

A man, of course!

Maritza felt like she should have known that. It would always come down to a man for Lace.

“Anyway, Terrill and I talked about it and he felt that it would be too much of a conflict of interest once we were married with him being part owner of New Images by Keys and Morales and given his former relationship with you and all.” A practiced, apologetic look crossed Lace’s face. “Not that you would ever do anything out of jealousy or anything to sabotage my career because of my marriage to Terrill or anything like that. But it would just be pretty awkward for everyone involved, don’t you think?”

Maritza knew she was sitting in her chair and trying not to jump up and start slinging little Lace Monroe all over her office. But for some reason it felt like she was having some kind of out-of-body experience. As far as she could tell it had started the first time Terrill’s name came out of Lace’s mouth.

Terrill was marrying Lace? And he hadn’t even had the decency to tell her or warn her about it?

A part of her was screaming
no, it couldn’t be
. And the other part of her was dying. The inside of her chest felt like a bubbling mass of pain. So much so that she didn’t even open her mouth for fear of what might come out.

How could Terrill do this to her? He wouldn’t do something like that, would he?

But then she thought about how much he liked to make sure there weren’t any conflicts of interest. And even though he had kept their affair secret for years, he
would
tell the woman he was going to marry. He wouldn’t keep that a secret, especially if the wife was a client.

She needed air.

“Congratulations,” a voice croaked. Was that her voice? “I wish you and Terrill nothing but the best. Now, if you will excuse me. You were late today and I have other appointments and things to do.”

Maritza watched as her body lifted itself up from the chair behind her desk and walked toward the door.

It must have seemed abrupt, or maybe it was a shock for Lace to be dismissed like that. But Maritza didn’t care. She needed Lace gone. She needed everyone gone. She knew that like she knew her own name.

Lace got up and followed her to the door. “I hope that we can be friends.”

Maritza didn’t answer her, at least not in any way that was intelligible to her own ears. She just walked her out and stopped by Daphne’s desk on the way back.

“Daphne, please cancel all of my appointments and then go home for the day. I don’t want to be disturbed. So just lock up the front when you leave. Thanks.”

Maritza knew she was walking back to her office but she couldn’t feel her legs moving or her feet touching the ground. She couldn’t feel anything. She couldn’t even feel when she hit the ground once the door closed. And she damn sure couldn’t feel those body racking sobs that shook her until it felt like she was going to throw up, until she made herself so sick from crying that she did throw up.

She only started feeling once the last tear fell and once the last bit of vomit had turned thin and watery. Then she felt it, the enormous, cavernous emptiness that threatened to swallow her like a black hole. She sat on the floor of her office next to a garbage can full of her own puke, feeling empty and numb.

Somehow she made it through the next week without too many crying fits, but every once in a while she would break down and have to cancel everything. But she was getting better. As long as she didn’t have to see or hear from Terrill or Lace, she would be fine. At least that’s what she kept telling herself.

The only problem was she would be seeing Terrill in a few days and it would be on Valentine’s Day. She wondered if he would be bringing Lace. Then she wondered if she should cancel the trip to Jersey.

Penny and Jason would kill her and there was no way she was going to miss her godchild’s christening. She closed her eyes. And before she knew it tears were coming down again.

Shit!

Her heartbreak just seemed to be never-ending with Terrill. It had been over a year since he’d essentially dumped her. So why did she even care if he was getting married?

She swallowed back her tears as much as she could. It was a good thing she had decided to give Daphne the week off. She knew she’d be breaking into crying fits and she couldn’t have Daphne catching her in the middle of one. Plus, Daphne wasn’t working out all that great, anyway. It was time for a new assistant. She didn’t think she had any more appointments for the day, so she decided to go home after she finished sobbing.

“What is going on with you? I have been calling you all week and finally decided to just stop by and check on you. And I find you here crying like someone stole your puppy. What’s the deal?” Andrew’s voice was half joking and half serious.

Maritza looked up from her new crying spot, sitting at the desk with head down in her arms, to see Andrew “Speed-Lo” MacGregor standing there.

Just what she needed, an important client seeing her cry.

She wiped her face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize we had an appointment today. In fact, I thought we were pretty much done with you. Your image is squeaky…well, almost squeaky-clean and has been for at least a year now.”

“Well, some tapes from my teenage years just got leaked where I am saying some pretty messed up things about women of color. I had just had a really bad breakup with my Latina girlfriend and I went into the booth—”

“Oh, no. Please tell me your propensity to seek creative revenge via your songs is a skill you developed late in life?” Maritza half joked. “Or at least tell me these tapes don’t have songs on them about you raping and killing Latinas and putting them in your trunk?” She reached in her desk drawer for something to cure the headache she felt coming on.

She popped two Advil and chugged back some water.

“No, not violent, necessarily. But let’s just say I didn’t say very nice things about my Latina ex or the Black girl she caught me cheating with, since they both dumped me. And now that my ex-deejay has leaked the tapes, everyone is trying to say Speed-Lo is a racist. And you know I’m not racist. Hell, my whole crew is full of brothers and even though Leila broke my heart I still love me some Latinas. You know I’ve been trying to date you since I hired you.”

“Well, surely even you know there are things you just can’t say as a white rapper, Andrew. Good grief! Racial slurs?” She shook her head.

“Yes, I learned pretty early on what a white guy could and couldn’t say when it came to race. But let’s just say I hadn’t learned that particular lesson yet when I made this tape. I need your help, Maritza.”

“What can I possibly do to help in this situation, Andrew?”

“Marry me?” His tone was serious and then he pulled out a monster of a ring.

T
errill didn’t know why he’d agreed to attend this stupid Valentine’s dinner with all these happy Hightower couples and Maritza. He must have been a glutton for punishment. But there he was at the supper club, sitting all the way across the table from Maritza and torn between begging her to come back to him and standing up and telling everyone in the small private room what they had been to each other the past few years.

He watched as Patrick’s new girlfriend carried on a conversation with Maritza. Patrick’s girlfriend! Even sour on love and hard on the ladies Patrick had been able to get a beautiful woman to fall in love with him and openly admit it in front of his friends and family.

There was something really wrong with the world when a curmudgeon like Patrick was able to find love and a nice guy like him couldn’t even get the woman he loved to be seen in public with him unless they were in a foreign country where no one knew them. At least that’s what Terrill was inclined to believe.

He decided just to try and ignore everyone, because if he thought about things too hard for too long he was bound to combust.

At least the food in the supper club was superb. It was nuevo soul and the chef had made all kinds of cool twists on traditional soul food favorites. They took a diasporic approach to the food and sampled flavors from all across the Caribbean and the African continent.

The Hightowers had the private dining room and the appetizers, entrées and desserts had already been pre-selected. Everything was amazing, from the food to the company.

The décor was really nice, too. The rich earth tones of brown, green, rust, tan and orange were highlighted with little pops and splashes of jewel tones from purple to emerald to ruby and topaz. A live jazz band played in the main dining room and the music was piped in and softly playing in the background of their room.

Maritza couldn’t help glaring at Terrill across the table. She had to glare to keep from crying. And there was no way she was going to cry for him in front of everyone.

Lace Monroe? He was with Lace Monroe and was going to marry her?

What the hell?

She was too busy stewing in her own anger to even notice Patrick’s little girlfriend trying to talk to her.

And what was with these damn Hightowers anyway? Couldn’t at least one of them stay single? She’d thought Patrick might be more like her and at least knew that love was for suckers. But he apparently had fallen in love, too.

“Oh, girl, I’m sorry, you feel so much like a part of the family already, I didn’t realize you hadn’t met my best friend Maritza Morales yet. She and my other best friend, Terrill are visiting from California because little Jason Jr. has his christening tomorrow and they are the godparents.” Penny smiled at Aisha. “So they were nice enough to give up their Valentine’s Day plans and hang out with us the entire weekend. They’re taking a muchneeded break from each other right now though, before someone gets hurt.”

Yes, and you had better never question my friendship ever, sister! You just don’t know the length of what I am going through just to be here for you!

Maritza wished she could just get up, point to Terrill and tell everyone in the room that he was a liar and a snake. But if she did that they would want to know why she was calling him out. So she stuck with glaring. Glaring worked just fine.

“Lovers’ quarrel?” Aisha asked.

Maritza narrowed her eyes and counted to ten. It was better if she ignored the little twit. If she snapped at her, then she would be the bad guy because the woman had goody-two-shoes exuding off of her like a sickeningly sweet perfume.

“Ooh…don’t let her hear you say that. She will probably go off. They
technically
can’t stand one another.” Penny made quotation marks with her hand.

Maritza gritted her teeth. Cussing out your best friend and business partner the day before you were going to become godmother to her second child probably wasn’t a good thing.

“Oh…” Aisha nodded, but she looked confused.

What part of “he ain’t my man” don’t you understand? Ask another question about Terrill and me, and let me hear it. Oh, please do it, chica.

Aisha turned her oh-so-cute and oh-so-sweet, confused face to Patrick and he smiled at her.

Maritza thought she was going to throw up. She officially hated Valentine’s Day and she was starting to hate these always-falling-in-love Hightowers. Suckers for love, all of them! Not one of her brothers would ever let the love bug bite them. She was the only Morales, besides her parents, who seemed to be slow at learning love was for fools.

What’s love got to do, got to do with it? Not a damn thing.
She glared at Terrill again.
We had a good thing going and you had to mess it up. I wish I could hate you!

Patrick leaned over and whispered in Aisha’s ear.

Maritza could have sworn she heard him say it was complicated between her and Terrill and he would explain things later.

Oh. No. He. Didn’t.

Let a man fall in love and he thinks he’s turned into Dr. Phil or something. Who he think he going to diagnose up in here?

Aisha had the nerve to nod and smile.

Yep, she’s a twit.
Oh well, Maritza supposed she couldn’t like all of the Hightower women. She was actually surprised she liked Samantha and Minerva. She didn’t usually get along with women. Penny had been the first and only exception for years.

The private room in the restaurant made it seem as if they were at their own little Valentine’s party. The Hightower couples were using the small dance floor in the other room and dancing to the live jazz band.

The evening sucked.

“So I have an announcement, everyone.” Maritza hadn’t even realized her mouth had opened until she heard her voice. She glared directly at Terrill as she tapped on her glass with her fork.

All of the talking stopped and everyone looked at Maritza.

“As many of you know, I have been seeing Andrew ‘Speed-Lo’ MacGregor. And…well…he asked me to marry him yesterday and I’ve decided that I’m going to tell him yes.” Maritza smiled her ice grin, all the while wishing she could pull her words back from the universe.

But some small, evil part of her wanted to share the hurt she was feeling with someone and Terrill was the person who had hurt her, so he got to feel the pain.

“The white rapper, Speed-Lo?” Joel asked. Then he said “ouch” when Samantha elbowed him.

“You…ahh…you didn’t say yes right when he asked you?” Jason kept glancing back and forth between Maritza and Terrill.

Aisha leaned forward and glanced from one end of the table to the other.

“No. He gave me the weekend to think it over. He knew I was coming to the christening and I wouldn’t be in California on Valentine’s Day, so—”

“So, seems like if you really wanted to marry him you would have said yes as soon as he asked. What’s with this you need to think about it? Either you love the man and want to marry him or you don’t.” Lawrence shook his head as he spoke.

And little miss goody-two-shoes Aisha had the nerve to look like she felt sorry for Maritza.

Keep your pity, sister!

“Getting married is a big decision. Of course she wanted time to think it over before saying yes—” Aisha started and stopped when she got a poke from Patrick. “What?”

Patrick just shook his head.

“Isn’t Speed-Lo known for being kind of crazy? I mean,
really
crazy. Half of the lyrics on his first album had all this off-the-wall stuff about him wanting to kill his mother and his ex-wife. And you’re saying you’re gonna marry this guy?” Jason stared at Terrill as he spoke to Maritza.

That only made her angrier. “You ever heard of creativity, Jason? God. It’s an act. He’s not really crazy. He’s really sweet.” Maritza rolled her eyes. “You guys are worse than my brothers. I can just imagine what they’re gonna say when I tell them.”

“Well, I think it’s wonderful. Love is a wonderful thing,” Samantha said cheerfully.

“But does she love him?” Patrick asked and Aisha poked him.

Maritza couldn’t help but smile at that. Aisha seemed to have some spunk and Maritza had to admire that. Anyone that could poke a dragon like Patrick Hightower was all right with her.

“Yeah. I can’t wait. I know there will be all kinds of superstars at the wedding. I hope we’re all invited.” Minerva was fully showing now and she rubbed her medium-sized baby bump as she spoke.

Penny, like Jason, just looked from Maritza to Terrill and seemed like she wanted to say something, but said nothing instead.

Terrill got up and walked out of the room without saying a word and every eye in the room, including Maritza’s, followed him out.

It didn’t look like Terrill was ever going to come back from wherever he went. And Maritza was starting to think he might have left for good. She didn’t know what made her blurt out that she was marrying Andrew. In fact, even though she’d told him she would think about his offer, she had pretty much decided she was going to tell him no.

Now because of Terrill and all these lost-in-love Hightowers she was going to have to marry a man she didn’t love. Maybe it was for the best. Love couldn’t hurt you if you didn’t feel any…

She got up and went to the restroom since all of the Hightower couples seemed to be dancing or off smooching somewhere and Terrill must have taken off.

Good riddance!

As soon as she made it to the restroom door, an arm reached out and snatched her back.

“Were you seeing him the entire time we were together?” Terrill snapped.

She pulled her arm away. “We haven’t been together for close to a year, Terrill. Which is all your doing! And shut up before someone hears you.”

“How could you do this to me? How could you be so callous? So cold? I wanted to marry you. And now you’re just slapping me in the face with the truth, huh? I wasn’t good enough?”

“My marrying Andrew has absolutely nothing to do with you at all. Why can’t you just get that through your head? The world, certainly my world, does not revolve around you!”

You are such a liar! He is your world. You have been miserable without him. Stop this madness and tell him!

“You are not going to marry him and you know it, Maritza,” Terrill snapped.

“I am so going to marry him, Terrill. And it’s none of your business anyway.” Maritza hissed.

“You’re not going to marry him because you love me, Maritza. And I’m done playing with you, girl. You’re not marrying him.”

“I—” Maritza started.

Before she could finish he silenced her with a soul-penetrating kiss. If there had been any doubt before that this man and this man alone owned the key to her mind, body and soul, there wasn’t any now.

She was appalled by how easily she melted into his embrace and opened to his kisses and caresses. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close, like she never wanted to let him go.

And his mouth, his tongue, his lips…to have them on hers again felt like a soothing release she hadn’t even realized she needed. Before she could really enjoy the homecoming the bathroom door swung open and they were busted. They broke free from the embrace only to see little miss goody-two-shoes standing there.

Maritza wanted to growl but settled for glaring at Aisha instead. She wondered how much the other woman had heard.

“Oh, sorry…excuse me…” Aisha stumbled over her words.

“You aren’t marrying him, Maritza.” Terrill gave one more pointed stare and then left the two of them standing there.

Aisha tried to make a run for it as well, but Maritza grabbed her arm.

“Please don’t say anything to the others about what you saw. No matter what they all think, I am marrying Speed-Lo. So you can see why I wouldn’t want this to get out.”

Aisha just nodded and darted off.

Maritza went to the restroom and tried to compose herself, but something told her things were only going to get worse.

You don’t love him! You love me!

Maritza let the slowly warming water splash over her body in waves as she threw her head back and squeezed her legs trying like hell to quell the increasing heat that refused to leave her body ever since Terrill had screamed those words at her and kissed her senseless.

She placed her hand over her mouth and stilled the half giggles, half sobs that threatened to escape and awaken the man sleeping in her hotel bed, sleeping like a man who had just finished giving her body more thrills than a trip to Great Adventure at the height of the summer.

What have we done?

What have I done?

She couldn’t go down this road again. It had hurt too much to let him go the first time. And yet somehow when Terrill ended up at the door of her hotel room looking just as wounded as she felt, she had let him in.

One minute she was announcing her possible engagement to the white rapper…and the next minute Terrill was uttering those words that should have never been uttered after a year of them being apart, words that there was no going back from, words that she had been running from since the first time she set eyes on him…

And to make matters worse he’d kissed her, so hard, so deep and so thoroughly that she couldn’t think. And if that wasn’t enough he had made love to her until her mind, body and soul took their rightful place in the universe and became his, until her body became a quivering mass of jelly and she couldn’t run from him anymore.

“Now this won’t do at all…”

She turned around at the sound of Terrill’s deep, masculine voice just in time to see his long honey-complexioned frame stepping into the shower with her. For a second she drank in his toned and sturdy swimmer’s build, with legs so hard and sculpted he would make the perfect nude model. Her gaze traveled up his thigh and she imagined herself with a pointer, showing anyone who would listen, “This is what the perfect
abductor longus
muscle looks like.” She moved to his chest and almost became lost in
pectorals.