Ready for Love (12 page)

“Looks like you two had a good time with Barbie,” she said.

“Mommy, Lgie is a really good Barbie player.”

“Her name is LJ, and did she tell you to call her that?”

“I did,” LJ said.

“Okay, but you have to say LJ, not Lgie.”

“It’s okay, Kylie. I’ve never had a nickname before.”

Kylie gave LJ a skeptical look. “Are you sure?” Her eyes lingered on LJ a moment too long, and she quickly looked away.

“Yes.”

“Mommy, can Lgie come back and play with me again?”

“We’ll see, Pumpkin.” Kylie bent down and gave her daughter a hug and a kiss. “Now, why don’t you get ready for bed, then I will tuck you in.”

“But Mommy….”

“No buts, Ryan, you know the rules. Now go and get ready for bed.”

“Okay.” Ryan pulled a pathetic face and started back up the stairs but stopped, turned around, and looked at LJ with a pitiful expression. “Will you tuck me in too, Lgie?”

“Sure I will.”

“You don’t have to do that.” Kylie gave LJ and apologetic look. “She gets carried away at times, especially when she really likes someone.”

“I have no experience where kids are concerned, but I find your daughter very entertaining.” LJ smiled. “Can’t say I’ve ever tucked someone in, so I’m not sure what that entails, but I’ll give it a try.”

“Just follow my lead.”

†

After Kylie and LJ tucked Ryan in, a calm quiet filled the house.

“I made a pot of coffee. Would you like a cup?”

LJ rubbed her hand over her face. “Yeah, that would be nice.” She was exhausted but didn’t want the night to end, and the coffee would keep her engine running.

Kylie’s face seemed to glow with happiness. “Great. Why don’t you go in the living room and I’ll be right in?”

LJ lowered her weary body onto the soft leather couch and sighed. The evening with Kylie and her daughter had proven to be more enjoyable than she’d ever expected.
I should have accepted an offer for dinner sooner. Don’t know what I was afraid of.
But when Kylie entered the room, she knew instantly what had scared her. She started to rise. “Let me help you.”

“No need. I have it.” Kylie placed the tray with the mugs on the coffee table. “I brought some cookies too. Ryan and I made them.”

LJ uncharacteristically patted the seat next to her. “Come on and sit down. The meal and the night were wonderful. Thank you for asking me.” She smiled and let out a contented sigh. “It was exactly what I needed.”

“You know you’re welcome to come for dinner anytime you want.”

“I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“You wouldn’t…ever.” Kylie picked up the plate of cookies. “Would you like one?”

“
Mmm
-hmm, they look delicious.” LJ couldn’t believe how easy it was to carry on a non-work conversation with Kylie. Just sitting so close made her heart beat double time and her body smolder. There was absolutely no doubt in her mind that she wanted more from Kylie than just a meal.

“If you like them I’ll send you home with some.” Kylie laughed. “I don’t know what I was thinking when we made them. There’s only the two of us, and I made enough for an army.”

LJ bit into the rich, buttery cookie, and it melted in her mouth. “These are delicious. I don’t think I’ve ever had a better one.”

Kylie smiled. “Then I will definitely give you some to take home.” She reached for her cup at the same time LJ reached for hers, and their hands touched. That was all it took as their eyes met, then their lips. Explosions of all kinds were going off inside of Kylie. There was no doubt that she wanted LJ in ways she’d never imagined herself wanting a woman. For months now, she had fantasized about this very moment, and now that it was coming true, she could feel her body collapsing at the power it created. As the kiss intensified, she lost herself in emotions and needs that were foreign but strangely familiar.

It was clear to Kylie that LJ too was also lost in their kisses. Being in her arms felt so wonderful, and she desperately needed to feel closer. She wanted this more than she’d ever wanted anything else. “Make love to me. Please,” she begged.

LJ began to move her hands over Kylie’s trembling body, and Kylie moaned with delight, deepening the kiss with her tongue.

LJ suddenly pulled away. “I can’t,” her muffled, intense voice said.

“Yes. Yes, you can. It’s what we both want.” Kylie moved in to capture LJ’s lips again. She wasn’t going to let LJ get away. Not this time.

LJ moved and then stood. “I can’t. I just can’t.”

“But you can with that singer and Dr. Dylan. What’s wrong with me? If it’s because I work for you, I’ll quit.” Kylie’s body was on fire, and she looked up at LJ in confusion. There was no way she’d misread the desire and need in the kisses they’d shared.

“You don’t understand, that singer meant nothing to me.”

“And Dr. Dylan, is she nothing too?”

LJ waved a hand. “She’s someone I use for casual sex, and that’s all.” She caressed Kylie’s face. “You deserve better than a convenient fuck.” She shook her head. “Don’t you see? That’s all I can offer you. I can’t give you more than that.”

LJ’s eyes were still dark with desire. “That isn’t good enough. Why, LJ? What’s wrong with me?”

“Kylie, there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re perfect. You are asking me to climb to the top of Kukulcan’s Temple and I am telling you I don’t have any feet, but you still want me to climb the three hundred and sixty-five steps. I just can’t. Don’t you get that?”

Kylie began to sob. “All that I get is that you don’t want me.”

LJ moved closer and sat back down next to Kylie before taking her hands and gazing at her. “Kylie, you are not a one-night stand. You’re forever, and I just can’t give you that right now. I might never be able to.” She pulled Kylie close and held her tight. “I need time,” she whispered.

Kylie sank into the strong arms and sobbed. She understood what LJ was saying but was unable to accept it as final. Tomorrow was another day, and she’d find a way. She yawned and closed her eyes. “Please don’t leave me.”

“I’ll stay until you’re settled. Close your eyes. I’ve got you.” LJ held Kylie for a long time while she drifted off to sleep, wondering what she was going to do. Her mind and body wanted Kylie—had always wanted her—but giving in to that meant committing totally to her. If she did that, she’d have to let go of the past. Could she do that? Holly was her lifeline. She was something familiar that was always there when LJ was down or needed comfort. The idea of abandoning Holly’s memory for the unknown terrified her. There was every possibility that she would be nothing more than a curiosity for the straight woman in her arms. LJ lifted an eyebrow, grinning despite the situation.
She certainly didn’t kiss me like she was only curious.

LJ carefully disengaged herself from the sleeping woman and laid her down on the sofa before placing a woolen blanket from the back of the couch over her. She took the coffee cups to the kitchen, where she rinsed them and put them in the dishwasher. Then she made sure that all the doors were secure. Next, she went upstairs to check on Ryan. The girl had kicked her covers off, and LJ gently pulled the blankets back over her. She then bent down and placed a soft kiss on Ryan’s cheek. “Sleep well, little one,” she whispered as she left the room.

Back downstairs, she stood beside the couch and watched Kylie sleeping. “I wish I could give you what you want.” She bent down and kissed her lightly on the lips, Kylie moaned softly, and her lips turned into what looked like a slight smile. For a moment longer, she stood gazing down on Kylie before sighing and starting for the door with a heavy heart. She engaged the lock and left the house.

In her truck, LJ hesitated before putting the key in the ignition. It would be so easy for her to stay and explore the possibilities Kylie was offering.
Why am I so afraid?
“Because I never felt this connected with Holly, and that scares me.” Astounded by that realization, LJ knew she couldn’t risk giving her heart away only to have it broken all over again.

LJ returned to the museum and made several calls to colleagues in Australia and New Zealand. They were as baffled as she was about the winged figure. She checked the names off her list and yawned. She’d return to her apartment and sleep for a few hours before coming back to try reach several prominent archaeologists in London.

After returning to her apartment, LJ looked around and noticed perhaps for the first time just how devoid of life it was. She stripped, crawled into bed, and fell asleep immediately, letting the physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion finally claim her.

Sometime in the middle of the night, Kylie woke with a start. “Why am I on the couch?” She gently touched her lips as she recalled how wonderful LJ’s kisses felt. After folding the blanket and going to her bedroom, she stripped and crawled into her large, lonely bed. The next thing she knew, her alarm was going off and it was time to face the day.

Chapter Eleven

Sleep eluded her. LJ may have managed a minute or two but nothing more. All her thoughts were of Kylie and the moments they’d shared kissing on her couch. She knew without a doubt that if she hadn’t had stopped, she would have taken Kylie to bed and made love with her. That would have been the biggest mistake of her life. There was no way she would let another love affair suck her in and break her heart. They were far too perilous, and there was no way she’d risk the heartache again.
No matter how good she makes me feel.

The clock by her bed said it was three in the morning, and she was exhausted, but she had to make those phone calls, so she couldn’t risk going back to sleep. She also needed to devise a plan that would let her teach Kylie without having contact of any sort with her. That meant no more sharing lunch or mornings in the workroom. The thought stabbed at her heart, but she didn’t trust herself to be around Kylie and not take her in her arms. Sadness engulfed her. She’d looked forward to working with Kylie every morning, and not having that would be almost too much to bear. However, she’d shoulder the disappointment because she knew not doing so would bring about her demise.

Just as the clock rounded its hands to point to the three and six, she was dressed and had a plan in place that would allow her to avoid Kylie while mentoring her. It was simple. She’d leave Kylie instructions and have her lunch delivered directly to her.

It was cruel and she knew that Kylie deserved better. However, LJ’s worn-out body and mind didn’t have the strength to fight her attraction if she was around Kylie for even the minutes it took to deliver lunch. By avoiding her, she wouldn’t have to see the hurt in her trusting, warm, gray eyes or the defeated slump of her shoulders. She was using Holly as a shield to keep Kylie at a distance, but her determination was waning. If she let that happen, it would be her undoing, and she resolved to be strong and avoid temptation at all costs. She had no doubt that she’d come to regret her actions, but she’d soldier on nonetheless.

“I’m a bitch,” she muttered as she made her way to her truck. When she turned the key to start the engine, she thought for a moment that she should surrender to her emotions. With a quick shake of her head, she put the gear in drive and her foot to the gas pedal and took off. No way would she let herself fall into a relationship with Kylie, particularly after meeting Ryan. The young girl needed stability, and she couldn’t give her that.

†

At some point over the last month and a half, Kylie’s fantasies about LJ had turned from brief encounters at work to a hot, lusty romance. A search online resulted in a bevy of lesbian romances and movies, and she eagerly download several. She was surprised at how turned on she was when she watched or read the love scenes in them. She had never thought of other women that way, but she wasn’t shocked or disgusted by her reaction. It seemed perfectly natural to her, and if she were honest with herself, she’d always found women attractive. She’d just never considered having sex with them and wondered why not.

While she drove to work, Kylie’s mind was a jumble of confusing thoughts regarding LJ and her job. How was she going to face her after she’d practically thrown herself at the woman the previous night? With trepidation she opened the door to the museum and went down the stairs and toward the workroom. She frowned at the closed door to the catacombs and LJ’s office. In the months she had worked there, she could never recall not having access to that area. She shrugged, figuring LJ was just as uncomfortable as she was and continued on to her locker, where she stored her belongings along with a tin of cookies she’d brought for LJ.

In the workroom, she saw several Post-its attached near different pieces she had been working on. That wasn’t unusual since LJ often left similar notes regarding the reconstruction of some of the objects. She began working her way through them.

K,

You will need to rework this piece. Note that the right side is not fitting correctly. I think you should remember what I said about trying to visualize the whole piece and realizing it may not all be there.

LJ

K,

Note that the glyph is prominent on this piece, so be careful with it for it might hold the clue to what it means.

LJ

K,

This is good work. Go to section 15A next.

LJ

Something was different in the tone of these notes, and she wasn’t sure what that was. Red flags were flying and slapping her in the face, insisting that she take notice. She had no doubt that LJ’s absence had everything to do with the night before. With a heavy heart and trembling lips, she put the notes back where she had found them and began working.

“I had my chance and I blew it.” She wouldn’t give in to the tears that stung her eyes and threatened to fall. LJ would come around, and Kylie would wait for as long as that took because she refused to give up. She snickered at the absurdity of the situation. For the first time in her life, she’d gone headlong into something without thinking and it was backfiring on her. How would LJ know she was serious?
I was married and have a child, for God’s sake.
That certainly doesn’t scream “I want to be have a relationship with you.”

As the morning passed, Kylie became so lost in her work that she didn’t notice the time until her stomach began to rumble. When she looked at the clock and saw it was past noon, the sudden realization that LJ wasn’t bringing her lunch devastated her in a way she’d never imagined anything could…except if something happened to someone in her immediate family. Still, she held her tears in check. Ted’s death hadn’t made her feel as distressed or heartbroken as she did at that moment. Then her heart rate picked up a beat as she heard footsteps coming into the room, but they sounded wrong.
Maybe she lost track of time.
When she looked up, a young girl came into sight holding a familiar bag that she knew contained her lunch.

“You Wilcox?” the girl gruffly asked.

“Yes, who are you?” Kylie, feeling her insides tremble, knew who the girl was.

“Got a delivery for you. It’s tuna on whole wheat and a kale-and-spinach side salad with balsamic vinaigrette.” She handed Kylie the bag and stood there waiting.

“I didn’t order that,” Kylie informed her.

“Sure you did.” The girl looked at the receipt. “And it’s been paid for.” A quizzical expression came across her face. “You are K. Wilcox, aren’t you?”

Kylie’s heart was crying as she realized what was happening. “Yes, I’m K. Wilcox,” she said dejectedly. She pulled a bill out of her pocket and handed it to the girl.

“Thank you, ma’am, but the tip was already paid for.”

“Keep it anyway.” Kylie took the bag and placed it on a nearby stool. “Thank you,” she whispered as the girl left the room.

Was this how it was going to be from now on? Would their only contact be through notes and a delivery girl? Kylie looked at the bag with a sinking heart. She was no longer hungry, and the sooner she got her work done, the faster she could leave.

“I ruined everything,” she sobbed. The tears that had threatened all morning finally brimmed in her eyes before rolling down her cheeks. “Damn, what am I going to do?” She sucked in a breath. “I’ll call Granny. She’ll know.”

†

LJ’s heart was hammering as she heard Kylie’s footsteps going down the hall at the end of the day. She had spent the alone hours checking the references for her academic paper about the Wari’ tribe but her mind kept drifting to Kylie. What she had to do was ignore the ache in her chest and distance herself from Kylie. To LJ that meant complete isolation if she was going to survive with her heart intact.

Survive to be alone
.
Are you sure that’s what you want?
It wasn’t what she wanted, but she had to do this to stay alive. She had the sudden realization that Kylie would be a reason to want to stay alive, but she ignored it.

LJ had lingered in the corridor after the delivery, knowing she was responsible for Kylie softly crying. The sound almost broke LJ’s resolve not to go to Kylie and give her an explanation. The vibration of her cell phone stopped her. When she saw the number of a French colleague on the screen, she was grateful. In the end, she knew this was best for them both, even though her heart was screaming a different message.

After waiting another half hour after Kylie left, LJ opened her door and found a cookie tin sitting on the floor outside. She picked it up before gently stroking the lid.

“She said she’d give me cookies. Must have brought them in this morning, and her reward was a shut door and a cold shoulder.” LJ shook her head. “What an ass I am.”

She strode down the corridor to the workroom. Her heart dropped when she noticed the unopened lunch bag resting on the stool. Kylie hadn’t eaten, and that knowledge stabbed at LJ’s heart. In the work area, she noted Kylie had finished everything she was working on and had started several new pieces. LJ shook her head and sighed. She sat and began piecing together what looked like a vase of some sort. Several hours later, she wrote a few notes for Kylie, then picked up the lunch bag. Her mind floated back to a time when she and Holly were first becoming friends and how they had pledged to be friends for life.

She suddenly realized that after Holly, she’d never had a friend again. No one. Zilch. Nada. The reality of that hit her between the eyes. Kylie had offered her friendship from day one, and she’d thrown it away. For what? Fear?

“What do you want the outcome to be when people or events puzzle you?” was a question Holly often asked her. If she were honest, she’d say she wanted Kylie in her life. However, there was a big stumbling block—she was afraid of losing someone again. “I just can’t take that chance.”

She looked around the workroom, visualizing Kylie there and sighed. “It can never be.”

†

LJ left the museum long after sunset and drove around aimlessly before finding herself on Kylie’s street and stopping in front of the house. She saw the warm glow of the lights coming from inside and imagined Kylie and Ryan laughing as they played with the Barbie doll. She recalled Ryan’s words from the night before—
sometimes Mommy gets lonely and cries.
She knew without a doubt that Kylie was crying now because of her.

“I am treating her like crap,” she whispered. Ashamed of her actions, she hung her head but knew she was unwilling to do things differently. “No matter who it hurts? Does it bother me if I hurt Kylie? Yes.” Then why was she doing it?

Once again, she looked at the house and knew in the deepest recesses of her soul that she longed to be there. All she’d ever wanted in her life—even as a child—was a place with someone inside who loved her. That desire had become a dream that she held deep inside, refusing to let it emerge. With a heavy ache in her heart, she put her truck in gear before slowly driving away.

She’d call Max and see if she was available. That way she could fantasize that she was with Kylie without risking the emotional involvement.

†

Kylie was sitting on the couch feeling as if she had lost all self-respect from the way she was carrying on over LJ. She couldn’t help herself though. Tears were cascading down her cheeks when she heard the sound of a truck. Her heart quickened as she thought maybe, just maybe, LJ was there. She got up, hurried to the door, and peeked out the side window. She saw the familiar truck parked on the street across from her home with what looked like the engine running. The light was poor, but she could make out the silhouette in the driver’s seat—unmistakably it was LJ.

Is she going to come to the door?
After ten minutes, the truck pulled away, and tears once again rolled down her cheeks in unstoppable rivulets.

“Mommy, why are you crying?” Ryan had come into the living room, where Kylie was now sitting on the couch.

Kylie looked up at her wonderful, loving daughter. “Mommy is just a little sad right now, sweetie.”

Ryan scrambled onto the couch and snuggled close to her mother before giving her a big hug and kiss while wrapping her small arms around her neck. “I love you, Mommy. Please don’t be sad.”

Kylie hugged Ryan close as the tears increased. “Thank you, Pumpkin, I needed that. What do you say we go to bed early tonight?”

“Want me to stay with you, Mommy?”

“Yes, I would like that very much. I love you, Ryan. Do you know that?”

“Yes.”

Kylie stood and held out her hand.

Ryan grasped it as they turned out the lights and went upstairs. “You’re the best mommy in the whole world.”

Kylie sucked back a sob. “And you are the best daughter ever. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Mommy, maybe you can have your new friend Lgie come here for a playdate and then you wouldn’t be sad anymore.”

Out of the mouth of babes.
Kylie ruffled Ryan’s hair just as they reached the top of the stairs. “Get your jammies on, go to the bathroom, and brush your teeth.”

“Okay, Mommy.” Ryan hurried to her room. “I’ll be right back.”