Read Me Like a Book (29 page)

Dad gets up.

“Aren’t you coming back inside, Dad?” I ask him.

“It might be best if we don’t, all things considered. I’ll ring you during the week,” he says as he stands up. “Happy birthday, love.”

I’m shuffling from foot to foot as Dad jangles his keys in his hand.
Hug me, Dad
. I stand in front of him awkwardly.

He looks at me for a split second. “Come here, sweet pea,” he says almost roughly. He hasn’t called me that in years.

And then he folds me into his arms. I hold him as tightly as I can for a minute, and when he breaks away, my face is wet. His eyes are bright and he clears his throat. “It’ll be all right, love. Just give me a bit of time,” he says.

Jayce and I watch them get into Dad’s car and drive away. “You OK?” He turns to me. My lips are trembling, and I swallow hard.

“Come on,” I say. “Let’s go back in.”

“Go back in? It’s a bit late for that now!”

I smile.

“That’s better.” Jayce tilts my chin up, just like his mum did with him. “Ready?”

I nod, and we go into the house.

Robyn sways over to me, spilling her wine a little on the way. “I’m so proud of you.” She hugs me.

“Thanks, Robyn.”

“Yeah, me too,” Luke adds. He gives me a big hug, then suddenly pulls away. “I’m still allowed to do that, aren’t I?” he asks awkwardly.

“Course you are, you big buffoon,” I tell him. “I don’t think it’s infectious!”

Mum comes out of the kitchen. “Don’t worry, darling,” she says, smiling gently at me and lifting a strand of hair from my cheek. “Dad’ll come round. You’ve done the right thing.”

“Yeah.”

Cat and Adam are behind Mum. They rush over to hug me and Jayce.

“This calls for a celebration,” Adam says, his arm still around Jayce’s shoulders. “Come on. Let’s get this birthday meal eaten and go out clubbing.”

“Can we come?” Robyn grabs Luke’s arm.

Adam grins. “Course you can. Cat, are you joining us?”

“Try and stop me.”

Adam looks at Mum. “Julia?”

“That’s all right.” Mum laughs. “I’ve got a date with George Clooney.”

“Mum, are you sure?” I ask.

“Of course I am, darling. Come on, let’s eat first. I’ve got a feeling you’ll need to line your stomachs.”

We eat dinner quickly, on a high from everything that’s happened. On the way out, I hug Mum, holding her close. “Thank you,” I whisper. “For dinner — and for everything.”

Mum smiles and strokes my cheek. “There’s nothing to thank me for. Now, get out there and have some fun; you deserve it.” She pauses and smiles softly at me. “And say hi to Taylor for me,” she adds.

I text Taylor on the way out, and she replies straightaway, saying she’s finished work and she’ll meet us at the club. As we go in, I look around for her and spot her at the bar. I get one of those back-flipping butterfly routines in my stomach as she looks up and sees me.

I wonder if maybe she’ll come home with me tonight. If it’ll last. If she’ll visit me in Manchester. I wonder if my dad will ever get used to having a lesbian for a daughter. If my mum will ever fall in love again. If I’ll ever get the chance to thank Miss Murray for showing me the door that led me here.

And I wonder how many times in one lifetime you get to start again as someone else.

Who knows? Who cares?

The music swirls around me. I look at my friends — dancing in a circle, laughing and falling over one another’s feet — and I realize I’m ready to turn the page on all those questions — and on everything that’s brought me to this point.

And as Taylor grabs my hand and pulls me close, I can’t help having a sneaky feeling that the next chapter is going to be a good one.

When I write acknowledgments, I usually have to think back over the past year. As I started writing this book fifteen years ago, a lot more people have been involved this time. Which means I barely know where to start. So I’m kind of going to duck out of even trying. But there are a few that I really must include.

The first is to Michael Schmidt and the Manchester Metropolitan University where this book’s journey began with my Novel Writing MA. This course gave me invaluable tools and experiences. I still associate many of the scenes with those passionate workshop sessions — and the equally passionate discussions in the pub afterward over a few pints and multiple packets of crisps. For this, I am also grateful to my fellow MA students. Hey, Julie Brown, the “lesbian teen angst saga” is finally out there!

The second thank-you goes to my amazing agent, Catherine Clarke, who always knew this book would be published one day and whose loyalty, determination, hard work and friendship are among the things I am most grateful for.

The third thank-you goes to my publishers, Orion and Candlewick, for their decision to publish, support and champion this book. In particular, Amber Caravéo for her brilliant editing and Fiona Kennedy for her “Times have changed and we are ready to move with them” text, which I still treasure.

Before anyone asks — and I’m sure they will — this book is not about me. Yes, I came out; yes, there are a few anecdotes dotted throughout that were inspired by real events (at which point, a big shout out to Fiz Kyffin, who has not only been a wonderful friend for almost four decades, but without whom I would never have had the “she got a boyfriend, I got a hamster” story). But that’s it. This is a work of fiction. The characters, events and story are all Ashleigh’s.

One thing Ashleigh and I have in common is that we both had a brilliant English teacher. Jenny Richardson — as the hundreds of students she taught over her long career will testify — is an incredibly special person and amazing teacher. She made me stop being a “work-shy tearaway” and instead become someone who wanted to succeed, and she helped me to fall in love with literature. As well as anything else, this book is a salute to Jenny and teachers like her, who change the lives of their pupils — often without even knowing they have done so.

Finally I want to thank Laura Tonge, for more than I can fit on this page. Laura, you are the other half of everything, your love gives me the courage and the desire to get this book out there, and you make all of this possible, wonderful and perfect.

I know that many others have been involved in this journey to varying degrees. I have huge gratitude in my heart to friends, colleagues, fellow writers, family and many others who have cheered this book on for more than a decade. A massive, heartfelt thank-you to you all. I hope you enjoy the end result.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or, if real, are used fictitiously.

Copyright © 2015 by Liz Kessler

Cover photograph copyright © 2016 by Getty Images/PhotoAlto/Alix Minde

Excerpt from “This Be The Verse” from
The Complete Poems of Philip Larkin
by Philip Larkin, edited by Archie Burnett. Copyright © 2012 by The Estate of Philip Larkin. Reprinted by permission of Farrar, Straus and Giroux, LLC.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in an information retrieval system in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, taping, and recording, without prior written permission from the publisher.

Published by an arrangement with Orion Children’s Books

First U.S. electronic edition 2016

Library of Congress Catalog Card Number 2015937226

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