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My father rubbed his eyes and tried to focus on me. “What is it, Zach?”

I swallowed hard. “What if we decide not to have the abortion?”

My mom turned on the table lamp to look at my face. They both looked a little stunned.

My father cleared his throat. “I thought the two of you went to the clinic to talk to the doctor about…well, having a procedure to, um, terminate the pregnancy.”

“We did. I'm just not a hundred percent sure it's the right thing for us.”

“What does Ashley think?”

“I haven't talked to her yet about this. I mean we've talked about a possible abortion or her having the baby and giving it up. But what I'm thinking about is different.”

“I just don't see how it could work,” my father snapped and was about to say more, but my mom touched his arm. He didn't say anything else.

“I think you need to have a serious talk with Ashley,” my mother said.

“I know. I just didn't want to phone her. I need to do this face-to-face.”

“Of course,” she said. My dad still looked a little stunned.

I waited until lunchtime the next day. I stood by the cafeteria door until Ashley came along with a couple of her friends. She looked a little pale. The two other girls just glared at me. Around school, I didn't know what to expect from anyone. Many of my classmates knew something or thought they knew something about me—I just didn't know what. Maybe some knew the truth, and others had been told a bunch of bullshit about me. I was tired of the looks I was getting.

“Ashley, can we talk?” I asked. “Alone,” I added.

Ashley nodded okay. “I'm not feeling all that great. I don't think I can eat anything.”

This made me feel more than a little guilty. “I'm sorry,” I said.

“It's okay. Let's go over to that empty table by the window.”

Everybody stared as we walked across the room. The lunchtime music was blasting away. We sat down by the window.

Ashley spoke first. “My parents think terminating the pregnancy now while it's still early is the way to go. They've backed off on talking to the police about having you charged.”

I didn't even want to think about the legal side of things. I didn't believe anyone would really have me charged with a crime. But then, what did I know?

“I think my dad feels that's the way to go too,” I said.

“It's the easy way out,” Ashley said. “For you at least.” There was an edge to her voice when she said that last part.

“What about you? What do you want?”

“I still don't know. It's too big of a decision. I can't make up my mind.”

“Do you want to know what I think?” I asked.

“Well, yeah,” she said. “But I'm almost afraid to ask.”

I didn't just blurt it out. I told her about my conversation with my parents. And I told her about the website. I told her about the stories of the teen dads, and that I had even emailed the guy named Mark, who had posted his contact info after his story. By this morning, he had sent me a response.
Having the baby and being
there for my son was the smartest and
most important thing I ever did in life
, Mark had written.

Ashley looked puzzled. “You're taking advice from someone you don't even know, who is on the other side of the planet?”

“That's not it,” I countered. “It's just that it is such an important decision and I'm trying to figure out what is right.”

She looked a little sick again, and she turned her head away from me and just stared out the window.

I left things there hanging in the air for a minute, wishing the damn music wasn't so loud. Finally I asked, “What are you thinking?”

“I'm thinking I want my life back. I want to go back to being just a girl going to high school. I wish this never happened. I wish I never met you.” There was no anger in her voice.

“I'm glad I met you,” I said. “I think we can do this thing together.”

She was still staring out the window, and I saw tears begin to form in her eyes. And then she turned to me. And she kissed me. She held my face in her hands and kissed me like she meant it.

Chapter Eight

I walked Ashley to her class after that. As I drifted off toward math class, I felt warm and fuzzy. Happy. I'd never felt like this before, and I was sure my gut reaction was right. Everything was going to be okay. Ashley and I would see this through.

After school, I tried to convince her to go back to the clinic with me. I wanted to sit down and talk some more with Dr. Benson—more about pregnancy and about the possibility of not giving up the baby.

Ashley just shook her head. “I have to talk to my parents first. I owe them that.”

All of a sudden that warm fuzzy feeling was gone. “I understand,” I said. “Can I talk to them with you?”

“No,” she said. “That wouldn't be good. I need to do this myself.”

So I walked her home, but I didn't walk her up to her door.

That night, the shit hit the fan. The phone rang, and it was Ashley's father. He talked to my dad at first. All I could hear was the conversation on this end. My father was trying to be polite, but Mr. Walker must have been screaming. This was not good.

I heard my dad say finally in a nervous but controlled voice, “I'm sorry, I have to hang up now. Maybe we can have this conversation another time.” And he hung up the phone.

Not a minute passed before the phone rang again. This time I picked it up in my room.

“Hi,” I said. “It's me. Zach.”

“Put your father back on the phone,” he growled.

“No,” I said. “I think it's me you need to talk to. Not him.”

“Well, you are the source of the problem here.”

“I know.”

“What's this crazy idea you're putting in my daughter's head?” he asked.

“We're just trying to come to a decision that is right for us.”

“Decision? Who are you to decide?”

I paused for a second. “I'm the father. I should have a say in this.”

“You get my daughter pregnant and then tell me that you want to decide what's right for her future?” He was losing it now. I could hear it in his voice.

I was working hard at keeping my cool. My father walked into my room then and just stood there. “Put me back on the phone,” he said. I shook my head no and then tried to ignore him.

I spoke slowly and carefully into the phone. “I want Ashley and me to decide together what comes next.” And I probably should not have said what I said next. But he was pushing me. “Maybe the right thing is for her to have the baby and not give it up.”

I waited for whatever was going to come next, but all I heard was a kind of ragged breathing into the phone. And then Mr. Walker slammed the receiver down.

My father was still standing there. I turned around to face him. And I waited for him to say something. Maybe I even hoped he was going to say how proud he was of me for taking responsibility and also for not getting angry on the phone. Instead he just turned and walked away.

Chapter Nine

Soon everyone at school knew the situation. Or they knew at least that Ashley was pregnant and that I was the one who got her that way. Ashley had told Elisse and, well, Elisse told just about everyone. As you can imagine, there were various versions about how I got her pregnant.

Some of the guys I hardly knew were slapping me on the back. “Congratulations, dude,” someone would say out of the blue as he walked down the hall giving me a thumbs-up. Actually, I don't think they were congratulating me. They were making fun of me. For Ashley's brother Stephen and his buddies, it was another story. No one actually did anything physical. It was always just a nasty look or someone saying, “We're watching you.” Or Stephen's favorite line, “This isn't over yet.”

The reaction from the girls was mixed as well. Some treated me like pond scum. Other girls who had never even paid attention to me would look my way in the hallway or in class. I could see that they were curious about me. I wasn't used to being the center of such attention.

And it seemed that every time I turned around, Kiley would show up and want to know how things were going. “Are you going to be all right?” she asked.

“Everything is going to turn out fine,” I said.

“You are actually even considering having the baby? Don't you think Ashley would be too young to actually go through with this?”

“No,” I said. “I think she'd be fine as long as I'm there to help.”

“You mean it, don't you?”

“Well, we're considering the options,” I said. I was becoming more certain every day that having the baby was the right way to go. I loved Ashley, and she loved me. All I needed, all Ashley and I needed, was for everyone to leave us alone.

Then Kiley gave me this really strange look. It didn't register at first, but after she walked away it clicked. It wasn't the kind of look that a friend gives you. It was more than that. And I discovered that I liked how that made me feel.

Ashley and I could hang out at the public library after school or in the park, but I wasn't allowed in her house, and her parents wouldn't let her come over to my house. When she was with me she seemed happy enough, but I could sense that she was more than a little scared. She had gotten used to being the pregnant girl in school. I was less than comfortable with my role, but I could handle it.

A couple of weeks passed, and we settled into a kind of “normal” routine. We'd gone back to Planned Parenthood a couple of times, and Ashley and I did a heck of a lot of talking about our situation. I'd also emailed back and forth with Mark for some of his thoughts.
Have the baby, dude. It will
change your life
, he wrote once.

And then another week passed. And another. Ashley was hardly feeling sick at all, and kids had seemingly lost interest in our situation. We were old news. We were sitting in the library doing homework together when Ashley said, “You want this baby, don't you?”

“Yes,” I finally said. “I want us to have the baby. I want to be there for you. And for the baby. I think we can do this.”

Ashley was wide-eyed. She looked scared. “This doesn't seem like it's real.”

I agreed. “I know. I find it hard to believe that by next year this time, we could both be parents of a little kid.”

“That sounds so crazy,” she said, but she was smiling now.

“Well, we've changed. We need to keep working at this.”

“I know. It's just that sometimes I wish that things could go back to the way they used to be.”

I hugged her then, and she cried softly into my shirt. Truth is, I had a million doubts about what we were doing. Would she be strong enough to go through with it? Would the baby be healthy? Would I be a good father? Would her parents allow me to be part of the picture? Did I really want to make this commitment? But something inside of me kept saying this was the right thing to do despite all the odds. I didn't say anything. I just closed my eyes and held her while the librarian at her desk looked over at us. But when she saw the frightened look on my face, she quickly looked away.

Chapter Ten

Strange as it may sound, both Ashley and I were doing better in school than we had been before she got pregnant. All that time hanging out together in the public library was paying off. We'd both cleaned up our act some. We stayed away from parties. Ashley knew she shouldn't drink or do anything that might affect the baby. Yes, we started using those words: “the baby.” Sometimes we referred to it as “our baby.”

At home, my parents had backed off. They were worried, for sure, but they kept a lid on it. Not Ashley's parents. Ashley's dad called my father at least once a week. He wasn't screaming now, but he wasn't giving up. When he called, my father always walked the cordless phone into his bedroom and closed the door. And he never told me what they talked about. And I never asked.

But then I was blindsided.

I came home for dinner one night and saw Ashley's parents' car in the driveway. I walked into the house to find Ashley's mother and father sitting with my parents in the living room.

At first I just stood there. No one said a word. Mr. Walker looked like a bomb ready to explode. His wife looked like she'd been crying. My mother just looked down at the floor, and my father—well, he looked to me like some kind of traitor.

“What the hell is this?” I asked.

My father stood up. “I think it's time that we all sit down and talk about this together.”

“This was my idea,” Ashley's mother said timidly. “I persuaded your parents we should do this.” Mrs. Walker was a shy woman who had rarely ever spoken to me the whole time I'd known Ashley.

“We all agree on one thing,” my mother added. “Ashley is going to have the baby, and we need to do what is best for her and the child.”

But I knew there was more to this. I didn't say a word. I was trying to keep control of my emotions. I felt like I was about to be bullied into something. I felt like I was being ganged up on.

Mr. Walker cleared his throat and took a deep breath. In a very controlled voice, he said, “Zach, do you know what an intervention is?”

I grimaced. “Yeah,” I snorted. “When someone is out of control, when someone is on drugs, people get together and try to force that person to change.” I paused and looked around at the faces in the room. “But no one is on drugs here. So what the hell is this?”

“We're here to help,” Mrs. Walker said. “We want to help both Ashley and you.”

“Why don't you sit down?” my mom said.

“I'd rather stand.”

There was an awkward silence.

And then I heard the bathroom door open, and Ashley walked into the room. She looked like she wasn't feeling too well. “Hi, Zach,” she said in a soft voice.