Reach For the Spy (22 page)

“Not nonsense at all.
Our agreement was that I would have the final say in any and all
measures you used to protect me. And I’m being generous in allowing
you the benefit of the doubt that the bugs were installed to
protect me. You failed to inform me. You deliberately breached our
agreement.”

I let the silence
lengthen.

Stemp was too good a
poker player to squirm, but his eyes twitched sideways again. “So
what do you intend to do?” he asked finally.

“We had an agreement.
You clearly understood the consequences of breaching the agreement.
And you breached it less than twenty-four hours later.”

“Aydan...” Kane began.
I glanced over to see the warning clear in his eyes.

I swung my gaze back to
Stemp. “If you were in my place, what would you do?”

He leaned back in his
chair, watching me. “I’d balance the seriousness of the breach
against my loyalty to the other party in the agreement.”

I snorted. “Sadly,
there is no loyalty to the other party in the agreement. The
agreement existed solely because I can’t trust the other party. So
in my place, what would you do?”

Stemp went still, and I
could see the wheels turning. There was a short silence before he
spoke again. “In your place, I’d consider my loyalty to the team
and to the country, and balance that against the importance of
making sure that the agreement was followed to the letter.”

“Really.” I stared into
his snake eyes. “And, in my place, do you think it would be a good
strategic decision to ignore a blatant breach of the contract,
thereby giving the other party reason to believe the agreement had
no teeth? How long do you think it would take before the other
party decided to test the agreement again?”

“Aydan,” Kane said
urgently.

I didn’t look at him.
“Shut up, John.”

It took a long time
before Stemp dropped his gaze. “In your place, I’d be forced to
take a zero-tolerance approach,” he said. “Very well. I see we
understand each other.”

“No,” I snapped. “You
don’t understand me at all. You’re a spy. I’m not. In your world,
honour is bought and sold and coerced. In mine, it’s not
negotiable.”

I blew out a long
breath. “So I’m going to do the stupid, honourable thing, and
balance my loyalty to the team and the country against the relative
seriousness of the breach. I’m doing good work here. I’ll keep
doing it, if you promise to honour our agreement going
forward.”

“I will,” Stemp said
smoothly.

I scowled at him. “I’m
going to pretend I didn’t hear that. I want you to think for a
while about what you’re really promising. And realize you’re
getting a second chance only because I believe in my team, and in
the work we’re doing.”

I stood up and turned
to leave, rubbing my aching forehead. “The sad part is, I know
you’ll lie to me about this anyway. But I have to give you the
chance. Let me know when you’ve thought it over.”

I was almost out the
door when Stemp spoke.

“Wait.”

I turned wearily to
face him. “What?”

“You’re right,” he said
quietly. “I will lie to you. I will do whatever it takes to
manipulate you into doing this work, and I will do whatever it
takes to keep our operations secure. No matter who or what gets
damaged in the process.” We met each other’s eyes, and for an
instant, I saw a tired man fighting a desperate battle.

The mask flicked up
again as he continued. “All I can promise is that I’ll keep you
informed as long as it doesn’t compromise our operations. And I
won’t try to manipulate you with threats.”

“Pretty lousy
promises.”

He raised a shoulder,
his face impassive. “You wanted the truth. That’s what I can
truthfully promise.”

I held his eyes for a
few moments, feeling incredibly old. The man had told me the truth.
It wasn’t his fault I didn’t like it.

“Thanks for being
honest,” I told him finally. “Just remember, if you cause harm to
someone I care about in the process of manipulating me, you will
pay the price.”

“Understood.” His
expression never wavered.

I gave him a nod and
left.

I strode down the hall,
wondering what the hell I should do. I could hardly hover
indecisively after making my exit. That would definitely spoil the
effect.

But Kane had driven us
in, so I couldn’t go home. I had thought he’d follow me out of the
room, but he hadn’t. Shit.

I let my feet carry me
down to the employee lounge, where I brewed myself a cup of tea,
stalling. In my office, I plopped into the desk chair and stared
blankly at the phone, the only thing on the desk.

Hmmm. Maybe Spider had
some news from my snoopy little program. I punched in his
extension.

“Hi, Spider, how’s it
going?” I asked when he picked up.

“Fine, as far as I can
see. Your program is gathering some data, but it’s all encrypted.
I’d love to know what’s in it.”

“Me, too. Maybe I’ll
just pop down for a few minutes.”

Going into the secured
area was the last thing I wanted to do, but hanging around here
like an idiot was the second-last. I’d make it quick.

“Aydan...” Spider said
hesitantly. “Didn’t Kane ground you yesterday? I thought he said no
more network access.”

“Yeah, but I won’t be
in for long. You know I usually don’t have a problem unless I’m
tired, and I slept pretty well last night.”

“No...” he said
uncertainly. “I don’t think I should give you the key. We shouldn’t
take a chance.”

“Oh, come on, Spider.
Only for a few minutes.”

I couldn’t believe I
was begging to do this. But I really, really wanted to see what was
in those new files.

Resolve firmed his
voice. “No. Sorry. Not until you clear it with Kane.”

I briefly considered
bullying him into it, but I didn’t have the heart. Besides, I had a
better idea. “Okay. Talk to you later.”

I hung up and headed
downstairs. I knew he was as curious as I was about those files.
I’d just go and hang around the lab for a while until he
weakened.

When I got down to the
lobby I started to lose my nerve. My heart pounded while I eyed the
heavy steel door. It was the time delay that got me. If I could
just go through without being shut into that damn coffin...

I blew out an impatient
breath. Suck it up.

I was just bending
close for the retinal scan when a large hand closed on my wrist.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Kane hissed.

I managed to smother my
cry of shock as I jerked upright. “Jeez, you scared the shit out of
me.”

“Come on.” He didn’t
exactly drag me to the security wicket, but I was definitely being
firmly guided.

We turned in our
security fobs, and he steered me out the door. “Walk with me.”

I frowned up at him as
we marched down the sidewalk. He looked relaxed. His face was
composed, but his eyes were the colour of frosted iron. And he
hadn’t let go of my wrist yet. He wasn’t holding me hard. But
still...

“You can let go of me
now.”

He kept walking. I
stopped and tugged. “Hey. I said you can let go now.”

Across the street, I
identified Tom’s pickup with a sinking feeling. Perfect timing, as
always. Thank God, he didn’t seem to be looking in our
direction.

I jerked my arm.
“John!” I hissed. “Let go. People are watching.”

He released his grip
and spun to face me. “Dammit!” He stared down at me, his cop face
unreadable. “Come on.” He turned and strode on.

“Where are we going?”
Even with my long legs, I had to pick up the pace to stay beside
him.

“Walking.”

Okay. I was still a
little stiff and sore, but a brisk walk might help loosen me up.
Not that I had a choice. Brisk was the only available option if I
wanted to keep up.

We marched along in
silence. Asking questions seemed like a bad idea. He’d wanted me to
walk with him, so presumably he’d reveal his purpose sooner or
later. After another glance at his arctic eyes, I wasn’t in a hurry
to find out what it was.

My body rebelled when
we reached the park. “I have to stop,” I gasped. “Sorry.” I
collapsed onto a park bench.

He sat down beside me
wordlessly. I slouched for a few minutes catching my breath before
turning to him. “Okay, what’s wrong?”

He crossed his arms
over his massive chest and stared into middle distance. Just when I
thought he wouldn’t answer at all, he spoke.

“Tell me about this
death wish of yours.”

“Say what?”

He jerked around to
face me. “What the hell, Aydan?” he demanded. “What the hell was
that?”

I clamped down my
flinch at his tone. Defensive anger gushed into my veins and I felt
my eyes narrow. “What do you mean?” I inquired evenly.

He stared at me for a
moment before surging to his feet. He took a couple of steps and
stood briefly with his back to me before turning. When he spoke,
his face and voice were controlled.

“Why did you push Stemp
like that? And why were you going into the secured facility?”

I willed my fists to
unclench and kept my voice as flat as his. “Stemp has to know he
can’t push me around. And you may recall that I work in the secured
facility now.”

“Dammit, Aydan...” He
took a deep breath. It didn’t seem to help. His impassive cop face
dissolved into frustration. “I’m busting my butt trying to keep you
alive, and you just... you just... it’s like you’re deliberately
trying to get killed! You just keep pushing the limits. If you want
to commit suicide, that’s your business, but tell me now so I
don’t...”

He stopped and drew in
another deep breath.

I rocketed to my feet,
fists clenched. “So you don’t what? Get caught in the crossfire?
I’ve been trying to keep you out of the fucking crossfire! You
think I want this? You think I asked for this? I’m just goddamn
well trying to stay alive and do the right thing here. You really
think I wanted to see all the shit that’s inside my head and will
never, ever fucking go away? You really think I wanted to get
beaten and tortured and damn near raped and shot and scared out of
my fucking mind...”

I stopped to gasp a few
furious breaths that sounded embarrassingly like sobs. “...And see
good people, people I care about, getting maimed and tortured
because of me and... and... be in a prison where I’ll never see the
light of day...”

Gulping, I turned and
strode away on shaking legs before I lost it completely.

He caught up to me a
few yards down the sidewalk. “Aydan.”

I kept walking.

“Aydan, where are you
going?”

“Walking.” I stared
straight ahead and kept moving.

“Stop.” He caught my
wrist gently. “Come back and sit down for a while. Let’s talk.”

I spun to face him with
clenched fists, holding onto my anger to keep back the tears. “Let
me go. I need to be alone for a while.”

A sense of
inevitability filled me when Tom’s pickup pulled over to the curb
beside us. “Let go!” I hissed. “Dammit, just leave me alone for a
bit.”

Kane made a irritable
gesture as he let go of me. “You know I can’t do that right now.
You’re under twenty-four hour guard.”

I wasn’t in a sim, but
I could feel the bars closing around me. The trembling spread from
my hands to the rest of my body.

Trapped.

The urge to run pounded
at me. I breathed deeply.

It didn’t help. I was
going to run. Or cry. Or explode.

Tom rolled down the
passenger window. “Hi, Aydan. John.” He gave Kane a hard look.
“Everything okay, Aydan?”

I forced my voice into
the best semblance of casual I could manage. “Fine, thanks, Tom.”
The quaver wasn’t too noticeable. I took a shallow breath.

Run.

“Hey, Tom, can you give
me a ride home?”

“Sure, no problem. Hop
in.” He leaned over to unlatch the door.

Kane grabbed my wrist
again and leaned close to whisper fiercely. “Aydan, don’t do this.
I can’t let you out of my sight. You know that.”

I stood shaking in his
grasp. I knew he was right.

Run.

“Aydan?” Tom
inquired.

I glanced over at him,
trying to control my expression. “Just a minute. Sorry.” I turned
back to face Kane.

“Aydan! I’m not
kidding,” he growled. “I can’t let you out of my sight. Don’t make
me force this.”

Rage flooded me as I
jerked my arm out of his grip. “Force it how? What are you going to
do, beat me into submission?”

His hands darted out
and I flinched in spite of myself, but he only gripped my face
between his palms. Looking down into my eyes he spoke softly but
clearly. “In two seconds, Rossburn’s going to get out of that
truck. He will fight me. He will lose. It will be your fault.”

I heard the click of
the door latch and the slam of the door. Kane let go, and I stepped
past him to face Tom as he came around the back of the truck.

“Thanks anyway, Tom,
but never mind.” The harsh voice didn’t sound anything like me, but
I kept talking anyway. “John will give me a ride home.”

An ice-blue gaze raked
over Kane, then swung back to me. “Aydan,” Tom said quietly. “Get
in the truck. Stay there.”

I took both his
callused hands in mine, feeling the tension in him. “No, I can’t.
I’m sorry.”

I glanced back at Kane.
He stood motionless, calm and utterly lethal. I knew how much power
and skill was coiled up in those massive arms and shoulders. I’d
seen him take on three men at once with nothing more than his bare
hands. And leave three bodies behind.

I turned back to Tom.
“Thanks anyway. John and I have a little disagreement over work,
and I think I’ll stay so we can work it out.”

“Aydan.” He searched my
face. “If you’re afraid of him, just get in the truck now. You
don’t have to live like this.”