Razor's Edge (Afflictions) (25 page)

He hovers over me. “Are you fucking stupid? You have a great girl and a kid on the way. What the hell are you doing?”

Slowly, I stand and grab some paper towel to wipe the side of my face. “Guess you didn’t get the memo from Tryst.”

Wiley’s in the mirror behind me, his eyes blazing with anger. “What’s Tryst got to do with this?” His jaw drops. “Mother. Fucker. I knew there was something off about that guy. He’s got you snorting coke?”

“It’s not coke.”

“Sure the hell looks like it to me.”

“It’s a speedball.” I turn around and prepare myself for the beat down I’m possibly about to get. I’ll welcome it. It might be fun. At least I won’t think about
her
anymore.

Wiley moves toward me slowly, assessing me. “Are. You. In-fucking-sane? There’s hero—”

“I know what the hell’s in it.” I grip the counter. I don’t need Wiley telling me what I am or what I should or shouldn’t be doing.

“Then why?” All of the fury I just saw in Wiley’s eyes fades. His shoulders slump.

“Shay went back to Gary.”

“What?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

My heart pounds anger through me. He’s been an ass since I hooked up with Shay. Now he wants to be a good friend? “Like you care. You’ve been against us from the start.”

Wiley takes a deep breath. “I just was worried about you. You’re my boy. I didn’t want you to have to go through this. I was beginning to,” he shakes his head, “trust her.”

It’s hard to be mad at Wiley. Especially when he’s only looking out for me. I turn around to wash my face in the sink.

“Doing a speedball isn’t going to make the pain go away. It will for a moment then when it wears off your problems will always be there.”

“I know this already.”

“Do you?” Wiley glances at the stall. “Seems like you didn’t know a second ago.”

“I did know. I don’t care.”

He pushes me. “You better care. It’s your life, but I’m your friend and I’m not going to let you shit all over it.” He reaches into my pocket and grabs the bag then walks over to the toilet.

“What are you going to do?”

He opens it and empties it. “I’m not letting you go down like that.”

I shrug. “I can always get more.”

“And I’ll always be there to stop your stupid ass.” He flushes the toilet. “I don’t care if I have to involve the others. I’m not going to let you snort your life away.”

He has a point. But something cracked inside me when she told me to get out of her life. The carefree Morgan is dead. I gave her everything that was me and it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough, and if I can’t be enough then why go back to the way I was before? It won’t accomplish anything but leaving me open to feel this way again. I might not need that drug, but it sure as hell would have helped me to toughen up and be the man I need to be—which is someone who doesn’t care.

But your friends will always be there and they don’t deserve to see you destroy yourself.

“Fine.”

“Fine what?” Wiley walks with me to the door.

“I won’t touch the shit again.”

“Good.” He pats my back and holds the door open.

As we head out into the hall we smack into Emily. She’s dressed to kill in black leather capris and a low-cut light blue top. Her big breasts sit perfectly, showing the right amount of cleavage, and the way the tank hugs her curves would give any hot-blooded man a painful hard-on. Not me, though.

She brushes up next to me and bats her pretty brown eyes. “Want to dance,
Morg?”

Normally I’d say no. Shay is the only woman I want to dance with, but she’s gone. And maybe Emily is right—maybe she could be the perfect distraction. 

Shay

Malarkey’s was packed by the time I pulled into the lot. I combed it for ten minutes before giving up and parking at Wal-Mart half
a block away. Luckily it’s May, and the night air is warm but all I feel is cold.

Gary wants me to sleep with him twice a week, and he won’t kill Morgan or take Ben. I told him if he truly wants me back, he needs to give me some time to think about it. He agreed and left. I’m not going back to him. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I wanted to save Morgan, but I hurt him instead. The look in his eyes when I said it was over crushed some part of
me. I didn’t mean it. I can’t let him go on tour thinking the worst of me. I need to explain why we can’t be together.

My black peep-toe pumps clack up the cement steps to the door as I fish my ID out of my satchel. I hear a familiar laugh and look up.
Bebe’s sitting on the brick wall at the top of the steps, smoking a cigarette, and talking to some tall black guy. I roll my eyes. Leave it to her. She never wastes any time finding her victim for the night. 

Climbing the stairs, I stop when
Bebe hops down.

“Um… I didn’t think you were coming.” She hugs me.

I pull away. “You knew I was.” 

“Yeah, but when they showed and you didn’t, I assumed you weren’t coming.” She stares and cocks an eyebrow.

“It’s been a long night, and I did some things I wasn’t proud of.”

“Like…” She rolls her eyes. “I
dunno, basically have sex with my brother in front of Morgan? The dude’s pretty messed up about it.”

Shit. They told her. “
Bebe, I—there’s no way to explain this. But I fucked up. And I need to make it right.”

Bebe
leans against the wall and fidgets with her fingers. Bebe never fidgets. A couple minutes pass before her eyes meet mine. “Yeah, you fucked up. Maybe you should confront Morgan before he does something stupid.”

“What?” Every cell in my body freezes. My heart, the blood pumping through my veins, even my lungs stop taking in oxygen. I think I’m going to faint.

“Breathe, girl.” Bebe rubs my back. “You aren’t going to get anywhere passing out.”

I take a deep inhale and grip the rail. Do something stupid? Morgan’s about to do something stupid. Okay, processed. And what the fuck am I doing standing out here? 

Before Bebe can say anything else, I’m weaving through people. My eyes scan the crowd for him but he’s nowhere to be seen. I make my way around the bar to the other side where the dance floor is. “The Monster” by Rhianna and Eminem is playing, and there are a ton of couples out there, popping, grinding, and moving to the beat.

I spot him. Everything stops.

Morgan.

With Emily.

And his tongue’s shoved down her throat.

Twenty-eight

Shay

My eyes can’t be seeing this right.

Morgan and Emily. Kissing? The same Emily he told me yesterday I didn’t have to worry about.

Confusion rips through all rational thought in my mind. My feet are cemented to the floor, and my mouth doesn’t seem to want to close. Every sound is muted and I have tunnel vision locked on the heart-wrenching display before me. Cold limbs begin to warm as anger builds inside of me. Adrenaline brings life back into my body and forces me toward them. My arm swings back and…

I plow my fist right in between their kiss.

The bitch flies back, out of my line of sight. All my rage combusts on the player standing before me. His lips are moving, but I don’t hear a word. My mind is eerily quiet other than the blood pounding in my ears. I shove him and scream in his face. “You fucking asshole!”

He falls back a step. I shove him again. “How can you do that to me?”

This time, when I go to shove him, he remains stiff. He doesn’t say or do anything to stop my assault. My fists pound against the solid wall of his chest. My cheeks are wet. I don’t care. The burn in my heart is unbearable as rage pushes me to the brink and everything becomes cloudy. I keep banging on him, and still he does nothing.

He takes it.

“You were supposed to be a good guy!” 

He’s not.

He’s Gary.

His strong hands clamp around my wrist, breaking me from my rage-fueled trance.

“The Monster” booms out of the speakers.

“Enough.” His tone is as stern as his face. ”People are watching.”

I blink. My heart pounds. Anger still courses through every cell in my body. I look around. There’s a circle of gawking drunks staring at our confrontation. Shit. I didn’t mean to flip out like that. I dumped him. I was kissing Gary. But seeing him with
her
made me snap.

I glance up into Morgan’s eyes. Once blue, they’ve now darkened, the pupils are dilated, and they’re blank, as if there is no soul behind them.
He’s not thinking clearly.
Then it dawns on me that he’s not the Morgan that I know. He’s drunk and… “You’re high?”

I get shoved from behind and fall into Morgan. He wraps his arms around me and pushes me behind him.

“Hit me again, bitch.” Emily wipes blood from her split lip.

“I got this, Emily.”

Morgan’s still protecting me, but I don’t want or need him defending me. Not after what I did to him and especially not after what he did with her.

“The bitch just busted me in my mouth.”

“And you deserved it, ho.” Bebe steps around Morgan and laces her arm through mine. “Come on, Shay. I’ll take you home.”

Home? I don’t want to go home.

“Why are you high, Morgan?” I push Bebe aside and get right up into Morgan’s face space. His eyes meet mine. There is no anger, no sadness, only a dark void.

He shrugs. “Funny that you ask that, considering you dumped me for that asshole.”

Guilt slams into me and almost knocks me on my ass. He doesn’t know why I did what I did. And if he wasn’t high, if I hadn’t caught him playing some fucked up version of dentist with Emily, I would let him know.

He went against his word. He got high. “It’s not her I’m pissed about. I ended us. But you’re high. That’s what fucking kills. You broke your promise. You’re not who I thought you were.”

I’m shaking. I want to hit him again, and this time I want to make it count.
Then I’d be just like Gary.
“Fuck you. Hope you’re happy with your pot.”

There’s nothing else to say. There’s no way I’m going to explain my actions from earlier now. I’m not going to beg him to forgive me. I push past him. He tries to grab my arm, but I move around him and stalk toward the door. For the first time tonight, people get out of my way—probably afraid that the hormonal pregnant lady will blow up on them and they won’t be able to do anything about it.

Morgan’s footsteps are behind me, and I’m surprised no one tries to stop him either. “Shay!”

I push through the door and nod to Bruno. When my feet hit the bottom step of the stairs, I hear Morgan flying through the door.

“Wait! Goddammit, Shay!”

I’m not waiting. As I round the flowerbed, he hops over the railing and does an unceremonious land in the flower bed.

I won’t look back.
I can’t be with a man like him. A man like Gary. Getting high and fucking with the first woman who pays him more attention than I do. I’ve been here before and I’m sick of being dicked around.

I reach into my satchel for my keys but come up empty handed. Huh? I knew I put them in here. I stop at my probe and empty the contents onto the hood, desperate to find the keys before Morgan catches up to me.

Morgan

Roses prick me in the ass. It’s not as bad as the punch I received or the feeling of having my heart ripped out and served up to Shay.
I wish I never fucking met her
.

How fucking dare she? Hit my manager in the mouth? Give me shit for smoking weed? She was sucking face with Gary in front of her shop. She dumped me for him! No. She doesn’t get to punch and run. I’ve got something to say, and there’s no way I’m letting her go without saying it.

I’m on my feet and running after her before I can talk some sense into my skull. I know I fucked up.

So what? She’s with Gary. I saw it.
Then why in the hell am I regretting that she saw me blitzed? Why do I feel like I have to find her and rub it in her face that I am a free man now and can do whatever I want?
Closure
. I need it. Otherwise I’ll never get rid of this ache in my chest.

When I approach, she’s by her car and going through her purse. She dumps the contents from it out on the hood of her car.

“Lose something?”

She jumps, then gives me the evil eye over her shoulder. “Go away. I’m done talking to you.”

I step in front of the hood of her car. “Well, I’m not done.”

She stops looking and crosses her arms over her chest. She glares at me, but doesn’t say a word.

What the hell does she have to be pissed about? She made her choice. “You dumped me for Asshole.”

“Yeah, and I was right to. You’re just like him.” She turns and starts shoving things back into her purse. “Run along and get high, Morgan. Isn’t that what you always do when your insecurities get the best of you? You’re weak and pathetic.”

An icicle shoots through my chest. Everything inside me goes as cold as the woman standing before me. “You’re a fucking heartless bitch.” 

“You don’t know a damn thing about me.” She stuffs more shit into her bag. “I can’t believe I fucking love you.”

Love me?
I grind my teeth. “Didn’t seem like you loved me when you were eating Asshole-face.”

“Oh yeah, ’cause I like being mauled by my abusive ex.” She shoulders past me and stomps toward Wal-Mart’s entrance doors. “Fuck off, Morgan! If you can’t see that that was all an act.”

She’s nuts. Yup, a complete psycho bitch.
If she wasn’t carrying my kid and wasn’t so against drugs, I would swear she must be high. I follow her. “You were into it. Ask Tryst. You fucking dumped me! And I’m not a goddamn mind reader!”

She stops, then whirls around. “No, you’re not.” She points a manicured nail in my face. “After what I saw tonight, my reasons behind what I did earlier don’t matter anymore.”

Reasons?

She glares at me. “You smoked weed. I don’t give a flying fuck about why you did it. You still did. Which proves I was the reason you quit in the first place. Unless you quit for yourself, your addiction will always be there!” She laughs. It’s sarcastic. “Man, I really know how to pick ’
em.” She takes out her phone. 

“I did quit for myself!” I clench my fist. “I quit to be a better man. But a good man is not what you wanted. You wanted a man like Gary! You lied to me. You lied to yourself, and most of all you lied to Ben! You said you’d ne—”

The vibrating sting of her smack may have stopped my words, but not my anger. I’m furious. This makes the second time tonight she’s hit me. My pulse pounds. She’s more fucked up than I thought she was. I don’t need this shit, and I won’t let her bait me.

“You have no right to talk about Ben.” She pounds her chest and her voice squeaks. “He’s
my
son.
Not
yours.”

“He should be mine. I wouldn’t
lie
to him.”

“I’m not lying to him!”

“You’re going back to Gary.”

“No. I’m not. I had to play along because Gary was holding Ben over my head.”

This is just way too much. Now she’s justifying her actions by using her son. Nausea slowly turns in my stomach. “You’re not the woman I thought you were.” My mom did horrible things and said she did them because she loved me. “I feel sick.” Shay’s the fucking spitting image of my mom. “You’re pathetic. Just like her.”

“Like who?” She shakes her head. “Morgan, I—”

“Have a nice life, Shay.” I turn to leave, and pull up Rictor’s number. I need to purge this woman from my soul. She’s no good for me. And now I suddenly see why Dad went off the deep end.

“Morgan!”

I ignore her and start jogging. I don’t care if she follows me. Once I get into Rictor’s Rover she’ll be out of my life for good.
My baby
. I’ll make sure that I get full custody. There is no way I’m letting my kid grow up around Gary. But now isn’t the time to think about this shit. I need to lose myself for a while, and Rictor has the thing I need.

“’Sup.”
Rictor’s bass comes through the phone. “Didn’t think I’d hear from you this fast.”

“I need another speedball. Wiley found and flushed my shit.”

“His little bitch ass. I got two left. Was on my way to sell them to this guy.”

“I’ll pay double.”