Authors: Monica Porter
Except for two or three cases, the senders of these messages were very well-behaved. They generally said the same thing: they think I'm âbeautiful', they admire me, they would be privileged if one day they could meet me. It all made me sound like a cross between Marilyn Monroe and Mother Theresa. But just as I had felt the opprobrium to be way over-the-top, this adulation struck me as somewhat excessive.
Suddenly the whole world seemed to know my name and my story, which made me feel metaphorically naked, and I guess that is one definition of âfame'. Overnight my pool of Facebook friends grew from 350 to nearly 1000. And these new fans all wanted to chat with me online. Well, I couldn't keep that little lark up for long.
What I found even more encouraging were the warmly supportive emails from other women of my generation. For example this, from a woman called Anna:
Like you, I am 61 and been told I don't look, feel or act my age. No elasticated skirts or sensible shoes for me... yet! Like you, I joined a dating site, lied about my age by four years and yes, I have been approached by much younger men too. Only thing is, I have never pursued it, due to lack of confidence. I envy and admire your outlook to life in the 60s and all I can say is... good for you. I hope you make shedloads with your book and then stick two fingers up at the “haters”. I am looking forward to reading about your adventures and probably wishing it was me. Take care, continue having fun and there might be another book out when you're in your 70s.
After my appearance on the popular ITV breakfast show This Morning, women wrote to me in greater numbers. I was in the cab on my way home, having just left the TV studio, when their messages started pinging on to my mobile.
From Lucy (sent from her iPhone):
I've just watched your interview on
This Morning
, you are giving women the confidence.
And from Angela:
The criticism of your book is due to a lack of knowledge, as loads of women are doing this! Am 44 and been having loads of unstrung sex with guys 25 and up⦠I do not envisage this stopping unless I meet my Mr Right. The sex as echoed in your book extracts is dangerous but fun and I feel great.
That day was a turning point for me as I realised that I really had become a kind of role model for older women. Not by any means the first or the only one to indulge in bedroom delights with younger men, but the first to be so unabashed about it, to write about it with total candour, not as anything kinky or outlandish but as a simple fact of life. And I could see that that meant something.
With some women, however, there was a distinct lack of sisterly sympathy, and I'm not referring merely to those indelicate female trolls online. There was the 55-year-old tabloid columnist who berated me for my behaviour, of which she heartily disapproved, like some po-faced Victorian prude... but only after informing readers that she herself received plenty of come-ons from young men, all of which she nobly rejected. Yes dear, we believe you.
And there was the forty-something book reviewer, married with young kids, who completely misunderstood my motives, believing my wild escapades to have been a sad attempt to stave off loneliness. Wrong! Far from being sad and lonely at that point in my life, I was relishing my new freedom and independence. I did what I did in order to pack in the adventure while the going was good. I went looking for fun and excitement. And I found it.
That said, as my story hit the headlines over and over again (and what scandalous headlines they were, e.g. âThe Grandmother Who Dated 20-Year-Old Men - And Loved It!') and even some of my friends were stunned into silence, and my family wasn't exactly relishing the media spotlight, I did have the odd
mea culpa
moment. I would stop, hold my head in my hands and ask myself: what on earth have I unleashed? This book will follow me everywhere. Whatever else I have written or will write, I will always be the woman who âput the sex into sexagenarian'. And at moments like that I considered my response, should someone ask whether, in view of the furore kicked up by Raven, the controversy and the scorching criticism, I would still have written the book as I did. Would I still publish and be damned?
Bloody right I would.
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