Ravaged Land - A Post-Apocalyptic Novel (11 page)

“Hey um,” Ryan said putting his hand on my arm lightly to stop me, “I just wanted to say that I was sorry for how I’ve been acting.”

“It’s fine,” I said turning to head back inside to avoid any awkward conversations, like this one. One that I didn’t think even needed to happen. Everything was fine, really, at least for me. With everything that was going on, this was pretty minor.

He stopped me by putting his arm up and blocking me so I had to turn to face him. “No, really I am. I’m just not good at this stuff,” he said shaking his head. His face was only a few inches from mine. My heart raced and my mind stopped understanding the words that were coming out of his mouth. In fact, I had no idea what he was saying, I could see his lips moving but whatever was coming out made no sense. At that exact moment, I didn’t understand whatever language he was speaking. All I knew was that he was so close to me I could feel his breath. “I just don’t want you to get hurt, or anyone else for that matter. This new world isn’t safe,” he said ending the speech I’d only heard the beginning and end of.

“I’m fine,” I said with a smile. I was mentally trying to put all the words I had heard back into some kind of decipherable order, trying to make sense of it.

His eyes were studying me. I wondered if he could tell how he was making me feel. Here he was just being normal and I was turning into a stupid puddle on the dry, crusty ground because I couldn’t keep myself in check when I was this close to him. He put his hand out for a second as if he was going to touch my face, but I think I twitched, or made some kind of strange squeak, because he reeled it back in like a fishing line. I wanted him to touch me. I don’t know what was wrong with me to even be thinking about him this way, to be thinking about anything other than survival. I was a horrible selfish person.

“Let’s go back in,” he said, still only inches from me. He looked down and touched his fingers lightly to mine. He took a breath and turned back into the other Ryan.

I followed him around the rest of the house and to the back door like a lost puppy. I could still feel his fingers touching mine although he had long since removed them. “Ryan,” I said before I could stop myself. I had no idea what I was going to say especially now that he was back to being normal Ryan.

“Yeah?” He barely stopped, his brain was back to being focused on other things.

“I’m sorry too.” It was the best thing I could think to say. I wanted to slap myself across the face.

“For?” He turned to look at me.

“I don’t know everything I guess.”

“None of this is your fault, Ros.”

I shook my head. Not helping that other kid was my fault. Leaving the shelter before we were really ready was my fault. It was probably my fault the circus freaks took our stuff. I was at fault for plenty. “Enough of this is my fault,” I said as I lowered my head. We’d probably still be safe back in your grandpa’s shelter if it hadn’t been for me and my big mouth.”

“I think we were all done with that place.”

“There was this guy, the day everything happened…” I said, my eyes felt glassy. “He was across the street, I could have helped him.”

“Or you could have gotten yourself killed.”

I put my hands over my face. I felt guilty about the guy, even though he was alive and appeared to be surviving. He was with the wrong crowd, I hadn’t the first clue about how he’d gotten to where he was but I imagined it wasn’t pleasant, or he wouldn’t be stuck with the circus freaks. I’m sure he had to do whatever it took to survive. It didn’t matter to me, I should have done something. If I had, he’d be with us now.

“Come on Ros,” Ryan said, gently pulling me in against his sweaty body, “It’s going to be OK. We all just need to figure out how to live in this world. Things are different obviously, it’s just an adjustment period.” He put his finger on my chin and lifted my face up towards his. Our eyes met. Soft, delicious Ryan was back. Our faces only inches apart once again, “It really will be OK, I won’t let anything happen to you,” he said his voice sounding serious and intense. He blushed, or maybe it was just from the heat. I knew I was blushing too. I would blame the sun. Sunburn probably. Yup.

I tilted my head and looked at him sideways, “Why would you need or want to, for that matter, protect me?”

“It’s not obvious?” He chuckled and narrowed his eyes.

I shook my head.

“I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to say it. I sort of have feelings for you. For like a while now, but you know, with how things are. Well, it’s just… different.”

My mouth dropped open, and I looked like I was a fish desperately gasping for air, or water, or air and water. What did he mean by how things are? Things are with me and him? Or things with the world? “When did this happen?” I said a little louder than I had intended still quite surprised by the new information.

“Jeez Ros, I don’t know exactly, it just did.” He turned to go in and that was going to be the end of it. That would be all that he said about it as far as he was concerned, “Let’s go in before I embarrass myself further.” And with that he was inside and I was left staring at the opened door catching flies with my mouth still hanging open.

Inside Dean walked pass the opened door and was about to close it, “What are you doing out there? Come in! We still have a lot of work to do. I almost just locked you outside for Pete’s sake!” When I didn’t move he stepped out and pulled me in by my droopy spaghetti arm, “Are you OK?”

“Yeah. Yeah I’m fine.” I blinked a few times and forced myself to come back to the real world where things like that just don’t happen. The horrible new world we lived in where Ryan and I couldn’t be any thing more than people trying to survive.

* * *

We all sat in the living room. Dean and Sienna reported their findings which wasn’t much. They’d locked all the windows and doors and closed all the shades to help keep it cooler inside. Sienna had found a small stash of taper candles with a light pine scent that reminded me of the holidays and some holders. She had piled it all neatly on the dining room table.

Owen and Seth hadn’t found anything either, but they had made sure the front door lock was strong enough to hold. Dean had gone around the first floor and closed all the curtains. That’s what he was doing when he found me in my trance. What would the others think if they knew what Ryan had just confessed to me? How would they feel about it? What would they do? Worse, what would they think if they knew I was pretty sure I felt the same way?

“Ros and I located a generator out back and an empty gas can in the shed. Not sure if it’ll work, we’ll try to get gas tomorrow to test it out. For tonight we should have enough food and water, so I say we get to work on securing the house. Who wants to help me board up the windows? And someone can work on boarding up the front door. There is wood in the basement and out back, hammers and nails in the basement. The garage door opens too easily we’ll have to figure out something for that too. In the meantime we’ll our fingers and hope no one tries to get in through the garage.”

Everyone stared at Ryan waiting for him to tell us to get to work. “Tomorrow… guns, gas, food and water. We start building up our supply,” he said tapping each finger as if he were writing a list, “is that everything?”

“I think so boss,” Owen joked.

Ryan rolled his eyes even though I knew how he felt about keeping us safe. For some reason he felt responsible, and he would not be dumb or take any chances about anything, especially our safety. “OK Owen you come with me, we’ll board up the windows. Ros, Sienna and Dean, you guys board up this door, while you keep an eye on Seth. And Seth, just rest.”

“Maybe if that generator works we could get a fan or better yet, fans,” I said stressing the plural, “working in here.”

“That would be fantastic,” Seth groaned in his miserable state.

Dean went with Ryan and Owen to gather the wood for our project. He came back with one hammer for the three of us. We were probably lucky that there were even three total hammers. Since the door opened inward, Dean started pounding the sturdy but irregular shaped wood strips on our side of the door. He almost had enough to cover the whole door, but there were a few places you could still see the door peeking through. He’d done the best he could with what we had. Ryan and Owen were boarding up the windows on the first floor. They left as few gaps in between each piece of wood as possible. Dean went to help them but moments later dashed up the stairs with more wood.

With each window that got boarded up, it got darker and darker in the house even though it was only midday. Sienna and I started searching for matches for the candles. It didn’t take long to find a lighter stashed away in a kitchen drawer next to a hidden pack of cigarettes wrapped neatly in a dishtowel. Someone hadn’t succeeded at quitting their nasty habit. We set up one candle in the living room and one on the kitchen table. It would provide us enough light for now, we couldn’t risk burning out all of the candles before nightfall.

Seth had fallen asleep, and Sienna was munching on a toaster pastry. I decided to check out the house. The first floor had the living room and the dining area with the kitchen, laundry and garage off to the right. There was also a nice sized pantry that needed to be cleaned out. Down the hallway to the left was the first floor bathroom, and an office area that was piled with papers, mail, books and other junk. Further down the hall was the master bedroom and a slightly smaller bedroom that looked like it hadn’t been used in years. The master bedroom had a small private bathroom and a large walk-in closet. Based on the clothing in the closet, it had been an older couple that lived here, which is perhaps why it appeared that it hadn’t been used as a farm in a while. None of the clothing would be useful. I tried to imagine the couple, where had they been when the storm hit? What had happened to them? If they had stayed in their home, maybe they would still be here since the house had mostly survived the storms.

Upstairs was another bathroom and three bedrooms, two of which weren’t used. The third belonged to a preteen based on the decor and the clothing in the closet. Maybe a grandchild stayed here often enough to have their own room, or maybe they lived with their grandparents full time. I didn’t know why I needed to have a story for the family that lived here but for some reason I did.

It was several degrees warmer upstairs. I wouldn’t be able to get any sleep with it being so hot, I would probably struggle with it either way, but I made it my personal goal to snag one of the downstairs bedrooms. That’s just me being selfish. Again. The only problem with the master bedroom is that it had two windows so it felt a little less safe but once they were boarded up I imagined it would be OK.

I was heading back downstairs as Ryan and Owen were coming up the stairs to help Dean with the windows. Ryan and I made eye contact. I wished I could read his mind, so I knew what he was thinking. He was skilled at hiding most of his thoughts and emotions, especially when it came to the ones that were secret feelings he had towards another person.

I grabbed a granola bar, a bottle of water and my novel from my new pack. I lit the smallest candle I could find in the pile and went to the master bedroom, in a weak attempt to claim it as my own. Whether or not it would work was another story.

Chapter nine.

When I woke up, it was the middle of the night and I was alone in the master bedroom. Someone had come in, blown out the candle, and put my book on the nightstand. There was a light coming from the living room and a teeny bit of moonlight coming from the tiny cracks between the wood strips in the window. It was easy enough to see my way around. When I stubbed my toe on a chair along the way, it wasn’t because of the lighting, it had more to do with not being used to the layout of the home.

I peeked into the room next to mine but I couldn’t tell who was lying in the bed. It was far too dark inside the room to make out anything besides the general shape of a person. Seth was sleeping on the couch and a single candle on the table was providing the light. I had to use the bathroom, so I borrowed the candle off the table and put it back when I had finished. I tried not to make too much noise but Seth grumbled something, turned slightly and fell back asleep. Even with rest he wasn’t doing any better with the heat. I had legitimate concerns for his health and I’m sure the others felt the same.

I went back to my room when a big crack of thunder startled me and I stumbled backwards and fell. I wasn’t sure but I think I made a strange vocalization and it must have been louder than I thought because Ryan appeared in front of me. Behind me I could hear Seth hobbling closer.

“What happened? Are you OK?” Ryan asked looking me over in the darkness to see if I had been hurt. He helped me up while Seth held on to the wall and watched over us with a concerned expression.

“I’m fine,” I said with a little laugh, “the thunder scared me is all.”

“What thunder?” Seth asked, clearly it hadn’t been loud enough to wake him up.

They both looked at me like I was crazy and listened intently. “Stay with her,” Ryan ordered and rushed to the back door, our only door not boarded closed. We had to board up the door that led to the garage until we could figure out what to do about the garage door, so we left the back door alone, so we could come and go easier.