Rapturous (17 page)

“All of it. Everything she does, I want to know.”

“That’s gonna cost you, my friend.”

“Add it to my bill.” I’m already spending a small fortune to keep eyes on my mother. What’s another small fortune if it means keeping Addie safe and out of the hands of a Dom who doesn’t love her like I do?

“You got it. I’ll be in touch.”

“Thanks, Gordon.” Though I’ve got a million
and one things to do and people waiting to get back to work on the film that defies naming, I take the elevator to the fifth floor. I pass Addie’s closed door. Is she in there researching LA-area BDSM clubs? I want to break down the door to find out. Barely resisting the urge to storm in there to see what she’s doing, I go down the hall to Flynn’s office. The door is open, so I step inside and
close it behind me.

I ought to be fucking furious with him for what happened earlier, but I’ve got too many other problems at the moment.

“Hey,” he says, removing reading glasses. “Everything okay?”

“Everything is fucking fantastic.” I flop into the chair in front of his desk. “She knows, and she wants me to train her.”

“And you said…”

“No. I fucking said
no
, because as much as she cares
about me—and she does, I know she does—she’s not submissive. It’d be a disaster from the get-go, and I’m not going there.”

Looking relieved, he sits back in his chair and puts his feet on the desk. “For what it’s worth, I think you made the right call.”

“I know I did, but guess what? She says if I won’t train her, she’ll find someone else who will.”

He sits up so abruptly, his feet drop to
the floor and his mouth hangs open in shock. “She said
what
?”

“You heard me. She’s determined to find out more about the lifestyle, and if I won’t teach her, then she’s going to do her own research. What the fuck, Flynn? I’m fucking damned if I do, damned if I don’t.”

Leaning his elbows on the desk, he appears to mull it over. “Can I ask you something and will you tell me the truth?”

“Yeah,
I guess.”

“Do you love her?”

“Yeah, I do. I have for a long time. You know why I couldn’t do anything about it, and now she does, too.” I’ve never said those words to anyone before, and when I’ve heard them from other people, often it was because they wanted something from me. Except for the other night when Addie said them. That was real, and all she wants from me is
me
.

“Maybe, if you love
her, you could train her—”

“No.”

“Hear me out. She may not be classically submissive, but she might be able to get there because she knows how much it means to you.”

I’m shaking my head before he finishes. “I’m not training her.”

“You know Addie as well as I do. When she sets her mind to something, she doesn’t back down. If she said she’s going to find someone else to train her, she probably
will. Are you going to be okay with that?”

“How okay would you feel about another Dom training Natalie?”

His brow furrows, and his expression is positively murderous.

“Exactly.”

“So what’re you going to do?”

“I’ve got Gordon watching her every move effective immediately, and if I hear that she’s heading for danger, I’ll intervene.”

“Intervene how?”

“I’ll go in there and get her.”

“And
when she has you charged with kidnapping and assault?”

“She won’t do that.”

“This is Addie we’re talking about. I wouldn’t put it past her.”

“She knows what you and I deal with in regard to the press and the Hollywood gossip machine. She’d never do that to me—or to you through me. What happens to me affects you, and she cares too much about both of us to cause trouble for Quantum.”

“Maybe
so, but I’d still think carefully about this plan of yours. It’s a recipe for disaster.”

“What would be worse? Me going after her, or her getting hurt by a Dom who hasn’t the first fucking clue how to properly care for a sub?”

“The latter. Definitely the latter.”

“Remember how stupid and clueless we were at first?”

Cringing, he nods in agreement. His first marriage ended in disaster because
he pushed his wife for way more than he should have—among other reasons.

“What if she encounters someone who doesn’t treat her right?” I ask.

“We’ll have him killed.”

“Seriously, Flynn. The thought of that makes me crazy. She says I can’t forbid her to do this, but you could. As her boss, you could tell her not to do it.”

“
Whoa
.” He holds up his hands. “That’s not happening.”

“Not even to
keep her safe?”

“Addie is a smart woman. She doesn’t need me or you or any man running interference for her.”

“She’s a smart woman who has no idea what she’s getting into by venturing into our lifestyle.”

“I’m not going to tell her not to, Hayden. I’ll tell her to be careful and do her homework, but I can’t—and won’t—intervene in her personal life.”

I rub my fist over a sharp ache in my chest.
“I feel like I’m having a heart attack.”

“You did the right thing by putting Gordon on it. He’ll let you know if she’s venturing into trouble.”

“What if I get there too late and she’s hurt or worse?” I rub my chest more urgently. “I fucked this up so bad, Flynn. Last night, I told her we can’t be together anymore, and then today she overhears you guys talking and forces me to tell her the truth.
And then when I do, she won’t let me take back what I said last night and… Oh my fucking God! Are you
laughing
?”

He’s laughing so hard he can’t speak.
 

It’s all I can do not to reach across the desk and pound the shit out of him. “What the
fuck
is so funny?”

“You are,” he says when he recovers the ability to speak. “You’re always so cool and collected when it comes to women. Seeing you like
this over someone we both love is refreshing, to say the least.”

“I don’t
want
to be like this. I don’t want to be in a relationship with her or anyone else. That’s not how I roll, and you know it.”

“Then I guess you have no choice but to let her go and hope for the best for her and yourself.”

“That’s a shitty option.”

“Let me see if I can sum things up for you. You fucked her, left her, refused
to train her and now you’re having a heart attack because she wants to find someone who
will
train her. Did I miss anything?”

“Yeah, you missed the part where I fucking pound you for gloating about it.”

“I’m not gloating.”

“What would you call it?”

“I’m summarizing a series of events for you. That’s all.”

“It’s a series of very unfortunate events.” But not all of it had been unfortunate.
No, the hours I’d spent lost in her sweet body had been anything but unfortunate. Remembering how her tight pussy clamped down on my cock when she came has me hard as steel. I shift in my seat and cross my legs.

“I have to find a way to fix this before she does something that can’t be undone.”

“Have you tried groveling? Begging? Those things worked well for me when I fucked up with Nat.”

“Hayden
Roth doesn’t grovel or beg.”

“Then I guess Hayden Roth will have to be prepared to see the woman he loves tied to another man’s St. Andrew’s cross.”

“Fuck you. Fuck you all the way to hell and back again.”

Chuckling, he says, “It might be time to grovel and beg.”

I hate that he’s right, but I can’t deny that the idea of groveling is far better than imagining her submitting to someone other
than me. I push to my feet. “Fine. If that’s what it’ll take, I’ll do it.”

“Since you’ve never done it before, I can give you some pointers about how to really sell it.”

“You’re enjoying this way too much.”

“I’m not enjoying the idea of Addie doing something dangerous. But seeing you out of your mind and in love with one of the best women I know? Yeah, I’m kinda digging that part.”

“Fuck you,”
I mutter on my way out the door, slamming it for added emphasis. And here I thought he was my best friend. He’s an asshole. I take the stairs to the sixth floor where everyone is waiting for me to get back to work, even though my concentration is blown to hell and back again. I’ll get through the day, and then I’m going talk some sense into her.
 

From my office, I can hear Hayden shouting in Flynn’s office. I hope they aren’t at odds because of me. I couldn’t help overhearing Flynn and Natalie, and when I realized they were talking about Hayden and me, well, what would you do? Flynn and Hayden get into it all the time, and they always bounce back. They will this time, too.
 

I’m thrilled that Hayden is so upset about my plan to seek training
elsewhere. It’s the least of what he deserves for being so obstinate. His behavior reminds me of being a little kid and fighting over toys on the playground. I don’t want that toy, but I don’t want you to have it either.
 

Part of me aches for him. His experience with functional relationships is limited to his Quantum partners and a few other friends. He’s never had a long-term relationship with
a woman that I know of, but he’s never lacked for female companionship. He’s in uncharted waters with me, and he has no idea how to cope with the emotional element. He’s got the physical part down to a science, but since he’s never done both at the same time, it’s up to me to show him how.

In case you’re wondering, I’m going to forgive him for being an idiot. Eventually. Why should I make it
easy on him?
 

My gaze settles on a plaque one of my girlfriends gave me after a breakup years ago. It says, “I’ve tripped and fallen. My heart has been broken. But even when I was hurting, I always found a way to pick myself up and carry on. I am a woman. I am a strong woman. I will never give up.”

On more than one occasion, I’ve needed the reminder that I can get through anything, and the current
situation requires all my strength and fortitude. I’m determined to get what I want—and I want Hayden Roth. I want a life with him. I want to love him and have him return my love freely and without reservation. I want to be everything he wants and needs in a partner and a lover.
 

I pick up the phone to call my stylist friend Tenley, one of the best-connected women in all of Hollywood and one
of the most sexually liberated women I’ve ever met. If anyone can help me find what I need, it’s her.

“Oh my God,” she says. “I was going to call you today. What’s up with you kissing Hayden Roth on international TV?”

“Hello to you, too, and in case you didn’t notice,
he
kissed
me
.”

“I noticed, and so did the rest of the world. Are you two together? I had no idea!”

“Nah, we’re just friends.”
I hate to lie to her, but Hayden and I are a long way from ready to go public with our relationship. “He got caught up in the moment.”

“That looked like more than a moment, but if you’re going to hold out on me…”

“No holdout. We’re really just friends.” Right at this moment, that’s the truth. She doesn’t need to know the rest, especially with what I’m about to ask of her. I don’t need her putting
two and two together to get that Hayden is a sexual dominant. “I’ve been asked to do some research in scouting locations for a scene at a BDSM club. I was wondering if you have any recommendations.”

“What makes you think I’d know anything about BDSM?”

“Because you know something about everything in this town and because you’ve told me you’re sexually adventurous.”

“You’re right on both counts,”
she says with a laugh. “You could check out Black Vice in the Hollywood Hills. It’s one of the best clubs in town, and the owner, Master Devon Black, is a friend of mine. A
close
friend. I could introduce you and ask him to give you a tour.”

The words “Master Devon Black” make my blood race as I wonder what he’s like. “That’d be amazing. Would you mind seeing if you can set it up for tonight
or tomorrow night?”