Rancher's Refuge (Whisper Falls) (14 page)

“I upset you.”

She glanced around the glade, a pristine wilderness broken only by the train tracks.

“Only for a moment.”

He eased an arm around her shoulders, let it lie there lightly as if gauging her acceptance. “You’re safe with me.”

“I know.” And she did. In her head, she knew. In her heart, she knew. But bad experiences died hard.

When she didn’t pull away, Austin drew her close to his side and she rested there, letting tension drain away. Gently, he opened her fingers and touched the arrowhead, a gray gleam on her palm. “Quite a find. Rare and special. There aren’t many left.”

Like him. A rare and special find. A man to trust.

She was terrified of loving again, of taking a chance. If Austin knew everything about her past, would he reject her, as broken as she was?

“You’re a beautiful woman, Annalisa,” he said softly, his warm breath against her hair. “Inside and out.”

If only he knew the truth....

It was then she decided to tell him, to put her past out in the open for him to reject or accept. Before her heart was too far gone.

“Remember that day at the falls?” she said, squeezing the arrowhead until the sharp edge cut into her skin. “You told me to trust you.”

“As I recall you didn’t have much choice.”

“Maybe not, but you didn’t let me down. You said I could trust you, and you told the truth.” She drew a ragged breath. A squirrel scampered down a cottonwood tree, rustling leaves. “I, on the other hand, haven’t always been honest with you.”

She felt him tense and steeled herself for his rejection.

“Is this about your relationship with James?”

“Yes, in a way. But in another way, James was the culmination of a lot of mistakes I made.”

“We all make mistakes.”

“Not like mine.” She twisted the arrowhead, clenching and unclenching. Grief of her own making rose in her throat and tingled behind her eyelids. “Remember when I said I had no family left? That isn’t true. I have a sister.”

“Olivia. But I thought...” He stepped away to look at her, head tilted in bewilderment.

“You thought she died—and I let you believe it.”

“Why?” His brow furrowed. “Why would you do that?”

She parked her fists on her hips and gazed upward. Cotton-white clouds gazed back, benevolent. “In a way, she’s lost to me. We don’t talk. I haven’t seen her in...a long time.”

“Want to tell me why?”

No, but she must. “When Grandpa died, Olivia and I disagreed over the distribution of his farm and property. That’s about the time James came along. I was so stupid. I know that now, but then I was blinded by James’s take-charge charm. He said he wanted to take care of me, for me not to worry. He’d handle everything.”

“What kind of things?”

“Everything, Austin, everything, although I didn’t understand at the time that he wanted absolute possession of my life. I thought his possessiveness was a sign of love.” She brushed her hair behind an ear, wishing she hadn’t been so needy and unwise. “Olivia wanted to keep the farm. James considered it an albatross. Cash was better, he claimed, to start fresh with him in California. Olivia was trying to tie me down, break us up.”

And to her shame, she’d agreed, choosing James and his false attention over her family and the little farm that had molded her childhood.

“So you sold out?”

She dropped her head, stared at a twig stuck beneath her shoelace. “I wanted to please James.”

“Didn’t Olivia have a say?”

“Not legally.” Tears gathered in her eyes. To cover the emotion, she crouched and plucked away the twig. “Grandpa trusted me to do the right thing. He trusted
me,
and I let him down. I let Olivia down. She said she’d never forgive me, and I haven’t spoken to her since.”

“Have you tried?”

She tilted her head to look up at him, standing tall and calm in front of her. “A couple of times. She hung up on me.”

He crouched with her and touched her hands. “I’m sorry.”

“I keep praying, asking the Lord to forgive me and show me a way to make amends.”

“How’s
that
working for you?” He offered a crooked, cynical smile.

“Not so well.” She lifted her shoulders, sighed. “But why should He? When I sold out Olivia, I sold Him out, too. I traded everything for a charming man who told me pretty lies, who insisted he was all I needed to be happy. I didn’t need my sister. I didn’t need God. All I needed was James.”

“Annalisa,” Austin said softly.

She pushed to a stand, not deserving the acceptance in his expression. He didn’t know the worst.

“Did you know I turned my back on God for him? James claimed my church took up too much time, that he couldn’t bear to be away from me that much.”

At the time, she’d viewed James’s desire to be with her as a sign of his love. And she’d been so needy and broken that she’d traded the true love of the Father for a man who saw her as a possession.

The ugly truth that was her life festered to breaking point. She spun away as angry tears burst free. In a broken voice, she said, “I gave him everything, Austin.
Everything
. How can God forgive me for that? And in return, I got exactly what I deserved—a man who humiliated me, controlled me, used me.”

“And tried to kill you.”

She heard the disgust in his voice. Now that Austin knew the whole story, he would walk away and never look back. He’d see her for the damaged, broken human being she was.

She moved away from him, deeper into the woods. The sharp scents of fertile earth and decaying leaves rose, stirred by her feet. The train had stopped on a forested ridge and now she broke through the oaks and sweet gums to the incline leading down into a vast valley of colorful timber. The sights were glorious, but her shame was too deep to focus. She’d thought she was healing, that her time with good, decent, salt-of-the-earth people like Cassie and the Parsonses and Austin had brought her back to a point of peace and grace.

How long would regret hold her captive?

“Annalisa.”

She turned to find him standing there, a cowboy in a white hat, with a stricken face. She raised her chin. “I thought you should know what kind of woman’s been living under your roof.”

“I do know.” She heard the swish of denim as his long legs crossed the space that separated them in three strides. “Grief causes people to do things they wouldn’t ordinarily do.”

She blinked, not comprehending. “What?”

“You loved your grandfather.”

“More than anyone other than my sister.”

“You grieved his loss.”

“I felt as if my anchor was gone.”

“And that’s when James stepped right in.”

She stared at him, stunned. “Are you saying that James took advantage of the situation?”

“What do you think?”

She thought he might be right. She prayed he was right.

“I don’t want to be a terrible person.” She averted her face. He reached out, took her chin and turned her back to face him.

“Don’t do this to yourself. I’ve known terrible people and you’re not one of them.”

When her lips trembled, his chest rose and fell in a deep sigh. Then, he pulled her into his arms. Head resting against the steady beat of his heart, Annalisa slipped her arms around his waist and held on tight.

“Listen to me, Annalisa. Any man worth his salt would know how special and good and decent you are.”

She shook her head, struggling to deny his words. “No—”

“Shh. Yes. Yes, he would. A decent man wouldn’t take advantage. He wouldn’t expect you to give up your family and your faith. He would care about what you care about.” He stroked the hair from her damp cheek, tilted her face and kissed her forehead. “James was a fool for not knowing how blessed he was to have you.”

And Annalisa knew then why his opinion mattered so very, very much. She was completely, totally, wondrously in love with Austin Blackwell.

Chapter Fourteen

A
ustin held Annalisa close, grateful that she’d trusted him enough to share her pain. And in the same breath, he cursed himself a fool for not sharing his.

She didn’t get it, didn’t understand that he was far more tainted than anything she had ever done. And he dared not tell her. Not now, not after he’d given his fancy speech about worthy men. Annalisa had been lied to and abused by a man who professed to love her. If she knew the circumstances of Blair’s death, she would look at him with revulsion and fear, and she would run. She’d assume him guilty as others had, even though he’d never hurt anyone other than himself.

He felt a tug deep inside, in the place where his spirit once had reached up to God. The spot ached to lean on Someone stronger than himself. But God had let him down in his darkest hour and like Annalisa, he struggled to trust again. But he wanted to. Oh, how he wanted to.

He stroked a ranch-roughened hand over Annalisa’s hair, down her slender back, enchanted by her softness. She cuddled into him, and he felt strong and manly and full of emotions he couldn’t voice. Every primal instinct to protect and defend flooded him like the gush of Whisper Falls.

He thought about the things she’d told him, about her sister and grandfather, about her ex. The idea that James had taken advantage of a sad, grieving, lonely woman boiled up red-hot inside him. Not just any woman, Annalisa. His sweet, beautiful Annalisa.

He wanted to make all kinds of promises, promises he’d die trying to keep. But he’d made promises before and come away empty and beaten. The truth was he didn’t have all the answers. He only knew he’d fallen in love with Annalisa, a foolish thing to do, and yet, he was happy. For years, he’d awakened each morning to go through the motions of a lonely, empty life. Now, he awoke with anticipation, eager for the day because of her.

With the smell of autumn and Annalisa’s sweet perfume swirling in his senses, Austin squeezed his eyes shut as a half-formed plan drifted through his head. No one in Whisper Falls knew about Blair. No one but Cassie.

Annalisa lifted her head and kissed his chin. A thrill ran through him. He sighed, stroked her cheek, her jaw, her lips and then he kissed her, full on the mouth, and she kissed him back, raising on tiptoes to twine her slender arms around his neck and tug him closer.

He had no armor against this woman.

He wanted to be with her, to go on feeling this happiness. And the only way to make that happen was to be sure she never learned the truth about his wife.

* * *

Annalisa rubbed the pale skin of her left arm, intrigued by how the muscle had shrunken in only six weeks. With a happy smile, she spritzed window cleaner on the windshield of her latest addition—a dandy little used car.

Accessing her checking account had been easier than she’d expected. With the help of an understanding Whisper Falls banker, all her assets had been electronically transferred to a new account. Her greatest worry had been James, but as Austin reminded her, James already knew where she was. Accessing her account wouldn’t alert him to anything except that she was now standing on her own two feet.

“What do you think, boys?” she said to the two big dogs sniffing the tires and checking out the strange vehicle. Hoss wagged his tail and nudged her arm.

“You don’t care about cars. You want a head rub.”

She gave him one, thinking of how satisfied and happy she felt today.

Thank goodness she’d had sense enough not to share her accounts jointly with James, although following one of his recent manipulative outbursts, she’d told him she would. She could almost hear his voice. “I don’t want you to worry about money. Leave that to me. Math isn’t your strong suit.” And the worst, “Sometimes I think you don’t love me at all.”

He’d made her feel as though he couldn’t live without her, as though his need for control was actually deep and passionate love. He had made her believe
she
was lacking because she desired a life apart from him.

And she’d fallen for his twisted manipulation every time except for the bank account. Thank goodness. Even when she’d turned away from her Heavenly Father, He was still looking out for her.

“What a mighty God we serve,” she muttered. God had led her here to this loving place where she could heal and find her bearings.

The idea of finally being her own woman again sent a burst of energy through her system. The Lord had forgiven her, this town had embraced her and she was as safe here as she’d ever be. She was almost convinced James would never bother her again.

Only the break with her sister remained to plague her conscience. She’d tried again to make contact. Tried and failed. Olivia had changed her phone number.

Annalisa figured she was the reason for the change. Little sister never wanted to hear from her again.

“Slick ride,” Austin said, coming out the back door to where she was parked. Hoss immediately abandoned Annalisa, rushing to Austin’s side with an eager doggy smile. She understood. She’d rather be with Austin, too.

“I bought her this morning. Isn’t she great? A little dusty and in need of a tune up, but Tommy down at the Busted Knuckle Garage said she had a lot of good miles left in her.”

“Tommy knows cars. Where did you find it?” He walked around the back, leaned down, looked underneath.

Annalisa released an inner breath. Austin hadn’t criticized. He’d not chastised her for buying the car without his approval. Satisfaction glowed through her. She rubbed the windshield a little harder.

“It belonged to Mayor Fairchild’s grandma. She hasn’t driven since she went into the nursing home.” Annalisa gave the side mirror a spritz and shine. “You and Cassie and the Parsonses won’t have to be at my beck and call anymore.”

Austin ran a palm along the front fender. “We didn’t mind.”

“I know and I’m grateful, but it’s time for me to take care of myself again, to remember that I can.”

Steady green eyes rested on her face. Her pulse fluttered.

“How does it feel?”

She grinned up at him. “Really good, thanks to you.” His support had given her much-needed confidence. “Want to go for a spin?”

“Don’t you have work?”

“We have time for a quick ride. Hop in.”

When he folded his long legs into the small compact, they both laughed. Austin shot her a wry look. “Snug fit.”

With a light heart, she drove him down the road and back. The little compact zipped along without a sputter. “Great gas mileage, too.”

“You got a deal on this baby,” he said with a pat to the dashboard.

Annalisa felt as if she’d burst with pride. It was ridiculous how much his compliment meant. James would have whined that she should have let him pick out the car, that she couldn’t make that kind of decision by herself, that buying a car on her own meant she didn’t trust him.

But it was time to forget James. Forget the past and move forward.

She pulled the little white car close to the porch. Austin unwound long legs and pried himself from the seat, then came around to the driver’s-side window and leaned in. “Mind if I come by the Iron Horse later?”

“I’ll be disappointed if you don’t.”

A slow smile lifted the corners of his eyes.

Annalisa tugged at his shirt sleeve, still smiling up at him with expectation. He didn’t let her down. His tall form bent low, he kissed her once, then again, lingering until her breath shortened and her pulse rattled madly.

Curious, Jet raised his paws up to the window opening and jammed his massive black head between them. Annalisa jerked back against the headrest with a snort as Austin pushed the dog away. “Get down, you crazy dog.”

Jet didn’t take offense. He plopped on his bottom and pawed at Austin’s jeans, whining.

“Didn’t know we had a canine chaperone,” Austin said, grinning. “You’d better get going before we both get in trouble.”

Annalisa laughed and rolled up the window. With a final wave, she pulled away and headed for the Iron Horse, mood light and happy.

* * *

Austin stood
in the yard with Hoss and Jet, and watched Annalisa spin down the driveway in her dandy little compact. She’d changed in the weeks he’d known her. Changes for the good. She no longer jumped when he raised his voice or when the telephone rang. And now, she’d bought a car. She was looking at apartments, too, and he knew she’d soon be gone from the ranch.

He was okay with that, or at least he told himself he was. He could still look out for her. They could still be friends.

He removed his hat and ran a hand through his hair. Friends. Who was he kidding? He’d kissed her. She’d kissed him back, the look in her eyes pulling him in, giving him hope. They were more than friends.

Could a man and woman build a relationship when one was less than honest?

He’d done some praying lately and gotten exactly what he’d expected. Nothing.

“Come on, boys,” he said, replacing the hat with an unnecessary shove. “We got work to do.”

A few hours later, he brushed and dried Cisco’s glossy coat and turned him loose in the pasture, the cows successfully moved to new grazing land for the coming winter. Clouds gathered in the west, banking up the promise of much-needed rain and probably cooler temps. Winter was coming, all right.

Overhead, a flock of geese honked, drawing the dogs’ attention. Jet went crazy, leaping into the air as if he could pull one down. Hoss, who loved cattle but had no interest in game, gazed at his friend in mild amusement. At least, Austin thought the old shepherd seemed amused. Maybe he’d been alone too long.

Annalisa had changed some of that aloneness. She’d drawn him out into the community and even with the fear of others learning about Blair’s death, he enjoyed the new friends.

“Annalisa.” He said her name aloud, softly, liking the feel of it on his lips.

He gazed up at the huge V-shaped flock, hoping Annalisa didn’t share their urge for a warmer climate.

A spiral of dust rose from the curve in the road leading to his ranch. He watched it grow larger, aware that just about any car driving down that road would be coming to his place. Hoss and Jet trotted out to the driveway, expectant.

A late-model sports car, flashy red and laced with chrome, roared into his yard and a man stepped out. Dressed in dark slacks, a yellow pullover and fancy loafers, the stranger looked out of place.

Austin had never seen this guy in his life, but the hairs on the back of his neck prickled. “Hello, there, are you lost?”

The blond man, a bodybuilder type with wide shoulders and powerful arms, speared him with a glare. “Are you Blackwell?”

“I am. Who’s asking?”

Popeye arms fisted on slender hips. “Where’s Annalisa?”

Austin’s blood froze in his veins. This had to be James Winchell.

He battled to keep his expression bland. “Who?”

“Don’t play dumb with me. I know she’s staying here. With you.” He spat the last words, accusing.

Austin hackled. His fists flexed. “I live here with my sister. What do you want with this Annalisa woman, whoever she is?”

“Don’t play me for a fool, Blackwell. I’m smarter than either of you give me credit for. I know she’s living here. I even know about her pathetic little job at a snack shop.” He spat the words as if they tasted nasty.

Not good. Not good at all.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about, buddy, but I suggest you take your problems elsewhere.”

“I’ll tell you what I’m talking about.” The man jabbed a finger toward Austin’s face. “Annalisa took what’s mine and I aim to get it back. And no ignorant cowpoke is going to stand in my way. She owes me.”

Heat rose up the back of Austin’s neck. He fought the urge to shove his fist through James’s smirk. “I think you have that backward. She doesn’t owe you anything. Go back to your life. Leave her alone.”

Shrewd eyes, hard as blue glass, glinted daggers. In the distance, thunder rumbled. “Why? So you can have her?”

Austin clamped his lips into a tight line. So much for staying cool. “Look, man. I don’t know you, but I do know what you did to Annalisa. She wants no part of you.”

James mottled red, the veins in his neck extending. His lips twisted in a sneer of disgust. “I should have known she’d latch on to the first man that looked at her. She’s like that. Has to have a man to take care of her.”

He made a motion toward Austin. Austin took a step back. He didn’t dare punch a cop. But he wanted to. Badly.

Beside him, Jet let out a soft growl, his black fur bristling. Hoss edged closer to his master, expression alert and concerned. Austin dropped a hand to each noble head.

“Easy, boys.” To James, he said, “I don’t think my dogs like you. I suggest you hit the trail before they get nervous and do something you’ll regret.”

James eased back, but his tight-jawed determination didn’t lessen. “What are you going to do? Kill me? The way you killed your
wife?
”

A fist of fear encircled Austin’s windpipe, cutting off all his air. The thing he’d feared had come to life. James was a cop and he knew about Blair.

Shock and anxiety must have shown on Austin’s face because James’s defensive stance changed. His expression grew knowing and predatory. He leaned in. “You didn’t tell her, did you? Annalisa doesn’t know.”

Austin thought of all the chances he’d had to come clean with Annalisa, but fear of losing her had held him back. He should have told her. He wished he had.

“Well, well, well, cowboy. What do you have to say now? Cat got your tongue?” Like a predator in for the kill, James saw his advantage and pressed in, his smile cruelly pleased. “Annalisa doesn’t know she’s sleeping with a murderer. Now, isn’t that an interesting little tidbit?”

Austin lurched toward the intruder. Jet barked. Hoss growled. His head screamed a reminder not to put his hands on a cop, not to assault an officer of the law. Not again.

Through gritted teeth and more self-control than he dreamed possible, he pushed his face into James’s and growled, “Get...off...my...land!”

With the upper body strength of a steroid user, James shoved him backward. Austin stumbled, his boots awkward and heavy. He thought of those powerful arms and hands on Annalisa, hurting her, and anger charged through him like electricity. He shook with the urge to retaliate.