Rainbow High (4 page)

Jason looked in the wal mirror. “Whoa!” He jogged back toward the bathroom.

With Melissa’s help Kyle dished out cake and set the plates on the kitchen table.

“Oh, wow.” Jason sauntered in. “You were right. This is better than a car.”

“That’s not the surprise,” Kyle said, handing Jason the Tech letter. “This is.” Jason scanned the page, his lips moving to the words:

“.. . pleased to inform you you’ve been accepted for admission—”

He glanced up at Kyle, high-fiving him. “Awesome! Congratulations, man.”

“Can I take my cake to watch TV?” Melissa asked.

“Sure. Wait. You want some milk?” Jason poured them each a cold glass. “Careful you don’t spil .” While Kyle sat down, Jason held the door for Melissa, then he returned to Kyle. “Of course, did you ever real y think you wouldn’t be accepted? You’ve got a four-point-o!”

“I don’t have a four-point-o,” Kyle said in mock protest. “It’s a three-point-nine.”

“Oh, right. Ex-cuuuze me.” Pul ing out a chair, Jason sat down, his knee grazing Kyle’s.

The touch sent a spark through Kyle’s body. Two excruciatingly long weeks had passed since they’d been alone together. It wouldn’t take much for Kyle to jump Jason’s bones right then and there.

“Nelson got his letter too,” Kyle said in an effort to calm himself down. “So we’l al three go to Tech. It’s going to be such a blast.” Jason studied Kyle, then glanced down at his cake.

“What’s the matter?” Kyle asked.

“I’ve been thinking . . .” Jason paused, gulping a swig of milk as if fortifying himself. “ . . . about coming out to Coach Cameron.” Kyle’s throat clenched as he swal owed his cake. Had he heard right? He knew Jason’s going to the Gay-Straight Al iance had been an enormous step toward coming out. Practical y the whole school knew who went to the meeting, and even straight people who attended got crap for it. Jason tel ing his coach would be an even huger step for him.

And for Kyle it would also be a tremendous relief. He hated pretending they were just friends. While Jason garnered praise on the court or got interviewed by press, Kyle had to stand by anonymous. When Jason jaunted off to some postgame party, Kyle trudged home alone. Unlike Jason’s ex-girlfriend, Kyle couldn’t receive public recognition.

But if Jason came out . . . Kyle reveled in visions of the prom, whirling around the dance floor with Jason, arm in tuxedoed arm.

“Are you sure?” Kyle asked, not wanting to get his hopes up.

Jason gave a weary sigh. “I don’t know. It’s just . . .” His voice became agitated. “Sometimes I feel like I’m going to explode—or implode—if I keep hiding. It gets to where I just want to tel everyone and get it over with—not just Coach, the team, too. Does that sound crazy? What’s happened with you and the swim team since the locker thing?”

The “locker thing” had happened after December break. Someone scratched QUEER on Kyle’s hal locker. Kyle repeatedly asked the school administration to repaint it, and they did nothing. Final y he got fed up. One morning he marched to school, and beneath the word QUEER he spray-painted AND PROUD!

The news raced around school. The fol owing day his locker was repainted, but not before some teammates took notice.

“A few of the guys won’t talk to me anymore, but they were never real y friends to begin with. Besides, swimming is different from basketbal .

Except for relays, you’re real y on your own. In team sports, you’re a lot more reliant on each other.” Jason nodded, slowly chewing a bite of cake. “So you don’t think I should do it?” Kyle immediately thought,
Of course you should do it!
He had always encouraged Jason to be honest and accepting of himself.

But before he could say anything, Jason confided, “I’m afraid I’l lose my scholarship.” Kyle set his fork down. “For coming out? They wouldn’t dare. Look at how we fought for a GSA and won. If they tried to take your scholarship, we’d fight that, too. You’re not going to lose your scholarship. You’l come out; we’l go to Tech together and graduate side by side.” He almost added how gay marriage would hopeful y be legal by then, and about the kids they’d adopt and how they’d live happily ever after.

But he decided he’d leave that discussion for later.

“Just suppose,” said Jason, tapping his fork, “I did lose my scholarship—”

“Jason,” Kyle interrupted. “I told you, you’re not—”

“But just suppose,” Jason insisted. “Would you stil go to Tech?”

“Wel ,” Kyle said, “could you stil go without a scholarship?”

Jason shrugged. “I don’t know how I’d pay for it. My mom can’t afford it, especial y with my dad gone. I could get loans, but not enough to go away. I’d probably stay home and go to community col ege, then transfer later.” Kyle felt his heart sink. More than anything, he wanted to be with Jason. But did he want it enough to put aside his dream of going away to a university?

“I hate this!” Kyle blurted out. “Our society is crazy. Why should we even have to deal with this? Our whole future together shouldn’t hinge on whether you’re honest and come out. It’s homophobic
BS
.”

Jason leaned back, looking a little blown away by Kyle’s outburst.

“I’m sorry.” Kyle took a deep breath. “I didn’t mean to go off like that.”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry I brought al this up. It isn’t your problem.”

“It
is
my problem,” Kyle told him. “If you don’t go to Tech, where would that leave me? What you decide affects both of us.” Jason looked back at him, a solemn expression on his face. “Maybe I should forget al this,” he said softly.

“How?” Kyle said. “It’s not going to go away. Do you want to go through col ege like this? What happens if they find out after you’re already there and take away your scholarship
then?”

Jason bit into a fingernail. “I hadn’t thought of that.”

“At least,” Kyle said soothingly, “if you come out now, you’d be, I don’t know, like, a role model—someone people would look up to.”

“Yeah, right,” Jason said. “No one’s going to lookup to me.”

“I do,” Kyle said, staring deeply into Jason’s brown eyes.

Jason pursed his lips into a little pout. “Yeah, wel , you’re biased.
You’re
the role model, not me.”

“Oh, yeah?” Kyle asked. “And you’re not biased?”

Jason’s mouth opened in a wide show of teeth. “Maybe.”

Kyle thought how much he loved those teeth, that mouth, this boy. He considered what he was about to say and, fighting al common sense, he said it: “If you feel you need to come out to your coach, then I think you should do it.” Jason gazed back at him, sighing, and slumped down in his chair. In the process, his knee bumped against Kyle’s.

Kyle let it rest there and reached across the table for Jason’s hand.

Jason flashed a glance toward the door. An instant later they were on their feet, pressed against each other. Jason’s lips devoured Kyle’s, tasting of chocolate-raspberry cake, sweeter than the original.

As Kyle’s tongue rol ed across Jason’s, he no longer cared about col ege next year. He only wanted to live this moment, forever. Except . ..

From the doorway came a giggle. Startled, the boys jumped apart.

Melissa stared at them, carrying her empty plate and milk glass. “Were you two kissing?” Jason, bright red, darted a questioning glance at Kyle, but Kyle looked away, embarrassed. It was up to Jason what he told his sister, though Kyle hoped he’d be truthful.

Jason cleared his throat. “Um, yeah.” He hurriedly took her plate and glass. “Don’t tel Ma, okay?” Melissa glanced at Kyle. “I won’t.” Giggling, she skipped out of the room.

“Oh, man!” Jason brought his fingers to his forehead. “I can’t believe she saw us.”

“At least you were honest with her,” Kyle said, patting him on the shoulder. “That’s great.” Jason rubbed his temples. “I’m glad you think so.”

The front door sounded as Mrs. Carril o came home. Melissa kept her word, not saying anything about the boys’ kiss while Jason’s mom chatted with them, thanking Kyle for the cake.

Before Kyle left, Jason handed him a pair of tickets for the game against Chesapeake High Friday. “For you and your dad. Can you come?”

“Of course!” Kyle beamed.

As he walked home through the cold, dark night, past brick houses with blue-hazed windows and dogs barking in yards, he thought how clear his life had seemed only two hours earlier. Now everything seemed so uncertain. What if Jason did lose his scholarship? Would Kyle stick by him no matter what? Wasn’t that part of loving someone?

Kyle felt the game tickets in his pocket, desperately hoping he wouldn’t regret encouraging Jason to come out to his coach.

Friday evening, prior to the game against Chesapeake High, Jason suited up in the locker room, pul ing on his blue and silver uniform. He replayed his conversation with Kyle in his mind, stil wavering whether to come out to Coach and the team.

Wasn’t it enough that he’d stood up to his dad and confided in most of the important people in his life—his best friend, Corey, Debra (his ex), his mom and little sister? He was free of his dad; he was discovering his feelings with a boy whom he’d told he loved; and he had a university scholarship in hand. For the first time in his life, everything was going his way. Did he real y want to screw it al up?

Three lockers down, Dwayne Smith was spouting off about how tonight he was going to kick Chesapeakes’ asses.

“And you faggoty fairies better not foul al over the place, like last game.” The jerk hassled everyone, then claimed he was only joking. He’d already tried to get into it with Jason twice during the past week at practice. On both occasions Jason had turned away, refusing to be goaded.

Now, as Jason finished tying his shoelaces, he felt Dwayne’s sharklike gaze lock onto him. “Hey, Carril o,” Dwayne shouted, loud enough for the entire locker room to hear. “What did you go to that fag group for?”

Jason’s heart thundered like a basketbal on the court. A couple of teammates turned to Jason, awaiting his response. For a moment Jason regretted having gone to the GSA meeting. But didn’t he want to come out to the team? Dwayne had yanked the door wide open for him. Al Jason had to do was step out.

He hesitated. The words dangled from his tongue. But he refused to come out in reaction to Dwayne’s provocation.

“I went to the group,” Jason said, swal owing the knot in his throat, “’cause I wanted to.” The answer was true enough. Its force effectively terminated the discussion.

As Jason scanned his teammates’ faces, he knew the issue wasn’t over. With the exception of Dwayne, those in the locker room had been among the most cherished people in Jason’s life. They were like brothers to him—even more than brothers.

First among them was Corey, Jason’s best friend since freshman basketbal tryouts. He was like a big brother to Jason, knowing him better than anyone. On many a night, when Jason’s dad came after him in a drunken rage, Jason had fled to Corey’s. And in turn, when Corey’s own parents fought a bitter divorce, Jason was there, helping Corey get through it.

Then there was Odel , Jason’s roommate at sports camp sophomore year. During their second week, Odel had gotten news his grandma died. He cried uncontrol ably to Jason the entire night, apologizing between sobs. But Jason dismissed his apologies, staying up to console him.

There was Skip, who only three weeks ago had confided to Jason he’d accidental y gotten his girlfriend pregnant. “I don’t know what to do!” he told Jason. “What the hel should I do?”

Jason didn’t know either, so he just listened, hoping Skip would figure it out.

Andre was the heartbreaker of the group. His cologne fil ed the locker room at the end of each game. And his much-admired ability to win girls fil ed the rest of the team with awe. Jason remembered when he’d first courted Debra and asked Andre’s advice. How could he come out to him
now?

There was “Comeback Kid” Wang, who after a knee injury, feared he’d never play again. But everyone, including Jason, took turns massaging and exercising with him, pleading with Coach to let him return to the team, til at last Coach accepted him back.

And there were others, each holding a special place in Jason’s life. He’d bonded with them, on the court and off—through back-slapping triumphs and somber defeats, memorable awards dinners and forgettable fast-food feasts; through birthdays getting tossed ful y clothed into the shower and pay-back times when someone else’s birthday came round; through the bus songs and diesel smel s and awkward moments awaking on one another’s shoulders; through winners’ hugs and worries about grades; through being praised by Coach, then chewed out, then praised some more.

These were Jason’s “boys,” like family to one another.

And yet, in the very midst of their closest friendship, erupted the pervasive fag jokes and constant innuendo. Even now, as Jason closed his locker, Odel reached into Andre’s shorts, snapping his jockstrap.

“Hey, honey. Gonna score another heart tonight?”

“Fag.” Andre burped, grabbing for Odel ’s crotch in return.

“Homo.” Odel laughed, pul ing away.

It was like this al the time—as if they were al afraid of getting too close, so they had to make fun of it.

“That’s enough,” Coach Cameron bel owed, cal ing the team together for the pregame meeting.

Jason let out a breath of relief, eager for the pending game—where the rules were clear and made sense.

With the basketbal season ending, Whitman ranked in the state’s top ten. As the team jogged out to the court, the packed gym cheered.

But the game got off to a bad start. Whitman turned over the bal twenty-four times in the first twenty minutes. By halftime the team trailed 29-48.

In the locker room Coach Cameron did his best to ral y them. “Come on, boys. Their team is crap. Show ’em who you are.” As the third quarter got under way, it seemed as if the game had turned round. Jason freed Corey up to get three shots, but then Jason missed a layup.