Rainbow High (26 page)

“Absolutely!” Nelson yel ed, hoping the music and dancing could snap him out of his Jeremy weirdness.

“Why is it,” Cindy remarked, “two girls can dance together and no one says anything? But if two guys do it, everyone goes crazy!”

“’Cause two girls are hot!” Corey beamed.

“Oh, we gotta dance to this!” Nelson shouted to the group as the song changed. He jostled toward the mirror bal , Jeremy and the group trailing after him.

To Nelson’s immense satisfaction, as the boys began dancing together people gaped and pointed. Ever since freshman year Nelson had imagined this moment.

A couple of swaggering guys from the footbal team, straining in their tuxes, puffed their chests out and raised their fists in threatening gestures. One of them yel ed something, but the music was too loud to hear it.

Jason and Corey turned toward the guys, as if ready to take them on, but just then Muel er showed up, scowling daggers, and the footbal boys backed down.

“You did it!” Cindy said, high-fiving Nelson.

For the next dozen songs Nelson jumped and bounced to the music, trying to shake off al his mixed-up impulses toward Jeremy. But he could barely look at him in the eye. Anyone watching would hardly have known they were dancing together.

Then the fast set of songs ended and a slow series started. Cindy leaned into Corey. Ditto Lance and Debra. Then Kyle took hold of Jason’s hand and Jason hesitated but then put his arm around Kyle.

Jeremy and Nelson were the only couple left standing apart on the dance floor.

“Want to dance?” Jeremy extended his hand.

Nelson glanced at the other couples holding one another close. That had been Nelson’s dream too—prom with someone he loved, not with an ex from a breakup.

“No, thanks,” he said.

Jeremy’s hand fel to his side. He gazed at Nelson, downcast. “I’m going to the lobby for a bit.” Nelson stayed behind, too confused to stop him, feeling like total Loservil e.

“Why are you standing here by yourself?”

Nelson whirled around to see Kyle’s face set in a sharp frown.

Jason stood next to him. “Did you two fight?”

“I never should’ve done this,” Nelson grumbled. “I should just go home.” He started to leave but Kyle grabbed his shoulder.

“Nelson! We’ve been talking about this night for four years!”

Nelson wavered. He turned to Jason. “Tel me something. Isn’t it hard for you and Debra to stil be friends?” Jason gave him a puzzled look. “Sometimes.” He gazed at Debra and Lance slow dancing. “But I wouldn’t want to stop being friends with her.” He cracked a smile. “Not that she’d let me, even if I did.” He glanced toward the lobby door. “Don’t you care about him—Jeremy, I mean?”

“Yeah,” Nelson said.

“Then get over yourself,” Jason ordered, reaching over to adjust Nelson’s col ar.

“You’l never have this night again,” Kyle murmured, and fol owing Jason’s lead, he brushed off Nelson’s jacket.

“But you don’t understand!” Nelson protested.

Ignoring his complaint, Kyle and Jason gently pushed him toward the door.

In the middle of the lobby fil ed with groups of jabbering prommies, Jeremy sat alone on a flat bench. His eyes gazed down at his hand.

Between his thumb and forefinger, he held the boutonniere Nelson had given him.

Oh crap,
Nelson thought, suffusing with guilt. As he walked over, Jeremy glanced up.

“Can I ask you something?” He gazed at Nelson dead-on. “Why did you invite me tonight? Al evening you’ve ignored me. If you did this to get back at me, mission accomplished.”

“Get back at you?” The accusation rang in Nelson’s ears. “For what?”

“For breaking up. For things not working out. You tel me why.”

Doubts surged in Nelson’s mind. Was Jeremy right? Was he trying to get back at him?

“No! It’s not that. It’s just . . .” Nelson struggled with words.

Jeremy waited, twirling the flower between his fingers.

“This is hard for me . . . I stil care about you.”

“You’ve got a weird way of showing it.” Jeremy tossed the boutonniere on the bench. “This is hard for me too, you know? If you want me to leave, just say so.”

Was that what Nelson wanted? If not, then why had he been such a jerk with Jeremy tonight? He tugged on an earring and tried to clear his thoughts.

“I’m sorry.” Nelson gazed down at the flower cast aside. “Please don’t leave.” Sheepishly he sat on the edge of the bench beside Jeremy, closer than they’d been al evening. “I don’t know why I’m acting so weird. I guess I . . .” He gulped a deep breath, swal owing the lump in his throat. “I guess I don’t know if I can be friends with someone I fel in love with.” It was the first time—excepting Kyle—that Nelson had ever uttered to a boy that he loved him. Only in Nelson’s topsy-turdy universe would it happen to be a boy he’d already broken up with.

Nelson leaned back on the bench, hating his sucky life and forgetting the bench had no backrest. Bam! He promptly fel off. Just like that.

Not again. He covered his face, feeling total y stupid. Who else but Nelson could admit his love one instant and crash onto his butt the next?

He rol ed over on the carpet, wishing he could disappear.

“You okay?” Jeremy’s voice sounded beside him.

“Just perfecting my technique,” Nelson muttered. He peered between his fingers.

Jeremy knelt next to him, restraining a smile. He extended a hand and pul ed Nelson upright. “Dude, look. I’d real y like to be friends with you.

But it can only work if you want it to.”

Nelson gazed into those puppy brown eyes.
Could
he be just friends? Wel , if Jason could do so with Debra, why couldn’t he with Jeremy?

He picked up the flower lying on the bench and took a deep smel , strengthening his resolve. “I
do
want to be friends,” he told Jeremy, and pinned the boutonniere back into his lapel.

A moment later he was two-stepping with his ex past a tide of couples on the dance floor—not exactly the prom fantasy he’d dreamt of al those years but . ..

It was real.

The remainder of the evening he and Jeremy talked and joked, almost like old times, and they danced like crazy.

At one in the morning the DJ cranked up the music. Recognizing the starting chords immediately, Nelson leaped with a whoop, thrusting his arms high into the air. Trumpets blared. Drums banged. And gesturing initials, Nelson led the Walt Whitman High School senior class in a ful -

fledged rendition of “YMCA.”

After a final slow, mushy song, Mr. Muel er chased everyone out of the bal room. Cindy wrapped her arms around Nelson and insisted the boys come up to the hotel room she and Corey and Debra and Lance had rented.

During the next several hours the eight of them devoured twelve bags of chips, cookies, and pretzels: drank fifteen soft drinks and half a fifth of cheap vodka; told crude jokes; played music so loud that the management cal ed them to turn it down; giggled and shrieked through three rounds of Secrets and Lies; rearranged the room furniture; trampolined between the double beds to
MTV After Hours
and got cal ed by the manager again.

In between al that, Nelson tried on Debra’s evening gown while Debra put on his tux; Cindy convinced Corey to let her paint his toenails; Jason taught everyone the words to “La Cucaracha” in Spanish; Kyle confessed to having ridden his bike past Jason’s house, hoping to catch a glimpse of him, a mil ion times during freshman year; Jeremy led everyone in a cha-cha line dance to Cher’s “Do You Believe in Life After Love?“; and Lance got sick, after which he crashed dead asleep.

Shortly before dawn the boys final y left for Jeremy’s, where Kyle and Jason said good-bye to him in the car and waited while Nelson walked Jeremy to the front door.

“Wel . . .” Nelson glanced down at the sidewalk. “Sorry I acted like such a megaturd tonight.” Jeremy smiled. “We got through it.”

“Yeah,” Nelson agreed.

They stared at each other for a long, unforgettable moment. Then Jeremy opened his arms and Nelson flew into them, clutching him in a fierce embrace.

When they final y let go, Jeremy said, “Hey, my gang’s been asking about you. Come to coffee with us sometime.”

“Okay!” Nelson nodded eagerly. He watched Jeremy go inside. Then he skipped back to the car.

In the front seat, Jason and Kyle sat wrapped around each other, tongues to tonsils.
Quelle surprise.

Leaning onto the back fender, Nelson lit up a cigarette, watching the sky turn aquamarine as birds began chirping.

He drew in a deep drag of smoke, proud of how he’d gotten through the night, and thought about al he’d come through this past year: the unexpected incursion of Jason into his friendship with Kyle; the HIV scare; his disappointment that col ege with Kyle wasn’t going to happen; and now, his acceptance that there would be no big R with Jeremy.

Yet in spite of it al , in a weird way he felt stronger—as if he could handle anything the future might bring. And for that, maybe it had al been worth it.

“You coming?” Jason cal ed, leaning out the window.

Nelson flicked his cigarette away. “Can I sit up front with you guys?”

Jason moved over, letting Nelson squeeze in.

Kyle started the engine and asked, “What’s the big smile for?”

“Nothing.” Nelson shrugged, watching the first golden rays of sun splash onto the road ahead. Then he added, “And everything.”
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organizing a peer group

GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network)

121 West 27th Street, Suite 804

New York, NY 10001-6207

Phone: (212) 727-0135

Fax: (212) 727-0245

www.glsen.org (Please visit this Web site to find the chapter in your region.) The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network strives to ensure that each member of every school community is valued and respected regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity/expression. GLSEN believes that such an atmosphere engenders a positive sense of self, which is the basis of educational achievement and personal growth. Since homophobia and heterosexism undermine a healthy school climate, we work to educate teachers, students, and the public at large about the damaging effects these forces have on youth and adults alike. GLSEN

recognizes that forces such as racism and sexism have similarly adverse impacts on communities, and we support schools in seeking to redress al such inequities. GLSEN seeks to develop school climates where difference is valued for the positive contribution it makes in creating a more vibrant and diverse community. We welcome as members any and al individuals, regardless of sexual orientation, gender identity/expression, or occupation, who are committed to seeing this philosophy realized in K-12 schools.

GLSEN combats the harassment and discrimination leveled against students and school personnel. GLSEN creates learning environments that affirm the inherent dignity of al students, and, in so doing, teaches them to respect and accept al of their classmates—regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity/expression. GLSEN believes that the key to ending anti-gay prejudice and hate-motivated violence is education.

And it’s for this reason that GLSEN brings together students, educators, families, and other community members—of any sexual orientation or gender identity/expression—to reform America’s educational system.

GLSEN’s student organizing project provides support and resources to youth in even the most isolated of places, supporting students as they form and lead gay-straight al iances—helping them to change their own school environments from the inside out. A Gay-Straight Al iance (GSA) is a school-based, studentled, noncurricular club organized to end anti-gay bias and homophobia in schools and create positive change by making schools welcoming, supportive, and safe places for al students, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. GSAs help eliminate anti-gay bias, discrimination, harassment, and violence by educating school communities about homophobia and the lives of youth, and supporting lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) students and their heterosexual al ies.

issues with parents

PFLAG: Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays

1726 M. Street, NW, Suite 400

Washington, DC 20036

Phone: (202) 467-8180

Fax: (202) 467-8194

www.pflag.org (Please visit this Web site to find the chapter in your region.) Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays promotes the health and wel -being of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered persons and their families and friends through support, to cope with an adverse society; education, to enlighten an il -informed public; and advocacy, to end discrimination and to secure equal civil rights. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays provides opportunity for dialogue about sexual orientation and gender identity, and acts to create a society that is healthy and respectful of human diversity. PFLAG is a national nonprofit organization with a membership of over 80,000 households and more than 440 affiliates worldwide. This vast grassroots network is developed, resourced, and serviced by the PFLAG national office, located in Washington, D.C., the national Board of Directors, and the Regional Directors’ Council. The parents, families, and friends of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered persons celebrate diversity and envision a society that embraces everyone, including those of diverse sexual orientations and gender identities. Only with respect, dignity, and equality for al wil we reach our ful potential as human beings, individual y and col ectively. PFLAG welcomes the participation and support of al who share in, and hope to realize, this vision.

violence and hate crimes against gays and lesbians

The New York City Gay & Lesbian Anti-Violence Project and the

National Coalition of Anti-Violence Projects

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New York, NY10001