Rage to Adore (14 page)

Tani gazed after him, confused by the myriad contradictions
between his actions and his words. Jaro was a strange man. Although he both
infuriated and fascinated her in equal measure, she suddenly realized she wasn’t
scared of him. Even considering his reputation. No. She was more scared of
herself and the riot of sensations that bubbled to the surface, heating her
blood whenever he touched her. She had no choice but to follow, vowing to keep
her distance, focusing her thoughts instead on the man she was here for.
Lorcan. He must be worried about her missing their dinner date.

But no matter how hard she tried to ignore Jaro, every nerve
ending in her body seemed attuned the buzz of energy that was a constant hum
between them. And no matter how much she tried to avoid looking, it was hard
not to appreciate the rather spectacular specimen of masculinity who prowled
ahead of her, his tight butt a fine sight, filling the black combat pants to
perfection. Chaos damn him!

Enigma

They trekked for hours in silence. Finally, just as the sky
was turning dark they came across a cave. Jaro left Tani to start a fire,
returning half an hour later with a brace of small birds fit for roasting. She
didn’t ask how he had caught them but he could see she was grateful he had. It
was a full twenty-four hours since they’d last eaten anything substantial so his
catch would make a welcome meal.

“I was right,” said Tani, once they had settled and the
birds were roasting. Jaro regarded her amused expression. “What about?” As if
he didn’t know. He had been wondering all afternoon when she would bring it up.

“Woof woof!” she said. Jaro fought to contain his own amusement.
He had to give it to her; she had a sense of humor. He eyed her lazily, letting
his guard down for an instant. “Kind of makes sense,” he said, raising his
eyebrows in her direction. “What does?” she asked.

“Well, there you are Red, and here I am—a big bad wolf.
Shall I eat you up?”

“Very funny.” Tani rolled her eyes at him, her expression at
once both playful and warm. A strange heat spread deep in his chest, stroking
the vicious rage he carried inside himself. Making him want things he could
never have.

“So,” she was saying, “you’re a saevici, a barghesti no
less. That’s very rare. Why didn’t Lord Phenex use you in the pits that way?”

“Maybe because he didn’t know.”

She looked shocked. “He doesn’t know you’re a saevici? How
did you manage to keep that a secret?”

“Because I didn’t know myself—until today.” Tani’s jaw
dropped and her brows creased in confusion, her expression of puzzlement
stirring parts of Jaro’s body that seemed to have a mind of their own. She was
just too adorable. He needed to squash this attraction, it was a distraction he
could do without. He sure as hell didn’t need this redhead making him wish for
fantasies of things that could never be. It was too much.

“How…?”

“I don’t fucking know, all right?” He spat the words at her,
anger rising in his veins. This whole thing was impossible. If he was a saevici
he should have known at birth. He should have gone through a ceremony to bind
him to his animal spirit, the spirit of a barghesti. But he hadn’t, and his
parents had never so much as mentioned the possibility that he could be a
saevici. That in itself was strange because it was usually hereditary and the
kudos would have given his mother much to crow about. And what about Lorcan? If
Jaro was a saevici, the chances were that his brother was one too, but Lorcan
had never shown any signs of it. If he had been one, Lorcan would have rubbed
Jaro’s face in it—as another sign of his superiority. Jaro expelled a roar and
felt again the cracking of his bones as they shifted, wanting to know if he
could do it again. His eyes turned to hers as he felt the rush of power
coursing through his blood, felt the strength of the beast inside surging to
fuse with every atom in his body.

Her eyes briefly flickered with something that could have
been fear, but then determination crossed her face and she clenched her fists,
body taut as if ready to defend herself should he attack. His redhead was
brave. His redhead? She wasn’t his but how he wished she were. The barghesti
inside howled in rage that Fate, the bitch that had sent him into slavery, was
still toying with him, crossing his path with that of this woman, the only
woman who had the power to drop him to his knees. She could never be his. Fate
was surely enjoying this. He had no choice but to take her back to Phenex. How
Lorcan could have done this to her he didn’t know, but then again, he had never
understood his brother.

Tani’s eyes were still regarding him, her expression not
fearful but cautiously assessing. He let his body relax and immediately the
sensation of bones mutating washed over him. Jaro returned to his masculine
body.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said, wanting to reassure
her.

“What made you turn today?” she asked, quietly voicing the
question that was in his head.

“I was angry.”

“What made you angry?”

Too many questions he didn’t feel like answering. “Who the
fuck cares? I don’t need to be psychoanalyzed, Red, and it’s none of your
business anyway. I am what I am and it looks like I’m a saevici, yeah great!
Can’t wait for my master to find that out. Will he use me in the pits? You bet
your life he will. I am so looking forward to that!”

Rant over, he tensed. “What the fuck?” His eyes shot to hers,
widening in horror. He could feel the threads of pity she was weaving around
him; he knew she was trying to soften his anger. He couldn’t let that happen.
He needed to hate, needed to have the blackness heavy inside him to survive. If
he softened he would crumble. He wouldn’t be able to resist her and that would
surely kill him because he would have to protect her from Phenex, Lorcan and
anyone else who might want her, and if he let her soothe him he would definitely
want to do that. He would never want to let her go. If Phenex touched her then Jaro
would kill him and that would mean his own death. Self-preservation kicked in.

“Keep your comfort or whatever it is to yourself, Red. Save
it for some other poor sap who gives a shit. I’ll get you back to Serpens but
that doesn’t mean I want your pity.”

She flinched and he felt her withdrawal. She turned away,
her focus on the roasting birds as if nothing had happened. Silence settled
between them but the stifling air around them crackled with tension. Jaro
couldn’t take his eyes off her. It was hard for him to believe she was actually
here. That she wasn’t some otherworldly apparition. It was as if he were drunk
on the sight of her beautiful red hair a glowing beacon that demanded his
attention. The urge to wrap his fingers in those red strands and pull her close
only served to enhance his ire toward her. She was an enticing red spider
weaving a web that ensnared and he was caught in her spell. She was a witch. A
siren. If he let her under his skin there was no doubt in his mind he would be fucked,
a wrecked ship floundering on the rocks, a drowning man lost at sea.

The light of the fire flickered, throwing golden highlights
onto her flaming locks. They dazzled him. Her amethyst eyes turned to his. He
caught the stare and savored it. She was looking at him with concern, not with
disgust. But his anger at her, at Lorcan, his mother and his master overrode
any other emotion he might have, and he was unwilling to acknowledge any of the
feelings that were threatening his sanity. He could not afford to soften toward
her.

Jaro still didn’t know what kind of a game she was playing,
the façade of a wealthy socialite having been eradicated by the evidence he had
seen in the alley of her fighting prowess. She was a trained warrior and as
such it was obvious that there was some deeper reason as to her presence in
Serpens, some secret that she was keeping. He turned away, trying to ignore the
magnetic draw he felt toward her by stoking up the fire.

Tani regarded Jaro from across the campfire. In the
flickering light he appeared a terrible frightening beast of a male. Up close
he was huge, and with his body still a mass of swollen bruises she should have
been revolted and terrified of the intense hum of power that surrounded him.
But even now she still wasn’t scared of him. He had saved her from falling and
certainly his sudden shift had given her the opportunity to escape Belial’s men,
but even though she knew he had done terrible things, she felt instinctively
that he wouldn’t harm her.

Her heart had constricted, watching Jaro seethe with
bitterness and pain. It had stabbed her straight in the gut, wrenching through
muscle and bone so agonizing that her compassion had to respond. Releasing a
wave of comfort, she let it roll outward, trying to wash away his hurt. Again,
he wanted none of it. Well, Jaro could take her to Serpens but that didn’t mean
she was going to Phenex. Lorcan would have something to say about that. Once
there she would contact Antares. She would only truly belong to Phenex if she
made the vow, the oath to serve that would tie her to Phenex for life. He might
have paid Morana money for her but that didn’t mean she was going to submit.
She might be the Esseni of Love but that didn’t make her a wimp.

Tani withdrew the blanket of compassion and ate in silence.
His energy sparked with anger and she decided to back off, wondering what it
would take to get this man to accept some show of caring. Jaro was an enigma.
She watched him surreptitiously from under her lashes as he worked on stoking
the fire that had died down, the warmth of the day having been overtaken by the
cold air of night. His face, still bruised from the most recent beatings, was
beginning to heal and his eyes, still hidden under swollen flesh, focused
intently on his task as if he were consciously avoiding her gaze.

As he blew air to fan the flames, Tani couldn’t help but
notice the ripple of hard muscle in thick biceps, remembering again how those
strong arms had grabbed her back from the brink, the feel of his rough palms
still warm against her skin. She swallowed, trying to focus on the memory of
other strong hands. It wouldn’t do to be thinking such thoughts about this
criminal. Lorcan—focus on Lorcan. She tried to picture him in the ballroom,
gently dancing with her, holding her as if she were the most fragile flower in
existence or in the garden when he’d first kissed her—but her brain was having
none of it, insisting on other more vivid impressions. She remembered him in
the bazaar, his body solid as rock, but that only reminded her of Jaro’s
granite frame. Brain, focus! She batted that image away, focusing on Lorcan
again, remembering him by the fruit stall and the magnetic pull that had been
impossible to evade.

Other images crashed down on her, the frenzied kiss and near
orgasm outside the club smashing away all other instances. This was the only
way she could wipe aside these unwanted thoughts of Jaro—by focusing on how
Lorcan ignited her blood! Oh yes. She felt the fire fan inside her chest, just
as the fire Jaro was lighting burst into flames. She shivered, but not from the
cold.

“Come and get warm,” Jaro said, looking over at her, the
deep, rasping tone of his voice brushing rough pebbles across her flesh. “You
must be freezing.” If only he knew.

Tani inched forward, hating that he sounded as if he cared
when she knew he did not. She wanted to be repulsed by this male and his
constant antagonism that brought out the worst side of her personality, but he
had also saved her and this contradiction in his character was such a confusing
paradox. It was in her best interest to keep her distance. She held out her
palms to the flames, trying to pretend he didn’t exist. That was a lost cause
and it wasn’t long before he caught her gaze.

“What are you staring at?” His question was harsh. “Afraid
of being alone with the slave-rapist?”

“Hardly,” she replied. “Believe it or not I know how to
defend myself.”

His lips curled sardonically. “I’m sure you do.” His gaze
raked its way down from her face to her breasts, lingering on the rise and fall
of creamy flesh. She felt her nipples harden in response. No! No! No! For Gaia’s
sake, what was she thinking?

“But you’re not really my type,” he continued, his words
like cold water over her skin. “I like something to grab on to—you’re all skin
and bones.” He turned away dismissively, rolling over, his back to the fire. “Sorry
to disappoint you, Red. I could see you were aching for it but even a slave
like me has some standards.”

Tani seethed with indignation. How dare he? Sad thing was—she
didn’t know what annoyed her more—the fact that he wasn’t interested or the
fact that she felt some disappointment at his dismissal. Why should she care if
he found her attractive or not? She was bound to Lorcan.
He
was her
destiny. This weird attraction to Jaro was a false sensation, a product of
circumstance. They had been flung together in a difficult situation and in some
respects he had saved her.

He was not the usual hero material, forever tainted by his
unsavory past but then again she believed in redemption. Perhaps it was not too
late for Jaro. If they made it back in one piece she could try to help him. The
Eunomi could always use a willing fighter. He was a saevici and a rare one at
that. As such he would command respect. Tani found that she wanted that for
him. Everyone should have a shot at redemption. Why not Jaro? Even if he was
the most irritating man in the galaxy.

Tani drew her knees to her chest as he turned away, the
action creating a barrier between them. She needed some space, a moment of calm
to regain her balance. That was the reason she was here, wasn’t it? Duty and
balance. Her role as an Esseni was to ensure the balance of love and hate in
the universe. How much she was beginning to loathe that word. Duty. Duty and
honor, her father’s mantra.

Tani knew she would do her duty. Programmed as she was, she
would fight to get back to Lorcan and fight for The Balance. If she could only center
herself and her wayward emotions! Jaro was a distraction she needed to ignore.
And that’s all he was—an unwelcome distraction. The sooner they were back in
Serpens, the sooner she could forget all about him.

But no matter how much she tried to tell herself that, the
last thing she saw before she closed her lids in sleep was not the face of the
man she was fated to—but the image of a swollen bruised face, dark inky-black
hair and a body made of iron.