Quinn II (Undaunted Men #2) (25 page)

To say I’m a jittery mess would be putting it mildly, and with each step I take upward and onto his front porch, my hands begin to shake involuntarily. I reach out and quickly push the small doorbell before I lose my nerve. There, I did it, and now I feel sicker to my stomach than before.
 

As I stand here at his front door, I wonder if it’s not too late to turn around and make a break for it. I keep taking deep breaths and
exhaling steam as I watch it rise into the cold air to help pass the time. T
his breathing technique I've learned to use for coping with anxiety is bullshit; it's not helping me one bit. I have speculated about this very moment in so many different ways, and the worst part is I can’t predict how this will go down.
 

After the longest minute of my life, I finally hear heavy footsteps approaching the front door. The anxiety is bone-crushing, and it settles into the pit of my stomach, making me want to puke.

Quinn opens the door and steals my breath away. There he is, standing before my eyes in all his handsome, manly glory. He’s still the same, sexy-as-sin man I remember. Even sexier are the shadows of his unshaven jaw. The look on his face is one of absolute shock, and I know I have the same look on my face, because no matter how many times I’ve prepared myself for this moment, nothing can take away from the personal experience of seeing him in the flesh.

He’s shirtless, his ripped muscles fully on display, and my mouth goes dry. I want nothing more than to be accepted by him, and be wrapped up in those warm, strong, loving arms of his again. The ache to touch him has never been more real, and I have to clench my hands into fists inside my coat pockets in order to keep myself from making any stupid moves.

He quickly gets a grip on himself, his expression turning to stone, just like his voice. “What do you want?”

I feel the warmth of his house seep past the half open doorway, but I’m suddenly cold through and through, and it has nothing to do with the weather. “I umm…” I stutter, “I was hoping we could talk for a couple of minutes?” The tightness in my throat doesn’t allow me to swallow as he narrows his gaze on my protruding belly. “I’m pregnant,” I croak out.

He flicks his eyes up to mine and arches a brow as if to say he’s not stupid, because anyone can plainly see that I'm with child. “I can see that. Don’t you remember? I was there when you when Vince told me the good news,” he says condescendingly. He tilts his head to the side in question, eyes narrowed in speculation, and animosity dripping from his mouth. “What’s the matter, Alexis? Things didn’t quite work out like you planned with lover boy?”

I sink my teeth into my bottom lip, not sure how I’m supposed to proceed with that statement. “It’s not like that,” I timidly whisper.

He laughs out loud, a bold, hateful laugh full of derision directed solely at me. “It’s not like that?” he mocks. Startled by his outburst, I recoil, and reflexively shrink back. I’m staring at him with trepidation, not willing to believe this is the Quinn I came to know and love.
 

His laugh then halts abruptly, and his lips turn into an evil sneer. “Do you want me to tell you what it’s really like, Alexis?” I shake my head as hot, prickly tears sting the back of my eyes. “No?” His voice pitches high, as if he can't believe I'd not want to hear what he has to say. He takes a step forward into my personal space, almost shutting the front door behind him as he points a finger at me. “Since you drove all the way here, knocking on my door in the dead of winter, I think it’s only right I clue you in—”

He’s interrupted by a dog barking behind the door. I know that bark. It can’t be. She was left for dead in the mountains. I crane my neck to the side, trying to see past him, and I get a glimpse of her mahogany coat.
 

“Kimber?!” I cry out with surprise. “Oh, my God. It can’t be.” I look to Quinn with hope in my eyes, eager to know as I blurt out, “Is it Kimber? Is she alive?”

Totally ignoring me, he turns around and opens the door only halfway, blocking my view. He calls Kimber by her name then orders out a string of harsh commands for her to stay and be quiet. His tone is so ominous, bordering on hostile, that he actually scares me. I’ve never heard him use such a threatening tone with her before.

Kimber barks
behind the door, unaffected by his demeanor, but when he gives one more harsh command, she responds with a low guttural growl of discontentment, and then she finally settles down with a grumble.
 

My heart is hammering in my chest, and when Quinn turns back around to face me, his entire body language is tense and he's vibrating with loathing for me.
“You’re not wanted here,” he coarsely grinds between clenched teeth. “You’ll never be wanted here.”
 

I can’t
breathe. I shake my head, not willing to believe the amount of passionate hostility and resentment he has for me.

“You’re not going to let me see her?” I ask disbelievingly. “I can’t even have one minute of your time?”

A woman appears, slipping through the front door then quietly shuts it behind her to keep Kimber contained. She turns around and snakes her arms around Quinn’s naked waist. “Hey, Baby, what’s all this racket about?” My eyes flick back and forth between the two as I watch Quinn wrap an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his side. He rests his other hand on the doorframe, showcasing his broad chest and large muscles.
 

“Brr…it’s freezing out here. Come back to bed, Baby,” she purrs. She runs a long, manicured finger down the center of his bare, chiseled chest in a show of sultry ownership over Quinn’s body. This woman isn’t just a woman; she’s runway material. She turns her gaze to me like she’s just now noticing me, and then she eyes me up and down as if I’m inconsequential. “Well, who do we have here?” she asks Quinn, keeping her eyes pinned on me.

“Nobody important,” Quinn gruffly replies, and in the same breath, he then turns his torso and leans down to capture her mouth in an unabashed opened-mouthed kiss where tongues are blatantly exchanged. I stand here numbed with shock,
humiliated, and confused while they make out only an arm's length away from me. Running her hands up the length of his back, I watch as she melds her body into his. The passion is so sizzling hot, it's melting the icicles off the porch roof.

Gawking at them like a stupid schoolgirl, my feet are nailed down to the wooden porch, and I keep expecting them to come up for air, but they don’t. I think a physical slap in the face would’ve felt better than this, but I understand what he’s doing, and I get why he’s doing it.
I totally deserve this.

Their kiss is so sensual it belongs in a porn flick. She then whimpers with need, his tongue visibly entering her mouth with unadulterated lust. I firmly rub my chest to soothe my aching heart. I’m in a shocked daze as I awkwardly wait until he pulls away from the kiss, and when he does, he rests his forehead against hers, breathing heavily like that was the best kiss of his life.

As if he just now remembers I’m standing on his front porch, he turns toward me, tilting his head to the side. He’s wearing a large smirk on his face, and his brilliant blue, icy eyes stay pinned on mine as he says, “Why don’t you go keep my bed warm for me, Angel. This girl was just leaving.” His words slice right through me like a razor blade. He called her angel, and apparently he didn’t have any problems moving on with his life and getting back into the swing of his womanizing ways.

He turns back to his lover and kisses her with a tenderness that steals my breath away. “I’ll be up in a sec,” he adds huskily, whispering over her lips. She looks up at him with a fondness and familiarity to die for, and I just want to weep.

The cold wind whips around me, making my glassy eyes sting, and I blink several times to push back the tears. Coming here was a massive, mammoth, monumental, colossal mistake. His eyes travel up and down my body one last time with an intensity that gives me goose bumps. His
hate
is palpable as he shakes his head with disdain for me.
 

He’s made me feel so small and insignificant I just want to crawl into a hole somewhere and die. Before I do exactly that, my therapist's words echo through my head, reminding me of why I needed to come here in the first place. At the very least, I owed myself this closure.
I would’ve never known what could’ve been if I didn’t at least try one last time.

“I don’t ever want to see you again. I hope I've made myself clear.”
I should be taken aback by his dismissal and steeled calm, but I'm not, because I'm already numb.
He then takes a step backward, slipping into his house and starts to close the door in my face.
 

I somehow snap out of my stunned state, and find the courage to rasp out, “The baby is yours, Quinn.”
 

His entire body freezes mid-motion, his forehead wrinkling as he processes my words. The muscles in his jaws flex with tension as he slowly takes a step forward then shuts the door behind him with a slam. He stops mere inches away from me with a fierce look in his eyes. “What did you just say?” he threatens in a low voice, daring me to repeat the words.
 

He’s so overbearing I want to back up a step, but I hold my ground and straighten my spine. I speak louder this time, “I said the baby is yours.” Up close, the stubble on his jaw is rugged and alluring, and as if that wasn’t enough, he smells of his lover's perfume. A large part of me wants to slap him for it.

Quinn scoffs at me, vexation radiating off his entire person as his index finger pushes into my chest in accusation.
“You have some nerve showing up here on my doorstep, looking as if you’re ready to blow any second, carrying Vince’s bastard, and then telling me it’s really my child.”
His eyes narrow with rage. “Good one, Alexis. I don’t know what the fuck you want, but whatever it is, you’re not going to get it from me.”

My hear
t gives a slow thud in my chest, and my breathing turns ragged. He’s got it all wrong. I shake my head, my hair whipping across my face as the wind picks up. “I don't want anything from you.”

“You wanted fucking something, or else you wouldn’t have shown up here, but just in case you may ever wonder, I’m not into mind-fucks and drama anymore. Been there, done that.” He’s so livid he’s breathing fire. My pulse has already crashed and burned, and I go weak in the knees, and then he adds, “There was only one thing in common we both shared, Alexis. We were both down for a good fuck. You were just another job I had to do.” His comment is a physical punch to the gut with a force that knocks the wind out of me, and I actually stumble back a step from the blow.
 

I realize at this point, no matter what I do or say, nothing is going to change his mind about me. He doesn’t want to hear me out; my words will only be excuses and lies to him. At least I can be proud of myself for doing what was right, and at the very least, I gave him the truth so he could decide what he wanted to do with it. It appears he’s made his decision loud and clear. I would’ve gladly told him the news over the phone, but he would never answer any of my calls.
 

“You're right. I'm sorry,” I say, spacing my words evenly apart so I don't stutter. “I should have never come.” I don’t know what else to say, and if I speak one more word, I will shatter into a million tiny pieces in front of him.
 

I reach behind my head with shaky hands and unclasp the angel pendant from around my neck. It only seems like yesterday he gave this to me with promises of the heart.
His masculine voice echoes in my head with the memory of him telling me in a soft, loving melody I was to always remember the first time we made love. No matter what happened between us, for better or worse, to hold fast to the promises and declarations he made to me that day. Lies, they were all lies.
 

My eyes never leave his as I remove the necklace. I feel a single tear roll down over my cheek as I step forward and hold it out for him to take from my hand. I hold the necklace by the chain so he doesn't have to touch me. The chain sways against the wind, and I think I see a glimmer of something in his eyes, but just as quick as it came, it’s gone. He holds his palm up so I can simply release the chain into his hand. I let go of the angel pendant, let go of us, and watch it descend back into the hand of the only man I have ever loved.

My throat is thick, and my voice is low and hoarse as I manage to utter
, “I won't be bothering you ever again.”
Quinn’s lips thin and the muscles in his jaw flex as he gives his chin a quick jerk upward in acknowledgement.
 

I’m numb, and
my chest aches in ways I never knew possible, because I thought I had already experienced all the
different types of grief
that came with a broken heart. I turn around on shaky limbs, and walk away. Holding onto the porch railing for support, I carefully step down one small step at a time.
 

I stifle a sob when I hear the door close behind me. The only good thing that has come out of our time together is knowing I am going to have his child. I will forever have a piece of him in my life, and because of this, it’s the only thing that has kept me going this entire time.

My heart beats like a drum during a death march, loudly pounding in my ears and keeping time with each step I take.
I hear Kimber on the other side of the door barking wildly now, and I pray for strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I realize this trip wasn’t totally wasted; at least I have a certain peace knowing Kimber is alive. It kills me not to be able to see her, but just knowing she’s alive and well will grant me a little serenity.

I did not fool myself into thinking this visit was going to be easy, but I didn't think it was going to be this hard either.
I slip into my car and shut the door. As soon as I do, my ears ring from the deafening silence of the car, and a chill runs through my body. My teeth begin to chatter, but it’s not from the cold.