Quinn (23 page)

“Why should I trust you? For God’s sake, you shot me after I saved your life.” She made an impatient gesture. “Yes, I know that you didn’t regard that as a favor. You said you were trying to get around your ghostly Bonnie’s interference in your doing away with yourself.” She scowled. “Which is some of the most complete crap I’ve ever heard in my life.”

“My, my, how bad-tempered you are.” He tilted his head. “Not that I blame you. It sounds like crap to me, too.” He took the fish from the fire. “I don’t expect you to believe me.”

“It’s ridiculous.” She glared at him. “And you’re not a man who would imagine that kind of nonsense.”

“Hallucinations. Talk to the doctors who examined me after I broke out of that prison in North Korea.”

“That was a long time ago, and you’re not nuts now, dammit.”

“How do you know?”

She didn’t have any idea why she was so certain. Instinct, again? Lately, she had been thinking long and hard while she had been with him. Carefully sorting out the basic emotion and what her judgment told her was true. But, dammit, she had known him for such a short time that she had to rely on her faith in herself. Yet when had she ever relied on anything else? From the moment she had started the hunt, she had tried to predict his every move, every thought. At times, she had felt as if she could read his mind.

And that mind was clear and sharp and entirely sane.

But this bullshit about Bonnie was a complete contradiction of what she knew was true about him.

“You didn’t even know her. You’d never even talked to your daughter. You admitted that yourself.”

“I knew her.”

“How?”

“Would you like any of this fish?”

“No. How?”

He didn’t look at her as he helped himself to the fish. “She came to see me.”

“What? You said that you’d never met her.”

“Not formally. She never told me her name. But after a while, I knew who she was.” He looked up and met her eyes. “You won’t let it alone, will you? Okay. It doesn’t matter. It will probably convince you that I’m as crazy as I say I am.” He poured coffee into a cup and handed it to her. “But that part of Bonnie I didn’t imagine. She was
real.
She did come to me.”

“What are you talking about? Came where?”

He picked up his coffee and sat down again before the fire. “In that hellhole of a prison. I was being tortured and starved. I was sure I’d either die or go crazy and after months I didn’t care. Then I started to dream of a little girl. She had curly red hair and a smile that could light up the world, much less that stinking hole where I was being held. She was very young when she first came to me, but then she seemed to grow older. She would sing me songs and tell me about going to school. She saved my life and my sanity. She kept me from hanging myself in that cell.” He took a drink of coffee. “She never told me about her mother, but I knew it was Eve. And I knew her name was Bonnie.”

Catherine stared at him, stunned. She hadn’t expected this, and she didn’t know how to deal with it.

His lips twisted as he looked up and saw her expression. “I told you that you wouldn’t believe me. But that was no hallucination. Bonnie was more real to me than the whip or the knife or all the other little toys they used on me. I thought she was a dream in the beginning, but later I knew she was somehow there. How else could I know…” He shook his head. “She was real.”

He believed it, Catherine realized. Nothing could be more certain than his belief that Bonnie had visited him in that prison. She was silent, then shook her head. “How can I believe you? Have I heard of tales like that? Of course. Astral projection and all kinds of weird stuff. But I’ve never encountered it in any plausible form. I think perhaps your mind was distorted by what you were going through.”

“My distortion gave me a name—Bonnie. At that time, I didn’t even know she existed.”

“Then it had to be something else.” She moistened her lips. “Bonnie was alive when you were having those visions. Did you have them after she died?”

He nodded. “Not often. And then I did think they were dreams. Until recently.” He paused. “When Eve told me that she had them, too, and that they weren’t dreams.”

“What?”

“I thought that would shake you. Your friend, Eve, who is definitely sane and not prone to imaginary visits from a spirit. Yet she was the one who told me that she had gone through years telling herself that her visits from Bonnie were hallucinations or dreams.” He lifted his shoulder in a half shrug. “Until she realized that it wasn’t true. She wanted to prepare me for the same painful rejection process.”

“She told you that Bonnie—”

“Ask her.” He took another sip of coffee. “Or not. She might not want to discuss it with you. It’s difficult to admit to believing in spirits when the world around you is so pragmatic.” He lifted his cup in a half toast. “Like you, Catherine.”

“I’ve had to be pragmatic. I wouldn’t have lived to get out of my teens if I hadn’t been practical and rejected things that go bump in the night.”

“Bonnie doesn’t go bump in the night. She smiles. She lifts the heart.”

“And won’t let you kill yourself.” She shook her head. “Can’t you see how weird that sounds, dammit? If you killed her, wouldn’t she want you to throw yourself headfirst into a volcano? It’s what any sensible ghost would want.” She lifted her hand and rubbed her forehead. “What am I saying? I’m actually going along with you on this.”

“I thought of that,” he said quietly. “Maybe Bonnie wants it to be Quinn and Eve who end it. They’ve been searching for so long…” He added wearily, “I don’t know. I just want it over. I don’t understand any of it. I don’t know how I could love her so much and still take her life. If I could do that, I don’t deserve to live one more hour, one more minute.”

“If you killed Eve’s daughter, I couldn’t agree more.” She finished her coffee and threw the last drops into the flames. “And I’d be glad to help you along if you could tell me where you buried Bonnie. How can you be so sure that you killed her and not know anything else? Because that slimeball said it was true? I don’t understand why both you and Eve believed him.”

“If you’d been there, you’d understand. Black believed every word he was saying,” he said hoarsely. “I’d swear it.”

She gazed at him in frustration. So much pain. So much bewilderment. She couldn’t imagine the insecurity that the blackouts had given him. How would it feel to come around and not know what violence you’d committed? He had been an Army Ranger and violence had been inherent in the job and the opportunity was always present. In every other way he was such a confident, complete person, and yet this crack was going to widen until it destroyed him.

But both he and Eve believed Black had been telling the truth. As Gallo had said, Catherine hadn’t been there. She could not judge.

But why was it bothering her so much?

Because she didn’t want it to be true? Because even at this moment, she was feeling drawn to him and was looking for an excuse to take off her clothes and go to him and—

She wouldn’t accept that reason. She wasn’t a mindless animal in heat.

Though, God knows, she felt like one right now. Hot and aching and ready. Why couldn’t she have picked someone with no baggage before she let herself fall into this trap? But there had been no picking and choosing. It had been Gallo since that first moment of the hunt. She didn’t know where it was going to take her, but she had to accept that she had to deal with it.

Was this how Eve had felt all those years ago when Gallo had come into her life? Strange that both Eve and Catherine had fallen under Gallo’s spell. But Eve had been little more than a child herself, while Catherine was a woman and should have had more control.

Control. Look away from him. Don’t ask him any other questions because you want the answers to lead you where you want to go.

He looked back at her and nodded slowly. “It’s becoming difficult for you, isn’t it? I think you’d like to believe I didn’t kill her. It would be easier if I’d tell you that Black was lying. I can’t do that.” He got to his feet. “You’ve probably had enough of me. I’ll walk over to the creek and give you some space to make your call to Eve.”

“Don’t you want to know what I say to her?”

He shook his head. “None of it matters any longer. As I said, anything you do will only make the game more interesting.”

And he’d already decided what the end of the game had to be, she thought.

She watched him as he strode toward the creek before she reached for her phone.

“I tried to call you,” Eve said when she picked up. “I was worried.”

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t able to receive any calls.” And she was being deceptive even though she’d been trying desperately to think of a way to avoid it. “How is Joe?”

“Good.” She paused. “How are you? You sound … strange.”

“I’m fine.”

“Gallo?”

“I’m very close to him.” She gazed at Gallo across the short distance separating them. “Very close.”

“Be careful.”

“You think that he’d hurt me? You were defending him for a long time when I was warning you not to trust him. And you were working with him to hunt down Black.”

“I think any man who would kill Bonnie would be capable of any atrocity.”

“And you’re positive he killed her?”

“Gallo as much as admitted that he thought Black had told the truth.”

“Thinking isn’t knowing. You told me once he loved her. I couldn’t figure out how he could do that if he’d never had any contact with her before her death. But you were very sure. How could you be so sure, then change in the blink of an eye? Why were you so sure?”

“He told me something that made me think we had a bond.”

“Something about Bonnie? Something you shared about Bonnie? What was it, Eve?”

Eve was silent. “Why are you asking me these questions, Catherine? I feel as if I’m being interrogated.”

Catherine drew a deep breath. “I’m sorry.” She hadn’t known she was going to ask those questions until they’d come tumbling out. She felt as if she’d been driven to verify what Gallo had told her, to find truth in those strange words about Bonnie. Dear God, she wanted them to be true. She wanted to believe the impossible. Gallo had called her pragmatic, but for that moment she wanted to believe. “There’s just so much I don’t know. But I’m part of this now. I think I deserve to ask about you and Bonnie.”

Silence. “Then go ahead and ask, Catherine.”

She hesitated, then asked jerkily, “Did you—ever think that you saw your daughter—after her death?”

Another silence. “Catherine?”

Catherine was suddenly panicked. “Never mind. Don’t answer. It’s a crazy question. I’ll call you tomorrow and check on Joe.” She hung up.

Why had she done it? That question had been wrong on so many levels. It had not only intruded on Eve’s privacy, but intimated that she was not stable. Because sane people didn’t see spirits.

Or did they?

Catherine wouldn’t have gone forward with that question if Eve hadn’t made that cryptic comment about sharing something with Gallo that had formed a bond.

Added to what Gallo had said about Eve telling him that she, too, had an experience with seeing Bonnie, it had been too close to miss. So she had plunged into questioning Eve with no gentleness or tact, and Eve had responded defensively. It was perfectly natural.

But what would she have said if Catherine had not backed off like a cat on hot coals? Why had Catherine panicked? Because she had not wanted to offend a friend or because she had not wanted to hear her answer?

She glanced over at Gallo, standing beside the creek. Damn him. He was the core of all the trouble she had been going through. He had disturbed her physically and emotionally, and now he was causing a rift between her and Eve.

No, that wasn’t true. How could she blame him for her own responses? She had told herself she had to deal with him, and this was no way to start. She had to think clearly and coolly and not let her emotions get in the way.

And not get too close to him until she had come to a few decisions. She had wasted enough time waffling back and forth about Gallo. She would either accept the situation as he and Eve were accepting it, or she would come to her own conclusions and act accordingly.

She looked away from him and started to settle down in her sleeping bag. She would lie there and before she faced him again, she could come to a final decision.

Until then, getting any closer to John Gallo would be the worst thing she could do.

CHAPTER

13

“SHE’S CAUGHT UP WITH GALLO.”
Eve turned to Jane as she hung up the phone. “I
know
it.”

Jane frowned. “But she didn’t tell you that?”

Eve shook her head. “Not exactly.” She was thinking over exactly what Catherine had said. “It was all very vague and ambiguous. I was uneasy from the moment I picked up the call.”

“If she’s found him, why wouldn’t she tell you?”

“How the hell do I know?” She grimaced. “Or maybe I do know. Gallo is … unusual. He managed to convince me that black was white in two separate periods of my life. I warned Catherine that he was capable of dazzling anyone.” She added with frustration, “But she’s tough as nails. I was hoping that she’d be immune to him.”

“Maybe she is,” Jane said. “You’re only guessing, Eve.”

“She was questioning me about— She’s been talking to him, Jane.”

“About what?” Jane asked.

“She asked if I’d—” She moistened her lips. “She said she wondered if I’d thought that Bonnie visited me after her death. In her wildest dreams, she wouldn’t have asked that question if she hadn’t talked to Gallo. Why would she? There’s no more grounded or realistic person on Earth than Catherine.”

“Except me.” Jane made a face. “And I’ve made giant strides in accepting the unacceptable. But, then, I’ve had a long time to come to terms with Bonnie.”

“And you still don’t feel comfortable with the idea,” Eve said. “Well, neither does Catherine. I could tell that she’s upset as hell and trying to fight her way through it. But Gallo has her going around in circles.”

“What has Gallo got to do with her asking about Bonnie?”

Eve was silent and then said finally. “He’s seen Bonnie, too. At least, he told me he had.”

“Oh, shit.” Jane gazed at her in shock. “And you believed him?”

“I believed him,” she said jerkily. “I believed everything he told me. He said she came to him in that cell in Korea when she was still alive. And that she visited him after her death. I fell for everything he told me. That’s why I went with him to hunt down Paul Black when Gallo told me that he’d killed Bonnie.”

“Why? How could you believe him?”

“Because I was a fool. It all had to be lies. Why would Bonnie come to him if he’d been the one who killed her?” She shook her head. “And now he has Catherine believing his lies.” And that put Catherine in greater danger than Eve had dreamed. An enemy within the gates could be deadly. “It has to stop.” She turned toward the elevator. “I can’t let it go on.”

“Where are you going?” Jane hurried to keep up with her. “As if I couldn’t guess. Look, you can’t go after Catherine. You don’t know what kind of situation you’d uncover up there in the woods. Particularly if you think she’s been bamboozled by Gallo.”

“You think Catherine would hurt me?” Eve shook her head. “Don’t be ridiculous. You don’t know her, Jane.”

“No, I don’t. But you said that she wasn’t behaving normally. So how well do you know her, Eve?”

“Very well.” Eve punched the elevator button. “I just have to see her face-to-face so that I can set her straight. I need you to do me a favor. Joe won’t like this when he hears about it. Stall him as long as you can.”

“Stall him? He’ll be out of this hospital and on your trail the minute he hears that you’re not here.”

“He’s already had his night sedative. All you have to worry about is when he wakes tomorrow. Find a way to keep him here. One day, Jane. That should be all I need to find Catherine and talk to her.”

“That sounds simple, but it would be hard as hell. I’d have to lie. I’ve never lied to Joe.” Jane’s lips thinned. “And I won’t let you go up there alone. You may trust Catherine Ling, but I don’t.”

“And leave Joe here in this hospital without either one of us? Joe is the reason you came here, Jane. When you first arrived, you asked me what you could do to help me. Well, now I’m telling you. Dammit, Joe is due to be released in the next couple days, and I was trying to think of a way to delay him going after Gallo. This thing with Catherine is going to blow away any chance of that.”

“You bet it is.”

“Then give me at least a day to get up there and contact Catherine. I’ll try to get her back on track.”

Jane shook her head.

“Don’t you refuse me.” Eve’s voice was shaking. “You give me that day. I almost lost Joe. I can’t prevent him from going after Gallo, but I can keep Catherine on the job to help him.”

“That’s not all you’re doing,” Jane said bluntly. “You’re going to go after Gallo yourself.”

Eve should have known that Jane would guess her intentions. They were too close not to be able to read each other. “Joe said Bonnie told him that we’re reaching the end,” she said unevenly. “If that’s true, then I should be the one to reach it first.” She reached out and grasped Jane’s arm. “I’m not afraid of Catherine, and I’m not afraid of Gallo. Give me my day, Jane.”

“Damn you.” Jane’s eyes were glittering with moisture. She reached out and hugged Eve close. “One day, Eve. After that, Joe and I will both be on your trail.”

Eve brushed Jane’s cheek with her lips and let her go. “Thanks, Jane. This means a lot to me.”

“I know. Do you think that if I didn’t realize you were on the edge, I’d have given in? It’s nearly killing me to let you go.” Jane watched her get into the elevator. “I hope Bonnie is right. I hope this nightmare is coming to an end.”

“So do I,” Eve said, as the elevator door closed, shutting her away from Jane. The search for Bonnie had been a nightmare for Jane also, she knew. Jane’s strength and courage had caused her to downplay any pain or loneliness that might have resulted from Eve’s obsession with finding Bonnie. But those emotions had been there, and Eve had been aware of them.

It’s been too long for all of us, Bonnie. Let me bring you home.

*   *   *

“ARE YOU
awake?”

Catherine opened her eyes to see Gallo sitting by the fire a few yards away from her. “I am now,” she said dryly. “Since it’s obvious you want me to be.”

He smiled. “Yes, I do. I was lonely. I held off for a little while, but then I yielded to temptation. I knew I wasn’t going to sleep, and I wanted company. I never said I wasn’t selfish.” He crossed his legs Indian style. “Or that I wasn’t curious. About an hour and a half ago, you tucked yourself into that sleeping bag immediately after you talked to Eve. It had all the signs of an escape move. But I’d judge that you’re not one to hide your head under a blanket.”

“I wasn’t trying to escape you. If I had, I would have taken off when you gave me the chance. I had some thinking to do.”

“And?”

“I did it.” She stared him in the eye. “And I decided you were the most outrageously idiotic individual on the face of the Earth, and Eve wasn’t far behind you.”

His smile faded. “Indeed? I assume you’re referring to what I told you about Bonnie. I told you that I didn’t expect you to believe me.”

“I don’t know whether I believe you or not. It would take a hell of a lot more than a tall tale about a red-haired ghost-child skipping merrily through your life to make me give up reality for that kind of fantasy.” Her lips tightened. “But it’s clear you and Eve have bought into it and won’t be argued out of your Bonnie visions.”

“Eve told you?”

“Hell no, she danced around it very warily, but it was clear she was talking about the same bond that you were. She sees Bonnie.”

“And that makes us both idiots?”

“I told you, that wasn’t what I was talking about. You’re both idiots because you believed Paul Black when he told you that he knew that you had killed your daughter.”

“He was telling the truth.”

“You and Eve kept saying that. Because I trust and admire Eve’s judgment, I went along with her when she said she was certain. As for you, why should I doubt anything bad about you when you were the enemy?”

“No reason at all.”

“Except your blind belief in what Black said has been bothering me lately. It didn’t seem right. And the more I thought about it, the more ridiculous it became to me.” She shook her head. “I’m no psychiatrist, but I don’t think anyone is capable of murdering a child they love unless they’re totally mad. You may have had bouts of instability, but you’re not crazy, Gallo.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I know you. Just as you know me. After these weeks in the woods, I know you very well. Sometimes I feel as if I can read your mind. I know your slyness, your cleverness, your recklessness; but you’ve never shown me any hint of cruelty or insanity.” She added flatly, “Which means that both you and Eve have to be wrong when you accepted Black’s word.” She held up her hand as he opened his mouth to speak. “Don’t give me that bullshit. I don’t care if Black believed what he was saying. So what if he wasn’t lying? That doesn’t mean he couldn’t be wrong.” She glared at him. “You and Eve are both so tormented because of your love and guilt about Bonnie that you can’t see straight. She’s doubted you from the moment you came back into her life. Part of that was my fault. You were number one on my list as Bonnie’s killer. You doubted yourself because of the blackouts you were having and the doctors who told you that you were a little bonkers.”

“More than a little.”

She shrugged. “Whatever. At any rate, you should have thought instead of reacted. Eve was terribly upset about Joe, so she had some excuse. But you should have known you weren’t capable of killing Bonnie.”

His lips twisted in a one-sided smile. “According to you, Catherine?”

She was suddenly up and kneeling before him. “Dammit, yes. According to me.” Her hands closed on his shoulders, and she shook him. “I’m the only one with any sense around here. You were trying to throw yourself off a cliff, and Eve and Joe were going to hunt you down and kill you. Do you know how that would have made them feel when they found out Black was wrong? Guilt and more guilt. And that damn search for Bonnie would have started again.” Her breasts were rising and falling with the force of her breathing. “And I would have been right in the middle of all that angst. No way. I’ve done enough things in my life that earned me my portion of guilt without you bringing me more. Now stop it, and let’s clear this up.”

His eyes were narrowed on her expression. “You really don’t think I did it, do you?”

“At last, a breakthrough.” Her hands dropped from his shoulders. “How many times do I have to say it? Black was
wrong.
He may have believed you killed Bonnie, but that doesn’t make it true.” She sat back on her heels. “Dammit, you’d think that you wanted it to be true.”

“God, no.” His voice was hoarse. “I’ve been living in a nightmare.”

The pain in his expression was terrible to see. She wanted to reach out and touch him, comfort him. Don’t do it. She was already too close to him.

“You deserved it. All you had to do was take the situation apart and look at the separate pieces.”

He started to smile, then shook his head. “You know I still don’t believe you. I want to. But I’m afraid that I’ll find out that I was right, and you’re wrong.”

“Then you wouldn’t be any worse off, would you?”

This time the smile actually came into being. “Oh, I would be worse off. It’s a terrible thing to lose hope.” He reached out and gently touched her cheek. “But it would be worth it to have a chance to go down the road you’re leading me.”

She could feel her skin flush beneath his fingers, and her chest tightened. No, she mustn’t feel like this. It got in the way. She moved her head, and his hand dropped away from her face. “Nice words. Now shouldn’t we get down to business? I completely blew it with Eve tonight. I’ll be lucky if she doesn’t show up here and try to track me down. We need to be gone before that happens.”

“And where are we going?”

“If Black didn’t kill Bonnie, and you didn’t kill Bonnie, then we have to find out who did.”

“Logical.” He was thinking. She could almost see the wheels turning. “Okay. If Black didn’t kill Bonnie and was certain that I did, it was because Queen and Jacobs had told him I had done it. Queen must have even paid Black to shoulder the blame, so that I would search for him all those years. Why?”

“Eve said that she thought that Queen was afraid that if you found out that you’d killed your daughter during one of your blackouts, you’d have a complete breakdown. He wouldn’t want you to be put away in a mental institution, where he couldn’t control you. Doctors ask too many questions, and you knew too much about his criminal activities.” She frowned. “And I accepted that explanation because it all made sense.”

“It still makes sense.” His lips twisted. “It’s difficult to discard it and look in any other direction. Why else would Queen go to all that trouble to make Black a decoy?”

“Unless he killed Bonnie himself.”

“And why would he do that? He had no reason. Black might have had revenge as a motive, but Queen was still using me to do his dirty jobs all over the world and had no idea that I was beginning to suspect him.”

“I don’t know why, dammit.” Every question had a roadblock, and her frustration level was climbing. “And we can’t even ask the bastard. Black killed Queen.”