Quid Pro Quo (16 page)

We stood there for a couple of seconds admiring his big conked-out carcass; then panic kicked in. I guess we'd all seen too many movies where the guy you think is dead suddenly jerks back to life and starts hacking at people.

Chisling didn't. He just lay there with his tongue in his ear. It didn't matter. Everybody started screaming “Quick! Quick!” and “Go! Go! Go!” I grabbed Chisling's keys out of his pocket, and Kendall tied his arms up with Atula's scarf. We were just locking the washroom door behind us when we heard him start to moan.

We took off. We didn't even take the money. We ran with our bellies out and our arms pumping. Even Consuela looked like she was going for a medal.

We all piled into Bob's big, green BMW and Andy drove us back to the Halifax police station at about a hundred and thirty clicks an hour.

I've never seen her so happy in my life.

chapter
forty-four
Arraignment

The act of charging a person with a crime

B
lackmail.

Arson.

Murder.

Kidnapping.

Assault and Battery.

Forcible Confinement.

Unauthorized Use of a Firearm.

Bribery.

Chisling had the book thrown at him. Considering five of us caught him red-handed on the last four charges, you'd think that would be it, wouldn't you? I mean, what more do you need to prove the guy's guilty?

Yeah, but it's not that simple.

“The Masons' Hall Affair” was all over the papers, and for a while there it looked like convicting Bob was going to be a slam dunk. But then Chisling got himself some high-priced lawyer from Toronto, and now I don't know anymore.

It will be years before this thing goes to trial. That'll give him plenty of time to come up with some killer defense. His lawyer keeps showing up on the news saying stuff like, “Mr. Chisling is very anxious for this matter to reach the courts. Once the real facts of the case can be heard, we are very confident he will be thoroughly vindicated. He looks forward to being able to put this nightmare behind him so that he can devote himself wholly to the things that matter most to him: his loving family and his service to the community.”

I just about gag every time I hear that. What's his case?

That we were all trespassing on his property?

That it was self-defense?

Temporary insanity?

Mistaken identity?

He was sleepwalking when it happened?

I'm not kidding. They've all been tried before. You wouldn't believe the boneheaded defenses people try to get away with. There was this one guy in the States who actually claimed he ate so many Twinkies that he went psycho. He tried to convince the jury it wasn't his fault he killed a man. It was the Twinkies' fault.

No lie. “The Twinkie Defense.” Look it up on the Internet.

I can just imagine what Big Bob's lawyer is cooking up for him. Pinning the fire on Byron the ex-con? Hey! They found his fingerprint-covered Swiss Army knife on the property, and there are witnesses who'll swear they saw him going to the Masons' Hall that night. It could work.

Blaming Consuela? Who knows? Maybe Chisling will try to turn things around. Say that it was actually Consuela who was trying to blackmail him by pretending he set the fire.

Or it could be that Big Bob will just throw himself on “the mercy of the court.” The lawyer will be all apologetic and say Mr. Chisling was under a lot of financial stress. He'll admit he went a little crazy, but who wouldn't under the circumstances: what with all those employees to look after and three kids and a wife at home and a heavy, heavy load of volunteer responsibilities? The lawyer will say Chisling never meant to kill anyone; he just wanted to get rid of a building. A building that had sat empty for three years, and if it weren't for some silly laws protecting heritage properties, a building that would have been torn down ages ago. It was an eyesore, he'll say, and he'll wave a bunch of letters from citizens thanking his client for getting rid of that awful old pile of bricks.

And sure, Mr. Chisling took five prisoners, but hey, give the guy some credit! He did feed them well. (He even has the receipts to prove it.)

I don't know. Get the right lawyer and Bob Chisling could get off. Crazier things have happened.

I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Until then, life is good. We're big heroes around here. Some film company even gave Andy major dollars to make a movie of her life. Bob Chisling wouldn't call it a fortune, but it was enough for Andy to buy an old car for herself, a new skateboard for me and a front tooth for Kendall.

She and Atula are back working together at—get this—Varma, MacIntyre and Associates. They're spending a lot of time trying to keep Consuela from being deported for setting the fire. It's pretty stressful, but that's okay. They're lawyers. They're not having fun until they're stressed out.

Byron has a real paying job at the shelter and a real girlfriend too. The weird thing is that after all we've been through, I'm not sure if I'm too happy about the other woman. Andy and he made a pretty good pair, in a twisted sort of way. At least he got her to exercise. I wouldn't even be all that upset anymore if I found out that he was my father. But he's not. That C.C. tattoo on his arm was for his own dad: Clyde Cuvelier. Oh, well, at least I don't have to worry about inheriting that weaselly beard of his.

Kendall is still Kendall. He keeps acting like he didn't do anything to bag Chisling. Like he just went along for the ride. Like anyone would have done it. He sort of shrugs it all off, the same way he sort of shrugs off the fact that there's this army of hot girls following his every move. “Oh, them? They're always here. They just like watching kids skateboard.” Yeah, right. Then how come they aren't watching that kid with the overactive saliva glands doing his stuff?

Someone saw Kendall on TV when the story first broke, and even though he had a black eye, a fat lip and no front tooth, they offered him a spot on these skateboard commercials. He shrugged that off too, but his mother made him take it. I guess they need the money.

And me? I'm back at school. I'm skateboarding. And I'm loving the way Mary MacIsaac suddenly remembers my name.

author's
note

M
y brothers and sister all grew up to be lawyers. I married a lawyer. I watch
Law & Order
whenever I can and am in regular contact with the Halifax Police Department through its very efficient Parking Ticket Enforcement program.

But that's as close as I come to having legal credentials.

I'm sort of like Cyril that way. I've spent a lot of time observing the legal world from the sidelines. It's often fascinating. It's often unbelievably boring (worse, as Cyril noted, than math class). One way or another, though, I've been around lawyers long enough—I hope—to have a rough idea how things work.

I've been exposed to the Canadian system and have therefore set my story in Nova Scotia. My understanding, though, is that the laws and legal principles described are the same in most countries of the English-speaking world.

At least I think they are.

But maybe you should check with your lawyer.

Gemini-winning
Vicki Grant
is a television writer and producer. She is also the author of the hilarious
Puppet Wrangler
(Orca, 2004). She brings plenty of her signature humor and runaway plot twists to
Quid Pro Quo
. And she has clearly studied up on the law! Vicki lives in Halifax, Nova Scotia, with her husband and three children.

Bitsie kept breaking down. He was supposed
to say, “You're my Bitsiest bestiest friend,”
but every time he got to that “bestiest” part,
his mouth jammed open and his little pink
tongue slipped out the side. He looked so
human I couldn't believe it. It was like he
was gagging on it or something. Makes sense
now, of course, but then no one could figure
out what was going on.

TELLY MERCER
is shy and quiet, used to living in the shadow of her older sister, Bess. Then she finds herself on the set of a puppet show, staying out of the way of her overstressed aunt Kathleen. One evening, she makes a surprising discovery that launches her on an adventure with an unpredictable and angry puppet.

Praise for Vicki Grant's first novel,
The Puppet Wrangler:

The Puppet Wrangler
“sparkles with humor; Telly's first person narrative is deliciously low key and understated to the point of being laugh-out-loud funny.” —
KLIATT

“A fresh and unpredictable modern fantasy…” —
School Library
Journal

“This book is a scream from the get-go. Wildly funny. Brutally honest. Surreal and tender.” —Cheryl Wagner Award-winning TV writer and producer of
Big Comfy Couch
and
Poko
.