Quest (Shifter Island Book 4) (9 page)

They’d made love in the shower at the other hotel, but it was nothing like this; this was so right, somehow, so complete. He was kissing her as though he wanted to devour her whole, plunging deep inside her—like a diver, she thought. Like a diver soaring off a towering cliff into sharp, clear, cold water.

The water
was
turning cold, turning into icy needles all over her body, but it felt incredibly good.

Luca, hot and urgent inside her. The water, cold against her back.

His strength seemed to have no limit as she bounced against him, taking every possible inch of him as her pleasure grew and grew. When she reached the edge she clung to him, her heels digging deep into his butt, her fingers biting into his shoulders and neck—and relief seemed just out of reach.

But he seemed to know what she needed, how to push her that last little bit. He’d found the soap and had slicked up his hand, and as she began to weep with need, he thrust a finger up into her backside.

The sensation was so new, so sudden, that it sent her cascading over the edge into a pleasure so deep that she threw back her head and screamed.

She let herself drift after that, kept her eyes closed as he helped her stand on her own feet again, apart from him.

She felt him bathing her tenderly, head to toe: working shampoo through her hair, then rinsing it out; soaping her shoulders, her back, her breasts, her belly and legs. He teased at her sex a little, but the pressure was too much now, and when she winced, he took his hand away.

When he was finished, he turned off the water, toweled her dry, then carried her over to the bed and laid her down. Her eyes were still closed—God, how she wanted to go on floating on this quiet sea of his touch, his care—but she heard him walk away. A moment later he was back, and he settled her underneath the covers where it was warm and she could fully relax.

Finally, he turned the TV off, then the lights, and he crawled into bed beside her. He lay there silently for a couple of minutes, and it seemed that things couldn’t possibly get any better.

Maybe this was what babies felt like: fed, pampered, tucked into a warm bed.

“This is part of my duty to you,” Luca whispered.

In a way, it sounded as though the words weren’t coming from him, but from somewhere far away.

“Duty?” she murmured.

“To care for you. To worship you with my heart and my hands.”

And your cock
, she thought distantly. He couldn’t leave that out of the equation; it had felt too good.

The thought made her smile.

“I thought there would be no doubts,” he went on, stroking her cheek with the backs of his fingers. “I had thought that when I saw you, when I found you again, all my questions would be answered. Instead, there are more questions. Many of them—so many that I can’t sort them out. I think… being here among so many humans has confused me. Made me afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“That I will fail you. That I am not a worthy mate.”

Puzzled by the despair in his voice, Allison shifted over onto her side so she could look at him. “Luca…”

“I’ll ask you one more time. Will you come home with me? To the island?”

He sounded like a child, a small boy who had seen his hopes dashed one by one. He wasn’t making a simple request; it was a plea. Four years ago he had tried his best to persuade her to go with him. Now he sounded as though, if she didn’t agree, he might genuinely die.

But there was nothing there for her. He would be there, but she couldn’t imagine that that would be enough.

Not for the rest of her life.

“I can’t, Luca,” she whispered. “I just—”

She tried to say more, but he pressed a finger to her lips to silence her.

“Sleep, then,” he said quietly. “We’ll both sleep. And maybe the gods will show us the right path to take, in the world of dreams.”

He turned away from her, nestled into what she thought might be a comfortable position, and let out a long, deep breath.

All she could think was,
I hope so
.

All day Friday, they barely saw each other.

That was best, Allison told herself. The sex with Luca was beyond fabulous, just as it had been four years ago, and she felt an undeniable pull to be with him, one that seemed to grow stronger the farther away from him she went. But what
was
that? she wondered. Helene and Russell had mentioned their bond several times, but the connection between them had to involve more than great sex. They’d made a home together, and had raised a child who was now a grown man.

Could she and Luca possibly be together that long? He cringed every time she mentioned the mountains, or her home, or her job—but she couldn’t imagine abandoning all that. One piece of it, maybe, but not all of it.

At the same time, she couldn’t imagine asking him to leave his life on the island. Clearly, it meant everything to him.

It made her resent Julie and her stupid wedding. Everything that had brought her here in the first place. Then it all broke her heart, and she found herself close to tears half a dozen times during the day: during the impromptu shopping trip Gina arranged for the bridesmaids, during lunch on the patio of a café near campus, and during Julie and Matt’s rehearsal dinner.

Definitely during the wedding rehearsal itself.

She did her best to smile, to act genuinely happy for her friend, because she
was
happy for Julie. By the end of the rehearsal dinner, Julie was speaking to her again, if a little warily.

You can do this,
she told herself.

But after the wedding—then what?

“If we stayed here,” she said to Luca quietly on Friday night. “Here, in town. What would you do?”

“I would work.”

He said that firmly, as if he’d already given the question a great deal of thought. And maybe he had, even though he’d never mentioned staying here, even at the beginning of their relationship. The city was big enough to offer a variety of job possibilities, but it was a quiet place—not really on anybody’s map. If not for the college, it probably wouldn’t exist at all. Allison hadn’t ever considered staying here, working at a bank or a law office, or in some position at the college. It simply wasn’t a destination, someplace you’d want to stay.

But could she? Could
they
?

No. She could see it in his eyes: he wanted to go home. Be with his family. His… his pack.

She went to sleep Friday night almost certain that Luca was preparing himself to say goodbye a second time.

“You can come to the wedding if you like,” she told him the next morning. “Jules has told me about fifty times that it’s fine if you come. They had a couple of people back out, but they’ve already paid for the dinners.”

Luca was looking at her pensively from his seat on the bed. Once again, he was holding the TV remote, but he hadn’t turned the TV on, which made her think he was toying with the remote just to have something to do with his hands. When he didn’t respond right away, she turned away from him to look at herself in the mirror.

She and the other bridesmaids would be getting ready for the wedding at Julie’s mother’s house—hair, makeup, putting on those awful tulip-yellow dresses—but she needed something solid to start with.

A smile. Something close to an upbeat attitude.

“I would be alone there,” Luca said.

Yes, that was still a problem. She’d be sitting at the head table with the rest of the bridal party during the reception. She could dance with Luca, of course, but he’d need to sit with strangers. Eat and drink with strangers. Try to make conversation with them.

And, she supposed, fend off at least a dozen women who’d try to hit on him.

“It’s up to you,” she told him.

She thought he’d bow out, that he’d say he’d much rather stay here in the motel room and watch TV. Or go back out to that old, abandoned farm and roam around. Or… whatever.

She was astonished when he said, “I’ll come.”

“Why?” she blurted.

“I should… ‘get out more.’ Try harder to fit in.”

For the thousandth time, she thought back to the time they’d spent together while she was in college. Her memory tried to tell her that they’d spent most of that time alone together, but other bits and pieces kept creeping back in. They’d gone out to eat pretty often. To the movies, to concerts. They’d taken picnics to the park. She’d never thought he was standoffish. He was no hermit. True, some of his conversations with her friends and classmates had devolved into bickering matches, but he was no less sociable than a lot of the other people she knew.

His seat at the reception would be among a mixture of couples Julie had told her were friendly.

Maybe he’d have a good time.

And later on, they could come back here and…

No. She couldn’t think about that. Today of all days, she had to put her best foot forward. She owed that to Julie.

A glance at the clock told her she still had a little time left before she needed to head over to Julie’s parents’ house, so she sat down beside Luca on the bed and leaned in to kiss him softly. At first, he didn’t seem enthusiastic; then he wrapped his hand around the back of her neck and kept the kiss going.

A minute later, as she drew back, she asked him, “Was your brother’s wedding nice?”

“It was very joyous.”

“Were you… joyous?”

“Perhaps not as much as I should have been.” He looked away for a moment, then abruptly brought his eyes back to her, and his gaze was sharp and piercing. “I had been attacked a few days before. Someone made assumptions that weren’t… He thought I wanted to claim someone.”

“‘Claim’ them? How?”

“A woman. He thought I had treated her badly.” He groaned. “I
did
treat her badly.”

Then, with his words tumbling over each other, he told her what had happened: that he’d grown up with someone named Katrin who had come to love him, and everyone—including Luca himself—had assumed they’d eventually get married. But he’d come here, and had become involved with Allison, and after he’d returned home he had all but shunned poor Katrin.

She didn’t know that he’d pined for her for four years. That he’d rejected the love and devotion of someone else in favor of longing for something that wasn’t going to happen.

That still might not happen.

But this certainly wasn’t the right moment to have that conversation, not with time rapidly running out. If she showed up at Julie’s parents’ house even a few minutes late, it would derail Julie’s special day. More than likely—as Julie had said it would—it would ruin their friendship forever.

Something tugged at her, down deep inside, insisting that she stay here and talk things out with Luca until they’d come to a decision—no matter what it might be—but that wasn’t possible.

It just wasn’t possible.

“Tomorrow,” she told him. “Tomorrow, we’ll… do whatever we have to do. I have no commitments at all. But I have to go now. I made a promise.”

“Go, then,” he told her.

That didn’t free her nearly as much as—well, as much as Julie probably had in mind. Really, she didn’t feel freed at all. Something told her that, despite what he’d said, Luca was going to sit here on the bed, fiddling with the TV remote, until she got back—even if that was in the wee hours of the morning.

He was going to sit here and stew, the same as he’d apparently done for the last four years.

The thought of that startled her. Did she want to be with someone who’d act this way when she tried to do something on her own? It seemed to suggest that he’d get even worse over the years, not better.

“I have to go,” she told him.

Five minutes later, she was driving away from the motel.

“It does look better in the daylight!” Gina squealed. “See? I told you it would!”

She hovered around Allison like a frantic puppy, tugging at Allison’s dress, fussing with her hair—she even spit on her fingertip and used it to smooth the line of Allison’s lipstick. She was still happily, eagerly, in charge, and she spent the entire “getting ready” session bossing around the hairdresser, the photographer and his assistant, the other bridesmaids, and even Julie and her mother.

Allison couldn’t find the will to argue with Gina, or even try to get out of her way. This would be over soon, she told herself; one way or another, the day would go by, and she could retreat to the motel.

All she had to do was keep breathing until then.

It helped that she didn’t need to make a decision any more complicated than “I need to take a minute to go to the bathroom now.” For most of the day she was herded around, tweaked and poked, told to smile for the camera, to eat something that was held in front of her so that she wouldn’t feel lightheaded during the ceremony. Her phone was nowhere nearby, so she couldn’t call anyone or check for messages.

Along with the others, she was herded into the church and into a too-small room where Gina supervised last-minute checks of hair and makeup and dresses. Then she was herded out into the sanctuary and positioned at the foot of the aisle. They’d practiced that oh-so-important walk the day before—with Gina barking “suggestions”—and she was able to repeat the short journey without stumbling or, like Pats, bursting into tears.
No thinking
, she told herself.
Just walk.

It was like being in a play. Every line, every step, laid out for her.

When she reached the altar, she moved into the spot Gina had designated for her the day before (doing everything but putting little pieces of colored tape on the floor, as if this actually were a play) and turned to face the people who had come to watch Julie and Matt exchange their vows, arranging her expression into a calm, placid smile.

There, at the back of the church, was Julie, holding on to her father’s arm.

And sitting at the end of a pew a few steps away from them…

Was Luca.

His shirt was a little wrinkled, but his hair was carefully combed and he was wearing a tie. He’d found himself a seat next to a gray-haired woman Allison didn’t recognize—a woman who seemed to feel compelled to keep patting his hand. He went from murmuring something to her to taking a look up into the eaves, and then, finally, he met Allison’s gaze.

He smiled, just a little, and nodded.

She couldn’t afford to focus on him, because Julie and her father were coming down the aisle, so she returned the nod, then fell back into the “just do what Gina told you” mode she’d been floating through all day. Everything seemed to go perfectly: no one other than Pats did any ugly crying, neither Julie nor Matt messed up their vows, and everyone cheered and applauded happily when the pastor introduced the couple as Mr. and Mrs. for the first time.

Everyone began spilling out of the church once Julie and Matt had taken up their positions in the receiving line, and within a minute or two the vestibule and the front steps were crowded with bodies. Gina did her best to herd everyone in the wedding party into the receiving line, but Allison managed to evade her and began to look around for Luca.

To her disappointment, he was nowhere in sight.

Would he have left? That was certainly possible. It was one thing to sit in the back of the church for a few minutes, and another thing entirely to spend two or three hours partner-less at the reception.

Still, she wished he’d said something.

As soon as there was a gap in the crowd clustered around the door, Allison slipped outside, still careful to avoid Gina. A couple of the other bridesmaids weren’t in the line either; she saw Pats sobbing into a handful of tissues at the edge of the walkway, and Donna Marie was talking on her phone. The photographer planned to take more pictures after everyone had given the bride and groom their best wishes, and judging by the state of the line, that was maybe ten minutes away. Allison took advantage of the reprieve and headed down the walkway, looking around for Luca.

There
.

He was standing over at the edge of the parking lot, looking down the street. Planning his escape route, maybe?

“Allison. Allison! Where are you going?”

Damn
.

She turned around to smile at Gina. “Nowhere. I’m here. Are we doing pictures now?”

Damn…

She did her best to put Luca out of her mind. He was giving her the space to participate in Julie’s day, hadn’t even suggested that she shouldn’t, so she told herself to accept that and focus on her friend.

She felt genuinely pleased standing beside Julie for the pictures, and her smile wasn’t forced. They posed for what felt like several hundred pictures, then they were all bundled into the limo for the ride over to the reception venue, a small but pretty country club in the rolling hills at the edge of town.

There, she caught another glimpse of Luca.

And another.

And finally, after everyone had milled around for an hour sipping—or chugging—drinks and nibbling hors d’oeuvres and had been seated for dinner, she saw him again: sitting beside that old woman from the church, who seemed delighted to be paired with a handsome young man.