Queens Noir (28 page)

I looked at the sea of people coming down the platform
stairs on their way home, and others out on the warm night
with families and friends, gathering in cafes and restaurants
and Astoria Park. For other immigrants and locals alike, Ditmars represented a beginning ...

AVOID AGONY Let me investigate the morals of your child's
intended before the sacred blessings of Marriage are arranged in
America. Make sure your future son- and daughter-in-law are of
pure values. Based in New York. $US 200 per report.

he week after he placed the advertisement in the
India Today matrimonial pages, he received fifty-six
requests. Not all, of course, had paid the $200 he
charged through PayPal. But twenty-one had. He did a criminal background check of the ten men and eleven women. He
ran their credit histories and sent the reports:

Dear Sir:

It gives me great pleasure to report that the match for your
daughter/son should proceed as planned. My investigation
has revealed no character flaws in the intended.

If you need further assistance, please advise. I should note
that I also offer astrology guidance in selecting the date/
place for marriages, children, and the like.

Jai Hind,

Raj Kumar

With the astrology business and now the Matrimony Investigating Agency up and running, things were looking good.
Raj treated himself to a masala dosa at India Grill. "Add more
mirshe," he always reminded them, or else the dosa lacked the
requisite zing. He relished the spiced potatoes and the sweet
masala tea. All around, families, business people, and ladies
sat and gossiped, some in English, some in Punjabi, and some
in Gujarati. Almost everyone was Indian. Why, he sometimes
thought, Queens is more Indian than India. He took out some
quarters, left two as a tip, and went to the register to pay.

It was a Saturday; he would sit and wait for any walk-in
business. He headed into the Sari Palace, past the mannequins
in langas and saris, nodded his greeting to the ladies setting up
the register, and up the stairs to his office. It was best not to
speak to them, he had realized, or else they'd draw him into
their gossip. Then he'd have to listen to the not-so-subtle suggestions about some cousin or niece who was ready to marry,
who cooked so well and sang beautifully. Would you like to see
her photo? Best to avoid the tedious talk.

The walls of his second-floor office were bare but for
three posters of the most beautiful woman who had ever
lived, the 1950s Indian film star, Meena Kumari. When he
procured the lease to the office, he had allowed himself the
extravagance of taking some publicity photos he'd had since
his teens to the copy center and enlarging them. Her gaze
never escaped his.

He flicked on the neon Open sign in his window, under a
hand-lettered one that read, Vedic Astrology, and checked his
e-mail.

He scanned the few requests for matrimonial character
checks. One e-mail caught his eye:

Dear Sir,

I am in urgent need of your investigative skills. Tell me, are
you based in New York? I need a full report on a person
living there who has entangled my son. I must get a full
dossier on the woman in question to save my son from this
match. Please advise as to your services and fees.

M. S.

Raj read the e-mail over several times and mulled the "full
dossier" request. What should be the quote for such a report?
$400? This one doesn't want a report that reassures him that
his child will be fine coming to America and marrying his intended. He wants dirt. The salacious detail of depravity. That
she drinks, smokes, and dances.

He responded:

Dear Sir,

Thank you kindly for your request. The services you require can be had for a fee of $340. Please supply details,
names, date of birth, and the like for the girl in question.
Please use PayPal to arrange these transactions.

Within ten minutes, he received confirmation of a payment and a name: Ritu Rani. Ritu Rani? He smiled and dug
through the stack of Little India magazines on his desk, finding
the one from four months ago. There she was on the cover:
Miss Little India, Queens 2006-Ritu Rani. He remembered every curve of her delicate body. She was back in his life again.

He waited two days before responding:

Dear Sir,

I am saddened to inform you that Ritu Rani is of question able moral character. She has been known to smoke, and
further, participate in beauty contests. She was awarded
the title of Miss Little India after performing a dance on
the stage. Her sign is one of a woman with much ambition and greed. I would advise avoiding further alliance
between your son and her.

Within minutes of sending his report, he received a most
pleasant offer.

I am disappointed to hear of the adventures of the lady
in question. However, these facts of smoking, beauty pageants, and dancing in public will not dissuade my son, as
he has come under her spell. Please consider an extensive
investigation with more meaty facts. MONEY IS NO
OBJECT.

This time it was signed with the full name: Manny Sharma.

"Lakshmi, praise be to you," Raj said out loud. Manny
Sharma. The Manny Sharma needs his services. How fortunate is his cusp. He must do his horoscope to see what other
good karma is coming his way. Manny Sharma needs him. A
wayward only-son entangled with a woman. Well, one man's
bad luck is another's good fortune.

Dear Mr. Sharma,

Thank you very much for your kind e-mail regarding the
plight of your son. Of course, as a man who values the
auspiciousness of marriage, I can understand your deep
concern. This is an unfortunate set of circumstances. God
willing, I will be of assistance to you. Kindly send me your
son's vitals, date of birth, time of birth, and of course his current address. I will never let him suspect that I am in
any way involved with his affairs. I will simply ascertain,
based upon my understanding of human nature, what set of
facts will dissuade him from pursuing this unholy alliance.

My hourly rate for this in-depth work will be $95 US.
Please advise how much time you wish for me to devote to
this investigation.

Raj read his work over with care and wondered whether
the $95 was high enough to show his worthiness but not too
high to make him seem greedy. He changed it to $85 before
sending the e-mail.

Raj was so pleased with himself that he left right away for
some paan. It was important to sweeten one's mouth at good
news so that it would linger longer. He walked to the corner of 74th Street and Roosevelt Avenue. Vinod had set up a
paan stand inside the sweet store. Raj came here a few times
a week, as nothing was as satisfying as the taste of a freshly
made paan. As Vinod wrapped the betel leaf and added areca
nut and mineral lime, then sprinkled some spices, sweet mixture, and whatnot, they chatted. But Vinod was always looking for some free advice. What's an auspicious date for buying
stock? Good dates for traveling? Today Vinod wanted to know
about his sister's marriage. What good dates are coming? Nothing annoyed Raj more. Astrology was an ancient and sacred
art. It required precise calculations. It was not gossip material.
But he loved paan, and Vinod was the only game in town, so
he held his tongue and gave general information. "Well, till
the eclipse on the thirteenth, not good to set the date." He
finally got the paan, plopped it in his mouth, and chewed.

As he walked back to his office, he stopped at the DVD store at the corner of 37th Road to see what latest Hindi movies they had. All the usual trash. He rented two and headed to
his office, feeling satisfied that now his moment had come and
Manny Sharma himself would be the vessel.

Manny was around fifty, ten years older than Raj. Manny
had made a fortune in the Indian steel business. When Raj
had taken his correspondence course in astrology a few years
before, Manny's horoscope had been his final project. Raj remembered that even with all of Manny's money, the chart
showed difficulty in the fifth house-some fracture with a
child. And since Manny had but one son ... Well, well, well,
Manny and Raj's fortunes intertwined.

Now Raj did a more extensive moon chart of Manny,
which showed him to be a ruthless man who destroyed his
competition and cared little for others. So it is only fair, Raj
reasoned, that though he have a fortune (he was, after all,
born in the Shukra ascension), his lack of humility must bring
him pain in some other area of his life. And nothing would
concern the great Manny Sharma more than the thought of
his prince marrying a loose woman.

Neal Sharma was an MBA student at the Stern School
at NYU. Raj had no trouble locating him the next day. Raj
presented himself in the lounge of the Stern building and
waited. Soon classes were over and he spotted Manny's son
with a group of other young men. Neal was handsome, slim,
and decidedly casual for being the son of one of the wealthiest families in India. Raj watched and studied him. Was he
a good kid? He seemed to be enjoying the company of his
friends. No pretentiousness. Not the strongest personality
in the group. Not the most handsome. But a good enough
fellow.

Raj continued his investigation by doing Neal's chart. His instincts were correct: Neal was a boy of unquestionably good
moral character. Would have a happy family life. Three children. And, of course, lots of wealth. How to play this out?
Raj wondered. He felt he was still missing something and so
he'd sleep on it. He dreamed all night of Miss Little India,
Queens.

Raj woke up with a plan that made him feel young. He
knew where his destiny lay. He did not doubt the stars. He
went to the electronics store and haggled a digital camera.
He knew where Ritu lived and went to her apartment building
five blocks away. Soon enough, he saw her. She wore a skirt
that covered her knees and a simple pink top. No makeup.
Flat sandals. Just the sight of her made his heart beat faster.
He moved to the other side of the street.

And took her picture.

Dear Mr. Sharma,

I have started the surveillance you requested. The girl in
question is difficult to track and will require many days
of observation. I attach a photo of her I took just this
morning.

RK

For the first time in years, he was hungry for something.
His brain-which, as a young man, had been routinely praised
for its discipline and quickness-was perhaps going to be used
again. Maybe it had just been resting till now. Wearing a hat
and dark glasses to obscure his appearance, he went in search
of the couple. It wasn't hard. He waited outside her building,
and soon he saw Neal buzzed in. They came out together not
ten minutes later, and he took photos of them walking. They
went to lunch at Chat Hut. He slid into the table behind her, and she never noticed him. How could she, when all she did
was look at Neal and smile? They were chatting about this
and that, in the meandering way young couples do when smitten. He had a paper due, she had a job interview; he wanted
to go to a movie that night, she said earlier was better. Neal
was eating channa with purl and she had a dahl chat plate. She
fed him a spoon full of her chat.

"Ritu, I can't wait to take you to the chat place in Delhi,
baby, you will love it," Neal said as they got up to leave.

Raj waited a few days and sent the photos to Manny. With an
email:

Dear Sir,

I am distressed to inform you that your son is in fact seriously entangled with the girl in question. Their contacts
are substantial and plans of going to India together were
discussed. If you advise, I will speak to this girl, who is
known to be greedy, to see what I can work out-for the
sake of your son and your family honor.

RK

Manny replied instantly:

Understood. Range of $25,000-$50,000 approved. Send
details for money transfer.

Raj e-mailed again two days later-at night so it would be
received early in the morning in Delhi:

Dear Sir,

I met with the girl and had to go the maximum range of the offer as she was determined to get more after marriage or
possible divorce. So you see how she thinks. If approved,
she wants funds quickly and will move away from this
city.

RK

Almost immediately, Raj received a response:

My son's happiness is my duty to ensure. Thus, $50,000
is my obligation to pay. Send details and wire transfer will
take place. Thank you for your diligent service.

The money was in Raj's account within twenty-four
hours.

He put on his best suit with the red tie and first went
to the Lakshmi Temple when he knew there'd be no long,
drawn-out prayer ceremonies under way. He wrote a check for
$201 and left it in the donation box. Bowed to Lakshmi, took
a bit of parshad to sweeten his mouth, and left. He knew the
right thing to do. And God blessing him for doing the right
thing would bring good karma.