Queen of the Heavens (20 page)

Harenhab’s words piqued my interest. “But my child lived inside my womb. I could feel him kicking many times.”

“A mother and a child in the womb are one,” Harenhab said. “Your life force, rather than his own, may have caused him to move.”

“A body inside me without a soul. Do you think this is so?”

“I’m not sure, but it certainly is possible.”

Of course,
I thought, knowing intuitively Harenhab’s supposition was correct.
I was chosen by the Neters to bring a great Pharaoh into being, but the soul was not ready to inhabit a child’s form. My son had not died, for a soul had never been in his body to give it life.

“How can I convince Sety that what you say is true, My Lord?”

Harenhab took a sip of wine. “You can’t,” he answered. “It would be a waste of time to even try.”

The Pharaoh’s revelation lifted my spirit. I had not failed in my duty, I had performed it well. Even if I had been strong enough to try to heal the infant, without a soul present, my efforts would not have succeeded. Calmness descended upon me as I ate my meal, for I now knew I wasn’t to blame for the fate that had befallen my child.

“Come, Tuya, let us take a stroll,” Harenhab said after we had consumed our food.

The Pharaoh rose slowly with the help of his cane and we walked to the stone path that led through the garden.

“Forgive my pace, but the pain of age slows me down,” Harenhab said.

“You’re doing fine,” I assured him.

“No I’m not. As we grow older, wisdom replaces strength. I used to think it a worthwhile trade, but at this point I’d give up some wisdom for more vigor.”

“Your wisdom makes you a great ruler, My Lord.”

“Perhaps, Tuya, but not as great as I would have liked to have been. My one regret is that I never led Egypt’s armies in a great campaign to regain our lost lands. With a bit more strength and many more years I could even accomplish this, but it’s not to be. It will be up to those who follow me to defeat the Hittites.”

“My Lord, you’ve spoken of this to me before. You shouldn’t dwell on it. Think instead of all the great things you’ve done for Egypt.”

“Oh, I don’t dwell on it, but it does cross my mind from time to time. I remember my younger days and the thrill of riding a chariot at full gallop in pursuit of renegade sand dwellers, the thunder of a thousand hooves around me, the wind in my face. Just think of the thrill of leading a grand army against the Hittites. A Pharaoh could ask for no more from the gods.”

We sat down on a stone bench under a willow tree for a few moments so Harenhab could regain his strength. It pained me to look upon the great man at my side debilitated by age, so I imagined him instead as a young and handsome soldier in a chariot, guiding plumed horses with authority and confidence.

“You were a magnificent horseman, I’m sure,” I said.

“There was none better.”

I looked out at the exquisite royal abode. “It’s fitting for such a magnificent man to live in such a magnificent palace.”

The Pharaoh seemed amused by my comment. “Magnificent? It’s but a bauble designed for earthly pleasure. Egypt’s palaces are made of brick. They’ll be crushed by time and forgotten, but we build our temples out of stone. Thousands of years from now people will stand in them and be transformed by the power they bring to the earthly realm. Stone, Tuya, stone. The Sphinx of Giza is of stone, and it is as old as time itself. The Pyramids are of stone, and they connect us to the stars. The obelisks are of stone, and they transport us to the unseen worlds. Stone transcends time.”

“In the courtyard of the Great Temple of Amun, I saw a stone statue of Sekhmet dance before me,” I said.

Harenhab smiled. “The goddess has been known to do that. She still will be dancing ten thousand years from now for those who can see in her stone, the essence of the divine.”

“Those were happy times, My Lord. It was the day of your anniversary celebration, when Sety and I also became husband and wife. Now I feel trapped in time. I want to go beyond time and into eternity where I would be rid of the despair I feel.”

“It can be done, Tuya.”

“How? I fear I must die first.”

“No, you need not die. It can be done through the
ankh
, if you believe in its power.”

I looked at the silver ornament with the carnelian that hung from Harenhab’s neck.

“In the
ankh
, the receptacle of the female and the staff of the male connect in perfect harmony and balance,” Harenhab said. “Grasp it, Tuya.”

I did as commanded, or at least I tried, but was amazed to find a force emanating from the
ankh
that pushed my hands away.

“I cannot, My Lord. The power is too great.”

Harenhab took my hands and pulled them forcefully to the talisman, then closed my fingers around it. Power surged throughout my body, igniting a subtle fire in every corner of it. The fire did not singe or burn, but tingled and gave me strength.

“It is the energy of your heart,” I said in amazement. “It flows through my whole being.”

“Yes, Tuya, it is the power of my heart expanded a multitude of times through the power of the
ankh
.”

I closed my eyes and felt my consciousness soar into the skies, as if carried on the wings of a thousand herons. At the same time, I found it floating in the Nile, bathed by the gentle waters of the sacred river. I saw before me the celestial spheres in the night sky expanding into the infinite. I found, too, that as Lord Harenhab’s love flowed from his heart through the
ankh
and into me, my love likewise flowed into him in this realm where time had stopped.

“This is magnificent, My Lord. I wish to stay here forever,” I whispered.

“It cannot be, at least not yet. You are divine, Tuya, but you’re human as well.”

Reluctantly, I returned to the realm of time and dropped my hands to my lap as Harenhab lifted the
ankh
from his neck.

“Here, it is yours,” he said, as he placed the cord over my head. “When you feel powerless, wear the
ankh
and allow it to expand the power within your own heart.”

“My Lord, I cannot take this from you,” I protested.

Harenhab raised his eyebrows. “You would refuse the Pharaoh?”

I dropped my head in contrition. I would refuse this Pharaoh nothing.

“Thank you, My Lord. I accept your gift graciously.”

At another time, the love flowing between Harenhab and me would have drawn us into a passionate embrace, but time had taken its toll on the Pharaoh and in matters of the flesh time could not be denied. Harenhab and I would share our love, but like a grandfather and a granddaughter, at least in this lifetime.

XX

Had my son lived for even a few years and died, the funeral rites would have been extraordinarily elaborate. Friends of the family would have been present along with dignitaries from the government and high priests from the great temples. Lord Harenhab himself would even have attended to pray for the soul of the child who was in line to become Pharaoh. Since my child was born without life, it was as if he never existed to those outside the immediate family, so the ceremony was kept simple, with only Sety and me, our parents and three priests from the Temple of Ptah present.

After the traditional seventy days of mourning, the tiny wooden coffin containing the mummy was placed in a tomb on bone-dry land to the west of Memphis that also held the mummies of Ramesses’ mother and father and two wives. Sety and I placed offerings of food and drink on an altar outside the burial chamber to nourish the soul of the infant, and the priests recited incantations that would help guide it on the journey to the afterworld. None, save for me, recognized the futility of the ritual since my son’s body never harbored a soul.

I hoped the entombment would enable Sety and me to put the past behind us, but the weeks following the ritual were no different than the weeks before.

“I would like the two of us to spend some days together in the same villa where we stayed after we became husband and wife. We could call upon Bastet to restore excitement and caring to our marriage,” I said one night to Sety after a perfunctory session of intercourse.“I have no time for such foolishness,” Sety replied.

“You’re an angry man,” I snapped. “Your anger prevents you from showing me the love I know is within you. Take care Sety or your anger will cause your soul to suffer in this life and the next.”

Sety’s face reddened, but he did not reply. My husband left the room holding his anger within himself.

As I lay in bed, my own anger rose to a level I had never before felt. I desired the tenderness Sety had once shown me but which he now seemed incapable of providing. I wanted to share my exquisite body intimately with a man of equal attractiveness, but my handsome and athletic husband merely took what he wanted and denied me the passion I so desired.

I tried to sleep but my anger made me restless, and as I lay awake in the small hours of the morning the anger was replaced by despair. I felt as if I had been banished from the lush banks of the Nile and was wandering in the desert, with no water, no nourishment, and no hope of finding an oasis. A desire to love and to be loved burned inside me, but I saw my youth and sensuality withering away, with my soul never again to know joy in this lifetime.

How can I escape
, I asked myself.
There is no escape but death.

I rose from bed and walked to a table in the corner of the room. On it lay a knife with an onyx handle that Nebet used to cut my hair. I picked it up with both my hands and placed the point below my breasts.

With but one plunge I can free myself from the bonds of despair with which I have been shackled,
I thought.
Isis, forgive me.

I held my breath and gritted my teeth, but just as I was about to release from my body the force that sustained my life a thought entered my mind.

The ankh.

I relaxed my grip and placed the knife back on the table. In a chest nearby I located the talisman given to me by Lord Harenhab, which I had neatly wrapped in a piece of linen. I placed the cord around my neck with the
ankh
dangling before my heart center, sat down on a three-legged stool and closed my eyes.

Calm descended upon me, but I also felt the subtle, tingling fire I had experienced while with the Pharaoh slowly ignite within me. The fire began at my sacred place, then spread through my torso and limbs. I felt my heart center open, and the energy of the Cosmos pass into my being.

The fire rose to my forehead, and I felt my consciousness depart my body through the vortex above and between my eyes. To my surprise, I soon found myself not in my room in Memphis, but in the courtyard of the Great Temple of Amun in Thebes next to the stone statue of Sekhmet. With an
ankh
in her left hand, the lion goddess rose from her throne and smiled at me.

“Why are you troubled, Tuya?” she asked, not through speech, but thought.

“My life seems hopeless, Sekhmet,” I answered in the same manner. “I am surrounded by splendor but live in a barren world. My husband despises me, yet I’m trapped for a lifetime with him. I want to know joy again, but I fear my life will be one only of despair.”

“You need not despair, my dear,” Sekhmet said as she took my hand. “Come with me.”

Sekhmet led me through the courtyard past towering columns, then beyond the sanctuary to a great obelisk of solid granite that stood twenty times my height.

“Allow your consciousness to enter it,” Sekhmet said.

“How is that possible,” I asked. “It is of stone.”

“Am I not of stone, and do we not speak through consciousness? Close your eyes, Tuya, and will your being into the granite.”

I did as commanded, and to my amazement found the obelisk not still and lifeless, but shimmering and alive with love and bliss. My consciousness rose rapidly within the obelisk, then emerged out of the electrum capital into another realm. I walked along an alabaster pathway and looked up at a sky glistening with all the colors of the rainbow and beyond. Squirrels, gazelles, baboons, ibises and a host of animals of types I had never seen before came up to me and exchanged thoughts of affection. A light and refreshing rain began to fall, but I did not become wet. The animals were conscious, the trees were conscious, the grass was conscious. Even the soil and rocks glistened with consciousness. Smells sweeter than a thousand lotuses entered my nostrils and the atmosphere resonated with magnificent celestial harmonies unheard on Earth. The sounds and smells were conscious, too.

Then I heard Isis.

“What you experience are the thoughts of the divine, Tuya. You are such a thought as well.”

“Where am I, Isis? In the beyond?”

“No, Tuya. You are beyond the beyond.”

“Why did you leave me?” I asked the Queen of the Heavens.

“I did not leave you. Your doubt made you think I had departed.”

I walked past holy men and women who were meditating, chanting and performing sacred rituals. Their skins were of different colors and most were dressed in costumes I had never seen in Egypt. Playful creatures with wings flitted about my head, appearing then vanishing before my eyes. At first I thought they were dragon flies, then realized their tiny, naked bodies were like those of humans. I walked through mist from a waterfall and sensed the mist was alive with consciousness and bliss. I looked directly into a distant white light, a thousand times brighter than the sun god Ra, but it did not blind me. The light itself was conscious and it penetrated everything.

“All is love and beauty,” I said.

“Then why are you troubled?” Isis asked.

“All is love and beauty where I am now,” I answered, “but it will not be so when I return to the earthly realm.”

“The earthly world is but an illusion, Tuya, like a reflection in a pond. Toss in a stone and it is gone, but here you dwell in the eternal.”

“Why am I here, Isis?”

“You have a pure soul.”

“The dark forces do not exist here. They cannot exist where there is such light,” I said.