Queen of Broken Hearts (25 page)

“Naw,” he said. “If she'd told you the truth, you would've already jumped me. I would've had to fight you off the first night we met.”

I laughed again, hoping the inevitable confrontation, the mating dance, could be avoided if we kept up the bantering. “You're such a crazy man. And I mean that fondly.”

“Maybe I need to see a therapist,” he murmured.

“Anyone would have a field day with you, believe me.”

Silent for a few minutes, he peered down at me again and said, “Well, what about it? Want to or not?”

“Want to
what?
”

“You know … if I'd made a pass at you and—”

“Please don't tell me that is your pathetic way of making one.”

“What do you want me to do, get down on my knees and beg?”

I lowered my face into my hands, my shoulders shaking in mirth. “I ain't believing this. Be still my heart!”

“Guess I'm not very smooth, huh? Maybe I need to brush up on my technique.”

“Oh, I'd say you need more than a little brushing up. I'd suggest you take a course.”

“Do you offer one at those retreat things of yours? If so, sign me up.”

“Yeah, right. It's our most popular course.”

“No kidding?”

“Of course I'm kidding, idiot.” I took a deep breath and began. “Listen, Lex …”

“I'm listening.”

“Ah. Okay. Know what I'd really like?”

“Sounds like we're finally getting to the good part.”

“I'd like for us to be friends. I think—”

“Aw, shit. I
knew
that's what you were going to say. Whenever a woman says that, here's what she really means: You're the world's biggest loser, and you've got about as much chance with me as a fart in a whirlwind.”

“Shut up and listen,” I said in exasperation. “Don't you think a man and a woman can be friends, like two men or two women?”

“Yawp, sure. If the two men or two women are gay.”

“Come on! Have you ever had a close female friend? And just this once, please be serious.”

He thought for a long moment. “Well, there was a woman in the navy who was my buddy. You know, like a guy or something. But Elinor would never let me hang out with another woman. Not a chance.”

“Now be honest. You said that about making a pass because you thought you were supposed to, didn't you? Because there we were, in a compromising position. You intended it as a joke, but there was a lot of truth to the statement that you felt
obligated
to make a move.”

“You said that, not me.”

“But didn't you? Feel an obligation just because that's the way things are?” I persisted.

He shrugged, avoiding my eyes.

“Tell you what,” I continued. “Why don't we try becoming close friends instead of lovers? I don't know about you, but I've had enough heartache to last me a lifetime. I like you, Lex, very much. You're funny and cute and sweet, and I really enjoy being with you. But frankly, I don't want to have an affair at this point in my life. I have no intention of getting involved in another relationship, not after the way my last one ended. And I bet you feel the same way. Am I right?”

“If you say so.” His eyes were thoughtful. “Naw, you're probably on to something. Going through all that crap again is the last thing I want. After Elinor … Christ! I may never have another woman. That one about did me in.”

“Well, then. Let's give it a try. If it doesn't work for either of us, though, we have to be honest and say so. Can't have any possessiveness. You go out with other women all you want. Matter of fact, I have some nice women friends I'll fix you up with.”

“Oh, hell, no. You can forget that.”

I laughed. “Okay, strike that. But how do you feel about the rest of it?”

He glared at me. “How come it feels like you're reading to me from some psychology article?”

“That's the last thing I want. Strike everything, and let's just see how it goes.”

“Hmm. Okay, I guess.”

“So you'll give it a try?”

“Yawp. Guess so,” he said with a shrug.

“It'll be a good thing for both of us, wait and see.”

I settled back into the seat and so did Lex, but this time neither of us was self-conscious if the boat swayed and threw us together. We lay back for a long time with our shoulders touching, watching the red sun sink into the creek, turning it from gold to fire, and listening to the song of the cicadas and crickets on the banks. Suddenly Lex nudged me and said, “Clare?”

“Hmm?” I was drowsy again, not wanting to leave.

“You awake?”

“Not really,” I murmured. “Why?”

“If this plan of yours doesn't work out, do you think … ah, you know …”

I couldn't stop myself. After several tension-filled days dealing with Dory's problems with Son, I was overdue for an emotional release. It started out as a muffled snort but ended with a howl, and Lex watched in amazement as I laughed helplessly until tears rolled down my cheeks.

When Etta comes into my office to say that I should call Dory back, I punch in the number with a sense of dread. I assume Dory's call has to do with details for the renewal ceremony at the church, which is coming up in a few days. To my surprise, she wants to go with me to the Landing as soon as possible. Can we? I tell her I'll pick her up ten minutes after my last client has gone.

Before leaving to get Dory, I make the other call I've been dreading, to the marina. Lex and I haven't talked since the night he came over and fixed crab rolls for dinner, an unusual length of time for us. Since we met, we've either seen each other or talked almost every day. At first I thought he was pouting because I'd gone to a dance with Rye the following weekend, and I shrugged it off. This past Saturday afternoon, we'd planned to work at the Landing; however, Lex left a message on my phone saying he wouldn't be able to after all. Elinor had called to say she needed to see him. I waited all week for him to let me know what was going on, but nothing.

He answers the phone with an irritated bark of “Marina.” All of my numbers are blocked, for obvious reasons, so he doesn't know it's me.

“Sounds like I caught you at a bad time,” I say, cringing.

“Oh, hi, Clare. Yeah, it's pretty crazy here. Things go to hell in a handbasket when I'm away.” The irritation is gone, but he sounds harried, distracted.

“So you've been out of town?”

“Yeah. Listen, I'll tell you about it. I've been meaning to call, but … you know how it is when you get back and everything's piled up.”

“Of course. Just give me a ring when you get caught up. Dory and I are going to the retreat site in a few minutes, but—”

“Aw, shit. I've really let you down there. Sorry, but … Well, like I say, I'll fill you in soon as I get a chance. And I'll still help out at the Landing, you hear?”

“No problem.” But as I hang up, I wonder what he means, saying he'll
still
help out. Now it's finally hit him that Elinor wants him back? If that's the case, not a chance she'll allow it. Matter of fact, if Lex gets back with her, our relationship will be a thing of the past. It's looking less likely that I'll be able to count on his help at the Landing, but the thought of losing his friendship saddens me even more.

When I pick up Dory, she gets breezily into my car, her face flushed and eyes bright. I have to admit that she's looking happier each time I see her.

“Wow. Don't you look great,” I say, pulling the car out of their driveway onto the Scenic Highway.

Dory laughs lightly. “Try not to sound so surprised.”

Digging in her tote bag, she pulls out a plastic bag of candied ginger and offers me a piece. She's always been addicted to the stuff and now claims it helps with the hot flashes of midlife. A shiver of memory: Mack, turning up his nose at her proffered sack of candy and saying, “That weird shit you eat, Dory, is gonna kill you one of these days,” to which Dory retorted, “If all the Jack you drink doesn't kill you, then I've got nothing to fear.”

Dory and I munch sugar-coated strips of ginger and make small talk on the drive out, catching up. Neither of us mentions the upcoming ceremony, the reconciliation with Son, or the plans for her new business; we stick to the safe topic of Wayfarer's Landing instead. One day last week Etta and I were working on the calendar when Etta asked if Dory would still be heading up the White Rings for our upcoming events. I replied that I'd wondered, too, since she was not only back with Son but also going ahead with plans for her landscape design business. Etta rolled her eyes, dialed Dory's number, then pressed the speakerphone button. When Dory answered, I suppressed a laugh as Etta said bluntly, “Hey—we need to know if you gonna help us or not?” To my relief, Dory chuckled and said, “I'm too scared of you not to, Etta.” Then she added, “Seriously, I made it clear to Son that I intend to have my own life now, and if he doesn't like it … We've been through that, and neither of us liked the way it turned out. So count me in.”

I glance at Dory now and smile. “The new retreat site—it wouldn't be happening without you, you know.” She pooh-poohs that, but I won't allow it. “Okay, it would happen,” I concede, “but no telling how long it'd take to get off the ground without your help. I don't have time to do fund-raisers and train volunteers. Your work is such an essential part of what I do. And your generosity—I hope I've expressed my gratitude often enough so you know how much it touches me.” In addition to heading up the White Rings, she also sponsors participants who can't afford to attend. Since starting the retreats a few years ago, I've held them at the only place available, the Conference Center and Inn, where the cost has been high but unavoidable. With my own retreat site, I'll be able to make better use of volunteers and keep the cost down, enabling more participants to attend.

“Anything I do is payback for what I owe you,” Dory says solemnly. “Whether you believe it or not, helping with your first retreat changed my life.” With a laugh, she adds, “Says who, huh? Ha. Guess I should've attended instead of just helping.”

“You said it, not me.”

“I sat in on all the sessions, and hearing the participants tell their stories was such an eye-opening experience for me. Until then I thought I was the only person in a codependent relationship or with a dysfunctional family.”

“Precisely the point of the retreats.” We turn off the highway, and I glance Dory's way in warning, paraphrasing one of our favorite lines from the movie
All About Eve:
“Fasten your safety belt, my dear. We're in for a bumpy ride.”

Grabbing the door handle as we bounce along, she asks me, “So you've got everything on hold until the site is completed?” I tell her I'm doing only one more retreat until the new site's ready. I've tried to offer one every two months or so, but they've been so popular, with such long waiting lists, that I plan to have them once a month at the Landing.

“When the site's ready, it'll be full speed ahead,” I add as I park the car. “I'm reworking a lot of the material, having new brochures made, and lining up some great presenters. Plus, I'm having some productive talks with a man I hope to bring in to conduct the all-male retreats. But that won't be anytime soon. I've got to convince myself they won't be more trouble than they're worth.”

Dory looks at me in disbelief. “Everything associated with men is, so why would the retreats be different?” In truth, she's not one of my detractors in having all-male retreats, but I have plenty others. My colleagues scoff, saying that men won't go for that sort of thing. Stubborn as ever, I'm determined to prove them wrong, though it'll be a challenge. Men make up such a small part of my clientele, and they react to divorce differently than women do. For one thing, they're much more likely to remarry again, and sooner. I think about Lex and fear that sheer loneliness might send him back to Elinor. Although our friendship has helped me with my loneliness, it evidently hasn't been enough for him.

“You're deep in thought,” Dory remarks as she unbuckles her seat belt.

“I was thinking about Lex, actually.”

“Is that god-awful ex of his trying to get him back? That's the rumor going around town, you know.” She throws her tote bag over her shoulder but pauses to look at me before getting out.

I shrug. “I'm sure she is, but Lex keeps swearing otherwise.”

Dory's eyes on me are like lasers. “That makes me so mad with you that I could kick your butt from here to town!”

“
Me?
” I stare at her, aghast. “For what?”

“You know good and well what. You claim to be Lex's friend, yet you'll let him go back to that haughty bitch, wait and see. I cannot believe it.”

“I'll
let
Lex go back to Elinor? Come on, Dory. Like I could stop him.” Like I could stop you from taking Son back, a thought I keep to myself.