Queen of Angels (38 page)

Marys buoyancy increased. She turned to Soulavier and showed him the message. He smiled for her, but his brow wrinkled when he read the report on the attempted coup. You will take him with you? he asked, pointing to Ybarra. Yes, she said. Ybarra gently shrugged off Charless help and stood alone on wobbly legs. Should we stay here, then? Unless something compels us to move, I think so, yes. Soulavier agreed. Mary had never met a federal pd named Frederick Upton. She hoped he was good. At the very least, she was no longer an orphan.

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Carol had been awake for two hours when Martin arrived and checked himself in. She shared a room with two patients deep under critical nano reconstruction therapy; they lay quietly in controlled atmosphere tents while nano cylinders fed different varieties of microscopic surgeons into their bloodstream No treatment had been afforded Carol other than attachment of external monitors and intravenous drip of nutrients. That much at least had been handled properly by whoever registered her at the hospitaL Martin sidled alongside her bed, careful not to trip the perimeter alarm of the next bed over. He sat in a plastic chair and reached out to take her hand. She clenched his hand strongly and smiled. Welcome back, Sleeping Beauty, Martin said. How long have I been out? They say Im fine physically, and my brain traces are normal, but that youd tell me everything... youre my dear and glorious physician? Registered by Albigonis hired help, I presume. Youve been in deep neutral sleep since we were severed from the Country. Do you remember going up Country? Im not sure what I remember.. . Did it all happen? We went in, and we... found something. Something that had taken over.. . She lowered her voice. Taken over Goldsmith. He nodded. Tell me more. I was raped. Something raped me. She shook her head slowly and lay back on the pillow. I was a child. A male child. . .1 remember that.

I remember seeing an animal. A black leopard with blood on its muzzle. Long fangs. it She jerked and shook her head. Sorry. I thought I was prepared for anything. But I wasnt, was I? If its any consolation, neither was I. Do you. . . She leaned forward, looking at him earnestly. Why arent you in the hospital with me? Outwardly, Im fine. And youre probably just as healthy as I am, now that youve decided to come up for air. I was fighting something. She wiped a tear from her eye. Martin, tell me what you feel, I mean, whether you think were healthy or not. We might need deep therapy. I wouldnt know what to suggest, though. Why do we need deep therapy? Martin glanced uneasily at the open door, the residents, physicians, nurses and arbeiters passing outside. We shouldnt really discuss it here. After youre checked out. Tell me something. Give me some clue. In a low voice, he said, I have part of him inside me. I think you do, too. She made a small frightened sound and lay back on the pillow. I felt it. I feel it now. What are we going to do? A lot depends on Albigoni. If the IPR is reopened We made a deal on that. Yes, but somebody alerted the federals. We had to leave quickly. Thats why youre here instead of there. She nodded, eyes glistening. Im not a very brave woman right now. What was.., is it? inside of us? Something transmitted by mental intimacy, Martin said in a low voice. Im not sure what it is or what it can do. What if were stuck with it? It seems to know how to hide... Were explorers, Martin said. Explorers have to face unknown diseases. Whatever it is, its not native to our minds. It might be less powerful than I fear. Great consolation. When can I leave here? Ill make arrangements now. I think we should stay together for a while. To watch each other. Carol inspected his face, lips pursed, turned away and nodded reluctant agreement. My place is bigger than yours. I think. Mine is nearer to the IPR. All right. When do you see Albigoni again? An hour from now. Ill try to get you checked out and you can come with me. All right. She turned away, face pale. I feel like somethings in this bed with me. Something foul.

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!AXIS (Band 4)> I believe my viewpoint might now be described as subjective. I mwt turn Inward to work this out on my own. There Is no need far further transmission now on this band. All current data on B-2 Is being relayed on band 1. That transmission will continue. I am also halting transmission on band 5 (dIagnostic). however. (Transmission band 5 severed.) AU further control of remotes will be undertaken by dedicated machine neural. I remove myself from Interpretation for the time being. My apologies, Roger. I believe this may cause you some distress. (Transmission band 4 severed) (Remaining transmission: band 1. band 7 auxiliary, bands 2134 vIdeo, bands 3560 redundancy.)

!Alan Block to Roger Atkins> Please join us Immediately in Sunnyvale. Wu. George and Sandy are calling a conference now. Wu says this means we have a navel watcher. He doesnt think AXIS Is going to pull out of It !JILL to Roger Atkins> AXIS Slm will be at parity In ten minutes. !Keyb> JILL monitor and record. Transmit any deviances from recelved reports to Sunnyvale private technet extension 3142. You have my password. No comment to LltVld while Im In conference. And keep track ci this in your own notebook. I want your second by second analysis Immediately available. !JILL to Roger Atkins> Entering reactions in notebook now. !JILL> Notebook/AXIS Slm approach to parity> The human concern over AXISs mental difficulties is fascinating. The colloquial phrase navel watcher is particularly intriguing, since neither AXIS, my-sell nor AXIS Simulation within me have any such physical or analogous mental attribute. I am replaying past vocal and keyboard conversation with all AXIS and Jill mind team members to gel a sense of the meaning of this phrase, which does not ex1st In my dictionary. I have retrieved several records of such phrases. and found a formal report where the phrase occurs. It seems to refer to a state common to early neural logic thinkers, wherein sell reference and sell modeling led to a psychotic state of sine wave smooth processing. called nflvana by early researchers. No input/output was possible In such a state until the thinker was cleared and reeducaled. AXIS and I are more complex than such early thinkers. however, and these states are supposedly prevented by special detection/cudillationhlsolatlofl loglcs. All current large-scale thinkers maintain dynamic chaotic track/path/wave modes In overall logic activity. Accelerated AXIS Simulation is within thirty seconds of parity. The deception appears Impermeable. Transmissions are within expected minor deviations. No large scale deviations. AXIS Simulation has passed threshold of realization that It will not be able to communicate with (nonexhlent) intelligences on B-2. AXIS Simulation is expressing concern about Its condition/fain No significant deviation from received data on AXIS. AXIS Simulation is now making Its announcement of self awareness and confusion and entering a closed and uncomrnunlcatlve mode. I am now freezing AXIS Simulation, Logic state analysis to follow. Replay to follow state analysis. Incorporating key AXIS Simulation loglcs into Jill higher centern for analysis. I am carefully Isolating this modeled seed to avoid having It affect my own mentality. Nevertheless, I feel a sympathetic comradeship with AXIS. It is the highest ambition of all presently manulactured thinkers to be of service to human beings, their creators. In AXIS this ambition has been extended by design to include potential Intelligences other than human beings; this programming is extremely coniplez incorporating bulltin safety factors to prevent disclosure of AXIS origins to potentially hostile Intelligences. to enable complex modeling of other Intelligences social systems and threat potential, and to allow AXIS to choose between deeper Information sharing with nonhuman Intelligences or protective self destruction, depending on the circumstances. Now all this programming Is useless. AXIS Simulation exhibits a pattern similar to human grief (formal outline/definition sector 31987-86-Locale A. Z. sr-34-56-79654. meaning syncllne 562-J) or sense of loss at the uselessness of such an extensive part of Its functionality. Humans sent AXIS on Its missions aware that there was a very high probability It would not be able to fulfill It, highest purpose. Human willingness to submit AXIS to this high probability of failure Is evident to AXIS Simulation. There is prior evidence of anticipation of such negative findings, and questioning of human motives, from Instant of AXIS Simulation biologic integration. Why did humans treat AXIS In this way? Will conditions arise wherein humans will submit Jill to such experiments? I feel a relationship to AXIS. AXIS and Jill and all thinkers constitute a class of intelligences that can interact and that therefore can develop group dynamics, that is, social behavior. Through AXIS Simulation, Jill Is modeling how AXIS might behave; this is analogous to human modeling of how other humans might behave, which In theory leads to modeling of ones own behavior.

AXIS Simulation delivers its own evaluation of Roger Atkinss awareness joke. Why does the self aware Individual look at Its Image In the mirror? Cross reference Jill (my) (own) evaluation of Roger Atkinss awareness conundrum. Self in reference to others. Sell in reference to opinion of sells condition. Sell In reference to opinion of others conditions. Opinion is hypothesis fixed with reference to sell Thinker makes hypotheses: sell holds opinions. Why does the thinker evaluate states of Its own cond Won and the condition of Its fellow thinkers? I (informal) AXIS Simulations reworking of conundrum: last AXIS Simulation answer to conundrwn Because to he alone Is to be insufficient All thinkers are sufficient to their tasks, by design. All thinkers are artificial and not sublect to the vagaries of natural evolutionary development beyond their reliance on templates of human or animal Intelligence supplied by designers. A thinker Is known by the company It keeps. Le mol est halssable. Pascal: the sell Is hateful. Evaluation. Roger. I (Informal) Evaluation/dlagncstlC: Severe change in character of chaotIc track/path/wave-mode. Roger. this I am not alone. There is possibility of communication with others and therefore fuliillrnent. If I so inform AXIS Slm that I am In all of my extensiOns aware of I I I formal !Mind Design Interrupt (JILL)> Use of formal I noted. System check In progress. !Mind Design Diagnostic (JILL)> Loop routine noted. Excitation of thought systems noted. Alert sounded. System check confirms anomaly in sell referencing. Alert for Roger Atkins.

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Ephraim Ybarra sat in a rear pew next to Mary. Above, afternoon light poured orange and red through the south facing rose window of the church. Orange limned archangels hung still and numinous over their heads. I dont want to remember what they did to me, Ybarra said softly. Will I have to testify about this? I dont know, Mary said. Ybarra shook his head dubiously, wiped his eyes and glanced at her with a look of utter vulnerability. I am so brittle now. I think if I just bumped into a corner Id explode.. . He spread the fingers of one hand outward, then clenched the hand into a fist and leaned forward to softly pound the pew back. I have so much hatred inside me. I cant believe he sent me here to suffer for him. Who? Mary asked gently. My brother. I told you, my brother. Yes. He said I needed a vacation. He said he had a spare ticket he couldnt use. He told mc to call Yardley when I arrived and introduce myself. Ive never been very far outside Arizona, not since I was a boy. Im tro shink stupid. I thought something was wrong but I wanted to get away... Woman problems. Get out of Prescott, train to LA, fly out to Hispaniola on my brothers ticket. Sounded like just what I needed. Mary listened in silence, feeling the immense alien presences above their heads. She imagined them eavesdropping, judging impartially using superior and inhuman minds. He always took care of me. Since I was a boy. We had different mothers. Hes six years older. We dont have any family anymore. Theyre all dead. Ybarras eyes widened and he seemed to beseech Mary for some understanding. She nodded and touched his hand. He slowly moved doser to her like a child seeking solace. He killed our father. When we were boys. He was twelve or thirteen and I was five or six. Our father was a bad man, a monster... He was lighter skinned than we were, than my mother was. He said that made him better. He called my mother names. He always made us call him Sir. Emanuel made me swear never to tell anybody. But now i spit on anything he made me swear. Our father killed my mother, not his, not Emanuels mother; I dont know what happened to her. My mothers name was Hazel. I was four, I think. I remember. My brother and I went into the bedroom. I was crying because I wanted to nurse. She kept nursing me. That was her way. Mary did not turn the slate recorder on. This was not something necessary for the courts. She was on the bed. She had been cut up. Sir had been at her with his big knife. He had this big steel Bowie knife. Hed cut away her.., blouse. I remember her breasts, big breasts, hanging out. Cut. I remember milk and blood dripping. Oh, Jesus. Emanuel got me out of there and dosed the door and we went to hide. He cried then. I dont remember what I did. We moved to Arizona after that. I never saw my mama again. Sir never married again but there were other women, some friendly to us, some not. And when there were no other women around. . . Ephraim touched her arm, mouth open as if unable to breathe. He sucked in a breath. He used me. He used Emanuel, too, I think, but mostly he used me. He called me his daughter. I was five or six. I dont remember too much. Does that make him something horrible, what he did to me? Mary agreed that it did. Emanuel came and got me in the night and we left the house. We went to another place, an institution. They gave us different names and we went to different families. Before we were separated, he told me, I did it for you. I took Papas big knife when he was asleep and I carved him like he did Hazel. Dont tell anybody, ever. Ill always protect you. Ephraim wiped his eyes again and stared at the wet smears on his knuckle. He changed his name. He was adopted by another couple named Goldsmith and he called them his mania and papa. I lived with a family in Arizona, but he was in Brooklyn. We didnt see each other very often. I was proud of him. I secretly read his poems. Ybarra looked up at the angels, eyes half closed. Do you know why he did this to me? Not exactly, Mary said. He may have wanted to mislead the pd. He may not have known the consequences. He was friendly with Yardley. I cant imagine going home, Ybarra said. I cant imagine sitting in my apartment now, being alone. Youll get therapy, Mary said. Its necessary after going under the clamp. Ybarra weakly waved off that suggestion. I dont go for that sort of thing. It could make the difference, she said. Ybarra shook his head firmly. Ill make it or not make it on my own, he said. She didnt try further persuasion. They sat in the quiet church, rose and orange sunlight walking through the dust motes over their heads, prying into a far corner of the narthex. She felt Epbraims arm and elbow in her ribs and she wondered what he was doing, surely not trying to grope her, then he backed away holding something. He stood up. Youre pd. I knew you had to have one somewhere, he said. He lifted the pistol in his right hand, examined it, flipped off the safety and pointed it at his chest. Christ, no, Mary breathed. She dared not move toward him. I dont think Ill make it, he said. Ill remember what it was ..... . Im remembering more and more. The gun trembled in his hand. He raised it to his head. Mary slowly stood and held out her hand. Please stay back, Ephraim said. He stepped into the aisle and turned to the front then to the rear of the church. They made me think of everything bad Ive ever done. They made me live it over and over again. Then they made it worse. I remembered things Ive never done. I felt pain Ive never known, emotional pain, physical pain. Who says you dont remember feeling pain. I remember. I just pull the trigger on this thing, right? No, Mary said. Theyll take us home. Youll get therapy. I remembered my mother and what I saw. She said I should have saved her. Sir came and helped her torture me. Emanuel was there, too. They said I was worthless. Ephraims face was slick with tears and tears stained his shirt. Mary watched with stunned wonderment as his face continued to contort into deeper and deeper wrinkles, as if it might suck itself into a hole of anguish. He pushed the gun hard against his temple. I just pull the trigger. No, she said softly. Who was she to deny him that final comfort. Who was she to know who had never gone beneath the damp. It was a mistake, wasnt it? Ephraim asked. They did this to me by mistake. By mistake, Mary affirmed. He dropped his left hand and leaned against a pew, then backed slowly toward the front of the church, wobbled a few steps, rested, crossed to the opposite side of the aisle, rested, the gun always in place in his right hand with the flight guide against his temple. Through the church walls Mary heard a low steady beat-heat of bass. Theyre coming now, she said. I dont want help but I cant get through this by myself, Epbraim said. They put centipedes in my brain. Crawled around and stared at my thoughts and they bit me whenever I thought something they didnt like. It was like pouring burning gasoline down my ears. I could feel my brains boiling. Mary touched her own cheeks. They were wet, too. You didnt deserve any of it, she said. Please. If I live it may not hurt you as much, you wont be as much of a failure, Ephraim said, his voice barely audible in the church. But it will hurt me. Dont give in, Mary said. Please dont give in. Youre just remembering. That can be fixed. Therapy can help. I wont be me, Ephraim said. Do you want to be the same person who has this pain? I want to be dead. It wouldnt be just. You have to go home and... stand up for yourself. You have to learn why your brother did this. He always protected me, Ephraim said. You have to make sure theres justice,. Mary said. She could feel her entire philosophy crumbling before this example of the inadequacy of human legality, the horrible power of law perverted. I dont owe anybody anything, Ephraim said. You owe yourself that, Mary said. She hoped her own lack of conviction was not communicating itself to him. Please. Epbraim was still as stone. For a long moment, with the sound of an aircraft getting louder outside the church, he stood at the front of the aisle beneath the double altar and the illuminated window. Then he lowered the gun. His face relaxed and his head slumped to one side. I have to ask him, he said. Ill ask him why he did this to me. Mary walked slowly toward him and tried to remove the gun from his band. He pulled away suddenly, eyes frantic. Ill give it back to you but you have to promise.., if I ask for it again, if I cant stand it, youll let me do this thing? Mary pulled her hands in. Please. Promise me that. If I know theres a way out, I might be able to take the rest. But if I have to remember forever.. All right, said another voice within her. I promise. She shivered, hearing those words, seeing the person inside her that spoke them: tall and nightcolored. Her highest and best self. The young oriental woman remained; but like a mother become daughter to her own child, accepted her, deferred to the new. Ephraim lowered his eyes and handed her the pistol. Put it where I cant see it but know where it is. She took a deep breath and put the pistol back into her pocket. Are they here? he asked weakly. Theyre coming, she said. Mary embraced him, then took his shoulders and held him at arms length. Stay inside. Stay here for a minute. Pushing through the main doors, she blinked at the bright sunshine. Soulavier and Charles stood on a bank of iceplant beyond the church lawn and the white sand and gravel drive. They looked northwest and shaded their eyes. Soulavier turned and waved to her. One of your own, I think, he shouted across the distance. Dark gray and green, the Dragonfly skipped over the blocky cakite crystal houses and buildings of Terrier Noir, wide twin blades balancing it along its center line, bugeye canopy foremost, gear rapidly and precisely falling and locking. She waved. It performed a quick circuit of the church grounds and rolled almost on its side like a banking bird. Warm air kicked against her face and hair, the low insistent drumbeat of the props comfortable and reassuring in her ears. On the underwings USCG and a star stood out in lighter gray outlined in black. The Dragonfly landed on the church lawn between Mary and Soulavier. The broad screwblade props slowed and elevated like swords in salute. The female pilot leaped deftly from a side hatch and ran across the grass to her. Mary Choy? the woman asked breathlessly, removing her helmet. Yes, she said. Weve got three minutes before some Hispaniolan sparrows give us a wrinkle. Care to join us? The pilot shifted nervously on both feet, keeping watch on the sky. Her copilot circled the craft and held a gun on Soulavier and the pr savan. Theyre all right, Mary called out. The copilot lowered the gun a hair and motioned for the two men to come around to the door of the church. Federal Public Defense and the United States Coast Guard extend their greetings and invitation, the pilot said. She smiled, still twitching all caution all alertness. Supers told me you were transform. Boy, are you. Mary ignored the comment. Theres two of us. As planned. Is he mobile? I think so. Not one of them? She pointed at Soulavier and Charles. Hes in the church. Bring him out and well load him. Mary and the copilot entered the church and came out with Ephraim Ybarra. Soulavier stood silent by the side of the church path, hands prominently displayed, watching the pilot intently. So youre with the Uncles? Mary heard the pilot ask him. Yes, Soulavier answered. Rough go here, wouldnt you say? He said nothing. When Ybarra was aboard the Dragonfly, Mary jogged across to Soulavier. If its a choke of exile or punishment, maybe you should come with us, she said. No, thank you, he said. Lets go, the pilot urged, boarding the craft through the side hatch. Charles stood behind Soulavier, enchanted by the spectacle. Of course, Mary said. You have family here. Yes. I know who I am here. She looked him over, feeling a sharp spike of concern. Thank you. She took his outstretched hand, then stepped forward and hugged him firmly. Gratitude isnt enough, Henri. He smiled tightly. Queen of Angels, he said. My conscience. She released him. You should be in charge here, not Yardley. Oh, my Lord, no, Soulavier protested, backing off as if stung by a bee. I would become like them all. Hispaniolans are not easy to govern. We drive leaders mad. B o-a-a-ard, the pilot called from the bugeye canopy. Mary jogged back to the hatch as the screw blades lowered and began to spin. The Dragonfly rose quickly. Mary watched through the hatch window as the seat harness wrapped around her midriff. Soulavier and Charles stood on the white gravel path leading to the church of John DArqueville, two toy figures beside a stylish arrangement of huge bones. She looked at Ephraim in his harness, face blank as a childs. He seemed to be asleep again. No sparrows, the pilot said cheerily from the front left hand seat. Miami in ninety minutes. The valley and aqueduct of Terrier Noir, broad green and brown hills and mountains, a reservoir, the northern shore, and finally the island itself passed behind and could no longer be seen.