Pwned (10 page)

Well
, that was a problem. I couldn’t very well ignore him and force him to tell his friends. Then there would be rumors flying all around the school about how I had kissed Parker.

That was definitely not okay.

Just got out of the city. What happened?
I asked, even though I was still right in the heart of the city’s commotion and all Parker would have to do was pull up his guild roster to see that.

Details.

Do you remember that crazy blonde cheerleader I told you about before?
he asked.

Vaguely,
I lied.

This part is actually kind of embarrassing
, but I went to this party last night and through no fault of my own ended up locked in a closet for . . . a while.

I flinched at his description. He was
right, it was through no fault of his own. That didn’t make me feel any better that it was my fault he had ended up falling asleep in a closet because he couldn’t get out.

I was the worst friend ever.

Ouch. That sucks,
I typed simply.

That was the biggest understatement I could have made.

Yeah, that part was lame. But the next part made it worth it,
he typed and I mentally scolded myself for the little flip my stomach did at his words.
That blonde cheerleader found the key and came into the closet to get me out. And I still can’t even believe this really happened, but she kissed me. No joke. This beautiful girl actually kissed me.

I smiled.

He had called me beautiful.

11.
Flying Solo and Leveling Up

I woke up the morning of February 14
th
feeling like Valentine’s Day was pretty high up there on the list of things I despised at the moment. The first and second-place spots were of course taken up by the two people who had caused me to hate Valentine’s Day so much.

Still, being a true cheerleader and not the dork I was trying to push into the depths of my subconscious, I wore my black, ripped skinny
jeans with red heels and an off-the-shoulder oversized red V-neck shirt. I couldn’t actually look like I hated Valentine’s Day after all.

At lunch while I was busy pretending not to stare at Parker every chance I got, Zane came and sat next to me.

“So, what do you want to do tonight?” he asked. I had to give him credit, because he was at least trying to sound enthusiastic.

I’m sure that was because he was hoping to get something out of it rather than him humoring me.

I thought about his question for a moment, glancing up at Parker for a split second only to notice he was watching me intently. Of course, he looked away quicker than if he had been burned once I met his eyes, but that didn’t stop a small smile from gracing my lips.

“Reagan?” Zane asked, reminding me that I was still trying to fit in for the time being. “What do you want to do tonig
ht?” he asked again. “You know . . . for Valentine’s Day?”

What did I want to do tonight? Honestly? I didn’t want to spend my
evening with someone who was cheating on me just so I could keep up appearances. Every time he glanced at his phone during dinner I’d know it was Tawny texting and asking when he could get away from me. Was it really so vital to the plan for me to stay with Zane at this point? Enough time had passed since my discovery that it couldn’t look
that
suspicious if I dumped him. Tawny would just think she had won. As usual.

I turned to Zane seriously, wondering exactly how I should word this. There was never an easy way to break up with someone
, even if they were a cheating scumbag.

“Zane
, I don’t think we should do anything tonight,” I began slowly.

It was amazing how difficult this was to do
, even when you knew neither of you wanted to be in the relationship. It was a wonder I had managed to be so nice to him after seeing him with Tawny.

Maybe I wasn’t such a bad person after all.

“Why not?” he asked, a bit slow on the uptake.

“I don’t think we should be together any
more. I need to stay focused on . . . ”

On what?

I couldn’t very well say, “on school.” Zane would just laugh and think I was making a joke. I wasn’t about to say “I need to focus on ruining Tawny’s life so she knows what it feels like” either. That wouldn’t go over too well.

So I said what would be expected of me.

“I need to focus more on The Squad. We have some big competitions coming up and I’m co-captain. I can’t spend so much time away from them when they need me,” I finished.

Really, Zane didn’t take my time away that much
, since we were almost never together outside of school anymore, but I was pretty sure that since he wanted Tawny so much, he wouldn’t question my less-than-believable excuse.

“I understand,” he said stoically.

Really?

He was going to act put-
out and noble when he knew full well that he was cheating on me with my best friend? At least I didn’t have to feel even a speck of remorse for breaking up with him. He had just made sure of that.

“I guess I’ll see you around,” he finished slowly, almost making too much of a show of looking upset.

Gag me.

“Yeah,” I replied, trying to stop my smile from looking fake
, even though Zane was the last person I wanted to smile at right then.

I watched him leave th
e table and make his way toward the rest of the soccer team where he easily slid into their conversation and didn’t show any hint of having been broken up with. At least no one could say the “in crowd” were bad actors.

We had that going for us.

“So, what was that all about?” Tawny asked, not wasting any time sticking her perfect upturned nose in my business.

“I just dumped Zane,” I said dully.

I may not have cared much for him once I discovered his true character, but it was a plain and simple fact that it sucked to be alone on Valentine’s Day.

I looked ove
r at Tawny in time to see a hint of concern pass over her face before she gained her composure once more. The look of concern wasn’t for my feelings, of course. It was because she was worried I had found out what she and Zane were up to.

“Why did you do that?” she asked carefully.

It was so bizarre to see Tawny nervous about something. It was like hearing Kaydinn talk quietly. It just didn’t happen.

“I
felt like we weren’t really on the same page, I guess,” I said with a shrug.

“He’s an idiot anyway,” she reassured me, giving me a quick squeeze before
standing up and launching back into an animated conversation with The Squad.

Even as I watched her
, I could see the happiness in her eyes. She had won, and there was nothing Tawny liked more than winning.

I was two seconds away from getting up and leaving the lunch table, feeling like I couldn’t really handle all of the lies around me today, when the bell rang, saving me.

Maybe I wasn’t the horrible person I thought I was. All of this deception was starting to get to me. Plus, I was finding it much harder than I thought it would be to pretend I liked Tawny now that I knew how little I really meant to her.

I stood up from our table and began walking to my class without
so much as a glance back at my former friend. I’d have to regroup tonight—give myself a little pep talk so that I could handle the next few days before the weekend without flipping out on Tawny. It wouldn’t be easy, but if I ever wanted to find my perfect moment for revenge, I’d have to hang in there a bit longer.

“Hey,” said an alarmingly familiar voice next to me.

The alarming thing about the voice was that it wasn’t muffled by the normal microphone static I was used to hearing. I glanced to my left and saw my guildie walking next to me.

His brown hair was in its usual Peter Parker-
esque disarray and his thick black rimmed glasses were slightly lopsided as he smiled tentatively.

“Parker?”
I asked, not able to really think of anything else to say.

“You know my name?” he asked, sounding genuinely pleased by this.

I had almost forgotten; he didn’t think I was an awful person. Poor kid. He couldn’t see the truth right in front of him.

“
Kimber told me,” I lied quickly. “Why are you talking to me?” I tried to inject as much ice into my voice as I could muster after having exerted most of my acting energy pretending to be sad about Zane and not angry with Tawny.

“I wanted to talk to you about what happened at the party,” he said earnestly.

I quickly shushed him and looked around, making sure no one else had heard what he’d said.

“Don’t talk about that,” I insisted, glad that Tawny and I didn’t walk to class together.

“Why did you do it?” he asked.

I wasn’t sure if he was referring to the fact that I had given him the key to the closet or our very wonderful but completely not allowed kiss.

“I didn’t want you to suffocate,” I answered honestly.

It was true that I had worried about him making it out of the stupid closet alive. So I wasn’t technically lying.
Just omitting a few truths.

“Okay. Fair enough. So why’d you kiss me?” he persisted, not letting up.

“Oh. My. Gosh. Do you not understand the meaning of ‘don’t talk about that?’ What’s wrong with you?” I asked, finding it easier to be mean to him when I was desperate for him to stop talking.

“I
want to know if those other girls put you up to it,” he told me.

I thought about my answer for a moment. Should I be honest with him and then hurt him even more when I let him know I still couldn’t be with him if I wanted to? Or should I lie and say they had put me up to it and get the whole
“hurting Parker” thing done and over with right now?

“
Kimber told me to go kiss the geek in the closet. Something about some prank. That’s all I know,” I lied.

It hurt to see the disappointment flash across Parker’s face
, but I tried to remind myself that it was for the best in the long run. Trouble was, I couldn’t quite remember how this ended up working out for the best anymore. It was almost like I was just acting mean out of habit now.

“Got it,” Parker said in an unreadable voice.

I glanced over at him for a moment and sighed deeply. I wasn’t conceited enough to think that it would ruin Parker’s life if we couldn’t be together. I may be shallow, but I wasn’t
that
shallow. But I could recognize the look on his face just then. It was the look of someone who had been reminded that you could be dead wrong about a person’s character. It was the same look I had worn as I stood outside of Zane’s house in the freezing cold, wishing I could take back what I had seen.

I wanted to tell Parker that even
I
wasn’t sure if I was a good person or a bad person anymore. That I hoped all of the mean things I had done had been because I was too weak to stand up for myself, and not because I wanted to do them. That I was trying to fix things but finding it difficult.

But I didn’t say any of that. Instead I just said, “Sorry.
”

+++

That night I holed up in my room, avoiding Mom and Dad. I had told them that Zane and I broke up, without giving them the unnecessary details behind the dissolution of our relationship.

They kept insisting that we all go out for ice cream as a family since it was Valentine’s Day and I now had no plans. Obviously I shot that idea down and told them to go out to dinner like they had planned before their dramatic daughter showed up and dropped her sob story on them.

Just because I couldn’t go out and have a romantic night didn’t mean they should be stuck at home as well.

When I finally heard the car pull out of the driveway, and the sounds of Cannon watching the History channel faded into a con
stant hum, I booted up
Voyager’s Quest
. I knew Parker would be on, but in some small way, being online and being nice to him made me feel a bit better about how I had to treat him in real life.

I had taken a long time to think over my current situation when I’d gotten home from school that day.
Somehow, I was going to get back at Tawny. Not only for the whole “cheating” thing, but for all the years she had been mean to every person she came in contact with. I wasn’t quite sure how this was going to play out yet, but I was keeping my eyes open for the perfect opportunity.

Zane was already taken care of
, so I didn’t really have to worry about him anymore as far as my plan went.

But then there was Parker.

Once Tawny and I were no longer friends, would I still be on The Squad? I was co-captain after all. I couldn’t just quit. But I knew I wouldn’t want to be forced to be with Tawny every single day, especially assuming she’d be mad about whatever I came up with for revenge.

Having Tawny angry at you usually led
to a broken ankle because she “accidentally” distracted the person holding you up during practice. I didn’t think I could handle the anxiety of constantly waiting for the axe to fall.

On the other hand, why should I quit The Squad? Just because Tawny was awful didn’t mean I should be forced to leave. She should leave. But I knew that would never happen.

I secretly wondered if maybe the other girls would start being nicer if Tawny left. Maybe being mean wasn’t actually a cheerleader thing, but just a “friends of Tawny” thing, and I didn’t know any better because I had always been her friend.

Of course
, that didn’t say much about me that I could hate what I was doing so much but not change because I was afraid I might upset my friend.

Really, I could blame my bad behavior on Tawny all day long
, but I was the one who hadn’t stood up for myself. It was easier to say “Look at all of the horrible things Tawny made me do” than it was to admit that I was more at fault than her.

And so
, with this realization of my own cowardice, I was still brought back to the last problem: Parker.

I had continually t
old myself that I wouldn’t be able to be his friend in real life because of my reputation. But if I were being honest, I probably wouldn’t want to be on The Squad after everything went down. With that out of the way, I had to decide if I was confident enough to make the switch from cheerleader to total nerd.

Could I really deal with the constant taunting of The Squad that I knew I’d receive? If I didn’t start hanging out with Parker
, what else would I do? It wasn’t like I had any other friends outside of The Squad, mostly because everyone who
wasn’t
in The Squad was being tormented by us.