Pushout (26 page)

       
   
What do I want to change about our relationship?

       
   
What actions will I take to change the situation between my teacher and me? What or who do I need in my corner to help me do the things I've agreed to do?

       
   
What actions has my teacher agreed to take to change the situation? Who will hold the teacher accountable?

       
   
How will we hold each other accountable for our agreements? Is there a written agreement? Are there regular conversations and check-ins? Do we need other people to be there for these meetings?

How should I respond if I keep being challenged to fight in school?

First, stop and breathe. Let's start with some facts: You are the
only
person who controls your actions, no one else. No one can make you hit that other person who is provoking you, and no one is making you walk away. You control your own behavior. Now, let's deal with reality: It is possible that you are feeling pressured to fight. There might be social pressures, or maybe you want to feel in control. You could also be triggered to fight after being bullied by other girls or boys who talk about you, spread rumors about you, call you names (in person or on social media sites), or try to intimidate you in some way (in person or on social media sites). You could be feeling pressure to fight in order to keep your relationship with another person intact. Take a moment to check in with yourself about why you are feeling like you want to fight. Learn your triggers. As soon as possible, find an adult or another friend who can intervene. That adult should be able to guide you both in a conversation that allows you to get to the bottom of why you are fighting and think about how you can overcome the urge to come to blows.

How do I know if I'm in an unhealthy relationship?

Every relationship has its ups and downs. But if a relationship is causing physical or emotional reactions in your body or your spirit that are not positive, then you need to check in to see if this is the right relationship for you. How frequently do you feel upset with your partner? Do you feel jealous, suspicious, or envious of your partner? Is there constant arguing? Do you feel put down, controlled, or manipulated? If you are nodding or answering yes to these questions, then you might take some time to think about why you are in this relationship. These are not feelings that you should feel in a committed and loving relationship. Sometimes the thrill of a relationship, especially if that person is popular or powerful in some way, can make us overlook these feelings. Maybe
you feel like you have no one else who understands you, or no one else to rely on. But if you are more unhappy than you are happy, love yourself enough not to ignore your own well-being. In other words, remember that you are sacred and loved. If your relationship does not honor this basic idea
most
of the time, you may want to reconsider if your partner is the right one for you, even if you love or have love for this person.

Why do people call what I do “human trafficking” or “sex slavery”? My boyfriend takes care of me, and I don't feel like a “sex slave.”

Love feels good. But it's not love if it brings you harm—physically, emotionally, or sexually. If you are under the age of eighteen and in a relationship with someone who asks you to share your body with them or someone else in exchange for money, clothes, shoes, jewelry, or other goods, then you may be in a situation that is considered “human trafficking.” Let's be honest. Prostitution is a hustle—one that gives some people a chance to buy things that make them feel good about how they look, and to be treated (at least at first) like they are not invisible. But human trafficking is a serious thing, and love or “being taken care of” should never come with a price, especially one that requires you to sacrifice your body.

What should I say to people who tease me after seeing me on the stroll?

Don't say anything to them. You are not required to justify your life conditions to anyone. You should, however, find an adult or a friend that you can trust, to help you figure out the best way to remain safe (and free from judgment at school) while you figure out your next step in life. As soon as you can, contact an organization or someone you trust to help you gain control of your life. You
can
get off the streets, but it's really hard to do it alone. You'll need help, and there are lots of organizations that can help you. As soon as possible, contact GEMS (see list at the end of this
appendix) to get a copy of
A Survivor's Guide to Leaving
. Adult survivors of sex trafficking believe this booklet is a very helpful tool as you launch your journey. A list of additional resources is included at the end of this appendix. If you're in a different city, contact one on the list and they will help you find someplace closer that can help.

Why do I get so annoyed when people look at me?

Sometimes, when we feel a little self-conscious, someone's look can feel like a judgmental stare. This stare can feel rude. It can be challenging. It can be sexually provocative. People try to pretend that a look or an expression isn't that important, but those things do matter. They matter because they give us an indication of what someone is thinking about us, and what we are thinking about ourselves. Looks have meaning, words have meaning, and physical actions have meaning—we know this instinctively. But it's our interpretations that give them that meaning. In other words, only if you feel inadequate in some way do looks or words have a meaningful impact on your life. When you feel whole, it's harder to be triggered by another person's problems, issues, or judgments of you.

Here's the thing to remember: Your life is beautiful. Their looks are about them, not you. Just because you may not be where you want to be yet, or have all of the material things you want—and that everyone else seems to think are important—doesn't mean that you are any less worthy of respect than the next person. Find ways to be true to yourself under all circumstances. That doesn't mean lashing out with your own special stare or with words at anyone who seems to be challenging you. It also doesn't mean that you have to belittle people who do have some of the material things that might be nice to have. No matter who has what or where you or anyone else comes from, think about the ways that you can treat everyone around you with respect.