Pushing the Limits (7 page)

Echo

I held Noah’s black leather jacket over my arm and headed toward my locker. The temptation to wear it overwhelmed me. I loved the way it smelled, how warm it made me feel and how it reminded me of our moment together outside Michael Blair’s house.

Get a grip, Echo. You’re not an idiot
. I knew the gossip regarding Noah. He only attended parties to get high and browse the drunken female crowd for a one-night stand. If I’d gone off to get high with him, I would have been it. I wasn’t interested in a one-night stand, but it was nice to be considered. After all, since my sophomore year, no other guy at this school had showed an ounce of interest in me.

“What’s your problem? You look like a four-year-old who lost her balloon.” Lila joined me as I walked down the hall.

“I’m destined to die a virgin.” My own admission shocked me. Had those words left my mouth? I rubbed the smooth material
of Noah’s jacket. Maybe I should have gone off with him. Not to get high, but to … well … not die a virgin.

Lila laughed so loudly several people gawked as we walked past. I lowered my head, let my curls hide my face and willed everyone to look away. We reached our lockers and I opened mine with the hopes of crawling inside.

“Hardly likely. But I thought you weren’t into hookups.” Lila rifled through her own locker, which was next to mine.

“I’m not. I held out with Luke because I wasn’t ready. I never imagined there would come a day when nobody would want me.”

I stared down at my gloved hands, causing seasickness to hit me on dry land. When the bell rang, I’d have to take them off. This wasn’t about sex. “No guy’s going to get close enough to ever love me.”

Lila closed her locker and bit her lip. “Your mom sucks.”

I inhaled deeply to keep from falling apart. “Yeah. I know.”

Her eyes narrowed on the jacket I still clutched. “What’s that?”

“Noah Hutchins’s jacket,” Natalie said, appearing out of nowhere and snatching it out of my hand. Her brown hair swung from side to side. “Follow me! Now!”

Lila’s eyes widened to the size of cantaloupes as we trailed Natalie into the restroom. “Why do you have Noah Hutchins’s jacket?”

I opened my mouth to answer, but Grace slammed the door to the bathroom shut. “We don’t have time for small talk. He’s coming.”

Natalie used one finger to push each stall door open to confirm we were alone. The place smelled of disinfectant and a sink dripped every couple of seconds.

“Stop it,” said Grace. “I already checked.”

Lila grabbed Grace’s hand. “Whoa. I need answers. Who’s coming? Why does Echo have Noah’s jacket and where did you get that sweater?”

“Luke. For Echo. You were so drunk at the party that you messed with the buddy system and now Echo has Noah’s jacket. She can’t be seen with it.” Grace jerked it out of Natalie’s hand. “We are getting Echo’s life back.”

I pried the jacket from Grace’s fingers. My friends had officially lost their minds. “It’s a jacket, not crack. He’s in my first period class. I’ll give it to him then. And who cares that Luke is looking for me?”

Grace pointed a red fingernail at me. “You held out. Luke asked you to dance at the party and instead of dancing with him we had to take Lila home. Now he’s looking for you to find out why you stood him up. This is the answer to all of our prayers.”

I clutched the jacket closer. “What? I mean, so? Luke and I are friends.” I guessed. He’d wished me a happy birthday. Friends do that.

Lila started her annoying bouncing dance. “So? Dancing with you at a party is way past friendship. It means he’s into you again.”

“Exactly,” said Grace. “If Luke’s into you then everyone else will be into you, too.”

Lila waved her hands in the air. “More importantly, you are not going to die a virgin.” She sucked in a dramatic breath. “Luke cannot see you with another guy’s jacket. Grace, take the jacket to your locker and we’ll figure out a plan later.”

Grace raised an eyebrow. “No way. I’m sure that thing reeks of drugs. What if they bring drug-sniffing dogs to school?”

“Oh, my God, you are worthless,” Lila said.

Tossing some of my curls over my shoulder, Grace straightened
my shirt. “Go on, get out there before he misses you and heads to class.”

Lila and Natalie pulled me out the door and I clutched Noah’s jacket closer to me. “You guys are way overanalyzing this,” I said as Lila speed dialed the combination to my locker.

“He’s coming,” Natalie sang.

Lila plucked the jacket from my hands, threw it in my locker, pushed me out of the way and slammed it shut. She and Natalie leaned against my locker, adding a second layer of security.

“Hey, Echo.”

I turned and faced Luke. “Hey.” So much had happened in the past three minutes, my mind became a tilt-a-whirl.

Luke’s eyes flickered over Natalie and Lila. His eyebrows inched closer together. I remembered that look: he had something he wanted to say without an audience. But if Luke remembered nothing else about me, he’d recall I was a package deal.

“I waited for you,” he said.

“It’s my fault,” Lila blurted. “She didn’t have time to dance with you because I wanted to go home. I drank too much.”

Both Luke and I stared at her and then at each other. One Mississippi of awkward silence. Two Mississippi of awkward silence. Three Mississippi of awkward silence.

“Can I walk you to class, Echo?” he finally asked.

“Sure.” I glanced at Lila and Natalie over my shoulder as I accompanied Luke down the hallway. Both flashed quick thumbs-ups. I sucked in a deep breath and smiled when I noticed Luke grinning at me. Wow—normal. Maybe it really was possible.

That is, if normal meant hiding Noah Hutchins’s jacket in my locker … and pretending that I wasn’t thinking about how close he’d come to kissing me.

NOAH

“Hold this.” Mrs. Collins shoved a steaming to-go cup at me and went back to war with the school’s locked doors. We could barely see in the pale morning light, making it hard for her to find the right key on the overloaded chain. I considered giving her crap about her lack of organizational skills, but decided not to. It took some major balls to be alone with a punk like me.

The warmth of the coffee reminded me how cold it was outside. Goose bumps pricked my exposed arms. I owned one long-sleeved shirt and only wore that for my brothers. Being jacket-less sucked.

Her eyes settled on the tattoo on my biceps and her forever smile fell a centimeter. “Where’s your jacket, Noah? It’s cold.”

“I gave it to someone.”

A relieved sigh escaped her mouth when the third key she tried unlocked the door. She waved for me to go in. Instead, I held the door and nodded for her to go first. It would be my luck that a security guard would see me, shoot, then ask questions.

Our footsteps echoed down the empty hallway. Thanks to our school’s new green policy, the lights flashed on as we approached. It put me on edge. On top of the system that stalked my every movement, now the building did, too.

“Who did you give your jacket to?” Mrs. Collins entered the main office and unlocked her office door on the first try.

“A girl.” A girl who’d ignored me all day Monday and had yet to return said jacket.

“A girlfriend or a friend that’s a girl?”

“Neither.”

Mrs. Collins gave me the pity look then busied herself with her purse. “Do you need a coat?”

I hated the pity look. After my parents died, everyone I knew wore that look. Eyes slightly rounded. The ends of their mouths curved up slightly while their lips pulled down. The entire time they fought to look normal, but they only came across as uncomfortable.

“No. I’m getting it back today.”

“Good.” She flipped open my file. “How are your tutoring sessions with Echo?”

“We’re starting today.” Only Echo didn’t know that yet.

“Glorious.” She opened her mouth to ask another asinine question, but I had my own.

“What do you know about my brothers?”

She picked up a pen and tapped it against the desk, keeping time with the second hand on the clock. “Keesha and I had a chat regarding your visit this weekend. What happened to Tyler was an accident.”

What the hell? “You’re a school counselor. What are you doing talking to my social worker? And what are you doing talking to her about Tyler?”

“I already told you. I’m a clinical social worker, and I’m the guinea pig for the pilot program. My job isn’t to handle a part of you, but to handle all of you. That means I have access to your brothers. I’ll be communicating with their foster parents and sometimes I’ll be talking to Jacob and Tyler as well.

“As for where I fit in here at Eastwick, Mrs. Branch handles the typical guidance counselor issues and I handle …” She bobbed her head. “The more enlightening students. School fills your mind with knowledge, but we tend to ignore the emotional. I’m here to see what happens if we pay attention to both.”

Yay for me. Having Keesha up my ass was bad enough. Now I had Sally Sunshine in my business, too. I ran my hand over my face and shifted in my chair.

Mrs. Collins continued, “Keesha also told me that you’re threatening to petition for custody of your brothers after you graduate. If that’s true, Noah, you’ve got some major changes you need to make in your life. Are you willing to make them?”

“Excuse me?” Did she just challenge me to get my shit together so I could get my family back?

She put the pen down and leaned forward. “Are you willing to make the changes necessary to possibly care for your brothers after graduation?”

Fuck, yeah. Hell, yes. “Yes, ma’am.”

Mrs. Collins picked her pen back up and wrote in my file. “Then you’re going to have to prove it to me. I know you have no reason to trust me, but this process will go faster and smoother if you can find a way to do it. You need to focus on yourself right now and trust Keesha and me to see to the welfare of your brothers.

“The reality of the situation is this. If you continue to harass Keesha about visitation and if you continue to pump Jacob for
information on his foster parents, specifically their last name, then you are making it appear as if you aren’t willing to play by the rules. The visitation you have now is a privilege, Noah. A privilege I want to see you keep. Do we have an understanding?”

The chair jerked beneath me as I pointed at her. “Those are my brothers.”

The lack of information about who had my brothers—their foster parents’ last name, their address, their phone number … the fact that I couldn’t see Jacob and Tyler whenever I wanted … I lost all of those “privileges” the day I hit my first foster father. My throat swelled and my eyes stung. The realization that I was on the verge of tears pissed me off. I stood, unsure what to do … or who to blame. “You have no right. They’re my responsibility.”

Mrs. Collins stared at me straight-faced. “They’re safe. You need to believe me on this. You’re putting your experiences on your brothers. I understand your need to protect them, but right now it isn’t necessary. If you want to see them on a regular basis then you need to learn to work with me, and I’ve explained how you can do that.”

“Go to hell.” I grabbed my books and left her office.

Echo

Mrs. Collins’s plaques had moved by a fraction of an inch, revealing black marks on the wall. For once, I found myself wishing for Ashley’s attendance. The imperfection would have driven her insane.

Just like last week, the blue ribbon sat on Mrs. Collins’s desk and just like last week, the placement of the ribbon changed— each time closer to my seat. It was as if the ribbon contained a force field that enveloped me—a pull I couldn’t explain.

“How are things with your boyfriend?” asked Mrs. Collins. Another Tuesday afternoon, another therapy session.

I drew my eyes away from the ribbon. Thank God Luke had asked me out on a group date for Saturday night. One less lie for me to tell. “Ashley misunderstood. I don’t have a boyfriend, but I am dating somebody.” Kind of. Sort of. If one date was considered dating.

Her eyes brightened. “Wonderful. Is it that basketball player I’ve seen hanging around with you in the hall?”

“Yes.” Great, a stalking therapist. Was that even legal?

“Tell me about him.”

Um … no. “I don’t want to talk about Luke.”

“All right,” she said, totally unruffled. “Let’s talk about Noah. He told me today is your first tutoring session.”

I blinked several times in succession. Crap. Was it? Maybe I should have discussed Luke. I still had Noah’s jacket in my locker since I’d let Lila and Grace convince me I couldn’t simply hand it to him during school. They were still devising a plan to get it back to him. “Yes. Yes, it is.”

“Would you like some unsolicited advice?”

I shrugged and yawned simultaneously, preparing for the just-say-no-to-drugs-sex-and-alcohol lecture. After all, in theory, I was tutoring Noah Hutchins. “Sure.”

“Noah is more than capable of doing the work. He just needs a small push. Don’t let him fool you into thinking otherwise. And you, Echo, are the one person at this school I believe can challenge him academically.”

Allllrighty. That was a totally strange pep talk. “Okay.” I covered my mouth as I yawned again.

“You look tired. How are you sleeping?”

Awesome. I slept a whole two hours last night. My foot began to rock.

“Echo, are you okay? You look pale.”

“I’m fine.” If I kept saying it then maybe it would come true. And maybe, someday, I could sleep a full night without horrible dreams—strange dreams, scary dreams, full of constellations, darkness, broken glass and, sometimes, blood.

“Your father mentioned that you don’t take your prescribed sleeping pills even though you still have night terrors.”

Nightly. Scary enough I didn’t want to fall asleep. Frightening
enough that if I lost the battle and did sleep, I woke up screaming. My father and Ashley kept the pills in a locked cabinet in their bathroom and only gave them to me if I asked. I’d rather have poked my eye out with a bleach-laced needle than ask Ashley for anything. “I said I’m fine.”

With the word
fine
, my eyes shot back to the ribbon. What was it about that thing that attracted me to it? I felt like a moth flying toward an electric bug zapper.