Pushing the Limits (35 page)

“I don’t trust you,” I said. Because adults lied.

Joe looked me straight in the eye. “I’ll have my lawyer put it in writing.”

I’d heard enough and I needed air. Joe had thrown out too much information, screwing with my brain. I pushed past him so I could find my brothers. Carrie lurked in the hallway, clutching a stuffed bear. For years I’d seen her as the hateful bitch who kept my brothers away from me. Thanks to Joe’s little speech I
couldn’t see that anymore. Instead, I saw a broken woman who couldn’t complete her own dreams because of me.

Yeah, I knew all about scar tissue. Problem was, helping her was only going to increase mine.

Echo

I slammed the door to my car and ran up the dark driveway. Thank God, Isaiah was under the hood of Aires’ car.

“I am so sorry I’m late. I had this thing—” I met my mom, whom my dad would freak about if he found out I saw “—and it got screwed up—” she’d rather I spend years never sleeping again because she’s scared of what I’d think of her and then pointed out I’m a heartless, unforgiving bitch “—and I lost track of time.” I’d driven around trying to convince myself she was wrong.

Isaiah poked his head out from under the hood and gave me a crazy smile. “S’all good. Your dad told me I could go ahead and work on it.”

Okay. Sort of not my father’s style to let pierced, tattooed people hang out alone in our garage, but maybe he was too busy with Ashley to care. The door to the kitchen closed and Beth entered the garage with a can of Diet Coke. “All you’ve got is
diet shit in your house. And fruit. Lots of fucking fruit. Don’t you have any frozen pizzas?”

“Ashley doesn’t like preservatives.” What was I doing? “Why were you in my house?” I glanced around and my heart dropped. “Where’s Noah?” My slow mind caught up with the fact that my father’s car was gone. “Where’s my father?”

Beth stared at me blankly, then snapped out of her trance. Lovely, she was high. “Oh, yeah, your stepmom went into labor and your dad said something about telling you.” She scrunched her eyes together. “Was there more to the message, Isaiah?”

He mumbled from under the hood, “Fuck, I don’t know. You were the one who was supposed to be listening.”

Beth giggled. “Right. I was.” Her giggling stopped. “Wow. When did it get to be night?”

My heart tripped in my chest. “Ashley’s in labor? She can’t be. She still has like …” I don’t know—something weeks left. Crap, how come I never paid attention? Dad had to be freaking out. “Lots of time left. The baby isn’t done yet.”

Beth tilted her head. “Do babies have timers?” Her smile grew. “If not, they should.”

Isaiah shut the hood with a feverish look in his eyes. “I need the keys.”

I experienced mind whiplash. Oh. My. God. He’d never asked for the keys before. I pointed crazily in the air toward the hook on the workbench, unable to do more than stutter, “There … there … they’re there.”

He grabbed the keys and hopped into the front seat of the car. I swore time moved in slow motion as he placed his foot on the gas pedal and inserted the key into the ignition.

In my mind, I saw Aires. His brown hair, long legs and ever-present
smile. “It’s gonna run someday, Echo,” he once said. “Can’t you just hear the engine purring?”

Tears burned my eyes and I swallowed down the sob.
Yes, Aires. It is going to run. I did this for you
. How I wished he was here.

Isaiah turned the key and the sweetest rumbling sound filled the garage. He pressed his foot against the gas and hollered as the engine roared with life. “Oh, yeah, baby, that’s what I’m fucking talking about!”

He stepped out of the car with his arms wide open. “I’m getting me something for this.”

And I happily complied. I jumped into those arms and kissed his cheek. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

I let go of Isaiah, sat in the warm leather seat and clutched the vibrating steering wheel. Isaiah closed the door and I shifted the car into Reverse.

And then everything inside of me froze. I pressed down on the brake to stop. The hole in my heart that was supposed to be filled with this moving car … grew. “Isaiah, where’s Noah?”

NOAH

Carrie’s arms strangled my neck and, for a moment, I hoped she’d kill me. Death had to be better than this. I swallowed, but the heavy lump in my throat remained. Every muscle in my face pulled down and I sucked in air in an attempt to wash away the despair.

“I want to talk to Mrs. Collins first,” I choked out. “I haven’t completely made up my mind.” Goddammit. Why did everything have to hurt so bad? Every part of my body throbbed with pain to the point that I either had to die or explode.

“God bless you, Noah,” Carrie whispered in my ear.

I wanted a family. I wanted a fucking family and Jacob and Tyler already had one.

She sniffed as she released me, but her smile lit up the room like a thousand stars put together. “I know you’ll do the right thing by the boys. I know it.”

They had normal.

And I wasn’t it.

Carrie waited for a reply, but I couldn’t form a response to save my life. Joe placed a hand on my shoulder, saving me from speaking. “Mrs. Collins will be here soon.”

As if we were living out a bad sitcom, the doorbell chimed on cue and Carrie escorted Mrs. Collins into the kitchen. She wore paint-covered sweatpants and a Nirvana T-shirt. Joe mumbled something about giving us a few minutes.

The dishwasher beside me entered a rinse cycle. The rhythmic beating of the water against the dishes filled the room. Mrs. Collins tapped one finger against the black granite countertop. My gaze trailed to her face, expecting to see agitation for dragging her into this mess. Instead, the pain in her puppy dog eyes ripped open the dam of emotions I struggled to suppress.

Wetness invaded my eyes and I closed them, shaking my head repeatedly to stop any of it from falling. I did not want to hurt. I did not want to care, but dammit, this was killing me.

“Talk to me, Noah,” she said in the most serious tone I’d ever heard from her.

I glanced around the kitchen and back to her. “I can’t give them this.”

“No,” she replied softly. “You can’t.”

“And I can’t afford basketball camps and the private school they love so much and the gifts for all the birthday parties they’re invited to.” My throat became thick.

“No,” she repeated.

“And they have grandparents.” I didn’t recognize the hoarse sound of my voice. “Jacob couldn’t stop talking about Joe’s parents and Tyler goes fishing with Carrie’s dad every Wednesday as long as it’s above freezing. I can’t offer them that.”

“You’re right.”

“I love them,” I said with determination.

“I know you do.” And her voice quavered. “I have never doubted that.”

“I love Echo, too.” I stared straight into Mrs. Collins’s eyes. “I miss her.”

She shrugged and gave me a sad smile. “It’s okay to love someone besides your brothers, Noah. You aren’t betraying them or your parents because you’re living your life.”

And it happened. After years of holding it in, the grief within me snapped. All of the anger and sadness and hurt I’d stored away in my quest to never feel those emotions burst through to the surface. “I want my mom and dad.” I couldn’t suck in air. “I just want my family back.”

Mrs. Collins wiped her eyes and crossed the room to me. “I know,” she said again and pulled me into a hug.

“THANKS AGAIN, NOAH.” JOE SHOOK my hand for possibly the fiftieth time since I told him and Carrie I was no longer pursuing custody after I graduated. “I promise you’ll see them whenever you want.”

I nodded and glanced over my shoulder. Mrs. Collins and Carrie stood near the stairs at the end of the second-floor hallway. Mrs. Collins sent me an encouraging smile and I took a deep breath.

Joe opened the door to Jacob’s room and the two of us entered. “Boys, Noah would like to talk to you.”

“Noah!” In Batman pajamas, Jacob raced across the room and rammed into me. “You’re still here!”

“Yes,” said Joe. “And he’ll be here a lot more.” With eager eyes, Jacob marveled at Joe. “You mean it?”

“I swear to it.” Joe patted my shoulder. “I’ll give you guys some time to talk.”

And just like that he walked away, closing the door behind him. I hadn’t been alone with my brothers in over two years. With my hand on Jacob, I stared at the picture of my parents. They weren’t coming back and I could never re-create what we had, but I could move forward.

I sat on the floor and my heart floated when Tyler, in footed pajamas, inched closer to me and placed his small hand in mine. His thumb in his mouth. A blanket in his fist.

Jacob superglued himself to my side. “Dad never swears unless he means it, Noah. He says it’s a sin to lie.”

I nodded. “It is. Our mom used to say that, too.” I cleared my throat and began the hardest conversation of my life. “A couple of years ago, I made a promise to you. At the time I meant it, but now I don’t think it’s the best thing for any of us.”

I looked at Tyler. He was too young to remember the way Mom laughed when Dad tried to dance with her as she washed the dinner dishes. Too young to remember Dad showing him pictures of buildings and explaining how his sons would know how to hammer in a nail correctly before the age of ten.

And Jacob. Old enough to remember, but too young to fully understand everything he lost. He’d never know the pride of walking in with Mom on parent appreciation night. He’d never know the explosion of joy when Dad told him that he was a natural when he used his first power tool.

They’d never know that they lost the two most amazing people on the face of the planet. They’d never know how the loss had torn me up every single day of my life.

I took a deep breath and tried again. “How would you feel about the two of you living here forever and me just coming to visit?”

MRS. COLLINS RAN THE STOP SIGN at the end of Jacob and Tyler’s street. I sat in my car, alone.

Echo.

I had let her walk away and it wasn’t over custody of my brothers. Mrs. Collins was right. Deep down I’d thought loving her was a betrayal of my parents and my brothers.

But I loved Echo. I needed her. And I was going to win her back.

I turned on the car and the engine sputtered to life. Foster care was educational—in a “five to seven years with the possibility of parole” kind of way. The question was what to do with all of the information I’d gathered.

Echo

“He’s where?” I screeched. I turned off Aires’ car and flew out of the seat. The entire world had gone insane. First Ashley went into early labor. Now Noah insisted upon being crazy.

“Dammit, Beth. I told you not to smoke that shit. Noah is going to be pissed.” Isaiah rubbed a hand over his buzzed head. For once, I was glad that Beth was stoned into near-incomprehension and rambling.

“What exactly does he think he’s going to get?” I asked. “He already knows everything about his brothers and he told me that he’s following the letter of the law. Breaking into Mrs. Collins’s office is not following the letter of the law!”

Isaiah clapped his hands together. “Let’s take it for a ride.”

Had Isaiah also lost his mind? “Your best friend … your brother is going to break into school and then break into Mrs. Collins’s office and you want to take the car for a ride?”

Isaiah rubbed his hands together in mock excitement, but frustration marred his eyes. “Yes.”

“No.” I waved my hand in the air. “No. We’ve got to stop him. He cannot be caught or he’ll lose his brothers. Oh, my God, he can be such a stubborn idiot. What could breaking in possibly accomplish?”

“He wants you back,” slurred Beth.

Lightning bolts could have flashed out of the cloudless night and set my tennis shoes on fire, and I would have been less surprised. “Excuse me?”

Beth sat on the concrete and rested her head against the workbench, eyelids fluttering in exhaustion. “He’s in love with you and wants you to be his one and only. And some other bullshit about you not being in second place and proving you wrong.”

Ding, ding. Noah wanted my file and he wanted me back. My heart squeezed in warmth and joy then dropped and became cold. No, he couldn’t risk anything for me—not when it could cost him his brothers. I turned to Isaiah. “We have to stop him. When did he leave?”

“He wanted to wait until it got dark. Noah came home all messed up. I assumed he saw you and you guys had a fight. Babbled on about how he screwed things up with you and was determined to set it right. He asked me to come here, fix the car and then to keep you here until he showed.”

“Why didn’t you stop him?” I dug my keys out of my pocket.

“You don’t stop Noah.”

Guess again.

ISAIAH SLID HIS CAR INTO A spot at the supermarket across the street from the high school and cut the engine. I tried Noah’s cell and for the millionth time it went to voice mail.

“Why don’t you park at the school?” I asked.

Isaiah gave me an are-you-a-moron glance. “Police patrol the
school grounds every two hours. They’ll know something is up if there’s a car in the school’s lot.”

Sure enough, Noah too had parked his car at the supermarket. “Done this before?”

“Just for kicks to play ball in the gym, but never to break into an office.”

I squeezed the door handle and eyed Beth, who was passed out in the backseat. “She okay?”

“Yeah, just fucked up.” He pulled at an earring. “I can’t leave her in the car like this and if we wake her up, she’ll make enough noise to raise eyebrows. Odds are Noah would have picked the side entrance nearest to the main office. He’ll place something small in the doorway to keep the door from relocking him in. Make sure you keep that there. Grab him and tell him you two can argue later.”

“Thanks.”

I ran across the street and tried to keep my lungs from exploding. Good God, I was breaking and entering to keep my stupid, stubborn, sweet-as-can-be—boyfriend? Ex-boyfriend? Maybe boyfriend again?—out of jail.

Just like Isaiah said, Noah had left the side door next to the office propped open. I slipped in, making sure I kept the door exactly how I found it. Mrs. Collins would love finding the two of us locked in her office.