Pushing Send (4 page)

“You okay, sweetheart? I knocked and you didn’t answer. May I enter the sanctuary?”

“I’m tired.”

“Dinner is ready. I made your favorite: tortellini and peas.”

“I’m not hungry.”

She walks in and feels my head, “You aren’t warm.”

“Good Lord, Mom, can’t a girl just not feel good? Can’t you just leave me alone?” I snap.

The look on her face is full of shock and hurt. Normally, I would feel guilty, but today, a day that is already awful, I don’t want to consider her feelings.

“Please, just leave me alone.”

“Of course, but Hadley, remember whatever is bothering you, you can talk to me.” She walks out the door.

I want to scream, “
It’s about you—you and your quirky, crazy, embarrassing ways!
You
are the problem.”

Instead, I turn up the music and tune out the world.

~*~

I wake up in the dark to my stomach aching, realizing I haven’t eaten today. I look at my phone, seeing it’s midnight. Throwing my legs off the bed, my feet hit the ground, and I push myself up, then decide to go down and grab something to eat.

When I walk in the kitchen, Mom is sitting at the table with a pile of bills in front of her. Her hand is knotted in her hair, which lets me know she is stressed about money.

I take a step back, deciding to go back to my room, but the floor creaks beneath my foot, and Mom looks up, forcing a smile.

“Hungry?” She stands and walks to the refrigerator, pulling out a covered plate before I can say a word. “Sit down. I’ll warm it up.”

I don’t want to argue or take it all out on her like I know I did earlier. She may be a bit crazy, but she is my mom.

“Sorry about earlier. I just had a bad day,” I say as I sit. “Looks like you did, too.”

“It’s been a slow few days at the shop. It’ll pick up; prom season’s just around the corner.”

“Need help?” I ask, knowing it will give her some validation, which she deserves.

“Of course.” She smiles, a real one this time. “I would love that.” She sets my food in front of me and pushes the pile of bills away. “These things can wait. Talk to me.”

“Just friend stuff. Girl drama. You know, the normal, teenage girl stuff.” I don’t want to tell her any more. As embarrassing as it is that she reads palms, it seems very shallow of me when I sit here, looking at the pile of bills, knowing she is the one who keeps the roof over our heads and how proud she is to have bought our first home.

“It’s not just girl drama, sweet pea. Trust me.” She smiles and shakes her head. “I work in a shop full of women who cater to women, and those women constantly complain about other women. My advice is to do what makes you happy and be kind. Don’t just let people walk all over you.”

I look up at her and shake my head.

“What’s that look for?” she asks.

“Why do you?”

“Why do I what?”

“Let people walk all over you?”

“I don’t.”

“Mom, let’s be real here, okay. Dad has walked—”

“No, Hadley, Dad is going through a rough time.”

“He doesn’t support his family financially. He doesn’t help around the house. He just … sleeps and eats, Mom. Heck, JJ was here for three days, and he barely said hello. How long do you allow that, Mom?”

“For as long as it takes,” she says with conviction.

“That’s enabling,” I half joke.

“I love your father, and he loves me and you, too. He’ll get through it.”

“Unless he doesn’t.”

“Unless he doesn’t.” She nods. “But…”

I knew she was going to stick up for him. Again, I remind myself she doesn’t deserve any grief. “You love him. I get it.”

“He’s a good man, Hadley. He’s just going through a bad time. He loves us.”

“I know, Mom. I know.”

While I eat quietly, she seems happy with the conversation we just had. She deserves to be happy. She works hard for us.

“You want to sleep in?” she asks, as she takes my empty plate.

“Maybe fifteen minutes, but I have a test in math class tomorrow.”

Once my stomach is full, I give her a hug then head upstairs to change for bed.

Fifteen minutes is all I need
, I think as I lie down,
and I will be able to avoid a conversation with Lana … and Pax
.

~*~

As luck would have it, or at least my luck, it’s raining, and I have a flat tire on my bike that’s still in the bushes. I look down at Yolo, who flops on his side at my feet, yawns, and stretches.

“You have it so bad, Yolo,” I say as I step over him and sit down on the steps, hoping to wait out the rain.

Apparently, I am not supposed to ignore him because he sinks a claw into my hip. When I jerk away, he starts purring.

“Neutered,” I hiss at him, and he rolls to his side, flopping closer to me. “One more poke and it’s to the vet you go, Yolo. I’m not even joking.”

He seems to take it as a challenge as his purr becomes louder, and he reaches closer to me.

“Try me,” I snap.

He yawns and rolls his eyes—I swear he does—then rolls to his other side.

I look at my phone as the rain starts coming down even harder. Then I flop back on the porch and look at the ceiling as I wait it out.

“Hey, new girl.” My eyes pop open to see his brilliant blue eyes staring down at me. I look at him for too long, but it’s an almost hopeless cause not to. He is wearing dark jeans—not the skin tight rocker jeans some boys try to pull off, although I bet he could actually pull it off—and a white and blue striped polo shirt. This only makes his eyes stand out even more. “Need a ride?”

I sit up, a bit dazed, and shake my head. I look around for Lana, expecting her to have put him up to this.

“Come on; it’s pouring.”

“I’ll wait it out,” I answer, without looking at him.

He sits down next to me. “She didn’t mean it, you know.”

Still, I say nothing, but emotions burn and then swell in my eyes. I wish he would just go away. I really wish he hadn’t mentioned the incident at all.

“She was angry. She does feel bad.”

I glance over out of the corner of my eye, giving him a “
yeah, right
” look.

“Well, she will when she stops being pissed at you for being pissed at her.” He shakes his head, and his lip curves up on the corner. “Girls.”

“Girls?” I ask, wondering what that is supposed to mean.

“Emotional.”

“Right,” I huff.

“Let me give you a ride.” He stands and offers his hand.

I shake my head again.

“I won’t leave until you say yes.”

“Boys,” I retort, as I stand on my own.

“Boys?”

“Stubborn.”

“Hey, whatever works.”

Deciding to give in, I ride with him to school, but no words are exchanged.

~*~

I spend the rest of the week avoiding everyone at school. I still sit next to Lana, but neither of us say a word. I hide in the bathroom at lunch and refuse eye contact. Bee and Skylar seem to know what’s going on, and they give me space. Or they give her what she wants, which is fine since she was here first. Pax refuses to be ignored, though. Every day, he has picked me up after dropping off Lana, and every day, I have tried to ignore him.

Today, I don’t try.

“Wow, you’re just gonna get right in? No telling me you’re fine. No—”

“You don’t listen, anyway,” I say, as I pull the seatbelt over my shoulder and buckle it.

He laughs, putting the car in drive.

We pass by Blue Valley High and hang a left, going toward the lake. I haven’t been here yet, just driven by. It’s bigger than it looks from the road and surrounded by trees. The water is pretty clear as far as lake water goes.

After we cross over the railroad tracks, he pulls into the park in front of the inlet. I say nothing as my heart beats out of my chest. With no idea why he brought me here, I look down at my phone, avoiding him as he gets out of the car.

“Come on.”

I don’t move while he walks around the car and opens the door.

“Why are we here?”

“Why not?” he asks, pulling his aviator sunglasses down to cover his eyes.

“I don’t—”

“Hadley, walk with me.”

I get out and follow him as he starts walking toward the well-maintained lawn by the water. We make our way to the dark brown sandy part, and I expect him to stop, but he doesn’t.

“We moved here three years ago when I was your age, and Lana was twelve. Our parents had just gotten married. Small towns like this will eat you alive if you let them, so you don’t let them. You focus on who you know you are and not what their small-minded misconceptions of you are. They make up what they want to, and there is absolutely no sense in fighting it. Lana took a lot of crap when we moved here. She was twelve, at a new school. Everything was new, different, and scary. I’m not making excuses for her behavior, but she has been through a lot.”

I look up at him, confused. “With Claire? Why are you with her then, if—?”

“I’m not
with
her. We’re friends. I am friends with everyone. It makes life easier.”

I nod, kind of understanding.

“I guess what I am getting at, Hadley, is she has never been happier than she is when she is with you. I really hope you can forgive her. She’s a good girl.”

We are standing on the little peninsula by the lighthouse, overlooking the lake. The water is rough, mirroring my emotions.

“Claire isn’t mean to me, and she never says anything bad about Lana to me.” I hope it doesn’t upset him, but why should it? He seems to keep her close, too.

“She’s not a good enemy to have—that’s for sure—but back then, when she said that crazy stuff about Lana, it was because I broke up with her. I wasn’t interested in playing the popularity game, and that’s what she is all about. I think she’s changed, though. I don’t like what she did, but we all have our issues.”

“The social classes.” I shake my head. I don’t like them. Too exclusive, too judgmental.

He looks over and gives me a smile that puts me at ease. “Jocks, preps, nerds—which one are you, Hadley? Better question, who do you want to be?”

“Am I supposed to know that at fifteen?” I ask quietly. I am not a dreamer in the typical sense. I am not even sure what I want, but I will someday.

“No. Absolutely not, because putting yourself in a class is so constraining,” he says in mock exaggeration. “Wars are started over differences.”

“Where do you consider yourself?”

“Well, right now, I hope I’m being a friend to a kid—” I inwardly cringe at the word ‘kid,’ and he stops talking. Apparently, it wasn’t just inward. “To the new girl,” he corrects himself, “who seems to be in a situation I understand. I just wanted to offer some advice.”

“You could have texted me.”

“I wasn’t sure I had the right number. You never replied to the ones I sent.”

“I was upset that night. I wasn’t trying to be rude.”

“I get that, but how about the ones I have sent all week?” he asks, as he bends down and grabs a few pieces of shale.

“You haven’t sent any others,” I say in confusion, as I pull my phone from my pocket.

He looks over at my phone and laughs. “Airplane mode.”

“What?”

He takes my phone as he chuckles, thumbing through it and hitting a few buttons.

My phone goes crazy with messages and alerts, and I can’t help laughing at my forgetfulness.

“I bet you thought no one cared. Not true, new girl. Damn, your Insta is off the hook.” He keeps looking through my phone, and for some reason, I let him. “Oh, wow, you do that role play thing, too? What is with you girls?”

I shake my head. “Fangirls. Books.”

“Ah, yes, of course.” He hands me my phone then proceeds to skip rocks. “Looks like you were missed while off the grid.”

After he is done skipping stones, he watches me as I read through the messages. Twenty-two missed messages from Skylar, Bee, Claire, Lana, and the ones from him. When I look up, I can’t help smiling.

“It seems so.”

“So, new girl, where do you see yourself?”

“District 11, faction-less daughter of Nike, caste five, and—”

“Fangirl references.” He nods. “See? You and Lana are one in the same.”

“Where do you see yourself?”

He looks at his watch. “I see myself missing first period, and I’m all right with that.”

“Oh, wow. Oh—”

“You gonna be in trouble?” he asks, as we walk toward his car.