Pursuit For Lucidity (Crashing Waves) (49 page)

After a long warm bath with Alex accompanying me on the edge of the tu
b, I was ready to get out.  He gave me a t-shirt to wear, since my clothes were soaked from the rain.  His house was warm and cozy, just as my parents’ home had been earlier that night.  He took my hand and walked me to the family room where he started the fireplace and made hot tea for us to drink while he prepared to tell me his story.

I sat on the sofa and he sat on the ottoman, exactly as we had s
at the night I told him about the rape.  He took a deep breath and began to speak.

“
Angela and I met while I was doing my residency at the University of Pennsylvania Hospital in Philadelphia.  She was doing her dermatology fellowship and we constantly ran into one another there, which led to a relationship and eventually marriage.  We have been married for about five years, actually four, since we have been separated for well over a year.  We were both interested in living in California, so I took the job at Downtown Memorial and she joined a cosmetic dermatology practice in Santa Monica.

  While we were dating and engaged to be married, I had made it clear to Angela how much I loved children.  She said she loved children as well and wanted to have at least two or three.  After we were married, she used every excuse in the book not to get pregnant.  She said we weren
’t financially stable enough, but that wasn’t true.  My grandfather had left millions of dollars for me in his will.  She used her career as an excuse, but I kept reminding her that women who worked could still have children.

  She soon became
obsessed with her looks.  It began with injections in her face to keep her from aging.  She had her breasts enlarged, cheek implants, eyebrow lift, and all types of other cosmetic upgrades that I was against.  She was beautiful the way I had met her and I didn’t want her to look artificial.  After one of her many surgical enhancement surgeries, she developed a painful infection which requires a lot of pain medication.  She became addicted and could not stop taking them.  We always fought and she blamed me for all the arguments we had.

Our worst fight was after I found out she had been pregnant
, but had an abortion behind my back.  I almost died from a broken heart when she told me she terminated the pregnancy.  We still tried to work it out and I tried so hard to keep her away from the pills she was so addicted to.  She promised she would seek help and would try for another baby soon.  She began working longer hours, coming home late.  One day, on my birthday, we had made plans for dinner and drinks together.  She canceled last minute because she said she had a patient with an emergency.  Mark Kohler and a few other guys at the hospital heard that Angela couldn’t take me out, so they decided to take me out for a few drinks.

We went to a popular bar in Santa Monica and Mark noticed someone who looked
just like Angela sitting across the way.  I took a good look and confirmed it was Angela with her colleague Peter.  They were all over one another, kissing as if they needed a room for something else.  I got up and headed straight for their table.  I confronted Angela and told her not to come home.  She didn’t listen, of course, and did come home that night only to confess that she and Peter had been having an affair.  I told her to pack her things and get out and never come back.  She did just that and moved to Santa Monica where she was closer to work and Peter, but he was married with three children himself and did not want to leave his family.  To make a long story short, she was just a good time for him.  That broke her heart so badly that she began taking more pills and even dabbled in street drugs.  She was about to lose her medical license.  She begged me to forgive her and take her back, but I couldn’t.  I wasn’t in love with her as I had been before I discovered her infidelity.  I filed for divorce, but she refused to sign the papers and kept begging for forgiveness.

I felt sorry for her.  I wanted to help her even though I knew deep in my heart that we would never be the same couple in love again.  I decided there was only
one way to help her and that was to manipulate her into a three month inpatient drug rehabilitation facility, promising her I would take her back after she completed the program.  I wanted her to get better and keep her medical license.  If she wasn’t going to share that happiness with me, then she could share it with someone else.  I visited her often, but the last few times I went to visit, I saw Peter from afar, sitting with her, holding her hand.  I was so turned off by that site that I stopped visiting her.

Claire, when I met you in that parking lot, I was a broken man.  I wasn’t looking for love, honestly, but love found me.  I fell so in love with you that I became selfish and did not want anything to burst my bubble.  I thought if I told you about Angela and the fact that I was legally married to a drug addict
cheater that you wouldn’t want a man with all that baggage.  I tried and I tried to bring myself to tell you, but I just couldn’t.  I was so happy, happier than I had been in years.  I’m so sorry that all this happened at your expense.  You didn’t deserve this.  You still don’t.  I just want you to be happy, Claire.  Whatever decisions you make out of this confession, I just want you to be happy, even if it means that you and I can’t be together.  Your happiness is much more important than mine,” he said, genuinely.

I couldn’t speak.  Tears just rolled down my cheeks and my throat began to close so my voice was not audible at all. 
Alex had tears in his eyes as well.  I had never seen him so emotional.  Everything he had told me had made sense.  I recalled how angry he had been with me when I joked about cosmetic surgery or when Mark had sent me flowers that I hadn’t told him about.  He had been so heartbroken by his own wife and still tried to fix her after what she had done to him.  I had been an idiot for not listening to him when all he wanted to do was tell me his story.  I kept recalling the day Angela was at that front door.  I couldn’t see straight after that day and I kept running away from Alex, not allowing him to talk to me about his past.  I held on tighter to his hand, “I’m sorry, Alex.  I’m sorry for not giving you half a chance to explain.  I thought Angela had cancer or some other disease, not a drug addiction.  I thought I was your mistress while she was being treated for whatever it was that she had.  I thought you were a horrible man for what you did to your wife.  I had no idea of the truth and I was so angry and in denial that I couldn’t see it or face it or even want to hear any of it.  I have been using anger to disguise my sadness and anxiety and have been running, running from anything that reminded me of that Sunday I was introduced to your ‘wife’”, I confessed.

“
Shhhh, it’s okay,” he said as he wiped the tears off my face.  “Like I said, any decision you make out of our conversation today, I just want you to be happy.  If my unhappiness means your happiness, then so be it.  I’d rather be alone than see you sad, Claire.  I love you too much,” he said.  I gently put my hand on his face, feeling his newly shaved soft skin.  The dark circles under his eyes were very noticeable that night.

“
Why the dark circles, Alex?  You haven’t been sleeping?” I asked.

“
I can’t sleep without you next to me, you know that,” he replied.

“
I like the clean shave,” I smiled, rubbing my hand against his soft skin.

“
Anything for you, baby,” he replied. “Will you stay here this weekend?  You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I missed you so much.  I don’t want you to go,” he confessed.

“
I’m not going anywhere, Alex.  I love you,” I replied.

“
I love you, too, more than you know,” he confessed, leaning closer to me and kissing me until I was out of breath.  I had forgotten just how soft his lips were and how my heart skipped a beat every time they touched mine. The kisses intensified and I knew there was no turning back.

“
I’ll stop if you want me to,” he said.  I shook my head and continued to respond to his passionate kisses.

“
Don’t stop,” I replied.

Alex stood up off the ottoman and sat next to me on the couch as the kisses multiplied.  He kissed every inch of my being as the clothes came off.  I removed his clothing and he almost tore off mine.  The
light from the fire magnified my desire for him.

“
I missed you, Claire,” he confessed as he confirmed his statement by pressing his lips against every inch of my body, to my breasts, slowly down my abdomen and eventually between my thighs.  His lips then returned up to my breasts, biting, sucking, and caressing them.  I then felt his warm breath against my neck as he moved his lips back to mine, pressing hard, his tongue meeting mine.  Before I knew it, his chest was pressed against mine and I felt his hardness penetrate inside me.  I was lost again.  I didn’t know where I was or who I was.  I didn’t care if the world ended that moment, as I would die happy if I died in his arms.  With every thrust I was left craving more.  I didn’t want that moment to end as he had ignited my fire, which burned bigger than a wildfire.  His thrusts became quicker and deeper until I could no longer hold back.  I yelled out as I climaxed and Alex came after a few more thrusts.  Neither one of us could move, so we fell asleep on the couch, entwined together like ivy leaves.

In the middle of the night, A
lex carried me to his bed.  It felt so good to sleep in that bed next to him again.  I knew at that moment that I never wanted to be apart from him, no matter what happened.  We were like two puzzle pieces that belonged together and did not fit anywhere else.  No one could ever make me feel the way Alex made me feel and I hoped he felt the same way about me.

“
I love you,” he whispered into my ear as we both drifted off to sleep.

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When I opened my eyes in the morning, I looked out into the beautiful ocean view from his bedroom window.  I had the beautiful view to admire on one side and Alex on the other.  I had to blink my eyes a couple of times to ensure that I was not dreaming.  I watched him as he slept so peacefully.  I didn’t want to disturb him, but I wanted to make breakfast for him and surprise him.  I slid out of bed as quietly as I could and headed for the kitchen.

I decided I’d make omelets and chocolate chip pancakes after I discovered what items Alex had in the kitchen.  I tried to make as little noise as I could, as I didn’t want
to awaken him.  I made the pancakes first and put them aside and began making the omelets.  I was almost done with the omelets when I felt Alex come from behind me and wrap his arms around my waist.  He turned off the burner and whispered softly in my ear, “I’m not hungry for food,” and pulled me away from the stove.  I turned to face him.  He didn’t have dark circles under his eyes anymore.  He looked well rested and as gorgeous as ever.  “I thought you left when I woke up to find you weren’t next to me,” he said.

“
I told you I’m not going anywhere, Alex,” I replied as I kissed his soft lips.

“
Come back to bed,” he said, taking my hand and leading us back to the bedroom.  Every kiss from Alex sent shivers down my spine.  He continued to kiss my lips, working his way to my neck and down to my breasts.  I could feel his warm breath on my skin, which multiplied the shivers down my spine.  His lips moved down towards my naval and finally down there.  His tongue worked its’ magic while his fingers made their way in and out.  Just as I was about to climax, he stopped and turned me over, so that I was on top of him.  He pressed his erection into me as I moved my pelvis up and down, feeling him deep inside of me.  I felt a tingling sensation deep within me and after a few more thrusts I yelled out his name as I came.  Alex groaned as he pushed himself deeper into me and came as well.

We were both out of breath as we held onto one another and could not let go.
  “Claire, if this is a dream, please don’t wake me up,” he said as he ran his fingers through my hair and kissed my lips. “I don’t ever want to sleep without you next to me and I don’t want to leave this bed today,” he added.

“
Is that an order, Dr. Blake?” I asked.

“
Yes, doctor’s orders, Miss Morgan,” he replied.  “You’re going to need a complete head to toe examination,” he added.

“
Alex, I’m so happy here with you.  I wish I could stop time and stay like this forever,” I confessed.

“
You took the words right out of my mouth, baby.  I slept better last night than I had since you left me.  I can’t imagine ever being apart from you.  You’re like air for me and without you I feel as though I’m suffocating,” he said.  When he said that, I recalled what Laura had constantly been telling me about Alex being so in love with me that he was a mess without me.  It made sense and she had been right.

I pulled Alex out of bed
, so we could have breakfast together.  I finished making the omelets and we sat down to eat.  He decided he would have his hair cut after he ate to make me happy.  My omelets and pancakes did not taste as good as his because he was a much better cook, but he kept complimenting me as he ate.

“
I’m going to change and go for a haircut because I know you think I’m beginning to look like a werewolf.  Don’t shower until I come back.  I want you to join me,” he said as he kissed me and headed for the bedroom to change.  I loaded the dirty pots, pans and dishes into the dishwasher while Alex changed and left for his haircut.  When I checked my cell phone for any calls or messages, there were plenty from Calvin, Stefano and my mother.  I had completely forgotten to check my phone, since Melissa’s phone call the night before.  I called my mother to let her know I was okay and made it safely in the rain the night before.  I did not tell her I was at Alex’s house.  I wanted to talk to her about everything in person one day soon.  I texted Stefano to let him know I was doing well and was at a friends house for the weekend and would see him in dance class on Monday night.