Purpose (9 page)

I felt their eyes on me. They surely had to
recognize me. They could capture me if they wanted. I tried to
ignore my sense’s command to run, telling myself I wasn’t the
frightened young girl I used to be.
What’s the worst they could
do to me?
I wondered as I stirred the pixie straw around my
slushy drink. Would they torture me or just outright kill me?
Maybe they’ll bring me to my love
. Would they take me to him
and let us at least be together? Or did they even have him?
Apparently, enough doubt about the video lingered. And then I
wondered if they would decapitate me, too, and send the video to
the Amadis. My stomach clenched. But then Psycho Alexis told me
even that would be okay. Being together, whether within their
captivity or both of us dead, had to be better than what I’d lived
through so far. I had a brief impulse to walk right up to one and
let them have me.

And then I saw Owen across the bar, keeping
an eye on me. Protecting me. Probably just as much from myself as
from the Daemoni. I’d given him a job again. Actually, I realized,
he was not alone. I felt the presence of several Amadis, all on
guard for me. Just in case. I had been right—Mom would never let me
be completely alone. Realizing this suppressed Psycho Alexis.

I wondered how these innate enemies seemed to
co-exist. I’d seen the carnage both sides could produce during that
bloody battle nearly eight years ago. Rina had said the Amadis only
fight when necessary. But why wouldn’t the Daemoni be instigating
something with them? Were even they able to control themselves when
so immersed in the human world? Or did they have no reason to
fight? No orders to attack?

Why should we attack when you are so close to
coming to us on your own? You’ll soon realize exactly where you
belong.

I stiffened in the bar stool. That voice
again. The internal voice that was mine, but not mine. The voice of
Evil Alexis that scared the shit out of me.

I ordered another drink. Then another one. I
hoped to drown the voice away, along with all my other thoughts.
I’d never been truly drunk before. I’d been buzzed, but never
falling-down, blacking-out drunk. Why not now? I had protectors to
ensure nothing bad happened, so why not allow myself that numbness?
After three drinks, which should have inebriated me, I felt little
effect. Probably overpriced, watered-down drinks the bartender
served. In fact, Owen had probably slipped him a
larger-than-necessary tip to make my drinks weak. I gave up and
headed back to my room, feeling a little defeated because I could
never truly run away. At least Owen and the others didn’t bother
me, for which I felt grateful.

The front room of the suite contained a
sitting area with a couch, chair and walnut armoire, which housed a
flat-screen television. A desk sat by one of the windows, with a
view of a small courtyard two stories below. A tall, walnut
sleigh-bed and another armoire with a second flat-screen furnished
the bedroom, the bed made with luxurious linens and a fluffy duvet.
The marble-and-walnut bathroom contained boutique-brand toiletries.
The hotel was the epitome of luxury. It should have been, for the
rate I paid. This would have been a nice place for a vacation…like
a honeymoon. But not better than where mine had been. The place I
would have to face tomorrow.

As comfortable as the bed looked, I knew the
threat of nightmares—more replays of that video—wouldn’t allow me
to sleep. So I sat down to write for the first time in days,
pounding on the keyboard for hours, and eventually fell asleep at
the desk. The nightmare came and I awoke with a start, his scream
still echoing in my head.
No! I won’t believe it!
I longed
for the memory-dream, or even the slideshow, terrified that even my
subconscious had completely lost him, except for his agonizing cry.
I wished I had gone straight to the beach house now. I needed to
feel him, to remember him, to keep hold of that thread. Then I
thought of his bag, with his few pieces of clothes still in
there—his things I could touch and feel and hold close. I started
to stand up.

Daemoni! Evil! Run!

“Do not move, Alexis.” The deep, gravelly
voice of the vampire again. My heart jumped against my chest.
“Settle yourself down. You don’t want to
excite
me.”

I took some deep breaths, trying to calm
myself down, but not because the detestable voice told me to. I
needed to be able to focus and figure this one out. Because I was
pretty sure I was awake, sitting at the desk, thinking about my
husband. But maybe not. Maybe one nightmare had slipped into
another.

“Good girl. Nice and slow.”

Yeah, whatever
. I found it difficult
to control my heart and my breathing because now I just wanted to
scream and wake myself up. But I couldn’t bring myself to do
either.

“You did not listen to me, Alexis. You are
still writing.”

I swallowed, not answering. Real fear crept
in, poking black fingers into the edge of my mind.

The vampire stood only five feet away, his
red, glowing eyes glaring fiercely at me. His arms were crossed
against his chest, his marble-white skin contrasting starkly with
the black silk shirt, tucked into tailored, black slacks. This was
the first time he’d appeared in the light and he looked very
similar to the descriptions in my books. Except…not exactly. His
lips were wrong. I had always pictured my worst villain with full,
dark-red lips, as if permanently stained with blood. This creature
had white, hard lips that looked chiseled into a stone face. And he
appeared much thinner, lankier, even weaker-looking than the image
in my head. Finally, he wasn’t exactly good looking. Most authors
of vampire lore, including myself, always described the extreme
attractiveness of the vampire’s face as part of their lure. This
creature could possibly be appealing, if he weren’t so downright
frightening.

“I am not here to attract you as my prey,” he
said, as if reading my mind. His lips pulled back from his
razor-sharp teeth and fangs. “You apparently are not taking me
seriously enough, so my goal is to scare you. Am I doing a good
job?”

Yes, very much so
. I stared at him
wide-eyed, frozen in place. The Daemoni alarms still rang in my
head.

“Are y-you D-Daemoni?” I finally managed to
ask.

He smiled—it looked stunning and wretched at
the same time. “Ah, so you are not so stupid after all. If I answer
yes, will you take me more seriously?”

I ignored his question, needing an answer to
my own. Even if this was just a dream. “Do you have my husband? Is
he still alive? Do you know where he is?”

He glowered at me, the red eyes burning
brightly, and then hissed. “You have no husband! Your baby’s father
left you!”

I cringed at the words although they weren’t
new. He’d given the public’s story. Anyone could have said
that.

“You’re not real. You’re just a dream,” I
muttered.

“Stupid,
STUPID
WOMAN!” he growled,
suddenly right in front of me, leaning over me. His eyes changed
with the burst of anger, to the deepest, darkest black of death.
Just the edges of the iris still glowed red.

I could see my horrified expression in those
deep-black eyes. This nightmare felt even more real than my
memory-dreams. I could hear his ragged breathing, feel it on my
face, smell the unexpectedly pleasant, sweet scent: strawberries
covered in sugar and cream.
Is this really a dream?
My heart
raced even faster. I thought my ribs would break from the pressure
and my heart would just fly out, right into his hands.

“Stop it!” he hissed, stiffening, and with a
blur of movement too fast to even see, he stood on the other side
of the room. “Down to business, Alexis. You are almost done with
your book, and I need to stop you from finishing. You have exposed
enough
of our truths.”

How would he know…?
“Y-y-you have to
be a dream. Only a few people know how this last book is going and
that it’s almost done.”

“Think about it, foolish one. There are some
of us who can fool humans, immerse ourselves into their world. You
have met a few. So even you can see we could have someone working
at a certain publishing company?”

I stared at him, shaking my head, trying to
make it all go away. This was nonsense, Swirly screwing even with
my dreams now.
Wake up!

“This is my last warning, Alexis.
Our
last warning. Not one more word. Do you understand?”

I shook my head slightly. I didn’t really
mean to contradict him. The movement was more about denying this
whole…situation.

“You’re not real,” I whispered. Again, not to
challenge him. I was trying to convince myself. With barely a
sound, I added, “Go away.”

Of course, he didn’t obey. Instead, he let
out a dreadful, harsh bark, a humorless laugh.

“Go away? Yes, you would want that. I would,
too, you know. I would much rather be spending my time on something
I could
have
. But, for now, anyway, I can only play. You
must know there are many ways my friends and I can torture you…ways
to hurt you without ever providing the relief of death. You are,
after all, telling the entire human race about us.”

“But I’m off limits,” I blurted
nonsensically, my dream-self confusing vampires with the real
monsters of my life. Daemoni were prohibited from killing Amadis
royalty unless Provoked, as in official Provocation.

“Hmm. And you are supposed to be so
intelligent.” He narrowed his eyes and glared at me in silence for
a moment. When he spoke again, his voice was low and his words came
slowly and deliberately, as if I were too stupid to understand
basic concepts. “It is simple, Alexis. Exposing us makes
anything
justifiable. One more page, one more paragraph, one
more word in that damn book of yours and play time will be over. Do
you understand now?”

I couldn’t answer. Again, I wanted to scream
to wake myself up. But this nightmare had become one of those where
you can’t move, speak or even breathe. I wondered if a lack of air
would finally force my body awake.

“
DO YOU UNDERSTAND
?” He stood right in
front of me again, the cold breath raging against my face, blowing
my hair back. I still couldn’t move, not even for a breath. His
voice lowered with the next question, nearly a whisper, but more
frightening to me than anything else. “You really do not want us
coming after your family, now do you, Alexis?”

Then he stiffened and his head twitched. His
narrow nostrils flared. He turned his head to his left, his eyes
shifting over his shoulder toward the door. He let out a soft growl
from deep in his chest.

And then he was gone.

I didn’t know how long I sat there, how much
time had passed since I’d taken a breath. It felt like hours. I
didn’t know where he disappeared to and I didn’t know if he would
come back. I still hadn’t woken up, so the nightmare wasn’t
over.

But I’d surely wake up and not let myself
suffocate
.
Right
?
WAKE UP!

I decided to take a short, shallow breath,
trying not to move too much, in case even the slightest movement
brought him back. The brief flow of air felt like new life to my
burning lungs. I couldn’t help but take another, longer draw. It
was ragged, but satisfying. I focused on counting my breaths,
trying to keep them slow and steady.

One.

Two.

Three.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

I nearly fell out of my chair. My breath
caught again and my heart returned to its flurried pace. Someone
was at the door.
Is it real or part of the dream?
It was one
of those sounds where you’re just not sure. If it was real, it
didn’t wake me up. My subconscious incorporated the noise.

The vampire had sensed something. He knew
someone was coming. Was it my knight-in-shining-armor? If my hero
banged on the door, there was only one person I’d want it to be. I
was glad I hadn’t woken up yet.

The door flew open and hit the wall with
another bang.

“Alexis!” Such a beautiful voice. “Alexis!
Are you all right?”

As the voice came into the room, I realized
it wasn’t the one I wanted to hear. It sounded familiar. Nice. But
it didn’t belong to who I wanted.

Is this some kind of cruel joke? Is my
subconscious trying to replace him?
Tears welled in my eyes.
I’m not ready to replace him. This is
my
dream. Why can’t
it be the way I want it?

Instead, Owen’s voice rang into the room.
“Are you okay?”

I shook my head, biting my lower lip to keep
it from trembling. I couldn’t feel the pain from the bite, though.
I wished I could—it would wake me up.

I sensed Owen kneel down in front of me,
trying to get a good look at my face. I squeezed my eyes tightly.
Stupid dream. Why can’t I just wake up?

“Alexis, are you okay?” he asked again. “I
sensed Daemoni.”

“I-I’m fine,” I finally answered, my voice
tiny.

“You don’t look fine.”

“It was just…”
Oh, what does it
matter?
This stupid dream wasn’t going anywhere now because the
wrong hero came. “It was nothing.”

“Well, if you’re okay in here, I’ll go check
everything out.” I felt him move away, heard his steps as he
crossed the room.

Is he really coming back? Can he just turn
into the one I really want? That happens in dreams. People change
into other people. Please?
I didn’t know who I begged. I
guessed my deranged subconscious, which liked to torture me and
knew exactly how to do it.

Bizarrely, like a dream within a dream, I
heard my mother’s voice from many years ago, as we drove from some
city to another. She’d just broken up with yet another man. “Don’t
ever let them know your buttons. If they know your buttons, they’ll
push them every time.”