Purity (18 page)

We needed some kind of closure, at least for the moment, and I needed to get rid of that ache in my gut whenever I looked his way. I would find him, I would talk to him, and I would give him an excuse to move on, because until he did, I couldn’t.

Nathan

Seeing her changed everything.
Everything
. Gone were my resolutions to forget about curses and soul mates until after we had sorted out pack stuff.

Looking at her felt like home.

“Can I speak to you alone for a minute?” Amelia demanded rather than asked, completely ignoring Dawn and Abbi. I had asked them to come with me for moral support, but judging by Amelia’s expression, that had been a bad idea.

“Go ahead,” Dawn said. “I need to speak to someone anyway.”

“What are you doing?” Amelia asked as soon as they walked away. “Are you completely stupid?”

“I haven’t done anything wrong,” I reminded her.

She stuttered something I couldn’t make out before closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths. “Bringing
them
was wrong,” she said in a slightly more level voice. “I asked you and Perdita both to come here so you could talk to each other away from anyone who might interfere. You just ruined that, genius.”

“I get that you’re trying to help, but she doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“If I thought that, do you really think I would make her see you? Come on!”

“Ryan said—”

“Forget what Ryan said! I like Ryan, but keeping you two apart is what’s best for
him
. I miss having Perdita around, and you obviously do, too, so why not man up, speak to her, and figure out what’s going on?”

“It’s not that simple anymore. After everything that’s happened, she’s finally free. She can walk away from me.”

She frowned. “What if she doesn’t want to, Nathan?” She turned on her heel and joined Connor.

Connor rubbed her back absentmindedly as he spoke, and I felt a pang of something. Almost like homesickness. I wanted to talk to Perdita, but I was afraid for a million reasons. What Ryan said made a lot of sense, but it wasn’t what I wanted, and I realised I had no idea what
she
wanted. The days of certainty were over. Even before, she had always found ways to disagree with me or get mad at me. How would it be when there was nothing magical keeping us together? I was terrified to find out.

But I
wanted
to find out.

I wandered outside, disinterested in the party itself. I had only turned up because a tiny part of me had hoped she would somehow be there. No matter what happened, she was still at the forefront of my mind. Even being away for a while hadn’t helped me switch off that part of my brain. She should be with me. I just needed to figure out a way to convince her of that. She had looked mildly horrified when she saw me, so how could I force my presence on her without coming off like a complete dick?

I sat on a bench on the patio at the back of the house. The neighbouring houses were all quite nice, and I wondered why the area was such a ghost town. It had been pretty much crime-free, at least before we werewolves invaded.

“I wondered where you got to,” Abbi called out, joining me on the bench.

“I needed some air,” I muttered.

“Sorry about you and Perdita. You both looked pretty uncomfortable back there.”

I laughed in spite of myself. “Understatement, Abbi.”

“Maybe it’s a good thing, seeing each other before school starts back. Means you have a chance to get over the awkward stage before Aaron can make it so much worse.”

I grinned. “Thanks for putting an upside to it. Doubt he could make it much worse than it already is.”

“It’s not so bad. I mean, she’s not all psycho outraged ex, is she? And we’ll hide you if she is.”

I glanced at her, seeing a hint of worry in those smiling eyes. “She’s not like that, Abbi.”

Her smile faltered. “I was just kidding around. I hate seeing you so unhappy. She’s nice enough, but you were miserable most of the time you were together.”

I clenched my fists, my inner darkness fuelling my rage. “I wasn’t miserable. Not with her.”

She looked confused. “Then why aren’t you together?”

Why indeed?
I shrugged. “Lots of reasons. Right person, wrong time, maybe.”

She laid a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “What if it was the wrong person, right time?”

That confused me, and my entire body froze as she leaned forward, glancing at my lips. I closed my eyes, wondering if I could even do it, but my wolf howled inside with displeasure, and I pushed her gently away before she got close enough to kiss.

The door closed softly behind us, leaving behind a trace of the scent I liked most in the whole world.

“I’ll be back,” I said, jumping to my feet.

Abbi grabbed my hand. “Nathan, wait.”

“Just… Abbi, give me a minute. Give me two minutes, okay?”

She nodded, and I ran after Perdita for what felt like the umpteenth time in my life. I caught her in the kitchen, her face paler than I liked.

“Let me explain,” I said hurriedly, moving too close to her, judging by the way she backed away.

“There’s nothing to explain. You’re a free agent. I’m not… I’m not going to try and get in your way. Don’t worry.” She said it in a kindly way. I would have preferred a scream or even a slap in the face. But not a smile. Not with those words.

“She tried to kiss me,” I said, unsure of what to say in the face of her calmness.

“I saw. I didn’t mean to. It just happened in front of me. I tried not to look, but… you know.” She shrugged. “This might be good for you. You need something normal, something drama-free.”

“I don’t need anything else,” I said, confused again.

Her lip trembled a little. “I’ve felt so bad for you. That you thought… listen, I’m not your responsibility. It’s not your fault what the curse did. You don’t have to… you don’t owe me anything. I can deal with it. You don’t have to feel embarrassed about moving on. It’s just the way it is.” She was gone before I could form an answer.

I started after her, stopped, and couldn’t move again.

“I swear to God,” Amelia snapped, coming out of nowhere. “If you listen to what she just said and didn’t hear what she was really saying, I
will
bite you.”

“I’m not going crazy, right?”

She laughed in spite of the dark look on her face.

“Should I run?”

“Yes, you div!”

I ran.

I found Perdita on the next street, and I got ahead of her, my heart threatening to explode out of my chest. “Wait,” I gasped. “Now, just wait a minute, okay?”

She froze, obviously startled. Recovering quickly, she made to move on, but I grabbed her arms and refused to let go.

“You can’t say stuff like that and not even give me a chance to reply.”

She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, and her eyes glittered. “I’m not supposed to talk to you.”

“So I’ll take the punishment from your dad. I don’t care. Just talk to me, please.”

She fell silent, looking stunned and unsure of herself.

I wasn’t above taking advantage of that. “I’m letting go of your arms, but you can’t walk away until the conversation is over.”

She nodded, her eyebrows rising.

“Good.” I grinned. “Thanks for being cooperative.”

She gave me
that
look.

I hurried on. “Here’s the thing. I don’t want to move on. Not with anyone else. I keep telling myself that staying away from you will keep you safe, that I can try to make things up to you, prove that I’m not who you think I am,
after
.”

“After?”

“After. When all of this werewolf crap is over and done with. But anything could happen, and I’m sick of missing you.”

“The curse—”

“I don’t care about the stupid curse. So it’s over. Fine. Done. That doesn’t mean we have to be. I still care about you, Perdita, and I still want to be with you. I know you hated the influence of the curse hanging over us, but that’s over, so it’ll be just me and you from now on. We can handle anything, but if you tell me to keep away from you, I will. Okay, I’ll
try
, anyway.”

The corner of her mouth twitched.

I carried on, barely taking a breath. “But I have to make sure you know that nothing’s changed for me. I need you to know that us being over isn’t what I want. It’s never what I wanted, and I know I acted, well, like a cretin, but I promise you I’m not like
them
. I could be, trust me, the opportunity has arisen, but I kept thinking of you, of how you’d think, and I always backed off. I’ll always be darker than you like, but it’s important that you don’t think of me like a monster, like someone who could hurt you because I… I could
never
… Perdita, I’m still the same person who saw you for the first time in a classroom. I’m still the same person who made you mad, who you danced with, who you kissed. The curse ending hasn’t changed
any
of that for me.”

She stared at me, and my brain stopped functioning.

“So, um, has it changed for you?” I asked.

She looked away and shook her head as if confused. I began to lose hope then, but she turned back to face me with a look I knew well in her eyes.

The rest of the world fell away. She took one step closer to me and cocked her head to the side. “Not one bit.”

It sank in after a couple of seconds, and a grin spread across my face, a weight lifting off my shoulders. “Are you sure you can deal with the other stuff?” I asked.

She took my hands, entwining her fingers with mine and gifting me with a smile I hadn’t seen in too long. All of my fear drifted away. Pulling her arms around my back, I let go of her hands and cupped her cheeks. Wolf growled at me to get on with it already, but I was nervous. There were no certainties anymore. I couldn’t tell what she was feeling. At least, not exactly.

Brushing her hair out of her face, I tipped her chin upward and leaned forward to kiss her, relishing her taste, the warmth of her skin, how her fingers gripped at my shirt as if she wouldn’t ever let go, and the way her pulse raced against my fingertips.

It was as if we had never been apart, as if the curse hadn’t been broken. And I realised none of that had ever mattered. Not deep down.

We swayed toward a garden wall, and I lifted her to rest on top of it, lost in the kiss. Maybe we had attributed a little too much blame to the curse because I wasn’t ready to let her go any time soon. Her hands found their way to my hair, and I shifted her closer to me, forgetting we were in public. Not really caring, if I was honest with myself.

She broke away abruptly, her eyes wide with guilt as she slipped off the wall. “Nathan, it hasn’t changed for me, but Dad’s still—”

“So I’ll wait,” I said hurriedly. “I’m sorry if I came on too strong. I get that it’s not the same anymore, but I missed you. And I’ll wait. I’ll talk to him. I’ll do whatever it takes.
This
is worth it.”

She moved up on the tips of her toes, putting her hands on my shoulders. She kissed me, and warmth flooded through my body. Wolf relaxed, and the constant pressure behind my temple eased considerably. I pulled her close, and everything was okay again.

She stepped back, her cheeks flushing. “Abbi…”

I covered my face with my hands. “Ah, crap! I told her I’d be back. Not to… I meant to explain to her properly that I could never…”

“Go on, then,” she said, laughing. “I have to go home anyway. I need to talk to my dad. I have to be honest with him about this.”

“I want to be with you. I’ll go with you.”

“Well, let me talk to him first, so he doesn’t have a nervous breakdown at the sight of you. I just… I don’t want to waste another minute, so if you’re serious, come over later and face Dad, too. For me. I want him to know he can trust me now.”

I kissed the corner of her mouth. “This is
not
a goodbye kiss. No more of those, just in case. We have a lot more to talk about. I will be ten minutes tops. Tell the others I left, okay?”