Purgatorium (38 page)

I am blinded by fluorescent lights. I close my eyes for a moment and open them again, only to find I am back on the subway train beside Raphael. Feeling to make sure my head is still there, I am overcome with rage. Looking directly into Raphael’s eyes, I quickly throw open his coat, see the hatchet, and snatch it. With my other hand, I grab Raphael by the jacket and slam him down onto the subway car floor, holding the hatchet above him, ready to strike.

“No cigs? Really? What good are you?” Raphael says calmly, looking up at me from below on the floor.

“I know what you’re thinking, but you’re dead wrong! You think I’m twisted enough to just go and chop off your head? Are you nuts? You know what? I’m tired of looking at your face. I think Rosa Parks had it wrong. Staying as far away from the crazy white heads was the more sane thing to do.”

Frustrated and taken back by Raphael’s response, I close my eyes to gather my thoughts for a second. When I open them, I see that Raphael has already jumped up from underneath me and started walking to the back of the subway car.

I look up at the hatchet in my right hand, relax my arm, and stand up. When I look back again,
Raphael
is gone. The light from the next station floods into the car. The brakes start squealing and the train decelerates to a stop. I feel a chill run through me and find this odd. I wave off the sensation when the doors open and I walk out.

45 Minutes

Still in the subway station, I walk slowly, pondering what has just happened. I turn onto the bridge, thinking about how I am a father. Feeling a sudden surge of pride and well-being, I’m determined to be a much better father than my father was. I will be successful, a leader, respected.

I ascend the stairs. Once I make it to the top, I see that I am back at the lighthouse restaurant. In complete shock I begin to think, Raphael must have taken my body, when I was in my memory state, onto another subway car heading back here. For what purpose, though? Gabriel already pulled this stunt with me before and I passed.

I begin to feel a chill as I look across the park over the interstate to where my apartment building is located. This is even farther away than when Gabriel did this to me. I begin running toward the park, not wasting any more time thinking about it. I hear the screeching sounds coming from all sides of me. I could try and get in my car like last time. But who am I kidding? The reapers would have already gotten me by the time I would even reach it. I need to stop and think but I can’t stop.

I remember Gabriel’s words to me. ‘You have to think on your feet. That is the only way you will survive.’

I look in front of me at all the things I have to work with. I see the Ferris wheel on my right, but what good will that do me? I look over at the dead tree and realize that is my only solution. Suddenly, three reapers fly down in front of me and I adjust my direction back towards the subway. It looks like I am going to test my luck on the train being there.

Three more reapers fly down and stand near the subway entrance. I turn back and head towards the Ferris wheel. At least I get to enjoy a nice little ride before they go and erase my memories.

I make my way onto one of the passenger-carrying components. I rise upward feeling the cold wind brush through my hair,” snow falling all around me, letting me know one thing—I am not where I need to be. I ride up to the top and the machine suddenly stops.

The reapers probably froze the engine.

I look up at the sky and see the northern lights swimming around through the stars. I think back to watching it with Madi and how good it would have been to watch it with her one last time. I start to hear a voice in my head, “Looks to me like you are giving up. I guess, once a quitter always a quitter.” The voice stops as I think, I am not a quitter. I am not a quitter!

I jolt myself up and look down to see six reapers are standing at the bottom of the Ferris wheel. I am not going to be able to make it back to my apartment simply by making a run for it. I watch the reapers extend their legs out from under their cloaks. The whole park soon begins to slowly freeze over, making it one big ice skating rink.

The reapers climb up and slowly begin to ice over the 36 cars. The 40 revolving chairs inside of each of the cars freezes. As it gets to mine, I get an idea. I start to sing in my head,
The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round.
The wheel must be rotating on probably a 71-ton, 45.5-foot axle that is now getting frozen over as I continue to think. The only way I can make it back to the apartment is if an extreme amount of force breaks that axle which would hopefully roll me back home. Hopefully.

The cast-iron spider that makes up the core of the Ferris wheel begins to turn to ice. I quickly leave my seat just before it gets frosty, then make my way inside the core of the wheel before it gets frozen over. Once the reapers see that I am trapped in the center, they will come for me, I like to think.

The reapers force their skeletal bodies towards the wheel making their way up to me. With every push, they break away the wheels axle. The whole structure starts to feel off balance.
That’s it, keep making your way towards me,
I think. The reapers keep pushing themselves through the frozen walls towards me. The forceful pushing breaks off the axle’s hinges. The Ferris wheel detaches and slowly begins to roll out.

The frozen wheel rolls across the iced-over park and onto the interstate towards my apartment. The reapers feet touch the ground to the interstate. They must be keeping the road frozen so the wheel would keep rolling, but why would they want that?

With reapers on both sides of the wheel, I swing myself from side to side, like a monkey hanging from a branch, so they won’t grab me. I look ahead to see the wheel’s direction is off course. It’s heading off the interstate. I prepare myself for the worst. If the park is on the left side of the interstate then what is on the right? I fear to find out.

The wheel breaks through the cement walls as I see through holes in the exterior what problems I will face next. My eyes lock on to a 60-foot hill drop leading into a waterless dam. The wheel goes over as I panic, not knowing what to do next. The outer layers of the wheel hits on the side of the dam, making it roll its way to the bottom. Each of the frozen passenger cars shatter once it collides on the dam’s outer cement walls.

The reapers continue making their way towards me as if they were not afraid of the situation. The whole wheel itself begins to freeze over even more, making the ice breakable around the inner core of the wheel. The inside mechanics begin to shatter. The cast iron spider shatters itself from within the wheel as I begin to slide all over the place.

I grab hold of what is left of the rafters and grip my hands tightly to them. I see the appearance of the Ferris wheel begin to mold into more of a frozen tire wheel. The core of the wheel now looks like one big solid ice 360 loop ramp.

I let go from the rafters and drop to the center of the loop. My body begins to roll around as the speed of the wheel has now gotten faster, due to it picking up speed going down this very long hill. I brace myself as I extend my legs out, trying to straighten myself. The cleats from my shoes retract out, giving me something to dig into the ice with. With a window of a few seconds, I get to my feet and start to run. I feel like a hamster running in a really big hamster wheel. The icy structure I am running on is a bit slippery, even with these special shoes I have on. I notice some holes that haven’t been iced over yet. I level my speed along with every turn of the wheel so I won’t slip.

The reapers begin to reach their hands into the wheel’s frozen structure. Their arms bust out in every direction where I step. I dodge each attempt as I keep moving, following along every turn of the wheel. I see my apartment is just up ahead. Almost there.

More of their hands begin sticking out at many different areas around the wheel. I grip my hatchet and begin chopping each of the reapers’ arms off, one by one, till I can focus on how I am going to jump out of this thing. I make my way to the other side, cutting each arm that pops out around me.

A reaper makes it through to the inner structure of the frozen wheel. I look down and see it coming from below, making its way towards me. Its skeletal arm catches onto my left leg and slowly begins to freeze it. I try to struggle loose from the reaper’s grip. I stop when I feel my whole left leg being frozen over. I use my right leg to kick off the reaper but it doesn’t budge. I glance ahead and see another reaper inside the inner wheel with me. It looks like a spider, with its hands and feet stretched apart, making its way above me. The cycle of the wheel is moving faster now. My frozen leg has stopped me from running. I am trapped!

I get my hatchet up, ready to swing. The reaper in front of me reaches for a scythe in its cloak. It holds the weapon up high above my face and brings it down. I quickly duck and dodge the attack, taking hold from the edge of the weapon and yanking it towards me. I stick my hatchet in its skull and pull its arm down in front of me. I try to use the weapon on the reaper, that has my leg, but I still can’t reach its head.

Instead, I guide the sharp end of the weapon towards my frozen leg. I force it down, striking my leg, shattering it into pieces, making the reaper slide down far away from me. I look back up to suddenly see the other reaper, with my hatchet still in its skull, reaching out its right hand to my face. I am stuck! Well this is it, I think as I close my eyes waiting for all my memories to be sucked out of me. Seconds go by as I open my eyes back up to see the reaper’s hand hasn’t got any closer to my face.

I look behind it to see its cloak has snagged on to something. I extend my hand towards the hatchet’s handle but I can only graze it. I need to repair my shattered leg! I focus my mind and think about my mom. The woman that taught me how to dance. I picture her face as she looks at me with those kind motherly eyes. She was brilliant, beautiful, and brave. I hope that I told her that.

I regain back my clarity of the situation as I look to see my left leg is back to normal. I boost my left leg up, dodging the reaper’s attempt to grab me, and quickly snag out my hatchet from the reapers skull as it breaks apart like ice cubes in front of me.

I regain focus, look up, and see a collision with the bottom of the dam about to occur. I close my eyes knowing that all my attempts to get to this moment were a waste. Though I did fail, I did not quit. Knowing
that
makes up the difference. Knowing
that
may be enough. I feel the collision, as my body thrusts itself into the unknown. My mind then goes numb as time begins to pass away from me.

50 Minutes

I open my eyes and see that I am on the rooftop to my high-rise apartment building again.
How did I get here?
I wonder. I walk over to the telescope and remember it. I still have my memories? Why didn’t the reapers erase them?

“It’s funny how the mind works.” I jump, surprised to hear Raphael’s voice. I look at him hoping he can listen to my thoughts as I think,
Did you save me? Was this a test?
Thoughts that cloud my judgment on what really needs to be said. He put me in that situation.

I run towards him, angry at everything. Raphael turns toward me with his arms wide open. I tackle him to the ground and begin punching his face. I punch him over and over. I think about my father abusing my mom. I think about how I am a father who has no idea what my child looks like. I think about it all as I keep swinging my fists towards his face, blood spewing out of him with every blow.

Raphael takes it like he deserves it. I think back to the Ferris wheel incident. I could have had my memory erased again! You are messing with my life! I get tired and roll off of him. Seconds go by as Raphael gets back on his feet. He spits the leftover blood out of his mouth and walks to the edge of the rooftop.

Raphael just looks out at the city. With a serious voice he says, “How it grasps onto the most influential things like that broken old telescope. Your daddy’s ol’ toy. Always fascinated with the stars. He was a cowboy, your father. Never was much of a 20
th
century type of man like yourself. He just loved looking into it every night. Gave him peace of mind at the choices he made from that day to the choices he would have to make for the next day. Sometimes regretting and sometimes proud. A little something that you need right now.”

Raphael
takes a drag on his cigarette, looking up at the northern lights. I look up too and am momentarily overwhelmed by their beauty. I think back to my father and wonder if I will suffer the same fate as him. I see a hand stretched out in front of me. I look up and see Raphael willing to bring me back up.

I sit there not wanting to take it.

“Trust me or not trust. Either way, you still have to choose one or the other. You may feel regret after but you may come to be proud. Isn’t that what life is all about?”

I look into Raphael’s green eyes, noticing a certain glimmer of hope in them. I continue to watch him standing there, with his hand out to me, and I can see he might actually truly care for my well being.

I begin to think that if Raphael did save me he must be too proud to admit it. How many times have they risked their necks to rescue me? I owe them more than I think. I take his hand and stand to my feet.

Raphael goes to the telescope. “You remember how Madi got so mad at you for selling that thing?” he says, looking over at the telescope. “She was livid!! Strange to be so angry over a little ol’ telescope, though, right?”