Pure Redemption (Tainted Legacy) (16 page)

He stood back to admire his new purchase. He frowned slightly as he pulled a rag out of his back pocket. “Here,” he said to Ava as he plucked up the helmet, which had been hanging off the handlebar. He placed it in her hands as he scrubbed what Ava thought was an imaginary smudge.

She eyed the helmet. “This is
way
too big for me.” The moment the words left her mouth she realized her error, her cheeks flushed in embarrassment. He’d just wanted her to hold it so he’d have a clearer view of the bike. The helmet wasn’t for her. Of course it wasn’t. Why would it be?

Well maybe
, a niggling little voice in her head said,
because the old Gabe would’ve gotten you a helmet
.

And
he
would’ve refused to wear one.

Gabe groaned. “Ava, I’m sorry. I didn’t even think to—”

A sharp laugh bu
r
st from her mouth
, cutting off his words. S
he waved her hand
dismissively
at him. “Of course not! Why would you? It was an incredibly stupid thing for me to say.”

“I can get you one,” he tentatively suggested. “Do you want me to?”

She shook her head. She didn’t want to have to ask for one. She knew it was childish but, there it was. “No. This is for
you
, remember?” she asked, not filtering the words or her tone and instantly regretting it.

“Are you mad?” he asked, his face fall
ing. “Because just a minute ago you seemed to think it was a good idea.
”

“No,” she said. Her voice was once again too sharp. “I’m not mad,” she said, sounding very mad indeed. She sighed. “It’s just…I wish you would’ve let me know. You said you were going for a walk. You were gone for hours. You didn’t call. I had no idea where you were. You were just
gone
!” she said in a voice that was clearly accusatory as her fear materialized in the tone of fury.

His smile had completely faded now. “I know, I
know
. I meant to come right back but it’s just,” his eyes darted lovingly to the machine and Ava’s heart felt like it shriveled just a bit with what she knew was misplaced jealousy, “I thought I’d go for a quick ride. Just a test drive to check it out, ya know? But once I got on, I just
went
and it felt so
good
. I headed on over to Granville.” He shrugged. “I lost track of time.”

She made a noncommittal sound.

“You are mad,” Gabe stated in an incredulous tone. He stared at Ava who stared back without saying anything. The weeks of tension swirled between them once more. “I already apologized,” he stated, annoyance making his tone rough.

Ava threw her hands up in the air. “I know! It’s just…” she stopped, pulled her hands though her hair and remained silent. She felt so controlling and possessive and she’d never been that way before. She hated how it was making her feel now. “I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry. I don’t know why I’m acting like this. This isn’t me.”

“I think maybe,” Gabe carefully began after a long drawn out silence, “we just need a little break from each other. We’ve been together almost twenty-four hours a day for a while now. I don’t think that it’s doing either one of us any good.”

It was as if the outside world had sucked all of the air from her lungs.

“You’re leaving me?” she asked with what little breath she had left.

“I think I need some time to clear my head. You probably need to clear yours, too,” he softly suggested.

“Right,” she agreed with a curt little nod. “Okay then,” she said, hoping her voice didn’t sound as hysterical as she felt.

“I think you need some time to
figure out what you really want,
”
he told her.

“I already know what I want,” Ava said in disbelief. “I want you. Haven’t I made that clear?” The look that crossed his face made her wonder if maybe she hadn’t made it clear. She’d told him she loved him. She hadn’t wanted him out of her sight. She had made it perfectly clear that she wanted him to stay at her cabin. Was that not enough? But didn’t guys think differently than girls? Wasn’t Molly quite adamant about that?
“If I haven
’t made it clear, I’ll do it now. I want to be with you. I want you with me. I love you just as much now as I ever did.”

He raised his eyebrows at her in stunned surprise.

“So I don’t need to think about anything.” She hesitated before asking, “Do you?”

He slowly nodded.

She felt her shoulder
s
droop.
She wanted to ask where he was going. She wanted to ask him if he had his phone. If he would check in. What time would he be home? She wrestled down all of those questions and decided to ask the only one that really mattered.

“Gabe,” she began as she blinked hard. Her voice was tight, choked by tears and
the
terror she felt but didn’t want to show. “Are you coming back?”

He sighed and gave her a sympathetic look. As he stepped closer, he rubbed his hands up and down her arms, trying to comfort her. “Yes. I’m coming back.” She blew out a breath of relief and he leaned forward, kissing
her forehead.

Ava was sure the kiss didn’t mean anything. It was simply an effort to try to placate her so she tried to force a smile but she wasn’t convinced. “If you decide you’re, um, not coming back, could you at least call to let me know? So I don’t worry?” Her voice cracked and a tear trickled down.

Gabe brushed it away with his thumb. He slid his hand under her chin, tilting her face so she’d look up at him. “I’ll come back. I promise.”

He leaned forward, his lips brushing against hers. She expected it to end there but the kiss continued. He pulled her in close and she clung to him, her body, her memory, absorbing the moment as if she might not ever have the chance to kiss him again.

Now that he’d put on some weight
he felt like Gabe again. His scent was the same as it had always been. He was kissing her like he used to. Like he was starving for her and he couldn’t kiss her long enough, hard enough or deep enough.

Her knees had turned weak, like warm taffy and when he finally pulled back and moved away, it was hard to keep standing on her own accord. He dropped another quick kiss on her forehead and then turned away, heading to his motorcycle.

Ava watched him leave, wondering why the kiss felt suspiciously like a ‘goodbye’.

When she went in the house, she opened the freezer to get some ice for her glass of water. Her throat felt hot and dry from the tears she was stuffing down. Inside the freezer, she found a
carton of Butter Brickle ice-cream. It was her favorite from the little specialty shop in Granville. It was something Gabe had gotten her once before. He must’ve gotten it today, on his little joyride.

It wasn’t much but…

Was it coincidence? An accident? Or did it mean something? That he remembered even a little glimmer of his past? Something a little more important than two plus two would equal four?

If she asked him, would he even know the answer as to why? Why Butter Brickle? Why that particular little shop in the first place? But it wasn’t as if she could ask because even though he had said he was coming back…he hadn’t said when.

And she’d been too afraid to ask.

Chapter 12

Being on a motorcycle and just driving brought Gabe such a sense of freedom. He let himself enjoy the ride, not bothering to think about much of anything. It was a welcomed change. It wasn’t Ava’s fault he’d started to feel so claustrophobic. It was the situation that had him feeling that way. And while neither of them had much control over it, he had started to worry that if things didn’t change soon, they would both end up miserable when in each other’s presence.

He had started to convince himself that she didn’t care for him the way she claimed she did. He didn’t think she was lying but he did think she was confused. That she probably had loved him once, but now, she felt only a sense of misplaced obligation toward him.
Even after she proclaimed she still loved him he thought maybe she had only said it because she loved the idea of him. Of
them
. The way they used to be.

But then he’d kissed her, quite by accident, and now he wasn’t so sure.

His feelings toward her were beyond
confusing. He had a hard time thinking clearly when he was around her. Sleeping next to her was torture.
The damn pillow did no good as a barrier. More often than not he’d wake to find her arm reaching over it, her hand splayed out on his chest or stomach, her leg still finding a way to tangle with his.

They spent an awful lot of time in the lake, either swimming or just floating on rafts as they passed their day away. This meant that Ava spent an awful lot of time in that damned barely-there bikini. This resulted in him spending a lot more time in the chilly water, up to his neck, than out of it.

There was no doubt that he felt something for her. Lust, for sure. But he knew she wanted more than that. She certainly deserved more than that. However, the line between the two was a little too blurred in his opinion. It was part of why he needed to get away. He thought he felt something stronger for her but when her body was so close to his, it was hard to differentiate.

But there was more, something else he needed to think about.

He spent hours driving
mindlessly, just enjoying the solitude of nothingness in his mind. He’d only stopped once, at a small diner, to eat some dinner. He’d ordered himself a malt to go with his meal and he was inexplicably certain that if Ava were there, she would rave over them. He tried to recall what would make him think that. He was certain that she’d never mentioned an ice-cream obsession. He pondered this as he ate. The same inexplicable feeling had hit him earlier in the day. It had caused him to buy her a container of Butter Brickle ice-cream. Of course, now he realized, he had no idea if it was something she even wanted or if it was just some stray thought that had crept into his mind.

After he ate, he set off again. He hadn’t really had a concrete thought about where he was headed this time but he wasn’t surprised when he found himself at the church. It felt calming to him now, as it had the day he’d been there with Ava. He hadn’t wanted to leave that day but she
hadn’t wanted to stay. Since he hadn’t wanted to upset her any more than he already had, he hadn’t argued.

It was already getting dark as he parked out front. He let himself in through the rickety doors. He knew instinctively that the fact he could see quite clearly in the gloom set him apart.

He made his way to the far wall of the church and then slid down it. He pulled his knees up as he rested his head against the wall. For the first time in a long while, he felt relaxed. His mind felt a little clearer but there were things that still gnawed away at him.

He was keeping something from Ava.

After everything she’d done for him, he felt guilty about lying to her.  He was perfectly aware that he
should
feel guilty about lying to her. She trusted him and he couldn’t help but wonder if that trust had always been so misplaced.

Probably
, he decided.

She was always cautious when telling him about his past. But he could easily read between the lines. Decipher her carefully spoken words. Translate her silence into a message that was loud and clear.

Gabriel Castille was capable of indescribably malicious deeds. He was vain, arrogant, condescending and conceited. He was capable of being cruel, heartless and ruthless. He was a liar. He hurt people
and he couldn’t let his mind wrap around the extent of that possibility
. He manipulated. He schemed. He
was sure he cheated stole.
And probably much, much worse.

Hell, he couldn’t even comprehend to what degree his dreadfulness had extended to.

What he did know was that he’d done things so terrible that he hadn’t even admitted them to Ava.
Ava
. Who seemed so forgiving. How bad had his past actions been that he hadn’t even dared admit them to
her
? They had to have been bad. Possibly horrific.