Pure Illusion (2 page)

The Sun Still Shines In
The
Rain

“Are
you going to open your eyes?”

I
don’t respond.

“Why
did you bring her here? She looks like she’s barely holding on. You should take
her to the hospital.”

I
know that voice, too.

That’s
Hero Knight, Hunter’s younger brother.

Hero
is the one responsible for my brother’s death.

My
brother told me everything, everything about beautiful eighteen-year-old Hero, who
is a spitting image of his older brother.
Exactly.
They look too much alike. Hero even wears his hair long like Hunter does.

I
know
everything
.

Hunter
touches my hand and, for the first time since we’ve been together, I grip his
hand tight, interlocking our fingers.

“Man,
she’s really pale. How do you know she won’t kill herself when you leave for a
bathroom break?” Hero adds, suspiciously. “She’s six feet under waiting to
happen. Everyone knows all the Waters are suicidal lunatics.”

“Get
the fuck out of my house, Hero,” Hunter snarls.

“Chill,
Hunter. I’m leaving. Mom just sent me to check on you. She said you aren’t
answering her phone calls. You haven’t showed up to Sunday dinner in like two
months.”

“Hero,”
Hunter warns quietly.

“Alright.
I’m gone. I’m
sure she’ll be thrilled to know you have
Cutter
in your house.”

Angry
footsteps recede down the hall towards the spiral staircase and through the
living room. The front door slams shut, the impact of it all vibrating through
the walls.

“He
made you upset,” Hunter states softly. “I’m so sorry about that. He won’t be
here, around you. So don’t worry. I’ll keep you safe.”

Silent
tears roll down my cheeks. Hunter wipes them away with his fingers but they
keep coming. He slides into his bed with me, pulling me against his taut chest.
“I’m really tired, Hunter,” I confess, losing myself in another current of
tears.

“It’s
okay, baby. Just breathe.”

I
throw my arms around his middle, nuzzling closer. “It hurts to breathe. I’m so
tired. I’m not strong enough to make it. Let me go.”

He
squeezes me tighter. “I can’t do that, Isabel.”

“Please
let me go,” I mumble through my rapid tears. “He’s right. I can’t hold on
anymore.”

“You
hold on to me. I’m right here. Don’t you dare give up,
Isabel.
Do you hear me? Hold on when everything else fails.”

“But
I can’t,” I sob, the powerful wail rattling my chest and shaking my shoulders.

“You
can. You have to.” He places a hand under my chin and tips my head back. I open
my eyes, flicking the tears from my thick lashes. Opening my eyes is the wrong
thing to do because I’m flooded with Hunter’s devastatingly handsome face.
Strong jaw line, pink kissable lips that are a little too full, a straight
nose, and vivid blue eyes I can practically drown in.

The
beauty that is him leaves me stunned.  

“You
can do it. I know you can. You’re strong,” he declares. Then he tucks my body
into his left side, engulfing me completely. “What are you, Isabel?”

“A
suicidal loser,” I sob.

He
growls and squeezes the air from me. “Wrong. What are you, Isabel?”

“
Please
,
I’m tired, Hunter.”

“What
are you, Isabel?”

“I’m
sleepy.”

His
tight grip turns into a deathtrap vice. “What are you, Isabel?”

“You’re
hurting me, Hunter,” I whisper, my tears finally coming to an end as a new wave
of terror takes over.

“What.
Are.
You.”
The pressure from
his steely arms is crushing my ribs. He doesn’t loosen his grasp on my body,
not one inch.

I
rarely see this aggressive, scary side of Hunter up close and personal anymore;
years ago, after he cut me from his life, he always kept me at safe a distance.
I know he has a temper, hell, everyone knows he has a temper from the numerous
bloody fights he was involved in throughout high school. Hunter’s temper has
gotten better with age, but I think he’s trying to control it. His fighting
hasn’t stop, it only slowed.

We
attend the same school and are both in our junior year of college. I left UNCG
early to deal. Winter break is approaching. Everyone will back home and soon
they’ll all know I tried to off myself. I don’t think I have the courage to
face them all again.

He
drops an arm from around me, his hand fists harshly in my hair, tugging it by
the roots, forcing my head back so he can look at my face. Petrified and extremely
aroused, I stare into his heated eyes, at a loss for words.

Unbelievable.

Those
eyes get me every time.

How
could anything be so purely blue?

As blue as the purest water in the
world, as blue as a cloudless sky.

“What
are you, Isabel?”

Feeling
something flicker alive inside me, I lick my dry lips to answer, but before I
do, his gaze drops to my mouth and darkens instantly. “I am strong?”

His
eyes gradually shift back to mine in such a lazy way it makes my head swim and,
when they do, the emotion and turbulent storm within them leaves me breathless.
But I can’t quite comprehend the intense emotion there.

Frustration?

Annoyance?

Hunger?

“Yeah,
you’re strong—” his jaw clenches “—and pretty. So stop saying shitty things
before I lose my fucking mind.” He leans in close, so close I feel his sweet
breath wash over my lips and cheeks. “And you don’t want me to lose my mind,
Isabel. There’s no telling what I’ll do. You have no idea what I’m capable of
anymore.”

A
whiny, needy sound slides out my throat.

Did
I just moan?

Yep!

I
think I just moaned
.

I
moaned peering right into Hunter’s blue eyes. His lips hover above mine and his
hand is firmly knotted at the back of my head in my hair.

He
smiles widely in return, eliciting another throaty moan.

His
golden brows pull together,
then
he inclines really
close.

Oh.

My.

God.

He’s
going to kiss me.

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Kiss
me.

Kiss
me, please.

Feeling
a like a Disney princess about to be kissed by her true love, I shut my eyes
and pucker my lips. The heat from his body bathes mine; I suck up as much of
his scent that my lungs can hold, leaving me highly intoxicated. It’s like I’m
huffing paint, unable and incapable of stopping. His lips kiss the tip of my
nose lightly and then he sags back against the pillows, chuckling softly.

I
open my eyes, dazed and glaring.

I’m
such an idiot.

“Were
you expecting more, Isabel?”

“No,”
I lie, cheeks flaming red.

Asshole
.

“Liar,”
he taunts. “You want me to kiss you?”

“No.”

“You
want me to fuck you?”

“No.”

Yes!

“You
want me to lick your pussy?”

Fuck
yes!

“No,”
I mumble, barely audible, hiding my face in the fabric of his black cotton
shirt.

Hunter
gives me a tight squeeze and
tsks
disappointedly. “I would’ve done all
three and more, if you told the truth, Isabel. Now, you have to settle with
sleeping next me instead of me sleeping inside of you.”

I
release a ragged breath, kind of pissed at myself.

He
would’ve done all three and more?!

My
breathing quickens. Suddenly, I lose my common sense and forget how to inhale,
to exhale,
to
do anything.

I’m
hyperventilating.

“Jesus,
Isabel. Breathe,” Hunter orders, shifting on top of me. “Christ, you’re
freaking out.”

I
am freaking out.

I’m
practically naked—I’m only in my underwear—in bed with the only boy I have ever
loved in way it made me feel deranged.

He’s
so beautiful up close, every inch of him.

I
can’t think.

I
can’t move.

I
can’t breathe.

I
can’t function.

He
bends his head and thick waves of blond hair come crashing down all around me.
He’s staring directly into my eyes, down into the deepest depths of my soul. “I
think you’re going into shock.”

Bewildered
by the turn of events and even my own body’s greedy needs, I nod, agreeing to
anything he says.

“Can
you breathe for me, Isabel?”

I
nod, still unable to do anything but gaze helplessly into his eyes like a bimbo
idiot.

“You
can start by opening your mouth.”

Doing
as I’m told my lips part almost immediately.

He
moves further to my mouth, face seriously sexy and eerily focused. “Wider,” he
commands.

Feeling
his heat roast my skin, I close my eyes and open my mouth wider. Then the sweet
wetness of the tip of his tongue darts into my mouth, leaving me shaking and
tingly all over. His tongue flicks mine and glides over the roof of my mouth and
then it’s gone.

I
suck in as much air as my lungs can hold and, oddly, I feel better.

“I
see that did the trick,” Hunter smugly gloats, lying back down, tucking me into
his side.
“Still tired?”

I
nod silently against his warm, hard, fragrant chest.

Arrogant bastard.
 

“Get
some rest, then.”

Nonexistent

The
next three days are a blur. Besides crying and sleeping, I don’t do much of
anything. Hunter feeds me between naps and sobs. I’m unsure about him. I mean,
after all these years, what does he want from me? What is his ulterior motive?
Hunter Knight and I were best friends since I was six and he was seven, but
when we reached high school everything changed. It was like I became this slimy
grotesque creature with eight legs.

We
quit hanging out. He never stopped to say hello. He didn’t even look my way
whenever we were in the same space. He completely cut me out of his life
without giving me any kind of warning or explanation. There were many times
where I’d walk up to him at school and he’d be at his locker. I’d stand in
front of him, nervous and sweaty, unsure about what to say and he’d ignore me
entirely, like was invisible.

I
wish I were invisible because the rumors started shortly after. Everyone
thought I was this deranged stalker, madly obsessed about Hunter Knight. I
would’ve been okay with that, but hearing him not fend off or care about the
rumors hurt in a different way; to grasp and acknowledge the fact that Hunter
didn’t care about me at all was more painful to actually witness. I still
remember it as clear as day.

***

Isabel
age fifteen

Hunter
age sixteen

It’s
the end of our freshmen year and I’m in the girls’ restroom at Cherry High,
hiding until lunch period is over. The girls’ bathrooms are the best place to
get absolute privacy. I would know; that’s where I hide every day at lunch to
escape everybody and everything. Hunter, Max, Jake, and Falcon all rush into
the bathroom, unaware I’m in the last stall reading
It
by Steven King.

Flooded
by a wave of panic, I can’t distinguish the voices from one another. After my
heart rate slows and my breaths even, I peer out the tiny sliver of an opening
where the corners of the stalls meet and start to listen intently. They are all
huddled in a semicircle and talking about the girls they’re having sex with,
until Max brings up my name. “So what’s up with Isabel?”

“Yeah?
She’s the quiet
nerdy type,” Jake adds.

“Except
nerds don’t look like exotic Victoria Secret models,” Falcon interjects.
“Mexican, black and white makes a good mix.”

Hunter
scuffs. He’s either amused or annoyed. I can’t tell which.

“Easy
Falcon, that’s Hunter’s girl. He has first dibs,” Max teases. “Just know I’m
next in line. Sloppy seconds aren’t too bad.”

“I
don’t even know why we’re talking about this shit. She doesn’t exist for me and
she shouldn’t exist for none of you either. The next time any one of you
fuckers say her name, I’ll fucking lose it. I’m not kidding,” Hunter growls.

The
sudden fierce ache in my chest makes me wince. I drop my book, sinking to my
knees, staring at the dirty blue tile floor beneath them. The pain that strikes
me is so strong; it feels like every facet of my being is being ripped apart.

He’s
killing me and he doesn’t even care.

“So
she’s nothing? You’re giving me your blessing to fuck your nerdy, pretty
nonexistent girlfriend?
”Max taunts, laughing.

I
hear Hunter grunt and then a horrible crunching noise afterwards.

“FUCK!”
Max yells.

“Bro,
I think you broke his fucking nose,” Jake shrieks.

Leaning
forward, I press my forehead to the small opening and continue to watch.

“It’s
broken alright,” chuckles Falcon.

Max
holds his nose with both hands. His nose is leaking a bloody river that flows over
his lips. “Fuck you, Hunter and fuck you, too, Falcon. You’re both dead to me,”
Max mutters angrily before storming out the door.

Jake
follows, shaking his head.

This
is not good, Max is a junior and he’s already the caption of the varsity
football team. Hunter, Falcon, and Jake are all still freshman, but they are on
the varsity team as well. The football team, Lions, rules the school and the
entire town. Being on the football team means you are a Hero, you are the one
exception to every rule and law. Everyone in town worships the players. Max can
end that for Hunter and Falcon, if he wanted. That’s the power Max has over
them, that’s the influence Max is gifted with.

“I
think you went a little overboard, Hunter,” cautions Falcon. 
                       

“She
doesn’t exist,” Hunter mumbles, as if in some kind of trance. He absently looks
at his bloody fist without an ounce of remorse and then dashes out the door.

A
small sob slides out my throat.

Falcon’s
brows snap together and he tilts his head to the side and starts to walk in my
direction. Using the backs of my hands, I scuttle away from the door and hide
in the tight corner of the stall, pressed between the wall and the toilet.
Falcon’s black boots come into view as he stands in front of the door. “Who’s
in there?”

I
say nothing.

“I
won’t hurt you.”

I
don’t reply.

“You
sound like you’re crying. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Nothing.

“Look,
there’s enough space for me to slide up under the door. I really don’t wanna do
that. The floor is pretty gross. So just tell me you’re fine and I’ll leave. I
promise.”

I
open my mouth but nothing comes out.

I
am not fine.

I
am dying.

I
am alone and dying.

Alone
because no matter if I was in a crowded room no one would matter, Hunter was
the only one that counted. Dying because he said I meant nothing, therefore I
am nothing. I don’t exist to him. He was the reason I wanted to smile.

“Fuck
it,” Falcon mutters. He bends down and begins to slide under the stall door on
his back. A mop of thick brown hair pops into the rectangle of space. His big
hands grip the bottom edges of the door to push his athletic body forward. Once
he is fully inside the small area, he stands and dusts the palms of his hands
on his jeans and turns to face me.

His
face falls instantly. “Shit, Isabel. I didn’t—” he shoves his hands harshly
through his hair and sighs “—we didn’t know you were in here. I’m sorry. You
shouldn’t have heard any of that.”

It’s
too late, of course.

I
heard everything.

I’m
so absorbed in my tears that I don’t respond.

I
don’t care to respond.

I
want him to go away and let me die in peace.

He’s
very gorgeous, as attractive as Hunter.

But
he doesn’t grant me that luxury, though.

He
stays and holds me while I cry.

He
lulls me into a warm place where I can finally say something.

I
tip my head back and ask, “Why does it hurt so much?”

His
beautiful brown eyes drop to my face and replies, “The pain was always there,
you
just never felt it until now.”