Punt: A British Bad Boy Football Romance (33 page)

M
addie took
a deep breath to prepare herself before knocking on the door of Gwen’s office. She actually gave herself a little pep talk before she knocked, which was ridiculous.

So what if Gwen hates me? So what if she’s the female Jasper is pining away for? So what if she’s in charge around here? Her job is to be Jasper’s beta, and she’s not doing that. If I can face down Kat O’Riley, Head Bitch in Charge in the Louisiana pack, I can sure as hell tell Gwen to back down.

Maddie steeled herself and put on her game face, and then knocked on the door.

“It’s open,” came Gwen’s muffled response.

Maddie opened the door and stepped inside. Gwen’s expression immediately turned stormy, but Maddie closed herself inside the office anyway. Gwen sat at her simple chrome desk, wading through a huge stack of paperwork.

“What do you want?” Gwen asked, her voice flat.

“I need to talk to you,” Maddie said, propping herself against the wall and trying to look foreboding.

“Get out of my office,” Gwen said, returning her gaze to the piles of paper she was attempting to sort.

“Not until we talk,” Maddie said, crossing her arms.

“You are the last person in the fucking world I want to talk to right now. Or ever. Now get out of my damn office,” Gwen said, not bothering to look up.

Maddie’s temper flared, and but she held her tongue. If she was going to resolve this, she had to be diplomatic.

“We’re both adults. Let’s discuss this civilly.”

“There is nothing for us to discuss.”

“I think we need to talk about you and Jasper.”

Gwen paused, turning in her chair to face Maddie.

“Why would I want to talk about that? Why would YOU want to talk about that?”

“Because it’s affecting Jasper, and it’s affecting the pack. Surely you can see that.”

“I’m aware of the repercussions, but it’s out of my hands now.”

“Not as far as I see it. I think you’re being short-sighted.”

“Really? And what exactly do you suggest? You are, after all, my replacement.”

“Don’t blame this on me. Things were bad in this pack long before I got here. I’m just doing a little spring cleaning, not changing the pack structure.”

“I don’t hear a solution there, so I’m not sure if you have a point.”

“Forgive him.”

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t know what happened between you two to make things so dire, but Jasper is walking on eggshells trying to keep you from being upset with him.”

“I hardly think—”

“No. I know him. Believe me when I say that’s what he’s doing.”

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you. I can’t help that he carved me out of his life and replaced me. I don’t know what you can ask of me that I’m not already doing.”

“Jesus. I’ve taken your place in name alone. So you’re the second in command now and not the Beta. So what? You’re still doing the same job, basically running the pack. When I leave again, you two will be back to normal.”

Gwen stared at Maddie.

“What?”

“We will never be back to normal. I can’t believe you’d say that. And I can’t believe you’re standing here, telling me you’re going to just leave and give him up.”

“It could be just like before, if you’d just forgive him and stop being such a bitch.”

Gwen laughed, shaking her head.

“You’re really not getting this, are you? And of course Jasper hasn’t explained any of it to you.”

“He doesn’t have to explain anything. I can see for myself that things are unsettled, and that my being here has made it a lot worse.”

“Obviously you can’t see everything.”

“What does that mean?”

“We’re not on the same page here. We’re not even in the same book.”

“You’re talking in riddles.”

“I don’t give a shit that I’ve been replaced as Beta. I mean, I find you profoundly annoying and I want you out of my damned Bunker. But the title means nothing to me. I have the pack’s loyalty, so it’s never been about that.”

“Well, then obviously I don’t understand anything.”

“No, you don’t.”

“So tell me, Gwen. Relieve me of my total ignorance. What is it that has your panties bunched so far up your ass? Why do you persist in torturing Jasper?”

“You’re not just my replacement as Beta. You’re my replacement in his bed.”

Maddie went silent, shocked. Gwen crossed her arms, leveling Maddie with her iciest glare.

“I— I didn’t know.”

“I see that now. I would say I’m shocked that Jasper didn’t tell you, but I’m not. Jasper has all kinds of secrets up his sleeve. You, for instance. Until last week, I thought you were some childhood friend who’d died years ago. He never said that exactly, never explained, but he let me assume… Well, what does it matter now? Here you are, anyway. Reminding me of what I lost.”

Maddie stared at the other woman, swallowing hard.

“Maybe now you can see that it’s not a simple matter of forgiveness. And to have you, of all fucking people, here in the Bunker and being rubbed in my face…”

“Me? Why me?”

“Are you really that blind?”

“I think I’ve proved that already.”

“Well, too bad. I’m not here to make things clearer and easier for you. I’m here to run this pack.”

“How am I being rubbed in your face, Gwen?”

“No. I’m done. You have the life I wanted, the mate I wanted, and you’re casually discussing how you’re going to throw it all away. You have Jasper, and with Jasper comes a lot of unanswered questions. You want to know, go talk to your mate. He’s the one who owes you explanations. I don’t owe you a fucking thing.”

“Gwen—”

“You’ve taken up enough of my time already. Now get out.”

Gwen turned away, leaving Maddie with more questions than ever.

M
addie rapped on the door
, waiting for Sadie’s soft acknowledgment before opening the door to the human girl’s new quarters. Slipping inside, Maddie shut the door behind herself and scoped out the dormitory room. Sadie had everything tidy and in place, the opposite of Maddie’s laundry basket-style mobile closet system.

The room was pretty bare bones. A double bed, a bedside table, a dresser, and a chair. Still, the human girl seemed much more at home here than in the infirmary.

Sadie sat on the bed, an open laptop next to her.

“Hey,” Sadie said, giving Maddie a shy smile.

“Nice setup you’ve got here,” Maddie said, pointing to the lavender-colored cotton sheets and comforter that adorned Sadie’s bed.

“Thanks. Kellan got them for me while he was out doing errands,” Sadie said with a blush.

Maddie’s lips twisted a little. Kellan had been with either Maddie or Sadie most of the past week, so she doubted he’d casually ‘picked up’ anything. More likely he’d taken a bit of his precious downtime and gone to get Sadie some luxury items. There was a vase with fresh daisies on the bedside table, and a stack of gossip magazines. All that was missing was a box of chocolates, really.

“Am I disturbing you?” Maddie asked, looking at the laptop.

Sadie shook her head, closing the computer.

“Just doing a little research. Not that I’m having much luck,” she said with a sigh.

“Research on Shifters?” Maddie asked, taking the chair across from Sadie’s bed.

“That, and Shifter pregnancies. There’s almost nothing online about Shifters, much less humans pregnant with Shifter babies.”

“We work pretty damned hard to keep ourselves off the radar completely,” Maddie agreed.

“But there must be other people out there in my situation. Like your friend… what was her name?”

“Tessa,” Maddie supplied.

“Yeah. I’m definitely not the first human to get in the family way with a Shifter, but there’s no information out there. How am I supposed to know what to expect?”

Maddie tilted her head, thinking for a moment before responding.

“Well, I know that Shifter genetics are super dominant. I would be willing to bet that you can expect things to proceed just like a regular Shifter pregnancy.”

“And how is that? How do I find out about that?” Sadie asked, screwing up her mouth with displeasure.

“I see your point. There aren’t really any older females here to talk to, are there?”

“Not unless you count Gwen, no.”

Maddie snorted, rolling her eyes. Sadie raised a brow, curious.

“You don’t like her either?” the human asked.

“You could say that. I’ve just had a very… enlightening chat with her.”

“That doesn’t sound pleasant.”

“No. It wasn’t.”

“Did you two argue about Jasper?”

Maddie’s gaze snapped to Sadie, shocked.

“What do you know about it?” Maddie managed.

“That’s the thing about being a nobody here. Everyone talks about everything, no holding back. They barely know that I exist, much less worry about what I might learn.”

“And what have you learned?”

“That Gwen and Jasper used to be an item. A long time ago, I mean,” Sadie added.

“How the hell am I the last one to know about this? No offense, but how does the human know before I do?” Maddie scowled.

“All the men…” Sadie stopped for a moment before correcting herself. “Males, I mean. All the males have been talking about it nonstop. Wondering when you two were going to go at it. Hoping there was going to be some mud wrestling, mostly.”

Maddie had to laugh at that.

“They wish.”

Sadie rolled her eyes.

“You have no idea how much. The males are all pretty explicit about it.”

“They should have told me sooner. I can’t get my feathers ruffled right now. I have to head for Louisiana later tonight.”

“You’re leaving?” Sadie asked, her gaze dropping to her lap.

“Just for a couple of days. My brother is getting married. Like a human,” Maddie said, her amusement evident.

“Maybe it’ll be a good thing to get away from Gwen and Jasper for a few days,” Sadie said.

Maddie chuckled.

“Yeah, it would. Gwen’s staying here, but Jasper’s going with me. He promised to be in the wedding with me.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I want to scream at him so badly, but I need him to keep up appearances for the next few days. I can’t screw up this wedding or my brother will kill me.”

“Well, I guess this gives you a chance to talk to Jasper. If you want to, that is.”

“I’m not even sure how I feel right now, much less what I want to say.”

“Maybe you should just take the weekend to cool your heels, then. Think things over, hang out with your family… just don’t do anything yet. Give yourself time and space to think.”

Maddie looked at Sadie, considering.

“You’re pretty good, you know that?”

Sadie laughed and blushed, shrugging her shoulders.

“I don’t know. I just say what I think will help.”

“Well, it’s good advice and I’m going to take it. I actually need to go ahead and start packing. I just wanted to stop by and see if you needed anything before I left.”

Sadie shook her head, gesturing to the laptop.

“Nothing you can really help with at the moment,” she said.

Maddie stood, stretching.

“Alright. Well you have my cell number if you need me. Otherwise I’ll be back Monday and we can start making a plan for you, for your pregnancy. Two smart girls like us, we can work out something. I promise.”

Saddie nodded, giving Maddie a brief smile.

“Okay. Have a good trip,” the girl said.

Maddie nodded and headed out of Sadie’s room. As she walked back to Alpha’s House, she considered Sadie’s advice. She had a good couple of hours stuck in the car with Jasper on the way to New Orleans, and she could use them to talk things over with him if she wanted.

On the other hand, she had no idea what she wanted to say to him.

Hey, so I found out today that Gwen was almost your mate. Nice of you to tell me.

Or maybe: Gwen and I have a bet going over who replaced whom in your heart. Care to break the stalemate for us?

Or the other option, which was to say nothing at all and let him piece it all together. After all, it’s what he’d done to Maddie.

Maddie opened the door to Alpha’s House, puzzling over her dilemma.

J
asper guided
his Mercedes out onto I-10, distracted by Maddie’s pensive silence. Other than a murmured greeting and a kiss on the cheek, Maddie had done nothing more than hand over her suitcases for him to pack in the trunk.

Ever since they’d climbed in the car, Maddie had been staring out the window as if the scenery was the most fascinating thing she’d ever seen. From her faraway expression, though, Jasper could guess that the roadside was the last thing on her mind.

He’d turned up the radio in an attempt to banish her silence, but now he turned it back down.

“So are you going to tell me what you’re thinking?” he asked, glancing at his mate.

Maddie looked at him as if she were startled to see him in the car.

“Um,” she said, “I honestly don’t think you want to know.”

Jasper narrowed his gaze, frowning.

“Of course I do,” he said, puzzled.

“Well,” she began, hesitant. “I was wondering… I was thinking that you must miss Gwen’s breasts.”

Jasper choked, the breath leaving his body in a violent cough. For a moment, he had to turn his attention entirely to the road so as not to veer the car straight into the ditch running alongside the highway.

“Come again?” he asked when he could breathe again.

“Well, I was thinking that if anyone had the choice between my chest and hers, they’d pick hers. Not that I’ve seen them, of course. But we look so much alike, I imagine that you just sort of substitute hers for mine in your head when we’re having sex.”

“Why the hell would you be thinking about Gwen’s… you know,” Jasper asked, befuddled.

“We had quite an interesting conversation today, Gwen and myself. First of all, apparently she’s the ex you never talk about.”

Jasper opened his mouth and closed it again, unsure how to answer. He had no idea that Maddie had just now put it together. Part of him had hoped that she already knew, and part of him wanted her to never find out. He’d felt that he couldn’t risk their fragile relationship just to tell her unimportant details about his former lover. Now, of course, he realized that his strategy was backfiring big time.

“Do you know that she thinks you only dated her because she looks like me?” Maddie asked. Maddie gave a little chuckle, shaking her head. Before Jasper could figure out what to say to that, she continued. “I told her that I’m pretty sure you mated me because you couldn’t work things out with her. She disagreed, and told me all kinds of fascinating information. Informative, is what she is.”

“She’s right, at least,” Jasper said, minding his words.

Maddie looked at him for a long moment, looking puzzled.

“I mean it,” Jasper said. “I dated Gwen because I couldn’t have you.”

“That’s a horrible thing to say,” Maddie said.

“It’s true. I thought… I thought I could make it work. It didn’t, obviously.”

“You’re full of shit,” Maddie bit off, crossing her arms. “If you felt that way, why the hell wouldn’t you come to me instead?”

“Right. Yes. I thought, ‘Let me just walk up to Madeline Fucking Copeland and ask if she remembers me and then perhaps suggest that we become mates’. Highly probable.”

“Just as probable as the rest of this story,” Maddie said, cocking an eyebrow.

“It’s not a story. I’ve never lied to you, and I wouldn’t start now just to flatter you.”

“There’s no reason you couldn’t have approached me. When you did come around the Louisiana pack this time, it was to find Tessa. You were going to take her as a mate, without so much as telling me hello. The facts don’t back up what you’re claiming.”

“I picked Tessa because things had failed with Gwen, and I wanted to start fresh. I wanted to start with someone who didn’t know anything about our pack, or my history.”

“Well, I’m sorry that didn’t work out for you.”

Jasper slammed a hand against the steering wheel, frustrated.

“Damn it, Madd. If I’d thought for a second you would have even looked at me, I wouldn’t have wasted a moment on her. I was more surprised than anyone when you offered to be my mate.”

“You were prepared to fight my brother for Tessa. If I hadn’t stepped in, you would have gone to the mat against him.”

“Only because I couldn’t have you, and Gwen wasn’t a good enough substitute. I was like a man dying of thirst, staring at a photo of Niagra Falls. Even a puddle would have whetted my palate, for a little while.”

“I still don’t understand why you couldn’t just come to me.”

“Because you’re— look at yourself! You’re beautiful, and smart. You’re good at pretty much everything you try. You have plenty of suitors, males without all the fucked up baggage I’m carrying around. What have I got to offer that you couldn’t get elsewhere, and probably better?”

“You know that isn’t true.”

“I blacken everything I touch. Everyone I’ve really loved, I’ve killed. Ennis, my parents…”

“You didn’t kill your parents, Jas.”

“I watched my father kill my mother. I couldn’t stop him. And when the Legion came a few months later, I chose not to stop them from killing him.”

“That’s not the same thing. You were a child.”

“I hid, and watched. I did nothing. How is that not the same thing?”

“I can’t believe you would even say that, Jasper.”

“You know what the thing of it is? My mother, I could never forgive myself for that. But my father dying… I don’t even feel that bad about it. I feel… nothing. Or it’s so faint that I can’t tell. It disgusts me,” Jasper said, staring straight ahead at the road.

When Maddie was quiet for a long moment, Jasper finally slid his gaze over to her.

“It disgusts you, too,” he said, his tone quiet.

“No,” she said.

“Yes. Admit it. We can both be honest now. I’m damaged, and I’m dangerous. I’ll kill when I think it needs to be done. I fear almost nothing, and it frightens you. As it should.”

Maddie just looked at him with an impatient expression.

“What?” she asked, cross. “Am I supposed to say something now? Or do you want to continue telling me what I think and feel even though you have basically no idea what’s going in my head?”

Jasper pressed his lips together, scowling.

“Oh, you’re done? Good. You’ve given me some things to think about, and I’d like some time to process before I make any decisions.”

“Decisions about what?” he couldn’t help but ask.

“About us.”

“What decisions are there, Madd? You’re going to leave to travel the world. I’m going to be here, running this damned pack into the ground. The world will keep turning, and soon enough it’ll be like nothing ever happened.”

“And what then? You’ll go running back to Gwen?” Maddie asked, her voice taking on a dangerous edge.

Jasper clenched his jaw, furious at her accusation.

“No. Regardless of what you do, Maddie, I’ve made my bed. Shifters mate for life, and I intend to take that seriously.”

“And if I don’t?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think it will end well,” Jasper said, unwilling to consider it.

“As I said earlier, I need time to process. Will you hold your end of our truce through the wedding at least?” she asked.

“I’d do anything you asked me to, Madd.”

Maddie shot him a glare, which just made him sigh. Maddie should have been a lawyer; she had a way of extracting very precise promises when she needed them.

“We’ll hold the truce as long as you want,” Jasper agreed.

“Thank you,” she said, turning back toward the window.

“Maddie? Would it help if I said that—”

“Jasper!” Maddie half-shouted, cutting him off. Calming herself, she took a deep breath. “Give me some time. That’s all I’m asking,” she said.

“Alright,” Jasper said, settling in to his seat. It was all out of his hands now. All he could do was get comfortable and pray that his mate made the right choices.